RE: Do you pursue the sub/slave or does the slave pursue you

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RE: Do you pursue the sub/slave or does the slave pursu... - 1/17/2009 6:24:17 AM

Amaros

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

There is no "natural order of things". Making initial contact, being "forward", etc., has nothing to do with being submissive in general. Being shy perhaps, but not submissive.

Cali

True, it's easy to overthink this stuff, and serendipity plays a distinct role in my experience.

(in reply to CalifChick)

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RE: Do you pursue the sub/slave or does the slave pursu... - 1/17/2009 7:13:57 AM

badlilthang

Posts: 357
Joined: 6/22/2006
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i send a few words if i see an interesting profile. My former Master mailed me first, though - initiated contact in a very polite and nice way - no demands of nude pictures or anything like that - just a genuine interest in me and who i am...

i guess respect is a must with me - those profiles telling me how worthless i am going to be - and how badly i deserve to be treated, simply does not do it for me...s...

so yes....if i see Someone i would like to get to know better, i send a little hello.

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RE: Do you pursue the sub/slave or does the slave pursu... - 1/17/2009 12:07:36 PM

NCNutCase

Posts: 129
Joined: 2/2/2005
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Regarding my previous "topping from the bottom" comment…

I mentioned there that I sometimes reach out to new submissives in my area, which obviously reflects I don’t see anything wrong with doing so… But, in my opinion, for a Dom to "chase" a sub who is playing "hard to get"… creates a scenario where the sub is ‘topping from the bottom’… I also do not view it as very ‘Domly’ to not be able to take no for an answer…

In some posts since then it seems some people took my comment differently than I meant it… although others seem to simply disagree with me, which is cool too…

(in reply to badlilthang)

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RE: Do you pursue the sub/slave or does the slave pursu... - 1/18/2009 4:27:14 AM

faithfulfemme

Posts: 113
Joined: 5/24/2007
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Over on another BDSM website, i recently discovered that it is perfectly acceptable for a submissive to petition a Dominant to become Their submissive. There is a protocol for this petition: it should be in writing, and should lay out all the reasons why said submissive would be a positive addition to the Dominant they are petitioning. Also, a submissive can ask if there is anything specific that the Dominant would like to see put in their petition.

This system is acceptable to some Dominants because it shows that the particular submissive wants to be Their submissive, and also leaves the final decision in Their hands, which, as known, Doms have the final say.

It's getting very early, and i haven't yet been to bed, and this post isn't written as best as it should have been, but i think it gets my point across.....and as such, i'll leave it at that.

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RE: Do you pursue the sub/slave or does the slave pursu... - 1/18/2009 5:09:54 AM

MistressAinCT

Posts: 205
Joined: 2/21/2004
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Hmm...:::getting out My bow, arrow and trusty steed:::: Hunt? you mean like stalking prey? I do have two beagles who I suppose could sniff down a submissive, but I don't even think THEY could tell the real ones from the phoneys...

If you ask Me (and you did, in a sense) I think it depends on the person's personality and what they're looking for. Some subs are sooo shy or submissive they wait for the Dominant to find them, which could be a mistake. They might be missing opportunities. And some Dominants wait for the subs to come to THEM so they can weed out what they do and don't want.

If you are seeking a clear answer on what goes on here, well, it isn't going to happen. Hopefull both sides read profiles and respect them, which can cut the "hunt" time down but alas, many do not READ.

I'm sure this didn't answer your question mainly because there IS no answer to the question. In BDSM as in nilla, sometimes people have to STOP looking in order to find something. How's that for philosophy?

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RE: Do you pursue the sub/slave or does the slave pursu... - 1/18/2009 5:10:17 AM

NuevaVida

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It's not a hunt and kill situation for me. I don't really look at others' profiles very much and I almost never make first contact. Then again I can take it or leave it if I'm in a relationship right now so I'm not looking. If someone contacts me and there's a connection, I'll see where it goes. Otherwise it's a rare thing that I initiate contact for a possible relationship. It's a shyness thing.

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RE: Do you pursue the sub/slave or does the slave pursu... - 1/18/2009 5:12:15 AM

lobodomslavery

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oh dont worry the good Moderator is curtailing my activity , this could be my last thread
kevin

(in reply to MistressAinCT)

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RE: Do you pursue the sub/slave or does the slave pursu... - 1/18/2009 7:37:33 AM

BigSi2009

Posts: 80
Joined: 12/14/2008
From: Sussex, UK
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I should think the D/M should pursue the Sub/Slave but that doesn't mean a Sub./Slave can't message someone he/she likes.

In my experience and looking back at my mailbox, I've only had one contact from someone who I hadn't messaged first (and thats not including the scammers from Africa who seem to have now got the message). I wonder though if the sub/slave women really have enough time to find people they like given that they are probably spending most of their time sorting through their mailboxes!

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RE: Do you pursue the sub/slave or does the slave pursu... - 1/18/2009 9:37:15 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: faithfulfemme

Over on another BDSM website, i recently discovered that it is perfectly acceptable for a submissive to petition a Dominant to become Their submissive. There is a protocol for this petition:

It is perfectly acceptable, in the grand scheme of things, for anyone to ask anyone else to be in a relationship with them. Some dominants require a written petition; some do not. Some dominants require the sub to make the first move; some make the first move themselves. Some just let relationships evolve out of getting to know someone.

There is no protocol, there is no handbook, there is no secret ritual.

Cali

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(in reply to faithfulfemme)

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RE: Do you pursue the sub/slave or does the slave pursu... - 1/18/2009 9:50:40 AM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
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From: New Hampshire
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If a slave or sub thought she might be interested in me of course I'd want them to contact me or at least, perve my profile!
You can be as shy as you want but you need to take care of business first.
And if you're "interested" in someone how will they ever know unless you contact them?

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"But Your Honor, this is not a Jury of my Peers, these people are all decent, honest, law-abiding citizens!"

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RE: Do you pursue the sub/slave or does the slave pursu... - 1/18/2009 9:53:47 AM

SadysticJester

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the door swings both ways here,it gives us more avenues to work with.

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RE: Do you pursue the sub/slave or does the slave pursu... - 1/18/2009 10:13:37 AM

Amaros

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Joined: 7/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

It's not a hunt and kill situation for me. I don't really look at others' profiles very much and I almost never make first contact. Then again I can take it or leave it if I'm in a relationship right now so I'm not looking. If someone contacts me and there's a connection, I'll see where it goes. Otherwise it's a rare thing that I initiate contact for a possible relationship. It's a shyness thing.

I wonder if anybody considers putting information like this into their profile? Presumably, the Dominant is accepting the role of aggressor, aggression in the sense of initiating contact, rather than trying to collar you in the first CMail, but I've actually had better luck with those subs who contacted me, possibly for the reasons I mentioned previously.

(in reply to NuevaVida)

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RE: Do you pursue the sub/slave or does the slave pursu... - 1/18/2009 10:26:03 AM

naughtysubK

Posts: 62
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My current Dominant significant other (I don't generally refer to him as Master yet) had looked at my profile and not sent me cmail, but I looked at his and was intrigued. There was a little superficial thing on his profile that doesn't matter now but then made me think he wasn't for me. Then he sent me a message that definitely got me interested.

At one time, I did initiate contact, but found that it is often hard to tell from a profile who is seriously looking for something and who just wants to play games online. If you have an initial message in addition to a profile it seems to make it easier to sift out the players.

(in reply to Amaros)

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RE: Do you pursue the sub/slave or does the slave pursu... - 1/18/2009 10:38:57 AM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Amaros

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

It's not a hunt and kill situation for me. I don't really look at others' profiles very much and I almost never make first contact. Then again I can take it or leave it if I'm in a relationship right now so I'm not looking. If someone contacts me and there's a connection, I'll see where it goes. Otherwise it's a rare thing that I initiate contact for a possible relationship. It's a shyness thing.

I wonder if anybody considers putting information like this into their profile? Presumably, the Dominant is accepting the role of aggressor, aggression in the sense of initiating contact, rather than trying to collar you in the first CMail, but I've actually had better luck with those subs who contacted me, possibly for the reasons I mentioned previously.

Hi Amaros,

Actually, it never dawned on me to put that in my profile. I am contacted often enough that it never occurred to me. I did contact someone not too long ago, though, who would look at my profile every couple of weeks. So I wrote something to the effect of, "I see you peeking, so I thought I'd wave." We had some nice conversation after that.

If a profile stands out to me (if I happen to be wading through them) I might initiate contact. There have been some really funny ones (purposefully so) and I've sent the person a note, thanking him for the laugh.

For me, it's not that I think the D should be the one to make first contact, I've just personally never felt comfortable doing so.

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RE: Do you pursue the sub/slave or does the slave pursu... - 1/18/2009 11:17:15 AM

Amaros

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Thanks, it's not a big thing probably, unless you have some strict preference, and the negative seems to be more the usual case, i.e., don't contact me if, etc.

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RE: Do you pursue the sub/slave or does the slave pursu... - 1/18/2009 1:55:09 PM

sultryone

Posts: 46
Joined: 10/9/2008
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I hunt for Dom's... Haha. If their profile intrigues me I will send a little note to tell them so and go from there but I have no problem being the first to contact someone.

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RE: Do you pursue the sub/slave or does the slave pursu... - 1/18/2009 2:18:21 PM

Lee4U2tie

Posts: 23
Joined: 1/6/2009
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as a sub I have a bit of a timid nature to me about contacting new people myself...Not that it should be the Dom that has to contact, but probably it's a better decision. I do think that if I found a Dom I was completely interested in, I'd contact him myself, if nothing else to just say hello.

(in reply to goldentriangle)

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RE: Do you pursue the sub/slave or does the slave pursu... - 1/18/2009 11:52:03 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
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From: New Hampshire
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lee4U2tie

as a sub I have a bit of a timid nature to me about contacting new people myself...Not that it should be the Dom that has to contact, but probably it's a better decision. I do think that if I found a Dom I was completely interested in, I'd contact him myself, if nothing else to just say hello.

Lee, there you go!
Nothing wrong with saying something like, "Hi nice profile and pictures you have."
You're not being aggressive at all by saying something like that and the Dom knows you're interested in his/her profile.

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"But Your Honor, this is not a Jury of my Peers, these people are all decent, honest, law-abiding citizens!"

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RE: Do you pursue the sub/slave or does the slave pursu... - 1/19/2009 12:29:30 AM

NefertariReborn

Posts: 381
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I prefer to hunt, though I don't mind being hunted either. I've had some slaves/subs wiggle the tush and take off wanting Me to pursue. I don't mind that either. He just better run very very slowly. If it's going to be an all out chase, he will quickly find himself running alone.

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“Security is mostly a superstition…Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or it is nothing at all.” -Helen Keller

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RE: Do you pursue the sub/slave or does the slave pursu... - 1/19/2009 1:14:48 AM

Petruchio

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Very rarely do I initiate contact. I prefer a submissive (or slave) indicate an interest in me. (I have a reasonably comprehensive profile and because a woman is taking an emotional risk to contact me, I believe in being polite and gracious.)

Sometime back, a sub asked if it wasn't arrogant to expect a sub to make contact, but I don't see it that way. Whatever works, works, not matter who steps forward… or kneels.

(in reply to NefertariReborn)

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