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RE: Sharing with another - 1/19/2009 10:14:33 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		No one touches my property but me, for now. However in the future that may change if it is something that I desire and it is not against his limits. Many people do it and find it quite pleasurable. As long as all parties are in agreement go ahead and give it a try. You may like it you may not.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to Ariella10)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Sharing with another - 1/19/2009 10:59:44 AM   
Jeptha


Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline 		I think I see two distinctly different concepts of the term "sharing" being developed in this thread;

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

In my past relationship I was shared - just once and in a very limited way, and he was there, deciding what was and was not to be done. I had no problem with it because what I was required to do was for my owner. I saw the other person as a prop, to be honest. He had no issue with displaying me and did that fairly often. As long as my focus was on him, I didn't have anxiety over it.

Any time I succeeded at what he wanted from me our relationship was enhanced, so harm to our connection was never compromised.

This is closest to my concept of "sharing".
The third party, therefore, does not become part of the relationship, and the relationship does not change (at least not significantly) anymore than having done an exhibitionistic act would change it.

Others seem to interpret sharing as involving the third party or parties on a much more equal basis, or in a really extended way, which would be a whole other dynamic.

So, there is a difference for the OP to consider.

< Message edited by Jeptha -- 1/19/2009 11:01:49 AM >

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Sharing with another - 1/19/2009 6:43:48 PM   
whiteslavebitch


Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline 		One of the reasons I felt safe commiting to a M/s relationship with MasterK was because he stated early on that he would never share me.

This is very important to me because of my history. I have a need to be in control of who my intimate partners are. So I would never consent to be shared in that manner.

_____________________________

MasterK's whiteslavebitch

formally collared 1/30/09

"I give to you my everything, you've given me these loving wings." - DMB

(in reply to Ariella10)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Sharing with another - 1/19/2009 7:18:27 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Being shared in the sense that one shows they are a good representation of their Master via polite hospitality in the 'standard' ways makes sense to me, physical deference to one's Master in the presence of others makes sense to me, etc., etc., etc. 
I'd not deal at all well with someone thinking it was a good idea to 'share' me sexually; I'd not agree to it.  I am a person, not a handbag.  I view sex as sacred and do not want the energy (Let alone bodily fluids) of someone I do not hold dear in that close a proximity to me.  My vanilla ex- thought that my only interest in poly- ought be as commerce for what he wanted, that I shouldn't get out of it what my interpretation of the acts were; he was disavowed of this idea early in.  I also had my limits disrespected once in a multi-peopled situation (Not involving the afore-mentioned ex-) and still look back on that experience with repulsion.  And, yes, I will acknowledge that I am more restricted in those I would share matters sexual with (Including D/s play) with and am not judging anyone who is more free or questioning the significance or sacredness of what they choose to do. 
Davan

< Message edited by DavanKael -- 1/19/2009 7:21:46 PM >

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Sharing with another - 1/19/2009 7:28:01 PM   
HeavansKeeper


Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		<QR>

Some people can handle the added stressors of sharing/being shared and some cannot. There are exciting new options which come with risk of biological and psychological malady. (Herpes* and jealousy, respectively). Those who cannot should avoid. Those who can should proceed with optimistic caution.

When one would like to engage in sharing, it needs to be discussed. A slave who NEEDS to know she's owned by being given away (rented, leased, borrowed, shared...) cannot be 100% satisfied without something along those lines. An owner who needs to feel his power through wanting his toy slurp up someone else's private parts - the same.

That said, fluid transfer sharing is not the only way to get that rush. Depending on how "real" it needs to be for the desired effect, there are many stops before "leave the boytoy at the English Mansion."

Role Play as different people. Have her put on a wig and a nurse's smock and meet you at a hotel during your lunchbreak. BAM! 100% consensual ethical affair.
Have your submissive (or dominant, depending on who leans toward the cuckoldry) flirt with others. I flirt with people in front of My Pet often. It might bother her, but it does leave her hot and bothered.
Online whoring is a new and fun way to play with these forces. Phone, email, cmail... same thing.
Fluid Family. Mmmmmmm. My preferred method to the issue of sharing. Hard to set up, but so worth the effort.

MOST IMPORTANTLY:
The (often) unspoken rule of consensual D/s is that the submissive has the ability to leave at any time. If the dominant is requiring sharing and the submissive is adamantly opposed, it can end there. Discuss (at an appropriate time) sharing openly. All parties are involved. You, him, the guy you're being given too who you met in the elevator.


*Though HIV is really the biggest worry, if it cant be cured it should be avoided at all costs.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Sharing with another - 1/19/2009 7:55:29 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael
I view sex as sacred and do not want the energy (Let alone bodily fluids) of someone I do not hold dear in that close a proximity to me. 

For me it is because sex is so sacred that I am so free with it.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Sharing with another - 1/19/2009 8:06:17 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael
I view sex as sacred and do not want the energy (Let alone bodily fluids) of someone I do not hold dear in that close a proximity to me. 

For me it is because sex is so sacred that I am so free with it.


LA, I completely understand your perspective and your post is actually the reason I so carefully disclaimed that I wasn't judging anyone, only expressing what's right for me.  :>  We each worship in our own ways.  :> 
  Davan
(Who is pleased that my thousandth post is in response to LA)

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Sharing with another - 1/19/2009 9:25:14 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		FR

There is sharing and there is sharing. That I have a poly home means there is a jolly good chance a slave will be shared between Lady Neets and I especially in a three some. However sharing with those outside the home is different so let’s break it down:
  1. I share a slave when they serve refreshments to guests. That is normal and accepted especially if I request that Gorean Serves are to me done (Probably because the guest/s is/are Gorean).  
  2. I share, albeit visually, a slave if she is wearing a shirik only or she is topless (This is part of her training)
  3. I may share a slave if I ask another person to use her in BDSM play and I know that Dominant well enough to place such trust in him or her. (This also is part of her training)
  4. I may share by allowing a guest to handle her in a defined manner (Such as handling her breasts) especially when there is easy access or they are exposed. (It pleases me to watch a slave of mine getting visiting Dominants hot under the collar and start sweating as they try to control themselves )
  5. I may also share a slave with another Dominant sexually under my conditions. (safe sex is a must and I may be present all the time or I may pop in at infrequent intervals). 
  Irrespective of anything else, such matters and especially regarding sharing intimately, is discussed prior to a collar being awarded.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Sharing with another - 1/20/2009 1:50:27 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael
I view sex as sacred and do not want the energy (Let alone bodily fluids) of someone I do not hold dear in that close a proximity to me. 

For me it is because sex is so sacred that I am so free with it.

Whoa - and for your day job, you head up Public Relations at "Big Tobacco"...? 

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Sharing with another - 1/20/2009 6:48:42 AM   
Petruchio


Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
Whoa - and for your day job, you head up Public Relations at "Big Tobacco"...?


(laughing)

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Sharing with another - 1/20/2009 7:22:50 AM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael
I view sex as sacred and do not want the energy (Let alone bodily fluids) of someone I do not hold dear in that close a proximity to me. 

For me it is because sex is so sacred that I am so free with it.

Whoa - and for your day job, you head up Public Relations at "Big Tobacco"...? 

Focus.


You're not sniping at someone's perception of sanctity who is in no way harming you or yours and who is up front about their interactions, are you?! 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Sharing with another - 1/20/2009 8:23:47 AM   
DrSysAdmin


Posts: 37
Joined: 12/6/2008
Status: offline 		First and foremost - while you do seem to be hesitant here - you need to bring your concerns to your One. If you fail in that - then the results are purely on you.

However, with that said - its obvious that this is not something that is a need of yours. Because of that - I question why you are being shared. It obviously does nothing to help you to grow, so it is something that raises a red flag. What is the purpose here?

Since I work with some that have a deep rooted desire for multi-use - which I can allow - I really have grave reservations in seeing someone involved without full comfort. Usually this is "required" by a "d" to merely open the way for him to play elsewhere with a clear conscience or excuse - and trying to create a road to allow that instead of it being acknowledged and accepted up front WILL cause huge problems. If One does not want to be exclusive - you should know that going in - not having it brought out in pieces where your manuevered into a position where any objection you raise is met with "you already have so you have no excuse but to accept this".

Ultimately - will this destroy a connection? The other posters are correct - only the 2 of you can decide that. However, I will say this - pushing you in areas where you don't want to go without a damned good reason that you can understand - regardless of if its here or in another facet - WILL destroy any connection you have. Why? Because as the One you kneel to, we have a responsibility to your emotional, physical and spiritual well-being. Forcing you into areas you are not ok with - does nothing but undermine the trust and bond as well as ignore that responsibility.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Sharing with another - 1/20/2009 11:12:42 AM   
bamagirl4u


Posts: 151
Joined: 12/25/2008
Status: offline 		This is hard for me to answer without contradicting myself.  On my profile it says I am interested in poly relationships in addition to lots of others things.  But, what I would add if could is that I am only interested in poly with a couple that I have known for years.  I have a great deal of respect and love for them, and because I trust them, if the time was right, I would consider being in a 24/7 relationship with them.  It is too much to go into all the details, so I won't.  But...on the other hand, if I am with a Dom, I do not expect to be loaned out for any reason, sexually or otherwise unless I agree to it.  I do think that it is fine, but only if both parties agree!  I have recently met a nice man on here that I plan on meeting soon--if we mesh and continue it will be for him only that I wish to available to.  I hope that makes some sense.

< Message edited by bamagirl4u -- 1/20/2009 11:15:05 AM >

_____________________________

~Don't settle for the One you can live with~~Wait for the One you can't live without.~
~To thine own self be true~~no compromise.~

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Sharing with another - 1/20/2009 1:55:13 PM   
NCNutCase


Posts: 129
Joined: 2/2/2005
Status: offline 		Bamagirl, I think you make complete sense...

I'm familiar with several poly relationships that are not open relationships. Meaning that the people in the relationship are free to interact with each other as they please, but are not 'permitted' to play / have sex outside the relationship. Actually, I suspect this is how most poly relationships are held together, yet naturally not all are this way.

I feel that when a girl pushes her trust to allow me to do things to / with her that she wouldn't trust anyone else / most other's to do... it would reduce her trust in me to permit other's to enjoy the freedoms she's entrusted to me... or maybe I'm just to selfish to share... most likely a balance of the two ;-)

(in reply to bamagirl4u)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Sharing with another - 1/21/2009 1:14:57 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael
I view sex as sacred and do not want the energy (Let alone bodily fluids) of someone I do not hold dear in that close a proximity to me. 

For me it is because sex is so sacred that I am so free with it.

Whoa - and for your day job, you head up Public Relations at "Big Tobacco"...? 

Focus.


You're not sniping at someone's perception of sanctity who is in no way harming you or yours and who is up front about their interactions, are you?! 
Davan

It ain't sniping when the "target" is daring you to shoot at them. 
 
And when you say "who is in no way harming", you mean the onus is on we, the audience, to quietly ignore the assault on our sensibilities such appallingly self-serving statements deliver?  Lol, not this black duck, mate....
 
Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Sharing with another - 1/21/2009 4:56:10 AM   
RainydayNE


Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline 		i think if your'e worried about it, you need to have a really big, potentially uncomfortable discussion. because SOMETHING will change. it might be good, or it might be bad, but there will be change.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Sharing with another - 1/21/2009 5:12:28 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		I am confused about your posting, Ariella. Why is this "difficult" to put into words? What "connection" could be "destroyed"? Are you emotionally involved with your Master, and won't say so? You're his slave, so you do as you're told. Not doing as you're told may destroy the connection. Destroy is a really big word, and I get the feeling there is background you're witholding here.

(in reply to Ariella10)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Sharing with another - 1/21/2009 8:03:56 AM   
NCNutCase


Posts: 129
Joined: 2/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

I am confused about your posting, Ariella. Why is this "difficult" to put into words? What "connection" could be "destroyed"? Are you emotionally involved with your Master, and won't say so? You're his slave, so you do as you're told. Not doing as you're told may destroy the connection. Destroy is a really big word, and I get the feeling there is background you're witholding here.


I am not saying 'you are wrong'... but I couldn't disagree with you more... different approaches work for different people...

I feel that much of our SM play is very intimate. I think it's unsafe for me to force my girl to be intimate with people she is not comfortable with and have not earned her trust. Although I might be able to keep her physically safe, I would be putting her at emotional risk.

Naturally the mindset of the girl involved is a critical factor here. If the girl desires to be shared, her Dom pushing her to challenge her fears can be a very good thing. But if she is strongly opposed, forcing her is going to damage the trust you (should) so deeply appreciate.

(in reply to antipode)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Sharing with another - 1/21/2009 11:42:59 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

different approaches work for different people


Nutcase (*grin*, I've always wanted to call somebody that) I see your point, but there is probably a vast river of misunderstanding between desire and insistence. The OP provides no information about what their agreements are, and I do think that in a master/slave relationship, the slave, does as he or she is told, within the parameters of whatever was agreed originally. While I would not force a slave to do what I say, I will insist that it is her duty to do as I order. Without that, the entire concept of "slave" becomes a bit of a joke. I'd say the fussy type is a submissive, not a slave. Maybe I see life too simplistically, but why would a slave not want to be shared? Is that not her station in life?

(in reply to NCNutCase)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Sharing with another - 1/21/2009 12:28:41 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael
I view sex as sacred and do not want the energy (Let alone bodily fluids) of someone I do not hold dear in that close a proximity to me. 

For me it is because sex is so sacred that I am so free with it.

Whoa - and for your day job, you head up Public Relations at "Big Tobacco"...? 

Focus.


You're not sniping at someone's perception of sanctity who is in no way harming you or yours and who is up front about their interactions, are you?! 
Davan

It ain't sniping when the "target" is daring you to shoot at them. 
 
And when you say "who is in no way harming", you mean the onus is on we, the audience, to quietly ignore the assault on our sensibilities such appallingly self-serving statements deliver?  Lol, not this black duck, mate....
 
Focus.


Quite frankly, I think you have your head up your ass on this one.  We (LA and I) each made replies to the OP and the opinions differed.  We did so respectfully and you lashed out with some sanctimonious zinger and then compound it by calling statements assaultive of sensibilities and appallingly self-serving?!  Both parties were responding to the OP with genuine opinions and respectfully showed that views can differ and those with differing views can state so respectfully.  Oh, and I am decidedly not your mate. 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 40
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