quote:

ORIGINAL: T1981

Hmm......I actually am a moderator for another site so my husband is quite used to me huffing and puffing over the actions of other people online, and hate mail is nothing new to me. At first, I think he was a little concerned about how I would handle it, but I've been working with that site and the admins for going on 4 years now, so I've gotten to the point where I can brush it off.

There is the occasional point where someone will hurt my feelings, usually it is from a member that I had thought I were getting along with, but that's less to do with moderating than it is just average online interaction.

I can understand you getting upset about it, especially if it affects your face to face interactions with other people in your local scene, though. That would make things tougher.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteveAndJaz

Recently my partner was slated by some on the boards.

Now I have been slated on the boards on various occasions but if anything its made me laugh or just move onto another thread. Watching my partner be put down had a very different effect on me. It made me angry, which is something that surprises me as I so dislike and stay away from that emotion.

It's really important to remember as well that some of the topics (well most) have been presented before and whilst not an excuse, it can mean that some people get tired of answering - what seems to them -  the same old observation.

quote:

He's a big boy and thinks nothing of what anyone says. He brushed it off just as I would of done if it were aimed at me, but here is me sitting frustrated and pissed.

Like you said before, your also unwell.  That doesn't help your emotional response either.  It's always easy to brush off personal yuck, but when you care for someone or know a person and see that their words have been misrepresented or misunderstood, you naturally want to explain to others. Again, it's just they don't know him and only have black and white words.

quote:

I recently found out about 2 people within the London BDSM community that have been gossiping and spreading rumors about him. He's not bothered about it but I am. I want to get hold of them both and confront them face to face, I want to bang there silly heads together and make them apologize.

Ignore them.  I know it isn't always easy, but if you don't, you are giving them power over your emotions.

quote:

Thinking about it I was like this with my last partner. He used to build dungeons for the pro Mistress and several of them thought they could open there legs and get the stuff on the cheap. He used to moan and complain but it would be me that drove the truck round, banged on the door and got a couple of heavies to remove what was not
paid for.

That's just you being far more proactive.  That's not a bad thing.

quote:

Am I over protective ? How would others feel in the same situation? Do you feel highly protective towards your partner?

Maria

I feel protective against anyone I care about - that is totally natural.  My partner and family above all else.  But I learnt that the people I love and care aout don't need defending to people who have little or no impact on our personal lives.  However if I let other people cause my emotions to react, then I am letting them have power in my life and that I don't allow.  There is only one person who has ultimate authority and that's all that matters.  He says I am to ignore, I do it.  It's healthier and far more productive to just focus on the positive and love everyone anyway.  But then, I am all hippifreelove...
 
 
the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to SteveAndJaz)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark


I believe it just comes down to not knowing people really.  In the sense that you see words, but do not necessarily know the people behind them.  So without facial expressions or physical expressions, and without knowing a person then words just some across blankly with no personality behind them.  So it can appear negative.


the.dark.

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

It depends whats been said, if people are ignoring them it doesnt matter much

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteveAndJaz
I agree with everything you say but will say that the above works two ways. When something negative is said to or about my partner its because they don't know him either because if they saw his expression, his fun, laughter and personality they may just get to like him but then you can't explain that to the boards.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteveAndJaz
I agree with everything you say but will say that the above works two ways. When something negative is said to or about my partner its because they don't know him either because if they saw his expression, his fun, laughter and personality they may just get to like him but then you can't explain that to the boards.

Exactly, as I said above also, they just don;t know him.  But you do.  Isn't that all that matters?
Take a look at the boards.  How many people do you think you might meet in reality?  How many of these people/posters will have an actual impact on your life?  I always look at it in the sense that - those that have a worthwhile impact on our life, will be understanding enough to get to learn all his expressions and fun etc.  Those are the only people you need to have any concern over.  When it comes to people who you deal with in everyday life, same goes.
 
the.dark.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

Don't take this badly, but do you want your personal, intimate life, to become the Play for Today?

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteveAndJaz

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

It depends whats been said, if people are ignoring them it doesnt matter much

Its not that simple colourdin.... This caused such a ruck at one stage that it threatened our relationship. This was nasty vindictive stuff that was aimed to cause damage and very nearly did.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteveAndJaz

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

Don't take this badly, but do you want your personal, intimate life, to become the Play for Today?

I asked a roundabout question of 'are you overly protective towards your partner'. I did not mention the width of my vagina or the depth of my anal passage! I gave nothing away about who I really am, or who said what to whom, so how does that equal personal and intimate?

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteveAndJaz

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

Don't take this badly, but do you want your personal, intimate life, to become the Play for Today?

I asked a roundabout question of 'are you overly protective towards your partner'. I did not mention the width of my vagina or the depth of my anal passage! I gave nothing away about who I really am, or who said what to whom, so how does that equal personal and intimate?

I can understand what Kittin is saying to a degree. Your relationship is personal and intimate, as it should be. On here, and even outside of your relationship, should not be allowed to affect that "inner personal life".

Us on here, and people that are not in your close intimate circle, you cannot give us the power to affect your relationship. It is too potentially destructive.

Also, for me personally, I am very careful about what part of my relationships, the intimate ME and mine, I share on here or with anyone that I am not really close to. It's just a matter of protection.