Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: is it a rarity


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: is it a rarity Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: is it a rarity - 1/7/2009 10:58:20 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		The thing is what gets me (and yes I do keep banging on about it but it really really really gets me) Is the Dominants who think simply saying they are Dominant is enough. That all submissive desires the mere presence of a self proclaimed Dominant and will practiacally beg them to allow us to do everything for them without ever having to ask. Ok so im bitter.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: is it a rarity - 1/7/2009 11:10:52 AM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

The thing is what gets me (and yes I do keep banging on about it but it really really really gets me) Is the Dominants who think simply saying they are Dominant is enough. That all submissive desires the mere presence of a self proclaimed Dominant and will practiacally beg them to allow us to do everything for them without ever having to ask. Ok so im bitter.


Sure, its enough. Why wouldn't it be enough?

I am just me. I am not going out of my way to be somebody else. I am not going to posture with exceptional boosts of uber masculinity. I am not going to form some carciature of a Dominant and try and mold myself into it. I have my way of doing things and my way of handling things.

My way of expressing my dominance with women is something that is inherent to me as a person and something that is natural. If it doesn't feel natural, then why would I do it? It would just be me trying to be somebody else.

Being generally physical and hands on with a girl I am with is simply me. Grabbing a girl by the hair, pulling her head back, looking her straight in the eye and saying "Look, I am serious about this. Now go and do it." isn't something I made up. I was doing it before I found this identity to attach to me called "dominant". Bending a girl over the kitchen counter without saying anything and fucking her in the middle of the day simply because I want to and I can isn't a scripted a scene I wrote, but just an expression of my sexuality that was and is always natural to me.

I don't have to go out of my way to boss people around. I do it everyday without thinking about it. The way I talk to women and the way I order them around isn't a communication style I crafted to be "Dominant", but the way I always talked to women.

The first few submissive women I dated kept telling me "I love how dominant you are" and I couldn't figure out at first what the hell they were talking about, because I wasn't doing anything special besides just being me.

If your in my prescense and are looking at me in the light of an intimate relationship and simply "being me" doesn't make you want to submit, then you need to find someone else. It's just as simple as that for me.



_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: is it a rarity - 1/7/2009 11:13:06 AM   
Aszhrae


Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline 		I will agree with you in that regard colouredin concerning self-proclaimed dominants.
However, there is the rare situation when a dominant is discovered that has that presence that demands immediate respect. It is very rare to find that with a dominant. Especially the dominant isn't aware that they have that affect upon you as a sub/slave. An individual just knows that if they were to be asked they would just do because it felt right to obey that dominant.


_____________________________

To my own self, I be true.

Goddess bless and keep you and yours safe

Ricah-Azzh

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: is it a rarity - 1/7/2009 11:16:30 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Nope simply saying it isnt enough Madrabbit, you yourself went on to explain your Dominant personality, how you 'boss people around without thinking about it' therefore you dont fall into the type of person i am talking about. You being you I am sure would be fine. Im not saying dont be yourself. Im saying for me either the person has to have it naturally or try. They cant just use the words and then expect a dishwasher.



_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: is it a rarity - 1/7/2009 11:22:28 AM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae

I will agree with you in that regard colouredin concerning self-proclaimed dominants.
However, there is the rare situation when a dominant is discovered that has that presence that demands immediate respect. It is very rare to find that with a dominant. Especially the dominant isn't aware that they have that affect upon you as a sub/slave. An individual just knows that if they were to be asked they would just do because it felt right to obey that dominant.



I'm afraid I am going to have to call bullshit on that one, Aszhrae. Submissive personalities respond to dominant personalities and every girl I have dated or been with has started off with that basic connection between us.

Now, to what degree they submit and to what degree they obey, is another story. "Hand over your bank account numbers and pin numbers" is in a completely different bracket then "Wear a black dress and don't wear too much makeup when you come and have dinner with me on Wednesday."

It's politcally correct to say "I just don't submit or allow myself to be bossed around by anyone I just meet", but there is varying degrees of submissions and obedience. I've yet to date anyone who didn't wear the black dress and do their make up the way I wanted on the second date from an idealistic place of "I don't obey right off the bat."

Edited to Add : I don't kid myself either when I wake up in the morning and believe that I am somehow rare and special because I can get these kind of responses out of submissive women.

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 1/7/2009 11:27:57 AM >

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to Aszhrae)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: is it a rarity - 1/7/2009 11:26:50 AM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

Nope simply saying it isnt enough Madrabbit, you yourself went on to explain your Dominant personality, how you 'boss people around without thinking about it' therefore you dont fall into the type of person i am talking about. You being you I am sure would be fine. Im not saying dont be yourself. Im saying for me either the person has to have it naturally or try. They cant just use the words and then expect a dishwasher.




Fair enough. It was a rather ambigous statement and one in response to me so I felt the need to reply for discussion.

But if someone doesn't do it for you, then to me, all it means is that there is someone else out there for them. I have a list of people I have talked with where it became really clear initially that it wasn't going to anywhere.

Quite a few other people though I did use the words, expected a dishwasher, and got one. (I love cooking, but God I hate doing dishes)

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: is it a rarity - 1/7/2009 11:27:52 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		The last few posts reminded me of my own self discovery in all of this. I am the same ME I was before I began this particularly labeled path. I just know WHAT it is now.

I had several people tell me, you are so.....insert uber cool dominant characteristic here....!! I would laugh and yet, think "well yeah, I am pretty.........insert uber cool dominant characteristic here.....aren't I!?! And feel all.....uber cool.....and mentally strut a bit. After awhile, and hearing it from people that I actually paid serious attention to, I began to pay attention. I am still me, I just went on a path of discovery and found what that ME actually is.

Now, I know that there are people that actually LIKE me telling them what to do, and all the other wickedly delightful stuff, so I don't feel guilty for it. Now, I know the difference between when it's acceptable and not. And how to make it so, rather than just butting heads with morons. Now, I know that there is responsibility in being me, moreso than I realized before. Now, I am better prepared for the next hot chica that is blinded by the glory that is my ......insert uber cool dominant characteristic here....rather than fumbling around like a strutting moron and perhaps accidentally hurting that hot little chica in the process. In a bad way rather than the fun wicked ways we will both love.

Edited to add.........sorry I went a bit off topic. However, I think that it isn't so much that either party is doing something wrong as it is just a bad meshing of expectations to begin with.

Example: if someone wants a really structured, micro-managed dominant, I am not that person.

If they want someone that has no problem giving their imaginary chain a hard yank on a regular basis, I might be that person. After I've given them a fair amount of loose chain.

I think the secret is staying aware of one anothers needs and where each other's head is at. I would imagine that alot of the problem discussed stems from regular life issues taking up so much of our energy. Kind of like how some non kink spouses complain that the romance is gone.......we just complain that we are not getting our needed dose of either dominance or submission. The difference is that we like to think we've more clearly defined who's job it is to keep it on track. Why the dominant bossy person of course!


< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 1/7/2009 11:41:00 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Aszhrae)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: is it a rarity - 1/7/2009 11:29:51 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		I think you are probably right, but (another thing i keep banging on about) I just got out of a relationship with the aforementioned type of guy so its rather stuck on my brain at the moment. When being theoretical its easy to say 'thats not the person for me' when caught up in it all it really isnt. Well not for me anyways.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: is it a rarity - 1/7/2009 11:32:50 AM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

I think you are probably right, but (another thing i keep banging on about) I just got out of a relationship with the aforementioned type of guy so its rather stuck on my brain at the moment. When being theoretical its easy to say 'thats not the person for me' when caught up in it all it really isnt. Well not for me anyways.


You got to go through the motions of calling him an asshole and a wannabe Dom to vent all the built up resentment from a failed connection first.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: is it a rarity - 1/7/2009 11:40:31 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		nah i dont call him a wannabe Dom he was a lazy cheating (lots and lots of swearing)

Someone may meet him and find him to be a wonderful Dominant. I found him to be all mouth and no trousers.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: is it a rarity - 1/7/2009 11:50:02 AM   
Aszhrae


Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline 		Well you would be incorrect in your judgment MR since that exact feeling is what I felt with my first mistress and present Miss when I first met them. Their presence alone had me respecting them almost immediately with little effort on their part to influence my behavior
For me its not BS, it was and is a fact. 

_____________________________

To my own self, I be true.

Goddess bless and keep you and yours safe

Ricah-Azzh

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: is it a rarity - 1/7/2009 11:54:49 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

The thing is what gets me (and yes I do keep banging on about it but it really really really gets me) Is the Dominants who think simply saying they are Dominant is enough. That all submissive desires the mere presence of a self proclaimed Dominant and will practiacally beg them to allow us to do everything for them without ever having to ask. Ok so im bitter.


I totally get this. Talk is cheap. I don't want to 'hear' it.. I want to see it, feel it and be able to breath it in.




_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: is it a rarity - 1/7/2009 11:57:20 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		What a wonderful way to put it Celeste, I take back all I said and ditto that.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: is it a rarity - 1/7/2009 12:14:46 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag
quote:

The intention may not be to display dominance... but in effect, is that not exactly what your example is?  Taking dominance and the act of dominating literally... it is the imposition of one's will over another.  Requring someone to get you want, how you want it, when you want it... even in something as simple as a drink or food... is an act of dominance.  Perhaps not in the stereotypical sense (perhaps mythical or at least idealized and fantasized sense), but it is none-the-less still an act of dominance of one over another.  Personally, I think such is often under appreciated.

I agree with all of your points.  But in those orders, the INTENT is not to display dominance.  And I got the idea the OP was looking for specific focused acts specifically intended to display some expression of what they considered dominance.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 1/7/2009 12:58:57 PM >

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: is it a rarity - 1/7/2009 12:57:01 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

I read this comment in another thread and it struck me as interesting.  I am honestly not sure what to answer on this.  Maybe because I don't interact with other couples relationships so.. I have not frame of referrence except my own relationship which hardly make it right or wrong... but If I had to take a guess... I don't think it is as rare as one might think.  I believe that we often take things for granted of what is already there and that we have all sort of examples in our daily life but they are just normal for the relationship.


So what are your thoughts of the following comment

"I have a feeling that most of us are in relationships with dominants who are more laid back about the whole M/s dynamic, and the dominants who are sticklers for daily dominance displays are more the rarity."



I've read through this thread and was fortunate enough to get here after the author of the quote arrived and explained it further so my mind is tracking along...I hope...the right track of the OP.

I don't know that much about other D/s dynamics in terms of an up close and personal view.  I know the relationship of my former submissive and her present submissive because I helped her to become dominant and we've stayed friends as well as occasional playmates.  I have several friends in D/s dynamic-relationships in Denver and elsewhere but compared to many on here, I don't have a lot of personal observational experience other than my own dynamics. 

What I have found is that I do best in these dynamics when I am being me...fairly easy to get along with, loving, caring, cruel, funny, sensual, sexual, funny, etc.. in the way that I am most comfortable and allowing them to be who they are.  BUT...as noted, the ones I have picked were those who fell within the parameters I had set up and who were O.K. with those.  Those parameters are found, at their most basic, in my profile...three main rules and one main premise.  Fleshing out of those and of other requirements/expectations/hopes comes during the get to know you stage.  Once they know those and I know the more "filled-out" version of what they are, we either agree to try it or we don't.

All three of the submissives I asked to be mine became mine and each relationship was a long-term one with bumps along the way.  These bumps rarely came about because of following through on the rituals and rules set out intially...except at first...and came about more from pushing within the D/s dynamic or from some sort of problem within the romantic side.  I never felt like I had to constantly order things or that I constantly had to be grabbing hair or throat or fill up their time with mindless tasks.  We settled into things, as noted.  I would NOT have wanted to be one who had to constantly do that with the sole purpose of reminding the submissive of her head space.  As spoken of elsewhere on this thread, that would have quickly led to a questioning as to who was running the show and speculation as to whether or not my dominance-style really was...despite her initial agreement...enough for her.

That said, that doesn't mean that there was a day that went by when...for one reason or another...her hair wasn't grabbed OR her shoulders being gripped tightly as she was put to her knees OR being bent over, having her pants yanked down or her skirt thrown up and fucked, etc..  This was done for a combination of reasons...who and what I am as a man and as a dominant, knowledge of her wants and desires and mental/emotional space, recognition that besides being in a relationship we were also in a D/s dynamic, and as a way of saying "I love you" (the act itself not speaking but commission of the act, within our relationship and dynamic, speaking in much the same manner as a caress of her face or a kiss of her lips...without words... did).

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: is it a rarity - 1/7/2009 2:12:42 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag
The intention may not be to display dominance... but in effect, is that not exactly what your example is?  Taking dominance and the act of dominating literally... it is the imposition of one's will over another.  Requring someone to get you want, how you want it, when you want it... even in something as simple as a drink or food... is an act of dominance.  Perhaps not in the stereotypical sense (perhaps mythical or at least idealized and fantasized sense), but it is none-the-less still an act of dominance of one over another.  Personally, I think such is often under appreciated.

I agree with all of your points.  But in those orders, the INTENT is not to display dominance.  And I got the idea the OP was looking for specific focused acts specifically intended to display some expression of what they considered dominance.

Which is a nice segue to my next point.  I have on occasion known submissives for which those overt displays of dominance were important to them.  Most commonly taking the form of what might be referred to as "high protocol"... that is, specific required behaviors which are intended as a regular display of submission and a reminder of the dynamic in the relationship.  I learned the hard way how important this can be.

In the relationship I had with my last slave, which unfortunately was during a very stressful and demanding period of my life, I tended to be very laid back in my dominance of her, and there were very few protocols in place.  That turns out to have been a large mistake on my part.  What I failed to understand about her was her intense need for protocols which established and continually reinforced her perception of the M/s dynamic.  This in turn was partially responsible for the growing frustration we both felt, which ultimately ended the relationship on poor terms... something I still regret (mainly because in retrospect I feel it was avoidable).

That in turn I think brings us back to some of what KoM was asking about.  While I can't say how rare or common it might be... I do think there are both dominants and submissives who do function better with a high degree of protocol, or other routine displays / reminders of the relationship dynamic. 

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: is it a rarity - 1/7/2009 2:43:28 PM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:



"I have a feeling that most of us are in relationships with dominants who are more laid back about the whole M/s dynamic, and the dominants who are sticklers for daily dominance displays are more the rarity."


My feeling is what is wrong with that? We are all responsible for our own actions. I don't need to have a Dominant tell me what to do 24/7. If we make one or two rituals, that is plenty. He appreciates the fact I am level headed and I know how to conduct myself in a variety of situations. I believe there is no use for my personally to be micromanaged by anyone.

I tell you this by saying unequivocally that this is MY OWN OPINION. I make no judgement on anyone else. It is not my need to be micromanaged. If it is yours, it is in no way a judged...

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: is it a rarity - 1/7/2009 3:07:37 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: greeneyedreamer

quote:



"I have a feeling that most of us are in relationships with dominants who are more laid back about the whole M/s dynamic, and the dominants who are sticklers for daily dominance displays are more the rarity."


My feeling is what is wrong with that? We are all responsible for our own actions. I don't need to have a Dominant tell me what to do 24/7. If we make one or two rituals, that is plenty. He appreciates the fact I am level headed and I know how to conduct myself in a variety of situations. I believe there is no use for my personally to be micromanaged by anyone.

I tell you this by saying unequivocally that this is MY OWN OPINION. I make no judgement on anyone else. It is not my need to be micromanaged. If it is yours, it is in no way a judged...


I don't think it's anything to do with being micromanaged or being told what to do 24/7.

agirl





(in reply to greeneyedreamer)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: is it a rarity - 1/7/2009 4:19:08 PM   
Ph0enixF1re


Posts: 91
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline 		Blanket reply:

But first, Padraig, nothing I am about to say applies to you.  I think it takes an incredible amount of self awareness to be able to look at a failed relationship and take responsibility for your part in it.

Couple of points to set the stage:
1.  The comment is specifically talking about a Master/slave relationship (thus the reason for using M/s and not some other abrieviation).  Which means that all of you that are purely subs don't really have any input to this.  Perhaps reading the actual question would help your confusion in the future.
2.  The original post was also talking about a RELATIONSHIP (which kind of implies that there are needs on both sides of the kneel).  For those of you who don't understand this, go back to trolling for the 18 year old peice of fluff.  If you are an 18 year old peice of fluff, have fun with these doms ;)

So, to start the ball rolling......

To suggest that the dominant parner attempting to meet legitimate relationship needs of the slave somehow transfers control of the relationship to the slave or makes him/her less in control is just stupid.  Go challenge a bag of hammers to a game of scrabble. 

Even M/s relationships are just that...relationships.  They require work.  On both parties.  So when I hear "Once I have my girl trained to do things the way I want, I really don't have to expend any more effort because I'm the dom.  I can be really laid back because she is going to long to serve me no matter what.", I translate that to mean: I am lazy and complacent.  I do all the work at the beginning to enslave her and then I expect her to maintain that feeling without any effort on my part.  She is really just a mobile pussy that I can fuck at will, she will clean and cook and serve my every whim, but I don't have to put anything into it.....What a great gig!  Now, let's take a trip to the real world and try to count how many relationships have worked for any length of time with that as the basis.  I don't care if it's kinky or vanilla....no effort = failure.

As a final thought untill I answer the inevitable return salvo....just ordering around or being bossy does not equate to dominance.  Once you fall into a routine, it quickly becomes routine, then stale and finally boring.  One or the other will seek new excitement.   Perhaps it is because finding two compatible people that are willing to put the work in is so rare, that there are so many serial relationships...both by the members of this site and in any kinky realm.

And before you  accuse me of being arrogant and judgmental....Let me just say "Guilty."  I AM better than you.

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: is it a rarity - 1/7/2009 5:37:49 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

So what are your thoughts of the following comment

"I have a feeling that most of us are in relationships with dominants who are more laid back about the whole M/s dynamic, and the dominants who are sticklers for daily dominance displays are more the rarity."


It's been my experience that D/s relationships follow a similar progression to any other relationship. There is a period of intense activity and exploration while both parties are learning about one another, but in a long-term relationship, especially where the parties live together in the 'common world', day-to-day life determines, after a while, that the frenetic pace of the early relationship slows down and allows 'common world' responsibilities and activities to have some room in the relationship as well. When that happens, the M/s dynamic is held together by the framework of protocols that remind the servant of hir role and the servant's desire to yield to the Keeper. Where there is nothing to remind the servant that xhe is, in fact, a servant and that xhe is mastered, and if xhe no longer desires to serve that Keeper and the Keeper no longer desires to lead and direct within the boundaries of their own minds and spirits, the constraints set by the 'common world' will intrude more and more, until the relationship is indistinguishable, in most cases, from any other non-M/s relationship in the 'common world'.

I do not believe, as a Keeper, and only for myself, in marrying one's servants. For me, it seems that this intrusion of the 'common world' into the relationship makes it more difficult for me to maintain the separation between Keeper and servant that allows the M/s dynamic to be the focal point of the relationship -- it 'muddies the water', so to speak. That being said, I know plenty of M/s relationships in which the partners -are- married, and somehow they make it work. That is why, when I am providing counseling for an M/s couple who are struggling, one of the things that we look at is the foundation they've put in place to establish and maintain that M/s dynamic within the larger framework that they have chosen (ie., marriage, etc.).

If the M/s dynamic is important, and keeping it visible and active in the relationship is a priority, then it won't be a problem, regardless of the intrusion of the 'common world', to have a long-term, viable, and very noticeable M/s dynamic present. If, however, it is not a priority, then time and the 'common world' will take their toll, and the disciplines and protocols that were window-dressing for a new relationship will likely fade, as a natural progression of time, just as in a common-world marriage, the relationship becomes more comfortable, relaxed, and less formal over time.

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 1/7/2009 5:39:32 PM >

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 60
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: is it a rarity Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094