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RE: First Impressions - 1/10/2006 11:17:35 PM

Wolfie648

Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
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From what I have read (scientific american? not sure) most 'first impressions' are made withing the first few minutes of meeting. After that people tend to work to reinforce their first impressions (I can only assume that no major 'clues' otherwise present themselves)

Not sure how that translates to web based interactions.

Your ketchup pouring 'chomping dom to be' sounds a lot like a potential brother in law of mine ('cept he's mostly subbie). I assure you I've informed my sister of my opinion. :-)

D (owner of j)

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Possibly.

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Post #: 21

RE: First Impressions - 1/10/2006 11:43:01 PM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
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I had just returned from a year teaching in Tianjin, China, not long after the Red Guard era had begun to decline. Which meant that for a year I'd been generally celibate. I'd placed an advertisement in the newspaper in Knoxville and had met his quite nice looking woman. As the dinner progressed, it was clear that she was willing to be the final course. Then a black couple came into the place. Her face hardened and she whispered, "It was much nicer when we didn't have to eat with N.....ers."

Damn, what a battle between my brain and my gonads.

Two more weeks of celibacy.

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www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 22

RE: First Impressions - 1/11/2006 7:12:39 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
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quote:

So what are the things that you have encountered at first meetings that made you turn down or simply not ask for a second?

1)being unreasonable/Giving the waitstaff a hard time
2)being whiny about food not being exactly so
3)being cheap with the tip especially after running the waitstaff like your personal slave
4)Eating fast like the food is going to run away from you if you don't inhale the whole thing within 5minutes
5)making inapropriate/uninvited comments about how healthy or unhealthy whatever I order is (especially when your appetite allows you to proceed to eat all of what you ordered and half of what I did); anyone who knows me, knows I eat what I want, and don't apologize for not being a 99-pound vegan.
6)Driniking like a fish
7)blowing nose in cloth table napkin
8)inviting me for a drink, feeding me cheap champagne (no dinner) and expecting I'll get drunk enough or grateful enough to do him
9)his indicating he'd be more comfortable in a relationship with my feet/shoes, that with me
10)his indicating his major interest in me is in the access I might provide to a particulat type of man whom he'd be forced by me to serve

Some of the above aren't deal breakers in and of themselves, but combined they most definitely are a sign for me of incompatibility. M

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""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 23

RE: First Impressions - 1/11/2006 7:37:56 AM

happypervert

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
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One of my major turn-offs are folks who are overly judgmental about insignificant matters or spend most of the time complaining about what they don't like. I'd list other turn-offs but then I'd risk exhibiting those same traits myself.

So putting a positive spin on this topic, someone makes a positive first impression by talking about what they like or have a passion for especially if it has to do with out-of-the mainstream culture; common interests are the best of course, but if I get to learn about something interesting that's fine too. Good nature and positive attitude are important; telling stories that are either funny or about adventures work too. And if she doesn't have much to say, then she better like listening to me and not go complaining somewhere about the stories I told when she had nothing to contribute to the conversation at all.

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Post #: 24

RE: First Impressions - 1/11/2006 7:57:14 AM

mistoferin

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Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

One of my major turn-offs are folks who are overly judgmental about insignificant matters

You mean insignificant matters like....what other people write on a message board for example?

quote:

So putting a positive spin on this topic

I wrote this topic because I have seen a gazillion threads regarding what we SHOULD do on a first meet. The reality is though that most connections fail because someone does something that they SHOULD NOT do. The general jist of this entire conversation seems to indicate that the thing that is a deal breaker for most people is bad manners. The positive spin would be if some of the ill mannered individuals recognized themselves in some of the behaviors listed and made positive efforts to change them. First impressions are of utmost importance.

quote:

I'd list other turn-offs but then I'd risk exhibiting those same traits myself.

quote:

And if she doesn't have much to say, then she better like listening to me and not go complaining somewhere about the stories I told when she had nothing to contribute to the conversation at all.

ummmm....you didn't just........did you?

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There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to happypervert)

Post #: 25

RE: First Impressions - 1/11/2006 9:19:15 AM

truesub4u

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Joined: 11/17/2005
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Been sitting here reading the responses of resturant meetings. And though I would have to admit I agree on some. I just want to add this little tid-bit. No matter how ritzy, or bar and grill the place is. If the person doing the job of waiting on us does their job right. There shouldn't be any trouble. But I feel being a a member of the work force, and working hard for my money too. When I go out to dinner, and I order my steak med-well. I want med-well. Not trying to crawl off plate, or so tuff I have to struggle to cut it. I'm going to send it back. Now on the first trip with the steak, not going to blame the waitress/waiter. For they are servers, not the cooks. Can't blame the server for the cooks fuck ups. The servers tips are based on being punctual. Not hovering. Coffee cup remaining filled. Drinks refreshed. Checking to see how things are done. Smiling, be nice to the gentleman seated across from me. Showing that the people being served are people... not tips in the waiting. Showing that I'm bothering you because I want a fresh cup of coffee, lowers the tip. Splashing coffee because I bothered you... lowers tip. It's all about the service. That has me stating even to my dinner company, "I think that tip is too much, or too little."

Now on to the OP.

When things are not to the likings in the restuarnat, it's how it's handled. No reason to embarrass the server. But to sit there and go "Oh well" and eat or drink something you didn't want is a turn off to me. It shows me you are willing to "Settle" for something and not what you want.

One that sits there fumbling with silverware like a shy school boy.

Talks so much that I begin to fumble with the silverware and get me to thinking of Norman Bates and shower scene.... LOL

Excessive drinking of alchohol.

Most definately sending me a pic of yourself... getting to meeting place, seeing someone totally different. I'll look at you... grin.... and walk away. No matter if you are even better looking or worse. Not even going to bother listening to reason behind this.

Telling me how to dress for a first meet will not get a first meet. During the first meet telling me how I will dress for next meet will not get another meet.

As far a smoking, I'm a smoker. And As long as I'm not still eating. I don't mind. I met a non smoker for dinner one time. He granted me his approval to smoke at the table before dinner arrived. I just simply could not. So I suffered through dinner because he sat us in a smoking section so that I could smoke. Our other guest smoked with no care in the world.. I could of killed her... LOL. After dinner I sat there politely during the conversation, dying for a smoke. Finally I asked to be excused and walked out side to have a quickie. Now him being a Dom didn't bring this about. Just him being a non smoker is why I did this. My parents don't smoke and I sit in non smoking sections with them. And light up as we hit the door. I'm considered a bad smoker. As I smoke. I hate the smell of smoke, and don't allow smoking in the bedroom. I figure if after sex you want a smoke... it wasn't good enough. If you snuggle and fall alseep... everyone is happy... LOL

So it seems we all go thru certain risks upon meeting someone for the first time. I see alot of other post I agree with alot on. But until a meet takes place, we just don't know who we are dealing with. What I did find out is that a first meet still doesn't show much. Because both are trying to slightly at least, impress each other. It's the 2nd and 3rd meets when everyone starts getting more comfortable with each other that things start to stick out more. Or surface is more to the point. So hve fun with a first meet.... but look more closely when both more relaxed with each other. You'll see what I'm talking about.

< Message edited by truesub4u -- 1/11/2006 9:21:14 AM >

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 26

RE: First Impressions - 1/11/2006 9:59:41 AM

UtopianRanger

Posts: 3251
Status: offline

quote:

We'll be in Palm Springs tomorrow and all this talk of steaks has me heading to "L G's Steakhouse" for dinner

If you’re heading to LG's, I'd say you have damn good taste.... Definitely my favorite when I venture down to Rancho Mirage to visit the folks.

- The Ranger

_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 27

RE: First Impressions - 1/11/2006 10:02:55 AM

AnnapolisSubFem

Posts: 3
Joined: 1/10/2006
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I've been on a few dates with people who have no clue how to behave towards professional waitstaff (then again, I've also seen a lot of waitstaff that were anything but professional). I bartended and waitressed through college, and I don't have much tolerance for people who don't know how to behave themselves in a restaurant.

And it's criminal to cook any piece of beef past medium unless it's a pot roast.

(in reply to UtopianRanger)

Post #: 28

RE: First Impressions - 1/11/2006 10:25:27 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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quote:

If you’re heading to LG's, I'd say you have damn good taste.... Definitely my favorite when I venture down to Rancho Mirage to visit the folks.

Ranger,
Yeah, it's been our favorite since taking beth there for her birthday the first year we were together. I've been told the "Chop House" is also good, but don't want to risk trying someplace new. Especially love when they open the roof, last time it was full moon. Also appreciate how the owner, who I think is in his 70's, wearing his Coogi sweater, stops by each location every night to say hi to the customers.

Made reservations for Thursday if you care to join us!

Of course I need to keep things in perspective. Overall, New York's Peter Luger's still is #1 steakhouse in the world for me. Okay - that could be home town prejudice.

(in reply to UtopianRanger)

Post #: 29

RE: First Impressions - 1/11/2006 11:05:17 AM

happypervert

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline

quote:

I wrote this topic because I have seen a gazillion threads regarding what we SHOULD do on a first meet. The reality is though that most connections fail because someone does something that they SHOULD NOT do.

Two sides of the same coin, but describing someone's bad manners isn't helpful because saying "Don't do this" lacks the corrective action of "Here is what you should do." If anything, though you claim to have the most noble intentions with this topic, you are really just baiting people to list their pet peeves as you did. That's fine, but it's even better to just acknowledge that fact instead of trying to rationalize it as something more than that.

quote:

ummmm....you didn't just........did you?

No, because the keywords above were "insignificant matters", and if someone complains about a conversation after sittiing there like a bump on a log that is certainly significant. And without your selective editing of my post the other side of the coin is there as well.

Sorry, but my hypocrisy detectors were on high alert when I wrote my post. Better luck next time.

edit typo

< Message edited by happypervert -- 1/11/2006 11:07:48 AM >

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Post #: 30

RE: First Impressions - 1/11/2006 11:06:29 AM

NakedOnMyChain

Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

I forgot to mention that after he finished his meal, he actually used his plate for an ashtray!

Oh, now that's just wrong.

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~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 31

RE: First Impressions - 1/11/2006 11:17:58 AM

UtopianRanger

Posts: 3251
Status: offline

Merc....

Thank you very much for the kind offer. I'd be honored to join both you and Beth at LG's, but unfortunately I'm stuck up here in rainy Oregon with rubber boots on!

I'm not sure if you play any golf or have any memberships to any of the clubs down there, but if you do and ever want to play at Ironwood or Bighorn, by all means message me on the other side as I have inroads to both clubs {They both have wonderful courses}.

Anyways... enjoy the desert {awesome weather} and LG's --- And the next time I'm in NYC, I'll look up your favorite and try it.

Warmest Regards,

UT

_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 32

RE: First Impressions - 1/11/2006 11:25:22 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

Two sides of the same coin, but describing someone's bad manners isn't helpful because saying "Don't do this" lacks the corrective action of "Here is what you should do."

I think that most people with more than two properly funtioning brain cells could figure out by the examples that have been given here as to what they should not do could figure out what would be more approriate.

quote:

." If anything, though you claim to have the most noble intentions with this topic, you are really just baiting people to list their pet peeves as you did. That's fine, but it's even better to just acknowledge that fact instead of trying to rationalize it as something more than that.

I am so pleased for you that you possess those wonderful mind reading abilities. Could you clue the rest of us in as to how you acquire those skills there Kreskin?

quote:

No, because the keywords above were "insignificant matters", and if someone complains about a conversation after sittiing there like a bump on a log that is certainly significant.

Well I really hate to be the one to point this out to you but every one has their own viewpoint on what is significant to them. The mere fact that the examples given resulted in no second meeting says to me that they were indeed significant to the parties involved.

quote:

Sorry, but my hypocrisy detectors were on high alert when I wrote my post. Better luck next time.

I find it incredibly ironic that you speak of hipocrisy.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to happypervert)

Post #: 33

RE: First Impressions - 1/11/2006 12:05:26 PM

DesertRat

Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

I had just returned from a year teaching in Tianjin, China, not long after the Red Guard era had begun to decline. Which meant that for a year I'd been generally celibate. I'd placed an advertisement in the newspaper in Knoxville and had met his quite nice looking woman. As the dinner progressed, it was clear that she was willing to be the final course. Then a black couple came into the place. Her face hardened and she whispered, "It was much nicer when we didn't have to eat with N.....ers."

Damn, what a battle between my brain and my gonads.

Two more weeks of celibacy.

Damn, was she from Florida? A little over a year ago, I flew to Florida to meet someone. She was very beautiful, close to my age, same political leanings...even loved cats. We got on well, but by the second day I was starting to tire of her persistent negativity. The final straw came during the third night. We went out to enjoy a movie at one of America's few surviving drive-ins. Halfway through the show, I said "Wow, this is very cool". Her response was that it used to be better before all the damn Colombians and n_____s started coming. That was it. Got back to my hotel that night, called the airline and gladly coughed up the extra hundred bucks to change my flight. I was out of there the next morning.

Bob

Note: No one should take this to mean that I'm implying anything about Floridians in general. I'm just talking about what happened with one person. Got it?

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 34

RE: First Impressions - 1/11/2006 12:08:31 PM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesertRat
Damn, was she from Florida?

It was Knoxville, TN. I was putting the final touches on my dissertation from UT-K

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Post #: 35

RE: First Impressions - 1/11/2006 12:32:32 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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mmmmmm sorry about your luck in Florida!

I got very lucky in Florida! *G*

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Post #: 36

RE: First Impressions - 1/11/2006 12:46:17 PM

KnightofMists

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Joined: 7/29/2005
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First Impressions are an interesting thing. For it is not just your impression of the person that is coming out... but your own preferences as well.

for example... The racist comments are indeed a huge turn off for alot of people and such a first impression would not do well for most. However, I think a racist individual just might enjoy that first impression. as Sad as that sounds, I believe it to be true.

but what about other not so apparently negative behaviors, besides the fact the person eats a "Well-Done" steak.. oh the crime of it all... and then Ketchup... the man should be shot!!!

I generally rather aloof or reserved in gatherings and in such an environment I can see how some can get a very different perspective of me if they meet me individually cmpared to a large gathering. With a quiet dinner or lunch I enjoy some nice talk and like to listen. I very much dispise small talk thou.. and actually find it rather annoying when someone attempts to have it with me. I am also very very bad at it *G* as well. So I can imagine what a person's impression of me is when they try to have small talk with me. I much perfer a talk about what one is passionate about than the weather.......... mmmmm well that isn't exactly true... my kyra is rather educated with it comes to weather... so I enjoy listening to her talk about it.... Can't say i understand alot of what she is talking about lol... but I do enjoy the depth of her understanding. I still am alittle bit taken back at the fact she chased Tornados for couple years and the passions she shares on those experiences, especially her first one that she saw.

I am a deeply passionate person, so a person that talks about frivolous things is really of no interest to me. This not so much a bad first impression of them.... but is a reflection of my preferences!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Post #: 37

RE: First Impressions - 1/11/2006 12:57:34 PM

la90066

Posts: 177
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Hmmm... So, maybe pissing on her leg under the dinner table to "mark" her as mine might be considered "rude", huh?!! DAMN!!!

hee hee hee (just kidding, obviously)

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 38

RE: First Impressions - 1/11/2006 1:03:49 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
I very much dispise small talk thou.. and actually find it rather annoying when someone attempts to have it with me. I am also very very bad at it *G* as well.

Sigh my problem is that I hate it and am very GOOD at it. And since most people are shy and bad at making small talk, since I'm good at it and naturally want people to feel "part of the group" I always end up playing hostess.

My friends and partners have a hard time reconciling what they see and what I claim to feel.

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Post #: 39

RE: First Impressions - 1/11/2006 1:10:48 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Sigh my problem is that I hate it and am very GOOD at it. And since most people are shy and bad at making small talk, since I'm good at it and naturally want people to feel "part of the group" I always end up playing hostess.

LMAO... mmmmmmmm your already starting to annoy me with your small talk....

But, to make it up to me... you don't have to small talk with me, just deep meaningful thougths only please *G*

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 40

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