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Another One Bites the Dust (Rant) - 1/23/2009 2:31:32 PM

Coupleofwhats

Posts: 280
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

So, I had a meet & beat set up for tonight with a new submissive.
An hour and a half before we're supposed to get together, I get the "I suddenly can't make it" email.

ARGHHHHHHHHHH!

Why is it so hard to set up a non-professional meeting with submissives?
95% of my professional sessions go off without a hitch! For all the complaining about tribute that goes on, it really does seem like the only way to get to the serious ones is to charge.

I'm seriously considering converting some clients to lifestyle: at least they show up when invited somewhere.

_____________________________

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm6JgZ35w8w

Post #: 1

RE: Another One Bites the Dust (Rant) - 1/23/2009 2:46:38 PM

MissMorrigan

Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

I understand your frustration, it's happened to many of us over the years, however, demanding tributes is not the way forward and that in itself leads to a whole new set of complications especially when you imply that you were meeting with a view to a more personal arrangement.

You have 271 posts under your belt and likely have come across many threads where fellow collarme members discuss their relationships with others me via this site initially, so it can happen and does, frequently. People are complex and sometimes, despite concerted efforts to realise our dreams, we aren't able to take that final step - afraid of the unknown, and even the potential of what could be. You also mention that this was a non-professional meeting but it could well be that there was a misunderstanding and the lines were somehow 'muddied'.

In the past, when I have set up a meeting with a potential submissive, I have always done so in a bar/pub with friends in the background so that I didn't have a wasted evening should the submissive get cold feet and fail to turn up.

quote:

So, I had a meet & beat set up for tonight with a new submissive.
An hour and a half before we're supposed to get together, I get the "I suddenly can't make it" email.

ARGHHHHHHHHHH! [:****]

Why is it so hard to set up a non-professional meeting with submissives?
95% of my professional sessions go off without a hitch! For all the complaining about tribute that goes on, it really does seem like the only way to get to the serious ones is to charge.

I'm seriously considering converting some clients to lifestyle: at least they show up when invited somewhere.

_____________________________

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm6JgZ35w8w

_____________________________

The Tooth Fairy who teaches kids to sell body parts for money.

A free society is a society where it is safe to find one's self unpopular and where history has shown that exceptions are not that exceptional.

(in reply to Coupleofwhats)

Post #: 2

RE: Another One Bites the Dust (Rant) - 1/23/2009 3:37:41 PM

FullfigRIMAAM1

Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan
likely have come across many threads where fellow collarme members discuss their relationships with others me via this site initially, so it can happen and does, frequently. People are complex and sometimes, despite concerted efforts to realise our dreams, we aren't able to take that final step - afraid of the unknown, and even the potential of what could be

I agree unfortunately, that this happens fairly frequently. I haven't been trying to meet anyone here for a bit, but when I was, I would always suggest a public place near my home where I can have coffee or shop if he decides to flake.

quote:

You also mention that this was a non-professional meeting but it could well be that there was a misunderstanding and the lines were somehow 'muddied'

I doubt anything was muddied, since she seems to speak fairly clearly. People find reasons to behave according to their prejudices frquently.

I was actually going to post a rant of my own yesterday, but than resisted the temptation. Mine involved chatting with a man (using the word loosely) after he repeatedly sent emails saying how he wishes he could pamper me in any way possible. When I did go to chat with him, all I read for two days is "will you make me your bitch?", "will you use the strap on?", questions about whether my toes are painted, and could he worship them, etc... So now the miriad of ways I can be sexually kinky with a stranger is the word for pampering me. So than, when I try to limit the kink talk and actually suggest that maybe we should do a drink or dinner, he began trying unsuccessfully to insult me about how I come off like I want to be treated well with dinners and nice things. Go figure, I guess most women just want a boy to volunteer his body, respect and courtship not necessary. M

_____________________________

The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence Erich Fromm

(in reply to MissMorrigan)

Post #: 3

RE: Another One Bites the Dust (Rant) - 1/23/2009 4:00:40 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

I'm so, so strongly coming to the opinion that nothing works properly unless a vanilla friendship-connection is made, all BDSM talk must be avoided. I've found the same to be true when approaching d-types, too.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to FullfigRIMAAM1)

Post #: 4

RE: Another One Bites the Dust (Rant) - 1/23/2009 4:26:12 PM

LadyTeazer

Posts: 225
Joined: 4/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Coupleofwhats

Why is it so hard to set up a non-professional meeting with submissives?

I am not a Pro, but this sounds sooooo familiar.....

The first reason they "can't make it" I have found is because they are fakes. Plain and simple. When they realize that I am serious because I want to meet in person (and actually "do" something, not just talk about it), they freak out. They can't pretend anymore - hiding behind their little computer screens, secretly indulging in their wild, weird, sick, twisted, and kinky fantasies. This is **reality**. And they can't handle it. Scares 'em silly. By the way, the wild, weird, etc. applies to the way 'they' feel about their fantasies. Not me.

The second biggest reason they "can't make it" is because they can't get away from their wife (or g/f) like they thought they could. This, of course, is after they have sworn up, down, and sideways to me that they are single.

Just my experiences with 'no-shows'....

_____________________________

~LadyTeazer~

"... I can bring you pain, I can bring you sudden pleasure..."

Please, help shelter animals. It will only cost you a few seconds of your time.
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/tpc/ERA_110508_ARS
> Thank You!! <

(in reply to Coupleofwhats)

Post #: 5

RE: Another One Bites the Dust (Rant) - 1/23/2009 4:52:04 PM

LadyTeazer

Posts: 225
Joined: 4/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

I'm so, so strongly coming to the opinion that nothing works properly unless a vanilla friendship-connection is made, all BDSM talk must be avoided. I've found the same to be true when approaching d-types, too.

I agree with you, PeonForHer.

From the very beginning of my journey down this kinky road, I somehow just knew that a strong vanilla friendship would have to be the foundation for a successful BDSM relationship. (Damn. Sometimes I'm so perceptive and insightful that I scare myself. Yet at other times.... pfffttttttt. ) For me personally, BDSM isn't a 24/7/365 thing. I need some 'downtime' to just be silly, goofy me, and I knew the same would be true of any boy who would be mine.

I have always felt -even in previous vanilla relationships- that if I don't enjoy your company and want to spend time with you 'outside' the bedroom, then why on earth would I want to do anything with you 'inside' the bedroom???

_____________________________

~LadyTeazer~

"... I can bring you pain, I can bring you sudden pleasure..."

Please, help shelter animals. It will only cost you a few seconds of your time.
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/tpc/ERA_110508_ARS
> Thank You!! <

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 6

RE: Another One Bites the Dust (Rant) - 1/23/2009 4:54:00 PM

FullfigRIMAAM1

Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
I'm so, so strongly coming to the opinion that nothing works properly unless a vanilla friendship-connection is made, all BDSM talk must be avoided. I've found the same to be true when approaching d-types, too.

I was of the opinion that a gentleman should always approach me as that, and never bring up talk of sex before we go out and get comfortable in conversation.
Than I began participating on these boards, and got to know that for many people, that is a major part of what they consider in compatibility; so I decided that I would indulge a little what comes in the course of conversation without pushiness. My filter for bullchitters online is pretty good, but sometimes, I have more of a sense of humor and patience, and I let it run for more than a few sentences or minutes.

M

_____________________________

The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence Erich Fromm

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 7

RE: Another One Bites the Dust (Rant) - 1/23/2009 5:12:30 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I agree that I have to get along with someone as a person before I will be remotely interested in them as a playmate. Lately I have been thinking about resurrecting "DontBoreMe" and letting her loose on the boring and the wanky!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to FullfigRIMAAM1)

Post #: 8

RE: Another One Bites the Dust (Rant) - 1/23/2009 5:16:16 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

It's part of the problem of meeting people online. For the record, I've NEVER not shown up when I arranged a meeting with someone, regardless of whether or not there's kink involved in that meeting. However, I have had a few women flake on me over the years as well. It's frustrating, but the alternative is to become a hermit (at least for me), so I tell myself to just keep trying.

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to Coupleofwhats)

Post #: 9

RE: Another One Bites the Dust (Rant) - 1/23/2009 6:22:34 PM

Usako

Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

I'm so, so strongly coming to the opinion that nothing works properly unless a vanilla friendship-connection is made, all BDSM talk must be avoided. I've found the same to be true when approaching d-types, too.

Amen! Would you please go out and spread the word to your submissive brethren? Perhaps if they hear it from of their own they'll listen since they don't seem to hear it when the women say it.

As for the OP, I don't do "meet and beats" if I wanted to meet a random guy I barely know just to do some kinky stuff I'd...well become a pro. lol Or the many guys at the BDSM clubs and dungeons, though even then I'm selective and like to chat with them a bit. Not saying guys don't bail on casual meetings but at least if they don't and a connection is made there is less chance of bailage when it comes to play.

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 10

RE: Another One Bites the Dust (Rant) - 1/23/2009 7:18:53 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Usako, they bail because they are CHICKENSHIT, not because of a connection or lack thereof. It's ever so much safer to THINK about a fantasy than to follow through.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to Usako)

Post #: 11

RE: Another One Bites the Dust (Rant) - 1/23/2009 7:31:04 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

I recently posted on another thread that I never talk about BDSM until I'm face to face. That's not an exaggeration. Approaching women may be different from approaching men, but I'm thinking not so much. I recently took all my sexual interests off my profile, though I never had too many on it... and in general the women willing to meet me in real have had almost no sexual interests on their own profiles. There are a couple exceptions, but in general the female profiles that were heavily sexualized either never wrote me back, or started acting very Gorean-chatroomistic, and I Ignored them.

When I had an active Alt profile, I left the kink checklist blank, and put a line in my profile that was along the lines of, "I'm on the site because I'm kinky and we can talk about that." Then I talked about who I was and who I wanted in a person.

I've had exactly one no-show since May 2007, so I think I did a pretty good job at finding the "reals." I hope you can find something here that applies to your situation, CW, because I know it's different. I think your being ridiculously hot is a negative for you in this, because men have additional incentive to chameleon into something they're not, so they get more "safe" time with you.

Bottom line: look for friends, develop play partners.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Usako)

Post #: 12

RE: Another One Bites the Dust (Rant) - 1/23/2009 7:32:26 PM

Usako

Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

Pfft, I know people bail for a number of reasons. People bail from a normal date all the time. I just feel if you get to know them BEFORE the idea of play then the chances that they will bail when it's time to play will be lower.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 13

RE: Another One Bites the Dust (Rant) - 1/23/2009 7:43:46 PM

hardbodysub

Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Coupleofwhats

So, I had a meet & beat set up for tonight with a new submissive.
An hour and a half before we're supposed to get together, I get the "I suddenly can't make it" email.

ARGHHHHHHHHHH!

Why is it so hard to set up a non-professional meeting with submissives?
95% of my professional sessions go off without a hitch! For all the complaining about tribute that goes on, it really does seem like the only way to get to the serious ones is to charge.

I'm seriously considering converting some clients to lifestyle: at least they show up when invited somewhere.

I would never bail out on a RL meeting any more than I would a professional session. If we took the time and effort to set it up, I'd be looking forward to it, and would be very disappointed to miss it.

I'm curious about something. You say 95% of your pro sessions go off without a hitch. So 5% get cancelled or otherwise fouled up? What percentage of your non-pro meetings happen? Also, if the number of non-pro meetings you're talking about are a lot less than the pro sessions, you don't have a large enough sample to make a fair judgment. Also, I would guess that a lot of your pro sessions are repeat clients. If you only count the INITIAL meeting with pro clients when comparing to non-pro, how different is the cancellation rate?

(in reply to Coupleofwhats)

Post #: 14

RE: Another One Bites the Dust (Rant) - 1/23/2009 7:49:57 PM

MissMorrigan

Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

I could see how a person would feel sceptical given how many people there are using sites such as this who want to make easy cash out of someone, usually F2m, and have frequently come across male submissives who have talked to a woman with a view to meeting, invested time and friendship only to be told they 'misunderstood' the situation and that they would have to pay for the privilege of meeting said 'domme'. I am not implying this was the case here, but was wondering if perhaps this could have been what ran through the submissive's mind prior to cancelling - only he knows. He may have had a genuine reason for not being able to turn up. And you're right, people do find reasons according to their prejudices... often formulated as a result of their experiences, M.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FullfigRIMAAM1
I doubt anything was muddied, since she seems to speak fairly clearly. People find reasons to behave according to their prejudices frquently

I have met dozens of male submissives/switches over the years (likely into treble numbers) and the moment a person writes to me expressing their fantasies I know instantly I am a means to an end for them, nothing more, and I know to take it no further, wishing them well in their search - it usually takes just one conversation to decipher what a person's about, ie their intentions. I've made a few errors in judgement but thankfully, these truly are few in number and can honestly say that out of the hundreds I have spoken with/met over the years, only two have been 'fail-to-shows'. When someone has written to me, I want them to connect with me as a person first and foremost, I'm human, my kinks are on my profile, they do not need to discuss those initially with me and that was the most endearing thing about my own boy when he contacted me. After the third day of contact he still hadn't mentioned anything that he wanted or fantasised about, he asked questions about me, my life, my interests (outside BDSM). Those three days turned into a month, including telephone conversations, and I knew by then that this was the right person for me. When we met there wasn't a doubt. We'll have been together three years this coming april/may.

You are the dominant, why aren't you being stricter with the way a conversation develops, ie why are you allowing two days of 'make me your bitch' talk, only to then suggest that you actually meet in person? Shouldn't you already have known in the first conversation that the person was interested only in getting their jollies fulfilled? There are only ever willing participants in these things and you cannot blame the 'do me' subs for your poor choices.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FullfigRIMAAM1
I was actually going to post a rant of my own yesterday, but than resisted the temptation. Mine involved chatting with a man (using the word loosely) after he repeatedly sent emails saying how he wishes he could pamper me in any way possible. When I did go to chat with him, all I read for two days is "will you make me your bitch?", "will you use the strap on?", questions about whether my toes are painted, and could he worship them, etc... So now the miriad of ways I can be sexually kinky with a stranger is the word for pampering me. So than, when I try to limit the kink talk and actually suggest that maybe we should do a drink or dinner, he began trying unsuccessfully to insult me about how I come off like I want to be treated well with dinners and nice things. Go figure, I guess most women just want a boy to volunteer his body, respect and courtship not necessary. M

_____________________________

The Tooth Fairy who teaches kids to sell body parts for money.

A free society is a society where it is safe to find one's self unpopular and where history has shown that exceptions are not that exceptional.

(in reply to FullfigRIMAAM1)

Post #: 15

RE: Another One Bites the Dust (Rant) - 1/23/2009 9:18:59 PM

BindSwitchBitch

Posts: 5
Joined: 9/30/2008
Status: offline

Just looked at your profile pictures and I can only say. That guy who stood you up is a serious loser!

(in reply to MissMorrigan)

Post #: 16

RE: Another One Bites the Dust (Rant) - 1/23/2009 9:26:54 PM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Coupleofwhats

I'm seriously considering converting some clients to lifestyle: at least they show up when invited somewhere.

Do eeet!

Seriously, I've only ever done it with two clients, but the one I'm still dating- and the other did some decent photos with me, and it was a good trade.

What you've got here is a bunch of guys too scared to face reality... take a client you've already gotten to know, and been able to play with.... knocks out the hardest bit right there.

_____________________________

HBIC

(in reply to Coupleofwhats)

Post #: 17

RE: Another One Bites the Dust (Rant) - 1/23/2009 9:48:51 PM

MissMorrigan

Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

That is sweet of you to say, thank you for the compliment. I look at the situation as being that we weren't right for one another - I understand that he got cold feet, and while I say he stood me up, I did get a phonecall while I was awaiting his arrival in which he explained why he couldn't make it (it was the most hilarious excuse I have heard to date). Everything happens for a reason, we drop our standards and become less discerning, then you find us whining at how submissives are so thoughtless, etc... there are two people interacting, afterall and each individual needs to take responsibility for how they conduct themselves.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BindSwitchBitch
Just looked at your profile pictures and I can only say. That guy who stood you up is a serious loser!

_____________________________

The Tooth Fairy who teaches kids to sell body parts for money.

A free society is a society where it is safe to find one's self unpopular and where history has shown that exceptions are not that exceptional.

(in reply to BindSwitchBitch)

Post #: 18

RE: Another One Bites the Dust (Rant) - 1/23/2009 10:07:42 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

I'm so, so strongly coming to the opinion that nothing works properly unless a vanilla friendship-connection is made, all BDSM talk must be avoided. I've found the same to be true when approaching d-types, too.

Hi, Peon----
I agree with this whole-heartedly were she looking for a relationship with the person but it's my understanding (Please correct me if I am in error, OP) that she just wants to play with them.
I suspect a lot of guys bail because they are intimidated; sometimes people freak when they are readily and easily offered exactly what they say they want.
I had an ex-boyfriend who was pretty much willing to s*ck or f*ck whomever. The fact that you're a very attractive, skilled lady wouldn't matter to him so much as the acts. I think you need a bdsm version of him if you're cool with it not meaning anything to him per se. Not sure where to find such a creature.
I pondered the idea of converting existing clients to no-pay play partners. I don't know if this would be an issue or not but couldn't the person potentially construe that you want to have a relationship with them, thus calling drama?
Maybe posting on some swingers sites and being very clear about the bdsm interests would work? Not all swingers have a no-strings approach but some do (Like the guy I described above) and some are kinky, perhaps you'll luck out.
Best wishes,
Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 19

RE: Another One Bites the Dust (Rant) - 1/23/2009 10:14:23 PM

aravain

Posts: 1211
Joined: 8/26/2008
Status: offline

I must be in a pervy mood... XD

I looked meself. You are quite a beautiful woman :D Also, your journal entry from 12/30/07 is entrancing. Something I wish someone would do for me, to be honest.

(in reply to MissMorrigan)

Post #: 20

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