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The more experienced submissive - 1/7/2006 1:04:38 PM   
ehlovindom


Posts: 248
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline 		I am pretty sure this topic has been covered but a search for it using a variety of termms came up empty. In another thread, KatyLied's response got me thinking. http://www.collarchat.com/m_193791/mpage_2/tm.htm

(IMHO, her opinion always strikes just the right chord. I realize I am quoting her words without permission but I am pretty sure she won't mind.)

The other topic dealt with how a submissive can know if she has found the right master. KatyLied responded
quote:

Along with all of the compatibility talk. I think it's also important to find someone who is willing to take the time to help you grow in the lifestyle. Someone who will bring you new experiences, someone who sees part of his mission as pushing you to new things.


So her words got me thinking. I know that it is more common for submissives to prefer having a more experienced master, so please be honest with your responses.

How important is it to you that your master be more experienced than you are? Would you enter into a relationship knowing that you would be helping him grow much more than he will be helping you?






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RE: The more experienced submissive - 1/7/2006 1:15:26 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ehlovindom

I am pretty sure this topic has been covered but a search for it using a variety of termms came up empty. In another thread, KatyLied's response got me thinking. http://www.collarchat.com/m_193791/mpage_2/tm.htm

(IMHO, her opinion always strikes just the right chord. I realize I am quoting her words without permission but I am pretty sure she won't mind.)

The other topic dealt with how a submissive can know if she has found the right master. KatyLied responded
quote:

Along with all of the compatibility talk. I think it's also important to find someone who is willing to take the time to help you grow in the lifestyle. Someone who will bring you new experiences, someone who sees part of his mission as pushing you to new things.


So her words got me thinking. I know that it is more common for submissives to prefer having a more experienced master, so please be honest with your responses.

How important is it to you that your master be more experienced than you are? Would you enter into a relationship knowing that you would be helping him grow much more than he will be helping you?








I have mixed feelings on this one, but it's a good question.

On one hand, the "romantic notion" side of me would want a Master wise and knowledgeable and experienced in the realm of BDSM. The John Warren type Part of the appeal of being "a submissive" is to be taken and molded and taught new things.

On the other hand, for the right man, I would enjoy helping him learn about it as we grow together. I guess I wouldn't want a brand newbie that knows nothing. But maybe someone with a little experience?

chymes

(in reply to ehlovindom)
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RE: The more experienced submissive - 1/7/2006 1:38:18 PM   
typesgirl


Posts: 102
Joined: 10/17/2004
Status: offline 		I think it depends on the personality of the Dom. Ideally, i think i'd always prefer a Dom who had more experience than i have so he could guide me in my growth. However, even a Dom with little experience but with the right attitude, personality, and sort of a natural-Dom mentality would be equally nice. My Master is more experienced than i but only by a bit, but what He lacks for in D/s experience He makes up for in wisdom, caring, and nurturing.
typesgirl

(in reply to windchymes)
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RE: The more experienced submissive - 1/7/2006 1:54:32 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

How important is it to you that your master be more experienced than you are? Would you enter into a relationship knowing that you would be helping him grow much more than he will be helping you?


Honestly...I would have to go with one who has more experience. My needs are so dark and intense that I would have to be with someone who knew what they were, and how to control them.

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RE: The more experienced submissive - 1/7/2006 2:24:03 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		i think it would be a bit hard for me to submit to someone who was just getting their feet wet with being comfortable with dominating someone or were just learning the skills necessary to dominate.
However as far as play aspects are concerned, a Master having less play experience than me wouldnt matter that much as long as they were willing to have a quick learning curve *grin*.

(in reply to IrishMist)
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RE: The more experienced submissive - 1/7/2006 2:27:33 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Since I am inexperienced...

I can't answer as to what an experienced sub would prefer.

I thought I would prefer experienced...

The guy I fell for had no more than me...go figure!

Still, given the choice, and not bringing people I already know into this...def, experienced would be my preference.

(in reply to slavejali)
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RE: The more experienced submissive - 1/7/2006 2:28:54 PM   
Lenina


Posts: 73
Joined: 12/4/2005
Status: offline 		That's a toughie. Simply because of how many people it excludes to rule out people new to the life.
Personally, I am attracted to people older than I, which generally means more experience. However, I would not protest to helping someone grow as a dominant, and/or grow with them. I certainly wouldn't let a completely inexperienced person come at me with a knife or needle. But as long as said newcomer wasn't overly cocky that he would be able to administer various types of play in a safe manner. That he was willing to admit that he didn't know everything, but would use all of his senses to become attuned with various responses and mannerisms, i.e. wouldn't do things just because he though they were cool until he knew he could do them safely, e.g. engage in knife play if he didn't know how much pressure to use, how deep he could cut, etc.
Then I would be willing to build a relationship with someone inexperienced in the life. But cocky, know-it-all little twerps who want to tie me down and use me as their test dummy for their axfixiation fetish. Yeah, I don't think so.




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"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave."
-Jareth

(in reply to IrishMist)
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RE: The more experienced submissive - 1/7/2006 2:30:10 PM   
fyreredsub


Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline 		Master is very experienced.
he knows how to control,he knows how to own, he knows how to Master me.
a new Master would not have the needed strength to keep me.
he would not know how to push my limits, he would not know how to control himself or the pain,humiliation...how to feed the fire in my belly.
he would not know when she has been chained without for long enough....when to pull that chain back in and
when to praise and let a girl know she is valued...
etc....IMO.

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"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to ehlovindom)
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RE: The more experienced submissive - 1/7/2006 2:53:01 PM   
Lenina


Posts: 73
Joined: 12/4/2005
Status: offline 		The issue, fyreredsub, is they have to start somewhere. So generally there needs to be some room for the inexperienced dom.

_____________________________

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave."
-Jareth

(in reply to fyreredsub)
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RE: The more experienced submissive - 1/7/2006 3:37:53 PM   
fyreredsub


Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline 		i guess i fall into the..its important that he be more experienced catagory for me,..........isn't WIITWD grand,to each their own.
inexpereinced isn't what i NEED, it doesn't float my boat....or i would be back topping again and i am unfulfilled in that role.so they can start with someone other than me, no biggie
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lenina

The issue, fyreredsub, is they have to start somewhere. So generally there needs to be some room for the inexperienced dom.

quote:

How important is it to you that your master be more experienced than you are? Would you enter into a relationship knowing that you would be helping him grow much more than he will be helping you?


_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to Lenina)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: The more experienced submissive - 1/7/2006 6:29:25 PM   
angelynne


Posts: 65
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		Greetings,
it's very important to me that a Master be experienced, and i would not enter into a relationship with someone less experienced than me. however, regardless of experience, every Dom/Master is going to learn and grow in a relationship, otherwise they would not be human.
i just do not feel it is the sub/slaves place to train a Dom/Master... in my humble opinion they should get their "training" by finding a mentor and actively seeking out training in the topics they have interest in.

respectfully,
slave angela

(in reply to ehlovindom)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: The more experienced submissive - 1/7/2006 6:29:33 PM   
newflowers


Posts: 292
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline 		The best and longest lasting D/s relationship I've had was for three years with an initially inexperienced gentleman.Of course, as he introduced me to D/s, until he told me, i did not know. i don't know that his experience or lack thereof was what worked for me - it was who he was as a man. while scening and playing is all well and good, in the d/s dynamic, the control, authority, and greater strength are my poisons of choice - he did this ever so well.

since that time, i have met some dominant gentlemen - and those not so gentle - who did claim experience and i think someof them actually had experience. none of these worked for me - experience meant that i was expected to behave according to the submissive playbook he had created, or worse, like a submissive partner he had in the past. no experience meant floundering and uncertainty.

however, i do not think the problem with these attempts to create a d/s dynamic was experience or the lack thereof. being expected to act like someone else really did NOT work for me. and, still dealing with my need for control, strength, and authority, it was that spark that was lacking for me.

if the style of play wre important - anything extreme or edgy, experienced and i would probably be fine with one who was learning - from workshops. classes, and seminars before practicing his wares on my soft skin.

in my case, it is the attributes of the man himself - these are not dependent upon experience and i would happily build a D/s relationship with a man who is not experienced.

newflowers

(in reply to ehlovindom)
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RE: The more experienced submissive - 1/7/2006 7:38:19 PM   
ehlovindom


Posts: 248
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you to all who have responded so far. I should clarify that I never meant to pose this question in relation to play aspects of the lifestyle. At no time am I suggesting that you would allow yourself to be tied up or flogged, whipped etc. by someone who has never done it before. Having said that, it is clear that my perception appears to be that of the majority, that the master should possess a greater amount of experience for the majority of submissives.

So then the next question to be asked is whether you would disreguard someone who might be a "close-to-perfect" match for you just because of his inexeperience?

_____________________________

Know which bridge to build, which one to cross, and which one to burn!

(in reply to newflowers)
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RE: The more experienced submissive - 1/7/2006 7:39:59 PM   
Petruchio


Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline 		Sometimes a sub has to teach her master, especially when he doesn't know or denies his nature.

"It's easier to teach a nice guy to dominate than to teach an abuser to be a nice guy."

(in reply to ehlovindom)
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RE: The more experienced submissive - 1/7/2006 7:43:52 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

So then the next question to be asked is whether you would disreguard someone who might be a "close-to-perfect" match for you just because of his inexeperience?


My answer remains the same...yes I would

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to ehlovindom)
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RE: The more experienced submissive - 1/7/2006 7:54:27 PM   
angelynne


Posts: 65
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		No, as long as he was actively seeking and receiving outside mentoring or training.



quote:

ORIGINAL: ehlovindom
So then the next question to be asked is whether you would disreguard someone who might be a "close-to-perfect" match for you just because of his inexeperience?




(in reply to ehlovindom)
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RE: The more experienced submissive - 1/7/2006 8:32:54 PM   
newflowers


Posts: 292
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

So then the next question to be asked is whether you would disreguard someone who might be a "close-to-perfect" match for you just because of his inexeperience?


Since the use of implements has been removed from the equation, then a dominant with little or no experience is not one i would disregard for that reason. Ultimately, no matter how long either of us has been involved in D/s, no matter how many previous partners either of us may have had, and no matter the longevityor lack thereof in past relationships, we are new to each other. we begin the relationship with no experience of each other - not i of him nor he of me.

Each potential relationship begins with two people who must learn about each other - the needs and desires, the likes and dislikes; they must plan how they wish their new, future relationship to progress. we all begin with our past expeiences and preferences, but it is the new partner with whom we must bond and progress. Past experience does not change the need to learn a new partner.

i am often curious, at the very least, when i read or someone tells me that they have x years of experience - i look at the age and sometimes wonder how can that be. i am not interested and even annoyed when a dominant with the long years of experience has expectations of me based upon his previous relationships - i am not interested if he does not wish to know me. all of the dominants of long experience were new at some point in time.

with the major areas of compatibility in place, experience is not an issue for me and my answer remains - experience or the lack thereof is not an issue - it is the man himself to whom i look when making the decision yea or nay.

newflowers

(in reply to ehlovindom)
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RE: The more experienced submissive - 1/7/2006 9:10:17 PM   
ehlovindom


Posts: 248
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: newflowers

i am often curious, at the very least, when i read or someone tells me that they have x years of experience - i look at the age and sometimes wonder how can that be. i am not interested and even annoyed when a dominant with the long years of experience has expectations of me based upon his previous relationships - i am not interested if he does not wish to know me. all of the dominants of long experience were new at some point in time.

with the major areas of compatibility in place, experience is not an issue for me and my answer remains - experience or the lack thereof is not an issue - it is the man himself to whom i look when making the decision yea or nay.

newflowers



You seem to be in the minority here newflowers, which of course is ok as we are all in our our minorities until we become a pair or greater. I wonder than , what happens to all those Dom/mes who are in their teens and early twenties. Yes, some that age may have had a few years experience but the majority haven't. Judging from the posted responses, it seems that most subs should have that in their profile as an absolute hard limit, "if a dom has less experience, please don't contact me."

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Know which bridge to build, which one to cross, and which one to burn!

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RE: The more experienced submissive - 1/7/2006 9:18:20 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

what happens to all those Dom/mes who are in their teens and early twenties.

quote:

"if a dom has less experience, please don't contact me."


Not to be picky, but I need a clarification. For YOUR definition of experience, are you tying it together with age?

I know some Masters and Dominants who are younger than me, but extremely experienced; and I know some who are older than me, but that I would never consider because of their lack of experience.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


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RE: The more experienced submissive - 1/7/2006 9:33:20 PM   
ModeratorEleven


Posts: 2007
Joined: 8/14/2005
Status: offline 		IrishMist,

Please take a moment and read your email.

Thank you.

_____________________________

This mod goes to eleven.

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