That first home visit... (Full Version)

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ShiftedJewel -> That first home visit... (1/12/2009 3:30:17 AM)

Ok, so you've talked to this person on the internet, on the phone, on messenger and everything seems to be going good... Then you decide to meet for that all important first visit. Again, everything seems to be going great, wonderful conversation, fun "family" nights, very helpful to you and yours... And you start to talk seriously about the future, where it could go, what it would take to get there, the whole nine yards. They leave and you are thinking that at some point in the future they will be back, both of you are ready to work towards a future together. So far so good... right?
 
They head home and days go by (just a few days) and there is no contact, no indication that they even made it home safely, then one morning you get up and go to grab something (like meds that you have to take daily) and they are gone... just gone. You know they were there, daily, keep you alive stuff, is something you tend to keep track of.
 
How does the rest of the world handle things like that? I know that we keep a close eye on our valuables whenever someone we don't know very well is coming over, and pain meds are pretty much always locked up, purses and wallets are put up for safe keeping, but what about the little stuff that you really don't see as being interesting to other people? What kind of precautions do you take when having that s-type or D-type to your home for the first time?
 
Jewel



CatdeMedici -> RE: That first home visit... (1/12/2009 4:24:19 AM)

I just don't know what to say, I have a feeling the pain you are feeling is worse than any physical pain at the moment if My surmising is correct--
 
To be honest, that is a huge reason I am so gun shy of geting to that point---three years ago I went through something very very similar, luckily it was only meds and not things of greater value like My mom's jewelry. It does show that no matter how good we check, test, evaluate, do all the things we tell people to do, we can miss something. Its pretty damned hard to chalk it up as they say to experience because you do feel assaulted in some respects.
 
Hugs SJ.



LaTigresse -> RE: That first home visit... (1/12/2009 4:30:39 AM)

That is a tough one. I think any time we invite ANYone into our homes we are also inviting the unknown. Regardless of the circumstances. How we handle it is going to depend upon a variety of things. Something like meds......depending on what they were and the potential problems even. Certainly I would talk to my doctor if there was potential for harm and the quantity was sizable.

If it was something else, less than $$ valuable but sentimental, again......perhaps a police contact, but that would more than likely be fruitless also. I've had things come up missing of value, but not sentimental, after an adult child's best friend came with them for the holidays. I put them in my upstairs spare bedroom that doubles as my closet. I had put most of the valuable jewelry away but I had forgotten that in one of the vanity drawers (one of those big mirrored things made in the 30's and 40's) I had a gold and diamond ring that I had purchased as a gift for someone. Now, it wasn't an exceptionally valuable piece and as usual, I had gotten it wholesale so rather than the ticket price of around $1200 I think I paid just over $300, at that time not alot to me. But it was the fact that this woman had gone through the drawers and dug into the back of the one most difficult to get to, and taken it. I didn't find out right away of course, several weeks in fact. I also waited quite a bit to even determine that is what happened, in case I had misplaced it. But when I realized that was the only answer I was torn between telling my daughter her best friend had taken something and just leaving it alone. I knew she would have just taken the ring and pawned it, that was her style. I just knew my daughter would feel horrible about it. I also knew at that point there really wasn't anythig the police would be able to do.......several weeks before it was discovered, no concrete proof, etc... I just knew to be more careful about my things in the future. And, who I invite in.

Sadly, it's moreso a lesson learned. And a crap shoot. We never know about people and what will motivate them to take something. For me it wasn't the item stolen but the betrayal of trust. My home is my sacred place, I invite someone in and it means something. To have them shit on that hurts.



came4U -> RE: That first home visit... (1/12/2009 4:33:36 AM)

quote:

What kind of precautions do you take when having that s-type or D-type to your home for the first time?


Not bringing them to my home.

I wouldn't invite someone that I had to keep an eye on, hide my own valuables from or sleep with one eye open.

If I felt I would have to worry about my posessions from a stranger rattling about in my house I would also fear for my life.  Not worth the risk.



Twicehappy2x -> RE: That first home visit... (1/12/2009 4:54:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Certainly I would talk to my doctor if there was potential for harm and the quantity was sizable.


The potential for harm is minimal, the quantity was minimal, two still sealed 30 count bottles. And the doc will replace them no problem.
 
Calling the police is pretty futile, the person is not from this state and neither was a controlled substance, those i keep locked up. Plus it is a good guess on our part, no other visitors this weekend, we do not have any positive evidence.
 
Sad to say it is not the first time something like this has happened.
 
Under different circumstances i would think, hmmm....maybe i just lost track or something. But Jewel had a doctors appointment this past Friday and one of the things i did Friday morning was check supplies, with diabetes you cannot run out of certain meds.
 
Plus i am a retired hospice RN, i keep mental track without even thinking about it, ordering and dispensing meds was what i did for a living all the years.
 
So, i am going to go purchase weekly pill boxes, fill them up once a week and lock the rest up in a safe anytime somebody new visits.
 
Thank goodness i am, as Scooter says, paranoid and all paperwork, bank cards, checkbooks etc are kept locked up as a matter of course when somebody strange visits here.  
 
And i had two sealed containers of meds in the can i keep stuff in when we have company just so they will not be sitting out in the open but still be easily accessible for daily or emergency use.



chezzy71 -> RE: That first home visit... (1/12/2009 5:23:44 AM)

As usual,a nice person gets stiffed by an idiot making things all that much more difficult for any Domina to trust any of us.I am sorry Jewel.



ShiftedJewel -> RE: That first home visit... (1/12/2009 6:10:39 AM)

Well, as much as I appreciate the well wishes from everyone (and I really do) I honestly am curious about what others do when they are having a possible SO over to their home for the first time? And came4u? Either you completely missed my point or you live an extremely lonely life. It's either that or you're under then impression that just anyone is welcome in our home.
 
I'm talking about people that have, over time, earned some degree of trust from you. I don't mean someone that has ulterior motives the whole time you are talking to them. So many of us have become so jaded that trust is a much larger issue then for a whole lot of other people. Most likely because we meet so many over the internet. For me, seeing them face to face is a huge factor, it gives me the chance to really "read" them. So having that as a foundation to the question... what precautions do you (the generic you) take when having someone from the other side of the kneel, a potential partner, over to your home for the very first time?
 
Jewel



badlilthang -> RE: That first home visit... (1/12/2009 6:33:43 AM)

i have visited a few i have met online, and i do not know what kind of precautions people make because of me..*L*..but my last visits to a Dom in Edinburgh - i noticed that He left His wallet out, money, cards and all - private things and such - and it made me feel good and also trusted.

If and when i invite people here - well, we always keep our meds locked up - due to my son, and that we have some pretty strong drugs in this house..jewelry is in the jewelry drawer in our master bedroom - which has a keypad lock to the door...master bathroom is also behind this door - mostly because of the toys and such my kid really do not need to see, find or show his friends...*L*...wallets have their own place - just in a basket - so not that hard to find, really - so what i am trying to say is...if i trust someone enough to invite them into my home - my trust comes with it. And if it is a potential Play partner - trust is even more important...if i am to trust Him with my "life" - He better keep His gribby lil paws off of my "other" valuables..

smooches to You, twice and Scooter...s...



SnugasaBug -> RE: That first home visit... (1/12/2009 6:44:58 AM)

I don't think I do anything really specifically different. But with me, I worry about grand ums getting into things they should not, so I put scripty things out of sight.  I had one sub make me a "custom hidden safe" for jewelry behind a picture. 
 
Anything more than that, and I would think I was paranoid. Unfortunately it is part of life. Thanks for sharing though, I can learn from this myself.
 
Do you think he had too much free time? Or would you keep his time more structured?
 
Snug



LaTigresse -> RE: That first home visit... (1/12/2009 7:35:36 AM)

Yanno Jewel, I've been thinking about this thread since I first read it this morning and I don't think there is anything you can do to be 100% certain. It sounds like Twice really had the bases covered.

Ultimately when it comes right down to it there are two choices.....you close yourselves off, getting paranoid and never let anyone new in, or you accept that there will be people that will fly under your radar and take advantage of your generosity of spirit. I really do believe that it is less common than the paranoid would want us to think. I simply refuse to believe that the greater percentage of people are going to try and steal from me.

The way I look at it, I do lock up the stuff that is really important to me, that could be easily secreted out the house and whatever else they might feel they need to run off with.......I guess they needed it more than I did.

I think somewhere in all of it, there is a balance. Both in what we do, who we allow in, and in the quality of people. It's really crappy that this one person is such a schmuck that they had to betray your trust. ( I keep thinking........god help him if Twice gets ahold of him!!!) You just have to look back at your process and try to analyse it objectively. See if there really is anything you feel you should have done differently and move forward.

I am big believer on listening to my gut. Whenever I don't (daughter's friend) I pay the price. Is there any chance that somewhere in your gut there was a little voice telling you this guy was too good to be true? I have certainly been there with a few young women and just flat out told them that they were going to have to travel to me, AND stay in a hotel. Because my gut was twitching about something. One I even, for no specific reason other than my gut, got a rental car to meet them instead of driving my own with traceble plates.

The part that really sucks in all of this........we go through sooooooooo many obvious wankers that when one comes along that says and......OMG DOES......all of the right things, we can almost blind ourselves with excitement. The excitement of maybe, just maybe, we've reached that goal we thought might be impossible. For myself, that is when I have found I need to be the most watchful.

I feel so bad for you, I could blather on and on. I am so sorry this happened to you.





sirsholly -> RE: That first home visit... (1/12/2009 7:43:01 AM)

quote:

Do you think he had too much free time?

my guess is not enough character...



CreativeDominant -> RE: That first home visit... (1/12/2009 8:01:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

Ok, so you've talked to this person on the internet, on the phone, on messenger and everything seems to be going good... Then you decide to meet for that all important first visit. Again, everything seems to be going great, wonderful conversation, fun "family" nights, very helpful to you and yours... And you start to talk seriously about the future, where it could go, what it would take to get there, the whole nine yards. They leave and you are thinking that at some point in the future they will be back, both of you are ready to work towards a future together. So far so good... right?
 
They head home and days go by (just a few days) and there is no contact, no indication that they even made it home safely, then one morning you get up and go to grab something (like meds that you have to take daily) and they are gone... just gone. You know they were there, daily, keep you alive stuff, is something you tend to keep track of.
 
How does the rest of the world handle things like that? I know that we keep a close eye on our valuables whenever someone we don't know very well is coming over, and pain meds are pretty much always locked up, purses and wallets are put up for safe keeping, but what about the little stuff that you really don't see as being interesting to other people? What kind of precautions do you take when having that s-type or D-type to your home for the first time?
 
Jewel


By the time I would invite someone to visit me at home, I've spent time with them in person in other venues.  Even so, I had one submissive come to see me in the last apartment I lived in and she too was someone I had come to trust.  We had an argument one night over her "mentor" and I told her to leave.  She went into the bathroom to gather up her stuff and when I went in there later, I discovered that all of my own toiletries were missing along with the painkillers I was taking at the time to deal with my first bout with kidney stones.  There weren't a lot left in the bottle but enough to have several hours of "fun" with. 

What disturbed me more than anything was the lack of character...as holly noted...that this showed AND the utter mean-spiritedness of someone who I thought was better than that.  Live and learn, they say but tis funny how one incident can tend to make you very suspicious and add even more caution to your screening procedures.



silkenfire -> RE: That first home visit... (1/12/2009 8:09:29 AM)

Oddly, I had a (good) experience with my Master... He owns many many many expensive things and nice things. Has a nice sized place. He talked to me online for 3 days, had me over for 3 days, and then at the end of the week, gave me my own key. He was too trusting.

Of course, it's 4.5 months later and I am living with him now and gave up my apt... but there were so many worse ways it could have gone for him...



Decadentpleasure -> RE: That first home visit... (1/12/2009 8:31:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

quote:

What kind of precautions do you take when having that s-type or D-type to your home for the first time?


Not bringing them to my home.

I wouldn't invite someone that I had to keep an eye on, hide my own valuables from or sleep with one eye open.

If I felt I would have to worry about my posessions from a stranger rattling about in my house I would also fear for my life.  Not worth the risk.


Master and i felt the same when it came time for Our first meet.  We met at an equally neutral place..a restuarant and stayed in a hotel.  We also basically 'tested' each other that first time..Him leaving His wallet open and on the table while showering, me leaving pain meds and money out in the open while i made a store run.  We each 'passed' the other's test, had a good laugh about it afterwards, and neither of Us were offended by being tested as We'd both had negative past experiences and understood.




pompeii -> RE: That first home visit... (1/12/2009 8:33:22 AM)

Wow. I'm sorry for you. When I'm over at someone's house, they go off to the bathroom or kitchen and leave their purse in the bedroom and I wouldn't even think of rifling it or anything else in their house. It's one of the first things we learned as children in someone else's home and it extends to adulthood.



GreeneGoddess -> RE: That first home visit... (1/12/2009 8:44:26 AM)

Unfortunately it's the negative experiences that we most learn from sometimes.  

I have a live in female slave that I have been together with for 10  years now, and we would like to add a male slave to the household.   After several poor experiences with trying to be open minded to the possibility of having someone who does not live in the area be considered, I've gotten to the point where it's not an option.  I'm sure it works for some, but frankly, it just does not for me because of the nonsense that often goes along with it. 




LadyPact -> RE: That first home visit... (1/12/2009 10:13:41 AM)

Jewel, I have to tell you, I'm literally sitting here hoping there's been some kind of mistake.  I realize that's probably not the case.  I highly doubt there's an alternative explanation (I've read too many things about how careful Twice is about taking care of you) but I really wish there could be.  My first comment is that I'm sorry.

I have My own reasons to be suspicious when someone finally gets to the level of being invited to My home.  We have a lot of hoops to jump through before anyone comes to the house.  You never really know until it moves to that level.

For Me personally, I have something similar to LaT's experience.  I had a lot of trouble with My grown daughter through the years.  Due to this, just about everything that could be potential temptation for someone with sticky fingers, is in the master bedroom.  That's everything from new books of checks, to medications, to jewelery.  By the way, the door to the room has a keyed lock.  Nobody's sneaking in there without Me knowing about it.  That's been the set up here for some time, so past experience has kept the house potential ready.



Twicehappy2x -> RE: That first home visit... (1/12/2009 10:18:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

( I keep thinking........god help him if Twice gets ahold of him!!!) 


Sad for him, he is now having to deal with me.
 
Finally this morning he sent several "excuse" email as to why we had not heard from him since he left early Saturday morning to make a five hour trip home.
 
Jewel has said, OK, bulldog, you handle, it is too emotional an issue for me, and headed out to the garage to work on a doll house for the grandums.
 
The chain of events and cover stories do not match up, period.
 
And no answer on the question of the missing items either.
 
A huge thank you to all who sent Jewel hugs and support, at times like this it means a great deal to hear that no, we are not stupid for trying yet again.



Evility -> RE: That first home visit... (1/12/2009 10:21:37 AM)

Being male I have more often been invited to the woman's home early on. The women I have known have evidently felt more secure with a "home field advantage", so to speak. Eventually they came to visit at my place but by that time we were beyond the "getting to know you" phase.

I tend to lean towards LaT's call on this. You take basic precautions and hope for the best in human nature and that is how I look at it. If I had more experience in this realm I probably would have a more specific agenda.



LaTigresse -> RE: That first home visit... (1/12/2009 10:22:43 AM)

No, you are not stupid. He is.

The next time I read a whinefest of a submale about not being able to find a "real and true" dominant woman......I am going to want to reach through my computer and smack him with his own keyboard. Then steer him here.

That guy had the opportunity to have what many only dream of. And the moron totally blows it all to hell. What a putz.



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