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RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/15/2009 5:46:29 AM   
starshineowned


Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Greetings..

There are many things in life and forms that folks could take as submission..however, those things do not necessarily invoke that same submissive feeling that I think you are speaking of in relation to a Domme.

Examples: My father was head of the household..yet my mother was in areas that mattered..submissive to his lead. Never in my pea brain did I ever think of not respecting my mother due to this, and by all accounts she was on the same level of authority as my father was.
A alpha female wolf submits to the alpha male, and leader of that pack..but that alpha female is top dog amongst the rest of that pack of females and males.

Perhaps when you encounter a Domme that you feel this gravitation towards who states there is a male head of the house..that you investigate the nature of that submittal part by her to him. What does that actually entail or mean. Chances are it will not be the type of submission that you are feeling or thinking about.

It may be..but you'd have to take the time to ask what they mean by that, and if it is the same type of submission that you define for yourself in expression..then the Domme probably would be better listing herself as a switch.

starshine


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(in reply to beth314)
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RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/15/2009 6:42:42 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: beth314

Yes, I imagine that would be a different dynamic all together. I was always under the impression that there can only be 1 true Head of  Household, though. Does having 2 dominants in one house work very well?


2 Keepers (and sometimes -more- than 2 Keepers) works well enough in our household. Each of us has our area of expertise that enables things to flow well. Right now, it is myself and my Darling, both dominant females, though we've been significantly larger at other times, and there have been dominant males (as well as submissive males and females) in the household.

When I came into the household, the dominant "core" was a dominant female, dominant male, and neutral (not authority-exchange participating) male. I came into the household through one of the schools-of-thought that required -everyone- to start out in a submissive role and earn hir way into Keeper status, if that was the goal (which it was for me).

I can understand that the household that you're looking at may not be the right household for you at this time. For me, it seems to me that the relationship and personality of the -people- is more important than whether they're hidebound to an inflexible view of hierarchy... in fact, as I think about it, I think that I prefer some measure of flexibility if having that provides for a secure, joyful, and well-functioning home.

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 1/15/2009 6:43:50 AM >

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(in reply to beth314)
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RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/15/2009 5:54:00 PM   
OneMoreWaste


Posts: 910
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: beth314
Come on now...if one truly is a lesbian Domme, How could she function in a male head of household?


If I were a Lesbian submissive, I would be *extremely* wary of getting attached to a woman with a dominant male partner, for concern that it would turn out to be "Oh, well she talked about topping someone once, and he thought it would be really HAWT to see her play with another woman, so now she's calling herself a dominant; and of course she's a Lesbian dominant because she could *never* think of topping a Man"...

Although I think that it's unrealistic to expect your partner to never expect to "anyone, anytime", I also can't see belonging to someone who, in turn, belongs to someone else. If I'm going to be the least important person in the house, I may as well stay out of it.


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RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/15/2009 6:43:17 PM   
Sexycelticlady


Posts: 112
Joined: 7/20/2008
Status: offline 		 Dominant and submissive roles are compatible and they are both roles about serving another's needs, just in vastly different ways. Each pairing of individuals creates a different dynamic and some are able to have both roles but with different people. How you react with any individual should be of primary importance, not how that person interacts with others (beyond issues of morals and illegal activity), it is unrelated to your dynamic with them.   

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RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/15/2009 11:28:29 PM   
Loliita


Posts: 69
Joined: 1/15/2009
Status: offline 		I'm not a submissive nor do I let other dominants control me but I will take a stab at this.

It's possible that a submissive is only submissive to that one person, his/her dominant. Maybe she is not submissive to the title of dominant or the concept of dominant. Maybe it's just she obeys that one special person regardless of the dominant's circumstances.

Before I ever discovered the D/s scene I had boyfriends (and one girlfriend) who did as I told them because they felt they had no choice. I've always had the ability to wrap men (and some women) around my finger, even if they were not naturally submissive. They felt compelled to obey me regardless of who I might have been obeying or any other circumstances I might have had. They were not subs, just regular people who could not refuse me.

If a person has power over you they do not lose that power because they themselves are dominated. If they do lose that power over you then they never really had it to begin with. You pretended they had power over you to fulfill your fantasy.


< Message edited by Loliita -- 1/15/2009 11:37:02 PM >

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RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/16/2009 3:35:19 AM   
beth314


Posts: 121
Joined: 1/7/2009
Status: offline 		Thank you again, the.dark. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said find someone I am compatable with. Have a great day:)
beth

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RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/16/2009 3:38:46 AM   
beth314


Posts: 121
Joined: 1/7/2009
Status: offline 		AMEN! starshineowned, that is exactly right!
Thanks,
beth

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RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/16/2009 3:46:13 AM   
beth314


Posts: 121
Joined: 1/7/2009
Status: offline 		CallaFirestormBW, Thank you for your response. I am thrilled to hear that things work so well in your home. This thread has really instigated some thought on my part, and I am so grateful.
Thanks again!
beth

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life is not measured by how many breaths you take...but by how many moments take your breath away!

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RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/16/2009 3:53:05 AM   
beth314


Posts: 121
Joined: 1/7/2009
Status: offline 		Hello Onemorewaste and thank you so much:) Call me vain, but I rather like it when people share my point of view...lol
beth
ps- love the brutally honest profile. Ya sound like a helluva guy:)

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life is not measured by how many breaths you take...but by how many moments take your breath away!

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Profile   Post #: 69
RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/16/2009 4:12:20 AM   
beth314


Posts: 121
Joined: 1/7/2009
Status: offline 		Well Lolita, thanks for your stab. I personally would like to take the time for real definition before I could ever make the decision of submitting with the understanding that the Domme has experienced life, been through the many different phases of herself, and knows without a shadow of a doubt she is a lesbian Domme and has lived that choice for some length of time. Respectfully, to those who disagree with me (live long and prosper- you know who you are) I do not see an authentic lesbian Domme submitting to a male Head of Household.
beth

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life is not measured by how many breaths you take...but by how many moments take your breath away!

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RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/16/2009 8:19:44 AM   
Loliita


Posts: 69
Joined: 1/15/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: beth314I do not see an authentic lesbian Domme submitting to a male Head of Household.
beth


I don't either.

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RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/16/2009 10:41:58 PM   
beth314


Posts: 121
Joined: 1/7/2009
Status: offline 		Loliita,
Thanks for the comment and nice to know someone shares my view:)
beth

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RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/23/2009 3:57:01 PM   
faithfulfemme


Posts: 113
Joined: 5/24/2007
Status: offline 		beth, a lesbian Domme who submits to a male Dom is NOT a lesbian but a bi-sexual.  Therein lies the problem you are having, imho.
 
i respect anyone's right to be, or do, what they want, but i don't have to understand it.  As an example, i respect a person's right to be a Republican, but i don't get it, and i'm sure they don't get me, either.
 
i have read in two different articles ( i need to look them up so i can offer a  reference) that 85% of the BDSM world consists of switches, and only 15% of us are strictly one way or another.  i don't understand switches, however i certainly respect their right to be anything they so wish. 
 
As for leaving myself open for anything that comes down the pike, just to see if i like it, sorry but i wouldn't, couldn't top/dominate if my life depended on it.  i know this because of how i feel about it--i don't have to do it to know i wouldn't like it.  The thought of doing it just makes me feel all yucky and surreal.....it's the same reason why i know i'm never, ever going to jump from a perfectly good plane with a perfectly good parachute, or jump from a very high place with a rubber band tied on my feet.  Just isn't my thing, and you can't make me..........
 
so, i agree with you beth, but know that WE are in the minority.  We're the queer, 15%'ers in the group and most others don't understand us, either.....

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RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/23/2009 5:32:24 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		beth,

For many people sexual orientation is not black and white:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Klein_Sexual_Orientation_Grid

Likely she is with him because it fulfils a need; either specific to their relationship or perhaps she enjoys the stability of being part of a household.
(Have you asked her?)

I am sure you know this ... not all D/s relationships involve "sexual service".

I can understand your feeling of dissonance re: the situation.





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Profile   Post #: 74
RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/24/2009 12:17:07 AM   
beth314


Posts: 121
Joined: 1/7/2009
Status: offline 		Here Here to the 15%!!! I totally agree...even though someone's choices may not be for me; I certainly feel they have the inheirent right to choose what's right for them. and yes that does make them a bisexual; doesnt it? If I were bisexual I could understand the offers to serve a Domme in a poly environment with a Dom head of household...but since I'm not, I have a rather hard time wrapping my mind around the idea of why they think I would even be a suitable fit, and some even try to convince me that I am closed minded and wrong for seeking what I believe is a "good fit" for me. oh well...
 
Thanks for the comment!
beth
 

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life is not measured by how many breaths you take...but by how many moments take your breath away!

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Profile   Post #: 75
RE: serving a Domme who shows submission? - 1/24/2009 12:27:03 AM   
beth314


Posts: 121
Joined: 1/7/2009
Status: offline 		Hi angelikaJ,
No, I havent asked cause I really don't even care. If a Domme is not secure & independant enough in herself to be the head of her own household...well then she just isnt for me. Im sure there are many others where its not an issue.
Oh! and thanks for the empathy
beth

_____________________________

life is not measured by how many breaths you take...but by how many moments take your breath away!

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Profile   Post #: 76
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