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ORIGINAL: la90066


Hmmm... So, maybe pissing on her leg under the dinner table to "mark" her as mine might be considered "rude", huh?!! DAMN!!!

hee hee hee (just kidding, obviously)

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ORIGINAL: la90066


Hmmm... So, maybe pissing on her leg under the dinner table to "mark" her as mine might be considered "rude", huh?!! DAMN!!!

hee hee hee (just kidding, obviously)

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ORIGINAL: mistoferin

So what are the things that you have encountered at first meetings that made you turn down or simply not ask for a second? The things that have made you realize that the person across from you could never be your Dominant or submissive?

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Sigh my problem is that I hate it and am very GOOD at it. And since most people are shy and bad at making small talk, since I'm good at it and naturally want people to feel "part of the group" I always end up playing hostess.

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As the dinner progressed, it was clear that she was willing to be the final course. Then a black couple came into the place. Her face hardened and she whispered, "It was much nicer when we didn't have to eat with N.....ers."

Damn, what a battle between my brain and my gonads.
Two more weeks of celibacy.

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One of my major turn-offs are folks who are overly judgmental about insignificant matters or spend most of the time complaining about what they don't like. I'd list other turn-offs but then I'd risk exhibiting those same traits myself.

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ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I once had dinner with a perspective Dominant at a very nice steak house. He ordered a large Porterhouse steak...WELL DONE!!! When the steak came he literally dumped an entire bottle of ketchup on top of it and his fries. He ate with his mouth open making loud smacking noises and talked with his mouth full. He held his fork as though it were a shovel and to make things even worse he guzzled 9 beers over the course of the meal. Now mind you, this was a man who had come across as being intelligent and refined...but his table manners were Neanderthalic. I declined his offer for a second dinner.

So what are the things that you have encountered at first meetings that made you turn down or simply not ask for a second? The things that have made you realize that the person across from you could never be your Dominant or submissive?

quote:

ORIGINAL: la90066


Hmmm... So, maybe pissing on her leg under the dinner table to "mark" her as mine might be considered "rude", huh?!! DAMN!!!

hee hee hee (just kidding, obviously)

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ORIGINAL: Sensualips

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Sigh my problem is that I hate it and am very GOOD at it. And since most people are shy and bad at making small talk, since I'm good at it and naturally want people to feel "part of the group" I always end up playing hostess.

Hahahahaha. Me too. I dislike mundane chit chat, forced small talk, expected pleasantries. And yet, I am comfortable with it and thus frequently resort to it. I also have natural hostess tendencies, especially if I observe no one else is performing that role. I am irresistably and instinctively required by biology to step up and become a welcome wagon.

I like banter though. Banter is different.

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Most of us don't fall head over heels for the first Dom/sub that we meet when we begin our search.

I happened to have done just that and she with me, but we did go through certain safety measures to
meet in real life. We have been together now over a year and a half.

So I don't have a whole lot of experiences with "the search".
Reading some of the posts I feel somewhat relieved, but maybe I also missed out on learning some valuable lessons.

I did do some dating from some vanilla sites, but nothing horrible to tell, something embarrassing happened. I was eating dinner with this woman and we went to go out and get in our cars and I couldn't find my keys, I figured I had locked them in my car, luckily I had a second set. That was embarrassing enough but when we got up to my car I also discovered it still running!!! OMG, did I feel like a googoosoonie

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ORIGINAL: Sunshine119
Men who talk about their exes
...
Men who boast about all of their skills in the bedroom
...
Men who talk about all the "things" they own

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ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

mmmmmmmm another one that is annoying me... ok same consequences for you as for Lucky. but with alittle spanking uh bantering yeah that it's spank.. uh Bantering!

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Most of us don't fall head over heels for the first Dom/sub that we meet when we begin our search. We have the opportunity to "date" for lack of a better term, a variety of people. When meeting with a potential Dominant or submissive for the first time, what are the things that have made you not ask for or accept a second meeting? Not necessarily D/s related things...but things about their character or mannerisms that clearly made you understand that there was no potential.

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ORIGINAL: Chaingang

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ORIGINAL: Sunshine119
Men who talk about their exes
...
Men who boast about all of their skills in the bedroom
...
Men who talk about all the "things" they own

I both offer this information and ask about it as well on the part of the other person. I guess that's not small talk - I am actually try to find shit out and reveal information at the same time. Former relationships are important and I like to know what was both good and bad about them. I particularly like to know why certain relationships ended and on what terms. What was learned from each relationship? Sex and SM are always topics of conversation and I am not shy about them at all. I happen to think I am a great lover and I have no problems saying so. I do actually ask people what kind of lover they think they are and I hope they are being honest with me. Most of the things I own are about my hobbies, so I can't see why that wouldn't appeal to know what I like to do avocationally.

Some of those things on your list strike me as reflexive - you seem to think they should be off limits, but it seems to me that not talking about those very things is a liability to your future relationships.

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ORIGINAL: truesub4u
So i'm not knocking your topics of conversations.... i'm just questioning the timing.

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ORIGINAL: Chaingang

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ORIGINAL: truesub4u
So i'm not knocking your topics of conversations.... i'm just questioning the timing.

That's cool. It's just weird how things work out. Long distance situations normally allow for prolonged conversations up front via phone and internet, whereas if people can meet easily they are usually more than willing to do so. So then it becomes a cart before the horse kind of thing - what to talk about before you actually get involved, how to appear and remain interested while you are still gathering information, and (in my view) how to avoid sex until you are more clear on what is what, etc.

I actually think long distance has one advantage over real time close proximity - it allows you to more naturally become aware of the many important issues regarding someone that do not readily become apparent if you are able to see each in real time more conveniently. In real time you might be so enthusiastic about surface details that troublesome better concealed issues do not make themselves known until you are well hooked. 2-3 months of regular chatting before meeting is extremely helpful in weeding shit out of people.

Also, I guess I am one of those people that doesn't mind talking about almost anything and I don't think there is a right or wrong way to talk about something important any more than there is a right or wrong way to meet a person in the first place. Further I bet the sting is taken out of most of those topics if there is mutual exchange of information. To hear one person go on and on about just their shit is annoying under any circumstances - one has to know how to balance and provide room for the other person to speak. And I find that if you are a sincere interrogator and intrepid listener people will have no trouble telling you about themselves at length, and having done so they are better prepared to let you do the same in turn.

And there is where it's helpful if the first meeting is not a meal and not intended to be a romantic date in the first place. If the first meeting is just something hugely casual like a coffee date the whole point is to gather information, note chemistry and check compatibility. Then talk, talk, talk, talk is the name of the game.

So there's your first impressions.