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First Impressions - 1/10/2006 4:17:11 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Most of us don't fall head over heels for the first Dom/sub that we meet when we begin our search. We have the opportunity to "date" for lack of a better term, a variety of people. When meeting with a potential Dominant or submissive for the first time, what are the things that have made you not ask for or accept a second meeting? Not necessarily D/s related things...but things about their character or mannerisms that clearly made you understand that there was no potential.

I once had dinner with a perspective Dominant at a very nice steak house. He ordered a large Porterhouse steak...WELL DONE!!! When the steak came he literally dumped an entire bottle of ketchup on top of it and his fries. He ate with his mouth open making loud smacking noises and talked with his mouth full. He held his fork as though it were a shovel and to make things even worse he guzzled 9 beers over the course of the meal. Now mind you, this was a man who had come across as being intelligent and refined...but his table manners were Neanderthalic. I declined his offer for a second dinner.

On a snowy night's meeting with a Dominant I made a comment about how bad the roads were and that I was surprised that there were not more salt trucks out. He replied that they were not out because the salt would not work at the current temperature....it was about 25 degrees out. When I asked what he meant he stated that salt only worked when it was above 32 degrees. When I pointed out that there would be no snow above 32 degrees he actually told me that I was wrong and said that we get our heaviest snows around 40. I could have let it go there really....but it seemed as the night progressed, everything else I said was wrong too. It seemed he did not want a meeting...he wanted a confrontation.

Other things that have just turned me off at first impression are:

*Being rude or condescending to waitstaff
*Incessant talking on a cell phone during a meal
*Men who expect you to carry the conversation
*Men who insist on buying you drinks after you have politley declined
*Men who try to be overly dominant at first meet
*Men who drill you for very sexual information about yourself at first meet

So what are the things that you have encountered at first meetings that made you turn down or simply not ask for a second? The things that have made you realize that the person across from you could never be your Dominant or submissive?


_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"
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RE: First Impressions - 1/10/2006 4:27:16 PM   
Sensualips


Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		I will admit that I have not had many first meetings that were just dreadful. Just lucky I guess? Often times when I decline a second it is because there was simply no spark. He may have been very nice, done nothing wrong, but it was just mundane or even boring. I used to feel obligated to give it time, wait and see, etc -- but quickly realized that just wasted his time and mine.

It also used to be very difficult for me to directly tell him or her I didn't want to meet again. It is just awkward. But it is worse NOT to directly tell them IMO so now I say, "Thank you so much for lunch/dinner/coffee. It was really great to meet you. I really like your (insert a positive quality they have here.) You know, I just don't think we have that connection to take this further though. Good luck." It is still hard for me to say, but has gotten easier.

I also try to make it easy for someone to tell me if they are not interested, and accept that graciously if that is the case.

And yes, sometimes first impressions can be wrong. It is a risk I am willing to take.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: First Impressions - 1/10/2006 4:29:59 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

So what are the things that you have encountered at first meetings that made you turn down or simply not ask for a second? The things that have made you realize that the person across from you could never be your Dominant or submissive?


For me it is essentially simple. Liars and people who are out right rude to other's. Someone who cannot control their temper.

Beyond that, we can grow and learn together. People change over time. You can compromise as well.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: First Impressions - 1/10/2006 4:41:59 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		This is actually one of the reasons I advocate meeting at a restaurant for a first date. You learn SO much about a person by sharing a meal with them in public.

I tend not to like presumptuousness. I like arrogance, but a first date is a first date and if they swagger about and start laying down the law on things...that makes me take a few steps WAY back.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: First Impressions - 1/10/2006 4:47:48 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		Frauds are most offensive. People who misrepresent themselves with an old dated picture or say the picture is what the will look like after you, as their new master, help them lose the weight.

Then there are the frauds who smile and pretend friendship or interest, yet gossip among their very small circle of acquaintances. Some people can't be honest even with themselves, or are too weak to discuss problems in person and wait until the next day or later to say, not in person but in email, they are very upset about something they've decided to interpret offends them. How someone can be so weak to hide behind the facade of the internet is beyond me. But some need to to live in worlds they've created because they don't do so well with reality.

Thankfully, those days are over. No need to worry about it having to go through it again.

BTW - I don't have many, but WELL DONE for steak is a hard limit! It should sneeze when I put the pepper on it! We'll be in Palm Springs tomorrow and all this talk of steaks has me heading to "L G's Steakhouse" for dinner.


(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: First Impressions - 1/10/2006 5:11:11 PM   
Chaingang


Posts: 1727
Joined: 10/24/2005
Status: offline 		Digression follows...

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
BTW - I don't have many, but WELL DONE for steak is a hard limit! It should sneeze when I put the pepper on it! We'll be in Palm Springs tomorrow and all this talk of steaks has me heading to "L G's Steakhouse" for dinner.


Yeah, pink and with a faint pulse. Exactly right.

Aren't you two near Lawry's Prime Rib and those various Northwoods Inn places? Lawry's is so great: the creamed spinach, the yorkshire pudding, the potato with the works. Yum. And then there's Northwoods' with the cheese and butter bread, twin salads, and seriously good steaks. Yum again.

And I do so love to throw those peanut shells on the floor...

Mooo!


_____________________________

"Everything flows, nothing stands still." (Πάντα ῥεῖ καὶ οὐδὲν μένει) - Heraclitus

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: First Impressions - 1/10/2006 5:20:01 PM   
EriaeMelody


Posts: 29
Joined: 1/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

So what are the things that you have encountered at first meetings that made you turn down or simply not ask for a second?


Rudeness to the waitstaff

Inability to look at me when talking

Answering the cell phone in the middle of dinner/lunch...whichever it is

Someone who talks only of themselves, without room for any other conversation

Then I look at little mannerisms...the way they move, talk, their tone of voice when speaking with me or others...little things like that

_____________________________

"It's just another day in paradise"

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: First Impressions - 1/10/2006 5:28:56 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

BTW - I don't have many, but WELL DONE for steak is a hard limit! It should sneeze when I put the pepper on it! We'll be in Palm Springs tomorrow and all this talk of steaks has me heading to "L G's Steakhouse" for dinner.


quote:

Yeah, pink and with a faint pulse. Exactly right.

Aren't you two near Lawry's Prime Rib and those various Northwoods Inn places? Lawry's is so great: the creamed spinach, the yorkshire pudding, the potato with the works. Yum. And then there's Northwoods' with the cheese and butter bread, twin salads, and seriously good steaks. Yum again.

And I do so love to throw those peanut shells on the floor...

Mooo!


Okay, okay....I guess I actually deserved this for being a cannoli tease...lol.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: First Impressions - 1/10/2006 5:39:22 PM   
Oberonrex


Posts: 164
Joined: 3/31/2005
Status: offline 		I guess I've been lucky in that I've not had a truly horrendous first meeting. I agree with LA on meeting in a public place, as it does give you a great chance to evaluate them on several levels. I also agree with Merc on well done as a hard limit for me. :) It is revealing to find out how adventureseome someone is on food and drink, for I have noticed a correlation between culinary (and life) exploration and a willingness to explore themselves and relationships.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: First Impressions - 1/10/2006 5:44:51 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

It is revealing to find out how adventureseome someone is on food and drink, for I have noticed a correlation between culinary (and life) exploration and a willingness to explore themselves and relationships.


How very interesting. This is something that I have not given alot of thought to...but now that you said it, I do think you may just have something there.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Oberonrex)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: First Impressions - 1/10/2006 6:26:31 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		I HATE people who are rude to customer service personelle of any kind.

If I'm out with a friend and they jump on a CS person about something stupid, or give them a hard time to save money, I'm liable to reconsider my friendship with them.

SOunds harsh, but I've worked retail for so long, it boggles my mind how rude people are, as if they dont realize we're people too.


_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: First Impressions - 1/10/2006 7:55:05 PM   
MsIncognito


Posts: 742
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline 		Well, there was the one guy who, once the waitress brought the dessert menu, said "You're more than welcome to have dessert, but you'll have to beg for it discreetly, like a good girl." At that point I closed my dessert menu and declined.

For the most part I tend to look at how someone conducts themselves overall. Do they project a quiet, comfortable confidence? Do they understand this is a first meet and not a sprint to the 'quick dominance' finish line?

Any sort of bad table manners is a turn off. Being cheap on the tip is a turnoff (I don't think everyone has to tip 25% or 30% but a decent tip of 15-20% or whatever is appropriate for the venue is a must). An overly generous tip is a turnoff (unless the service is exceptional a 50% tip is likely to make me think you're just trying to impress, so that won't work). Being rude to anyone is a turnoff. Giving off a "Fatal Attraction" vibe is a definite non-starter. Anyone who adamantly refuses to let me go dutch on the bill sets off red flags. Offering is nice and appreciated but on a first date I prefer to pay my fair share. Only on rare occassions have I given in on that one.

I'm wondering about the whole adventurous palate=adventurous in general thing. What does liking your steak medium but your fish raw (and in cute little rolls with rice and seaweed) say about someone? I be someone could get a grant to study that kind of thing

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: First Impressions - 1/10/2006 8:14:33 PM   
Smythe


Posts: 369
Joined: 12/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsIncognito

Well, there was the one guy who, once the waitress brought the dessert menu, said "You're more than welcome to have dessert, but you'll have to beg for it discreetly, like a good girl." At that point I closed my dessert menu and declined.



From the other perspective, I met a submissive male for dinner one time, first meeting, and he said something like "Mistress, tell me what to eat, please." Argh. That's presumptuous in its own way, and quite annoying. "you are 40-something, you are a lawyer, you can order your own damn dinner!"

Smythe


_____________________________

Do not consider painful what is good for you.
Euripides

(in reply to MsIncognito)
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RE: First Impressions - 1/10/2006 8:31:46 PM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

So what are the things that you have encountered at first meetings that made you turn down or simply not ask for a second? The things that have made you realize that the person across from you could never be your Dominant or submissive?


The big indicator for me was always the ones who wouldn't take "No" for an answer. Like you mentioned, the ones that try to push alcohol on you after you've declined. Also the ones who want to drive you home, take you home, move in for the kill, try to get too personal, or move too fast all after you have politely said no. The way I see it if they won't take no for an answer on the first date, most likely they won't after the fifth, tenth, or twentieth. Who's to say that you're safe even with a safeword then?


Edited to add: And if they're rude to anyone without cause, including waitstaff, they are automatically out of the running. This goes for lovers, friends, anyone.

< Message edited by NakedOnMyChain -- 1/10/2006 8:34:42 PM >

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: First Impressions - 1/10/2006 9:42:28 PM   
OscarHargraves


Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline 		Sorry lady but on one topic he was right. You DO get most of your snow when the temp is around 40 degrees. Below 32 degrees you'll more likely have hail than snow. Talk to your local weatherman and see.

Now on to the original topic:

I totally agree about manners in a restaurant. I don't like people who I am embarassed to be seen with, and poor table manners can put a person high on that list.

Other things that turn me off: (In no particular order)

A person who won't meet my eyes when I talk to them.
A lady who never smiles during the entire meeting.
A woman who 'dresses down' or purposely looks shabby in public.
Someone smoking at my table after a meal.
A lady who refuses to tell me anything about herself but wants to know everything about me.
A lady who has poor manners, or worse, doesn't use the ones she has.
Any person who feels that they have to talk more and listen less.
People who think and talk only about themselves as if nobody else in this world really mattered.
People who are cruel to animals.


_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: First Impressions - 1/10/2006 9:46:48 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
My goodness, you paint quite a picture. I particularly hate people who chew with their mouths open.

Your experiences remind me of Smythe's thread, where she opined that a DOM needs to earn some respect before gaining any real submission.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: First Impressions - 1/10/2006 10:12:26 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Sorry lady but on one topic he was right. You DO get most of your snow when the temp is around 40 degrees. Below 32 degrees you'll more likely have hail than snow. Talk to your local weatherman and see.


Well, now you made me curious so I just had to go and see for myself. Google to the rescue. Seeing as I have spent my entire life in either New York or Michigan....and I truly do not remember ever seeing it snow at 40 degrees....still I thought I had better check before I ran my mouth. The article did go on to say that there have been instances where the ground temperature can be above freezing and snow can still accumulate, but it said that conditions have to be just right for that to occur and at 5 degrees celcius or about 40 degrees F, that is no longer possible.

Snow forms when the atmospheric temperature is at or below freezing (0 Celsius or 32 Fahrenheit) and there is a minimum amount of moisture in the air. If the ground temperature is at or below freezing, of course the snow will reach the ground.

It is true, however, that most heavy snowfalls occur with relatively warm air temperatures near the ground - typically 15°F or warmer since air can hold more water vapor at warmer temperatures.

I also looked up the temperatures at which rock salt is effective. Far below freezing and some forms of it are effective far below 0 degrees.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to OscarHargraves)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: First Impressions - 1/10/2006 10:14:53 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:


*Men who ARE dominant at first meet
*Men who *gently* drill you for very sexual information about yourself at first meet


Mmm, those are my sins.

Bad Amayos.


< Message edited by amayos -- 1/10/2006 10:41:54 PM >

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: First Impressions - 1/10/2006 10:39:57 PM   
foxglove716


Posts: 648
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I once had dinner with a perspective Dominant at a very nice steak house. He ordered a large Porterhouse steak...WELL DONE!!! When the steak came he literally dumped an entire bottle of ketchup on top of it and his fries. He ate with his mouth open making loud smacking noises and talked with his mouth full. He held his fork as though it were a shovel and to make things even worse he guzzled 9 beers over the course of the meal. Now mind you, this was a man who had come across as being intelligent and refined...but his table manners were Neanderthalic. I declined his offer for a second dinner.


Maybe he was hoping you had a caveman fetish. The hair pulling could have been hot

Yeah, I agree with most so far, bad manners are a deal breaker. Those who feel the need to show off their dominance are probably overcompensating.

_____________________________

Illusion is the first of all pleasures. -Oscar Wilde

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: First Impressions - 1/10/2006 11:13:17 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Maybe he was hoping you had a caveman fetish. The hair pulling could have been hot


Hairpulling definitely would have been a highlight!!!!!!....lol. I forgot to mention that after he finished his meal, he actually used his plate for an ashtray!

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to foxglove716)
Profile   Post #: 20
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