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RE: Sharing with another - 1/21/2009 6:05:21 PM   
BondageBarbieX


Posts: 495
Joined: 4/1/2008
Status: offline 		My MasterDaddy did not share me nor does my current daddy and that s something I would not allow.I have only been with 5 men my entire life and believe that sex should be shared only with someone I am in love with.

(in reply to Ariella10)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Sharing with another - 1/21/2009 6:54:57 PM   
snappykappy


Posts: 616
Joined: 3/5/2005
Status: offline 		it is called pimping if one does that

(in reply to BondageBarbieX)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Sharing with another - 1/22/2009 2:53:32 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

Quite frankly, I think you have your head up your ass on this one.

Ummm, <gasp>...!   lol

quote:

  We (LA and I) each made replies to the OP and the opinions differed.  We did so respectfully and you lashed out with some sanctimonious zinger and then compound it by calling statements assaultive of sensibilities and appallingly self-serving?!

Let's see, *I* was the one who took this to a "sanctimonious" level, not you or LA? 
 
Rather than you getting all huffy and defensive here, I'd suggest the conspicuos absence of a reply from compulsive poster LA might imply she'd like her time over with that original comment I quoted from!?!

quote:

Both parties were responding to the OP with genuine opinions and respectfully showed that views can differ and those with differing views can state so respectfully.

For the record, I also responded to the OP all genuine and respectfully etc.  Was the first to reply, actually....

quote:

Oh, and I am decidedly not your mate. 
Davan

And I never suggested you or we were.  It's an Aussie (and Brit) thing - but, ummm, <gasp> (again)....  lol
 
Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Sharing with another - 1/22/2009 7:52:16 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

 
Rather than you getting all huffy and defensive here, I'd suggest the conspicuos absence of a reply from compulsive poster LA might imply she'd like her time over with that original comment I quoted from!?!



It's more likely she never came back to read your post.

I've talked with her about that sentiment of hers, in the past.  It's genuine.  Some people express themselves differently to the things they find sacred.  If prayer is sacred to a Christian, he/she may end up praying a lot.  If meditation is sacred to a Buddhist, he/she may meditate a lot (I know this to be quite true with someone close to me).  Cooking is sacred to someone else I know - a practically spiritual experience - and he would rather be nowhere else but in the kitchen.  So then why is the idea of sex being sacred and spiritual and something someone wants to experience as much as possible that far fetched?

I'm not here as her defender; she's quite capable of that herself.  But your comments DID strike me as a bit intense about this, Focus, and left me scratching my head a bit as to why it was so offensive to you.


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Sharing with another - 1/22/2009 8:07:53 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		He is way too possessive of me and doesn't have any desire to share me.  And that's just fine with me.  The thought of being shared is so unappealing...

_____________________________



(in reply to Ariella10)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Sharing with another - 1/22/2009 8:09:20 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I must admit, collarchat is lower on my list of stuff to watch/post these days, so I am likely to miss more things.

And I am also surprising given that I thought it was common knowledge with the older regulars at this point about my relationship with sex and sexuality and it being sacred for me, certainly after my thread in Jan 06

http://www.collarchat.com/m_237078/mpage_1/key_sacred%252Cwhore/tm.htm#237078
Sacred Slut

I only mentioned it here because it was relevant and because Davan wouldn't be expected to know.




_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Sharing with another - 1/22/2009 8:28:19 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I must admit, collarchat is lower on my list of stuff to watch/post these days, so I am likely to miss more things.

And I am also surprising given that I thought it was common knowledge with the older regulars at this point about my relationship with sex and sexuality and it being sacred for me, certainly after my thread in Jan 06

http://www.collarchat.com/m_237078/mpage_1/key_sacred%252Cwhore/tm.htm#237078
Sacred Slut

I only mentioned it here because it was relevant and because Davan wouldn't be expected to know.





LA, correct me if I am wrong, but I seem to remember that quite some time ago you posted in a thread that as far as you are conserned, safe sex is the only way to go except if with trusted partners and thus no condom no nookie?  BTW, I support your views about sex being sacred and in the areas of my Pagan Practices I use sex regularly with multiple partners but it is safe sex too..


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Sharing with another - 1/22/2009 10:35:47 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		For me, yes. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Sharing with another - 1/22/2009 10:42:38 AM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I must admit, collarchat is lower on my list of stuff to watch/post these days, so I am likely to miss more things.

And I am also surprising given that I thought it was common knowledge with the older regulars at this point about my relationship with sex and sexuality and it being sacred for me, certainly after my thread in Jan 06

http://www.collarchat.com/m_237078/mpage_1/key_sacred%252Cwhore/tm.htm#237078
Sacred Slut

I only mentioned it here because it was relevant and because Davan wouldn't be expected to know.





Howdy, LA----
I've not seen the thread you linked; I'll check it out.  From reading your posts, I have gleaned that you relate your spirituality and sexuality as do I; we simply take some different approaches in some of the details.  Our respectful exchange was just that, a respectful exchange acknowledging that one can have a different perspective from another and not have their perspective threatened by that fact.  :>  In fact, I thought your polarizing that was an excellent way to illustrate to folks that people can have similar inclinations and different ways of relating. 
I got irked when the 'gentleman' made snarky and judgmental comments about the exchange you and I had (Seemingly particularly sniping at you) and responded to him regarding his inappropriate behavior. 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Sharing with another - 1/22/2009 11:19:36 AM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		For me personally, pretending he's someone else and I am someone else, would feel stupid to me, since I'd be self consious and feeling silly, Plus, pretending he's someone else, isn't going to provide me the new hands on experinces, like serving a fem dom, or doing something that takes great skill, that he doesn't have. Or meeting new people and developing new contacts in the kinky community, that I may perhaps want to learn from.

And for me, that's the whole point of wanting Daddy to share. To play with as many varied and different people, and experince different sensations and to learn new things Daddy himself can't provide for me.

Daddy does not wish to share me, however so I don't push the issue* much, I will for my birthday however try to negotiate something at a club, while he supervises*


However, it was a good suggestion on a whole, even if it wouldn't work for me:)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper


That said, fluid transfer sharing is not the only way to get that rush. Depending on how "real" it needs to be for the desired effect, there are many stops before "leave the boytoy at the English Mansion."

Role Play as different people. Have her put on a wig and a nurse's smock and meet you at a hotel during your lunchbreak. BAM! 100% consensual ethical affair.
Have your submissive (or dominant, depending on who leans toward the cuckoldry) flirt with others. I flirt with people in front of My Pet often. It might bother her, but it does leave her hot and bothered.
Online whoring is a new and fun way to play with these forces. Phone, email, cmail... same thing.
Fluid Family. Mmmmmmm. My preferred method to the issue of sharing. Hard to set up, but so worth the effort.

MOST IMPORTANTLY:
The (often) unspoken rule of consensual D/s is that the submissive has the ability to leave at any time. If the dominant is requiring sharing and the submissive is adamantly opposed, it can end there. Discuss (at an appropriate time) sharing openly. All parties are involved. You, him, the guy you're being given too who you met in the elevator.


*Though HIV is really the biggest worry, if it cant be cured it should be avoided at all costs.

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Sharing with another - 1/22/2009 11:38:31 AM   
Jeptha


Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ariella10
This is a little difficult for me to put into words here, so patience is appreciated. i am new to this ...
These words cause me some concern...

Sharing should be consensual (even if you self identify as a slave - there are exceptions to every rule, of course, but if you are new I don't think you should be striving to be that exception. At least not now. Just my opinion, 'course.)

It should be clearly understood what is meant by sharing - at least by the two people having the conversation. You include little detail here, and that makes me wonder if that conversation has taken place adequately - and if your concerns have been voiced and considered.

You can see by the responses here how widely the term is interpretted.
Everybody interprets the term according to their own past experience or by their own fantasies or fears.

Some consider it akin to a completely open relationship.
Others view it as some sort of poly situation.
Some consider the sub/slave as a toy shared between otherwise equal partners.
Others consider the third party to be a toy played with by the dom or the dom/sub couple.
Some consider that it could be sexual.
Others consider that it could be non-sexual.

There are so many shapes that this could take.

Ask your dom what this means to him. You did mention later that it would only happen if you felt safe and happy with the decisions made, so that's a positive sign. If you mentioned that you were feeling pressured I'd say that would pretty much be a red flag.

In my own experience, there are four axes which cross here;
1) her limits, 2)my limits, 3) fantasy, and 4) reality.

Fantasy of course would be way out on one end.
Reality would be at another.
Her comfort levels and mine would not be in exactly the same place, either.
But if you were to do one of those Venn diagram thingies, you might find some overlap in the middle of all four to explore and play around with.


(in reply to Ariella10)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Sharing with another - 1/22/2009 11:57:30 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		And you rightfully present yourself as a submissive, rather than a slave.

(in reply to BondageBarbieX)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Sharing with another - 1/22/2009 12:00:13 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

it is called pimping if one does that


Not at all. A pimp is a man who makes his living from a prostitute, or prostitutes. In other words, the purpose is financial gain. Whoring has a definite space in BDSM, as it is part of the control scene, but that does not make it pimping.

(in reply to snappykappy)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Sharing with another - 1/22/2009 12:10:26 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Sharing should be consensual (even if you self identify as a slave - there are exceptions to every rule, of course,


I honestly do not believe that that rulebook has been written. Life gets very confusing, for the one part, if definitions of common concepts (submissive/slave) can be rewritten by whoever feels like doing so. I would say that deciding the be a slave is consensual, but the principle then is that one is property. Sharing, to me, is even a litmus test that my slave is truly a slave, and not a submissive, who has choices. I am not saying that she cannot change roles, in her discovery of self, but once she desires any kind of control she no longer is a slave. I do believe that it is useful to keep things simple. I think this especially important as I have experienced a number of girls who presented themselves as submissive, but were in fact using the submission to control the dom - IOW, that is where the gray areas are, and should be.



(in reply to Jeptha)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Sharing with another - 1/22/2009 10:03:58 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

 
Rather than you getting all huffy and defensive here, I'd suggest the conspicuos absence of a reply from compulsive poster LA might imply she'd like her time over with that original comment I quoted from!?!



It's more likely she never came back to read your post.

I've talked with her about that sentiment of hers, in the past.  It's genuine.  Some people express themselves differently to the things they find sacred.  If prayer is sacred to a Christian, he/she may end up praying a lot.  If meditation is sacred to a Buddhist, he/she may meditate a lot (I know this to be quite true with someone close to me).  Cooking is sacred to someone else I know - a practically spiritual experience - and he would rather be nowhere else but in the kitchen.  So then why is the idea of sex being sacred and spiritual and something someone wants to experience as much as possible that far fetched?

I'm not here as her defender; she's quite capable of that herself.  But your comments DID strike me as a bit intense about this, Focus, and left me scratching my head a bit as to why it was so offensive to you.

Deeming anything "sacred" when it comes to matters of (any) religion is not an issue with me, or likely most people, so your examples are mostly irrelevant or moot. 
 
Outside of religious or spiritual circles, describing something as "sacred" is generally nothing more than an exaggeration for something held dear and/or a (slang) perversion of the language.  But come on, sleeping around (as LA's words implied) being packaged as practically a religious experience???  Gimme a break...!  It's more like selfish greed - which, by the way, is fine if that's where you're comfortable with your own morals but spare me the self-righteous spin!
 
As an aside, just how does one discern nuns from whores in your neck of the woods - it's all in the respective "uniforms" and body language?
 
Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Sharing with another - 1/22/2009 10:07:52 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

I got irked when the 'gentleman' made snarky and judgmental comments about the exchange you and I had (Seemingly particularly sniping at you) and responded to him regarding his inappropriate behavior. 
Davan

Crikey, I really have stumbled into a convention of clean-cut, white-knight, boy scouts here!  <shiver>
 
Focus. 

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Sharing with another - 1/22/2009 10:28:42 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

As an aside, just how does one discern nuns from whores in your neck of the woods - it's all in the respective "uniforms" and body language?
 
Focus.


Wow, Focus.  A rather rude question, if I may say so, and one that entirely misses the point.  Sacred is not necessarily religious. I once considered my Saturdays to be sacred, and the reason for that had nothing at all to do with any religion or deity.  And vast amounts of sex is not necessarily all about taking and greed.  You have made some assumptions here that I can't relate to and therefore can't even try to speak to.  I still don't understand what's so offensive to you about this particular sentiment, but I suppose it's not for me to understand.

As an aside, one of the definitions of "sacred" is "Devoted exclusively to one service or use (as of a person or a purpose). 


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Sharing with another - 1/23/2009 12:37:24 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Deeming anything "sacred" when it comes to matters of (any) religion is not an issue with me, or likely most people, so your examples are mostly irrelevant or moot. 
 

Focus.


I do believe that you coming from New South Wales, will be well aware that many Rugby League followers believe that their own club is “sacred” and can do no wrong or that it is the Sacred Duty for NEW to beat the crap out of Queensland at a State of Origin match. Fanatical followers hold such things as sacred and indeed I would argue that for a time and in specific circumstances, their love of football becomes a religion. Terms like religion and sacred are wide open for personal definition and personalization. That some one fells that something he or she does no matter what, is a sacred act for him or her is both relevant and correct for they have just stated their perspective ot the action. No one has to agree but the wise will accept it as an alternative and viable way of seeing things. I would point out that In Roman times Ladies of high repute would once a year betake themselves to a temple and lay on tan altar naked and for a silver coin would open their legs for any male desiring to use her. Sacred Prostitution it was referred as..
Cane Toads to crush the Cockroaches three games to nill this year.........



_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Sharing with another - 1/23/2009 4:10:13 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Deeming anything "sacred" when it comes to matters of (any) religion is not an issue with me, or likely most people, so your examples are mostly irrelevant or moot. 
 

Focus.


I do believe that you coming from New South Wales, will be well aware that many Rugby League followers believe that their own club is “sacred” and can do no wrong or that it is the Sacred Duty for NEW to beat the crap out of Queensland at a State of Origin match. Fanatical followers hold such things as sacred and indeed I would argue that for a time and in specific circumstances, their love of football becomes a religion. Terms like religion and sacred are wide open for personal definition and personalization. That some one fells that something he or she does no matter what, is a sacred act for him or her is both relevant and correct for they have just stated their perspective ot the action. No one has to agree but the wise will accept it as an alternative and viable way of seeing things. I would point out that In Roman times Ladies of high repute would once a year betake themselves to a temple and lay on tan altar naked and for a silver coin would open their legs for any male desiring to use her. Sacred Prostitution it was referred as..
Cane Toads to crush the Cockroaches three games to nill this year.........

I'll take your word for the Roman anecdote (ick, btw) but the rest I already covered in the section you chose NOT to quote - that the examples of "sacred" you're giving here are adopted/corrupted slang designed to exaggerate; indeed, to sanitise....  For good measure, I just checked my Macquarie Dictionary and there's nothing beyond religious or spiritual references.  Closest I've got to NuevaVida's aside is "respectfully dedicated to some person or object" - that ("respectfully") ain't any footy nut I've seen....
 
Now I'm not a religious person myself but come on; the sanctity of sleeping around?  Pfffttt, the rest can posture indignantly all they want but I never bought into that "Emperor's new clothes" baloney as a wide-eyed child and I won't be buying (sight unseen) land with water views anytime in the future, either!  It's all feel-good, posturing spin and the "be anything you want" BS belongs where it mercifully died - the sensitive, new-age nineties.
 
Cane Toads 2-1 after losing the opener - our boys like to start hot then fall in a big heap, (apparently)....
 
Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Sharing with another - 1/23/2009 7:32:25 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
Closest I've got to NuevaVida's aside is "respectfully dedicated to some person or object" - that ("respectfully") ain't any footy nut I've seen....

Actually the quote is "exclusively" not "respectfully." 

quote:


Now I'm not a religious person myself but come on; the sanctity of sleeping around?  Pfffttt, the rest can posture indignantly all they want but I never bought into that "Emperor's new clothes" baloney as a wide-eyed child and I won't be buying (sight unseen) land with water views anytime in the future, either!  It's all feel-good, posturing spin and the "be anything you want" BS belongs where it mercifully died - the sensitive, new-age nineties.



So you have apparently decided what qualifies and what does not qualify to fulfill a person on a spiritual or "sacred" level?  You have decided that sex can not possibly be sacred to someone by way of their expression of it?  You disagree with the notion that people should be who they want? 

It's your prerogative to believe or disbelieve what someone else finds sacred, but to stand on a pulpit and declare it absolutely ain't so...well...that's not a ministry I'll attend. 


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 60
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