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Only Male Doms reply please - 1/25/2009 8:43:11 PM

PLCPC

Posts: 15
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

I met a DOM, through Collarme, about 1 1/2 years ago. We hit it off, and had some very exciting, initial meetings. We seemed to have the same likes (D/s) related, and he would become very intense. We also have many mutual interests outside of D/s. And we sometimes travel in the same social circles. I tend to be careful in developing a D/s relationship, and we had not actually had sex. At the same time he was very into it...one day he sent me home because he felt he might lose control.

Soon thereafter, he gave me a neutral goodbye. I respected that. But yesterday he found me on Facebook and requested that I become his friend.

As a DOM, he totally turned me on. Yet, I don't want to get into something so hurtful again.

My question is this: As a DOM, how would you view this, and/or would you personally toy with a sub this way?

Post #: 1

RE: Only Male Doms reply please - 1/25/2009 8:47:48 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

I would view it as someone who felt that something was going on that he (or he thought YOU) weren't prepared to handle. I dont see asking for a friend invite as toying..perhaps he feels that you are both mature enough to handle the 'intensity' of being friends online.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
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(in reply to PLCPC)

Post #: 2

RE: Only Male Doms reply please - 1/25/2009 8:51:29 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

I would need to know a LOT more about this situation before I could tell you what I thought.

As it stands now I only know that things got intense and he made a break and now you two have found one another again.

Things that would be good to know is what happened between you the night he sent you home and then gave a nuetral good bye and how much time bassed between those events?

Steel

_____________________________

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(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 3

RE: Only Male Doms reply please - 1/25/2009 9:13:37 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I try to remain friends with ex-subs and ex-gfs. Doesn't always work, but sometimes it does.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 4

RE: Only Male Doms reply please - 1/25/2009 9:52:12 PM

MissAnimus

Posts: 91
Joined: 12/28/2006
Status: offline

No big deal. Hell, even my cat has friends on Facebook. I'm still 'friends' with my exes but that doesn't mean I'd give them the time of day.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 5

RE: Only Male Doms reply please - 1/25/2009 10:16:44 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

This is part of the reason people with lack of experience have it hard, and why a lot of people take quite awhile before getting into play and actual relationship commitments together.

He asked you to be his friend, he could just want to inflate his friends listing. Feel free to reject him. Or not. Your choice.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MissAnimus)

Post #: 6

RE: Only Male Doms reply please - 1/26/2009 2:56:40 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

By stipulating "Only Male Doms" to reply you are seriously limiting some excelent responces from non Male Doms, and you will note how the Ladies of CM actually took no notice and posted anyway? Gotta love the Ladies of CM..

< Message edited by IronBear -- 1/26/2009 2:57:32 AM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 7

RE: Only Male Doms reply please - 1/26/2009 3:08:45 AM

cagliostro

Posts: 128
Joined: 12/29/2007
Status: offline

You know him better than I do. Is he mature enough to just be friends? Besides, it's not like by being friends on facebook you're obligated to anything.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 8

RE: Only Male Doms reply please - 1/26/2009 3:16:23 AM

JustDarkness

Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline

quote:

one day he sent me home because he felt he might lose control.

Soon thereafter, he gave me a neutral goodbye

I don't want such friends...but on the other side....people make mistakes...and sometimes deserve a second chance.
I guess you can delete people..afther you add them if he acts weird?

(in reply to cagliostro)

Post #: 9

RE: Only Male Doms reply please - 1/26/2009 6:44:44 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PLCPC

I met a DOM, through Collarme, about 1 1/2 years ago. We hit it off, and had some very exciting, initial meetings. We seemed to have the same likes (D/s) related, and he would become very intense. We also have many mutual interests outside of D/s. And we sometimes travel in the same social circles. I tend to be careful in developing a D/s relationship, and we had not actually had sex. At the same time he was very into it...one day he sent me home because he felt he might lose control.

Soon thereafter, he gave me a neutral goodbye. I respected that. But yesterday he found me on Facebook and requested that I become his friend.

As a DOM, he totally turned me on. Yet, I don't want to get into something so hurtful again.

My question is this: As a DOM, how would you view this, and/or would you personally toy with a sub this way?

Point 1: He did the right thing by sending you home because he thought he might lose control.
Point 2: He was honest and indeed caring enough to end the budding relationship.
Point 3: Remember that even on face book he will not be your FRIEND but an acquaintance.

You can keep it at this level (Point 3) and you should in my opinion, set the ground rules so that any seduction or manipulation on his part you block him.. Your choice if you will want this or if you forget all about him and move on.. If you maintain some form of relationship with him you should, again in my opinion, move on and seek another who can be your Dominant.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to PLCPC)

Post #: 10

RE: Only Male Doms reply please - 1/26/2009 6:56:30 AM

Metamorph

Posts: 16
Joined: 12/10/2008
From: Toronto
Status: offline

It is unclear from your message exactly what went on. Seems like he wanted more than you were willing to give? Anyhow, as many have said, friend status on FB is not a huge deal. Think of it as adding someone's number to your phone; it doesn't mean you have to call them.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 11

RE: Only Male Doms reply please - 1/26/2009 7:35:29 AM

VeryNastyDom

Posts: 403
Joined: 9/23/2006
Status: offline

It is not clear to me that he is toying with you so much as he is trying to control the pace of the relationship. A Dom can easily go into a hormone induced overdrive, and the fact that he backed off before getting to that point is positive, although it seems that he might have regretted it.

In the meantime, he may have learned a few things or gotten additional experience that make him think he can better handle the situation, or perhaps he just wants to keep you as a friend (can never have too many friends). I would give it a try and see which it is. You can always walk away.

(in reply to Metamorph)

Post #: 12

RE: Only Male Doms reply please - 1/26/2009 7:41:47 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

I dont know why only a male Dom could tell you that facebook is just an internet networking site and I have 'friends' on there that I have never even spoken to. It is not 'toying' with you, maybe he just added all his email contacts.

_____________________________

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There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to PLCPC)

Post #: 13

RE: Only Male Doms reply please - 1/26/2009 7:50:51 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

he sent you home because he did not trust himself...a good move for you both. I see nothing wrong with the facebook invite...he is not "toying" with you as a sub...just inviting you to a friends list. Try not to read more into it that is not there

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(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 14

RE: Only Male Doms reply please - 1/26/2009 7:58:48 AM

LarabysLair

Posts: 156
Joined: 5/29/2008
Status: offline

Hey PLCPC,

Reading a request to friend from an acquaintence of any gender or orientation may be taken as a solicitation to get into your panties / pants / jeans, etc. But, more likely than not, it's just what it appears - a friend request. Now you may question the motives for wanting you on his friends list as far as, he is wanting to trophy my friendship? Reawaken our relationship? Friend-whore themself? etc. But, maybe on the other hand. He just remembers your name or your face and has no recollection of what you and he had going on. Some guys are quite like that. hehehe

But, hey if you want to think that he found you utterly irrestistable and must have, own and stalk you, go ahead and let it make you feel better. Except, perhaps, that is just an over-inflated ego-based or wishful assessment.

Just my take as it was solicited by the OP.

Call me LL
(fixed addressee - as my coffee has not kicked in yet)

< Message edited by LarabysLair -- 1/26/2009 8:02:39 AM >

(in reply to PLCPC)

Post #: 15

RE: Only Male Doms reply please - 1/26/2009 8:02:46 AM

MoGa

Posts: 1001
Joined: 8/25/2008
From: Hellizona!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PLCPC

I met a DOM, through Collarme, about 1 1/2 years ago. We hit it off, and had some very exciting, initial meetings. We seemed to have the same likes (D/s) related, and he would become very intense. We also have many mutual interests outside of D/s. And we sometimes travel in the same social circles. I tend to be careful in developing a D/s relationship, and we had not actually had sex. At the same time he was very into it...one day he sent me home because he felt he might lose control.

Soon thereafter, he gave me a neutral goodbye. I respected that. But yesterday he found me on Facebook and requested that I become his friend.

As a DOM, he totally turned me on. Yet, I don't want to get into something so hurtful again.

My question is this: As a DOM, how would you view this, and/or would you personally toy with a sub this way?

As a "DOM", I would view this just as I would as a woman. I would see it simply as someone who found you after a loss of contact for a year and a half who wanted to add you to his list of friends on face book. No big deal. If you make it more than that, or you expect more than that, you may be setting yourself up for something that may or may not exsist. Add him, you can always delete him. Don't add him, and just go on with your life. Like Em said, the choice is yours.

I am curious as to why you only wanted male doms to answer this thread though. I see some excellent answers from some really cool female dominants.

MoGa

(in reply to PLCPC)

Post #: 16

RE: Only Male Doms reply please - 1/26/2009 8:12:44 AM

LarabysLair

Posts: 156
Joined: 5/29/2008
Status: offline

~FR~

I suppose it should come as a shock that the "Only Male Doms reply" subject line tends to meaninglessness with females, slaves, subs, bottoms, vanillas and everyone / everything else piping in. Truth is, this is CM and on CM anyone can post on any thread and enscribe their opinion no matter whether is was solicitted or not. Also, it is more likely to get meaningless ones and trite remarks when it was not. I think it's the behavioral analog of the outsider looking in and feeling excluded. And since there are no consequences to intrusion into the inner-sanctum, it becomes a matter of self-satisfaction to invade it.

I now return you to your exclusive thread.

Call me LL

(in reply to LarabysLair)

Post #: 17

RE: Only Male Doms reply please - 1/26/2009 8:22:57 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

Speaking as a male dom, I'm glad the women posted. They made more sense than you did.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to LarabysLair)

Post #: 18

RE: Only Male Doms reply please - 1/26/2009 8:37:14 AM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

I think you are really making a stretch here to think he is "toying"--I am not sure what facebook and his apparent respect for intimacy have to do with each other---you said you run in the same social circles and have mutual acquaintances--hell I have people on My FB from My company that I have never met but we are geeks who just hang together--I don't see the connection between the two---unles you have some guilt that the FB persona doesn't match the D/s personna?

Oh yeah and no I'm not a man but I AM all woman.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to PLCPC)

Post #: 19

RE: Only Male Doms reply please - 1/26/2009 9:28:33 AM

ThundersCry

Posts: 892
Status: offline

I have used that line...*I just don`t trust myself with you*

It`s usually followed by...ripping her panties off and saying...*screw it*

So far I have been able to deal with the guilt....

(in reply to PLCPC)

Post #: 20

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