CreativeDominant
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Joined: 3/11/2006
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ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
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ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant
I think I do see what he is saying. The post seems to state that not only is the dominant responsible for driving the relationship but at a rate and along a course chosen by the submissive...lead me where I want you to lead me and in the way I want you to do so. I didn't see that at all, so perhaps a different mindset leads to a differing perception. I see it more as a dominant who has said.. this is my path.. follow me along it .. and then changes the direction of that path yet expects to still be followed. Stick to the path you have presented as that's the path that intrigues me.. change that path and if it doesn't intrigue me as well, I'm making my own way. You don't change the rules in the middle of a poker game, after all, and I wouldn't expect someone who was playing the same game to change the rules and expect everyone to remain seated and keep putting money into the pot especially if it's a game they don't like!
And maybe I am taking it into the theoretical now but is there leeway for any life-changing within the dominant in the above statement? Or is that only for submissives, as we have seen evidenced in the posts that have been brought to the boards by those submissives registering their displeasure over the fact that their dominant expects them to behave and submit in the same manner as they did when they signed on..."Can't he see that, like every other human being, I've changed?" I remember the support given to a submissive who entered into a D/s dynamic with a dominant who was a truck driver and then, once they were living together, decided she no longer felt submissive...not because he had changed: he was still a truck driver, still gone on the road, still dominating her and guiding her in the manner he had when they had initially hooked up but she no longer felt submissive to this.
Many submissives post on here that it is the dominant's choice where the path will lead and that they signed up to follow. Those statements are generally made without qualification or caveat...other than the obvious of violation of hard limits, etc... and yet, here above is a caveat---"I will follow as long as the path intrigues but if it does not, then I as the submissive will make my own way. Is that with or without communication that the path is not meeting the submissive's expectations? quote:
As Knight said...as I've said...as many have said...you can lead and you can be doing a good job of leading and if the submissive decides she does not like that path, or does not wish to respond at that time or the moon is in the wrong phase and so, she will not submit, why is that a problem with compatibility or with his dominance? quote:
I simply don't understand the question. I see no difference in this scenario placing blame on a submissive than the other which KoM took issue with placing blame on the dominant. If you had a problem with that scenario do you have an equal problem with this one? What I had issue with is the idea that the dominant must be looked to first in anything that goes wrong. If what I have presented was the ONLY scenario I presented, I would expect people to have a problem with it. But I do not present it that way, I present it as the other possible side of the coin and as an exploration along another branch of this discussion tree that someone else took note of.
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But...is he leading the dance and choosing which dance and, the point seemingly being addressed throughout this thread---when and how often to dance--- according to your wants and needs ALWAYS or is he addressing those wants and needs in a mixture of what he sees fit and what he has learned is a level that works for you and for the dynamic as a whole?
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Again, that sounds like compatibility to me. If it's enough for me, it's enough.. if it's not, it's not. If it started out one way and moved into another way (on either side) then things need to be reassessed and, perhaps, some hard choices or decisions need to be made.
Agreed...compatibility is the issue here. And in the context of the OP, if the dominant has laid back from what he started out as...even beyond that which can be expected as a couple move beyond the "intense" stage...then there is a problem that needs to be addressed; by the submissive bringing it to the dominant's attention and the dominant having the ability to look within himself and honestly answer the question of "Is she right? Am I NOT doing all that I could be, all that I promised to do?".
< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 1/10/2009 1:34:18 PM >
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RE: is it a rarity - 
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