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RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/12/2009 11:49:15 PM

Maxwell67

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*FR*
Oh, you poor thing. I am sure that if you look around enough you can find someone, but I am told that Domina lesbians are perhaps the cruelest subgroup of dominants on the planet and with that attitude it is my guess the first thing she will do is loan you out to some sadistic man just to take you down a notch (well, ok, that is what I would do, but hell, I am a man, so what do I know?)

On the flip side, one of mine is a bi switch who, when she is not serving me directly, runs a bdsm training ranch and has the love and devotion of several students and a few others who are in her personal collar (not mine, I do not tell her how to deal with hers). I am as mystified as you are about it. She was my mentor when I was first getting acquainted with the bdsm community (before that I was sort of in the closet as a dominant), I have watched her work, and I know her to be an exceptionaly talented Domina. The fact that she needs time when she can relinquish control to me and let her dominant batteries recharge does not impinge on her ability in the slightest. In fact, because she is switch she is able to get deeper inside the mind of her submissives (male and female) faster than any other dominant I know, and hers are quite addicted to her and very loyal. I worried, when we first started to negotiate scenes that subs at the ranch would have the same attitude you (the OP) do, lose respect for her and leave, but that has not been the case.

< Message edited by Maxwell67 -- 1/13/2009 12:01:09 AM >

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RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/13/2009 12:40:11 AM

quietstrrm

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Hi, I'm new to the message boards at least I haven't visted them in awhile but your question caught my eye. I had a dominant that was submissive in nature but dominant to me. Not poly, so I can't relate to that, however I came to appreciate that I really didn't want someone dominating me that did't understand what I was mentally or physically going through, so instead of letting it be a barrier, it became a bridge. And I learned to respect it, even though I didn't want to watch it. And she did make me watch her submission on occasion. And by demanding that I take a different view , and by witnessing her submission, I came to appreciate that this was only another hurdle in my mind to jump over. It didn't make her any less in my mind, it only made her stronger. I hope this helps a little, if you want to talk more, let me know, and good luck. S.

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Post #: 42

RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/13/2009 2:57:06 AM

beth314

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Well, Sir your view is quite enlightening:) and its wonderful that your friend has so many that cherish her. Really, Sir? the cruelest subgroup. YIKES! I may be destined to spend my time alone hanging out on CM for the stimulating conversation:)

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RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/13/2009 3:08:20 AM

beth314

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Your experience is so interesting to me.The curiosity is killing me. Yes, I would like to talk to you more about it.

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RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/13/2009 3:56:58 AM

kyraofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: beth314
but, I can only submit to ONE.

quote:

the idea of switching confuses me to...either you are one or the other to me

These two comments just don't match up to me. Why is it okay for you to submit to only one, but not okay for a dominant to only want to dominate one? Multi-dimensional people are not rare, so I am not sure why it is so confusing.

And I am with Lucky wondering why it is that you cannot respect someone just because they submit to someone. That is really harsh.

Knight's Kyra

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"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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Post #: 45

RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/13/2009 7:05:36 AM

LaTigresse

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I think it might be similar to the statements we often see, usually by hetro female slaves/submissives, that they would be freaked out to find that their hetro male dominant/master had ever submitted.

Unfortunately I have to wonder how realistic that expectation is and how much is not being communicated out of fear of rejection.

I am sure at some point in life I could have submitted to the right person. Hell, even while I cannot imagine it at all now, I am not saying it is impossible. Just improbable.

Similarly the male gender thing. I've been there, done that, pretty much over it. I keep one around because we kinda have learned how to tollerate each other. But a male dominant or sub/slave, more than likely, doesn't stand an ice cubes chance in hell. At least not in any sexual way.

Once upon a time I would have never thought I would be were I am today with all of this......now I look at myself and think, "wow". I never thought I would entertain the idea of having a switch submissive, but that changed also. In fact, it's damned HOT!

So, while you may not think you want xyz, I would advice keeping an open mind. Who knows what life may toss at you and it would suck to miss out on something wonderful because your mind was too focused on a ideal.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Post #: 46

RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/13/2009 6:25:18 PM

Huntertn

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But would not that be covered in your negotiations with your Dommie..that your not to be shared with her Dom????

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RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/14/2009 12:13:57 AM

beth314

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Hello Knight's Kyra and thank you for your comment. I think you missunderstand when I say that I cannot respect/serve a Domme who shows submission. I can respect submissive individuals, I just cannot serve them, and in Leadership role, if one is submissive to anyone anytime, I could respect them as a person for who they are, but I cannot respect them as MY leader and serve them. Of course, it takes all of us to make the world go around and I certainly do not condemn others for what feels right to them.

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Post #: 48

RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/14/2009 12:29:38 AM

beth314

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Hello Maam and thank you for your advice. With the utmost respect intended when I say this...I will not compromise for anything other than XYZ. I have lived a lifetime of compromise and spent my life fulfilling everyones happiness but my own. I am too old and tired to "settle" anymore. If I never find XYZ, then I'm okay with that (being alone) because in my view, it's better than indulging in anymore wasted time.
Thank you,
beth

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life is not measured by how many breaths you take...but by how many moments take your breath away!

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Post #: 49

RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/14/2009 12:36:04 AM

beth314

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Yes Sir, but I was curious as to if there were any subs/slaves who shared my same view that even entering into such negotiations with a Domme who submits is simply unthinkable for me.

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life is not measured by how many breaths you take...but by how many moments take your breath away!

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Post #: 50

RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/14/2009 12:56:59 AM

RCdc

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Do you mix service up with submission?

the.dark.

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RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/14/2009 1:57:41 AM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: beth314

Hello Knight's Kyra and thank you for your comment. I think you missunderstand when I say that I cannot respect/serve a Domme who shows submission. I can respect submissive individuals, I just cannot serve them, and in Leadership role, if one is submissive to anyone anytime, I could respect them as a person for who they are, but I cannot respect them as MY leader and serve them. Of course, it takes all of us to make the world go around and I certainly do not condemn others for what feels right to them.

What do you define as submission? I do not believe that anyone is dominant in all areas of life and in all respects. One does what their boss tells them or they are frequently out of a job. If they own their business, they have to bend to the will of the consumer. They have to submit to the law and can't change the rules wherever they do.

Do you mean someone who bottoms, someone who would actively serve someone else or something else?

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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Post #: 52

RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/14/2009 2:48:51 AM

beth314

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Maybe I do...Yes, I think I do...please elaborate as I feel that you cannot have one without the other

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Post #: 53

RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/14/2009 8:45:55 AM

RCdc

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One is an action, one is an orientation. Submissives serve. Dominants serve. You do not have to serve to submit.
In your writings sofar, as far as I can see and I am only one single person, but you seem to equate submission and domination with certain actions and this isn't the case. As for those that switch, those that switch that I know, rarely do so within a single relationship but respond to an individual and it could be anything to do with the sex of the person (only submit to women, but dominate men) or a personal compatability issue.

You state that you submit to one person. So do I. But I bet if you look at the way your life goes, you serve many people and you aren't always 'submissive' when you do.

the.dark.

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RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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Post #: 54

RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/14/2009 11:37:15 AM

OmegaG

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beth, I read your profile and there is a new feel to it-- I wonder if you are coming from the same place I was a few years ago, you lived quite a bit of your life and finally put the peices together about why things didn't work for you the way they did for others.

Here is where we are different though I think, I was open to trying most everything before I decided that I didn't prefer some activitites or roles and some I craved. It seems to me that you have a pre-concieved notion in your head about this whole thing and I wonder if you are going to miss some wonderful experiences by closing your mind to that which you can't quite mentaly grasp.

since I love analogies: m'Lord wanted chocholate chip cookies the other night and so Mr. Teen Angst and I went to the store, well when we got there he pursuaded me to buy chocholate and peanut butter chips. When I told m'Lord of our plan he told me that he doesn't like peanut butter chips in his cookies, so I splip the dough in 2 and made his traditional cookies for him. When he came out to the kitchen, he asked what the tan colored chips were, he had never seen peanut butter chips before and had decided he didn't like them without really knowing what they were.

I'd love to say that he tried them and I converted him, but while he did try them he does prefer plain ol' normal chocholate chip cookies.

The point is that within reason, there are some expereinces that you may find you that like even though the thoiught of them doesn't turn you on, but you will never know unless you allow youself to explore.

BTW-- I also thoght that I could not feel submissive to one that submitted to another I was wrong. I've been with a Dom who likes to submit to Dommes, I never engaged in play with the Dommes nor was I ever submissive to them yet I remained submissive to him regardless of these relationships.

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Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
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RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/14/2009 1:11:16 PM

LaTigresse

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Omega, you explained what I was trying to say better.

I think too few people limit themselves to a shopping list of must and must nots, instead of being open to individual people. I never would have imagined that my slave and I would fit one another, but I got to know her and voila! I also never would have imagined myself leaning towards a poly household....guess what!

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 56

RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/14/2009 7:49:03 PM

cjan

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I agree with Omega and LaT. Experience and time teach us , hopefully, that being open to ever changing reality and the vastness of our own being as well as others makes for a richer life than clinging to notions and ideas of how things "should" be.

How about a little Dylan on how "Everybody's Gotta Serve Somebody " ?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqxW6E24Jh8

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RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/15/2009 2:20:11 AM

beth314

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the.dark,
Thank you so very much for you insight! You are soooo right! I do serve and not always in a submissive way...I am a student teacher and a Mom:) But, my question?How can someone who wants to totally surrender (sexually and Non)their life to a lesbian Domme even be condidered to join a home with a male Head of Household? Come on now...if one truly is a lesbian Domme, How could she function in a male head of household? I guess my issue comes with the idea that any Mistress that I would/could submit to and serve, in the way a slave submits and serves her Mistress, would not submit to male head of Household. Because for someone to be "Head of Household," the people who live in the home must recognize that and submit to him.
beth

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life is not measured by how many breaths you take...but by how many moments take your breath away!

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Post #: 58

RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/15/2009 2:36:33 AM

beth314

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Sojourner's_slave,
Thanks for reading my profile...
I love your analogy:) and I get your point, and while I am rather new to the bdsm community, I am not so new to relationships with women or men. Those concessions that I have made in life that I speak of, derives from not focusing on what I truly desire and just going with the flow. Im tired of being open to new ideas and "experiencing" it as I go along. All that does is put what I truly desire on the back burner.

_____________________________

life is not measured by how many breaths you take...but by how many moments take your breath away!

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Post #: 59

RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/15/2009 5:04:38 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
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quote:

ORIGINAL: beth314

the.dark,
Thank you so very much for you insight! You are soooo right! I do serve and not always in a submissive way...I am a student teacher and a Mom:) But, my question?How can someone who wants to totally surrender (sexually and Non)their life to a lesbian Domme even be condidered to join a home with a male Head of Household? Come on now...if one truly is a lesbian Domme, How could she function in a male head of household? I guess my issue comes with the idea that any Mistress that I would/could submit to and serve, in the way a slave submits and serves her Mistress, would not submit to male head of Household. Because for someone to be "Head of Household," the people who live in the home must recognize that and submit to him.
beth

Hello beth
On your question - and I can only answer for me hey - submission is something that I do for the man that has both inspired and invoked submission. I cannot and do not pick and choose what I submit. When in negotiations, we talked and discovered that our compatability levels were the same/similar. Then I made the choice - to submit or not to. Now for me, submission is something that just occurs and like I said, I don't pick and choose what I want to submit to because that to me would be a negative TFB, not the good kind. Submission isn;t all the yummy things I want, at times it is things I don't want or had no mind to do but because I have given authority over to Darcy that is how it is.
So for you, submitting to a man would be a no. That's cool, you just have to find someone compatable. However, for me, submission isn;t always sexual, and is something that just 'is' and I don't have a choice because my body and the direct act of 'giving up authority' means that I am submitting to Darcy. So for example if I was submitting to a woman and she was my Mistress, the actual submission - if she instructed I serve/obey her partner as head of household - would be to her - not to him. I might obey him. I might serve. But the submission is for the person who owns me. If you don;t like it and don't agree with it - you simply do not get to the point of submission.

the.dark.

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RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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Post #: 60

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