RE: First Impressions

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: First Impressions

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: First Impressions

Page: << < prev 1 2 3 [4]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: First Impressions - 1/13/2006 7:39:08 PM

IceyOne

Posts: 258
Joined: 1/13/2006
Status: offline

quote:

So what are the things that you have encountered at first meetings that made you turn down or simply not ask for a second? The things that have made you realize that the person across from you could never be your Dominant or submissive?

Someone insisting that it is only right that I invite them back to my house afterwards...after all, they paid for lunch/dinner
+Someone who drinks at the meal...drinking and driving is a real turn off for me
+Someone who insists that they are the answer to all my dreams
+Someone who talks incessently about their former submissives/slaves and then tells me that I should be more like them
+Someone who can not find a kind word to say about anyone
+Someone who can't look me in the eyes when they are speaking

Just to name a few

_____________________________

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

-Rumi

(in reply to mistoferin)

Profile

Post #: 61

RE: First Impressions - 1/13/2006 11:24:19 PM

Sunshine119

Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

First Date???? I guess I have just met all the men I can handle in a lifetime who think all women are impressed with only money and sex and then wonder why their last relationship didn't work out. Duh! These are things that shouldn't be stressed on a first date. How about hobbies, passions in life, things that your life centers on. And, if they are money and sex, well then, I guess you wouldn't get a second date.

But, I'm not in the market anymore. I'm owned by someone who had class enough to steer away from: a. whinning about their ex, b. telling me that he's got a great job and I should be impressed with the money he makes, c: try to get me to talk sex or have sex with him immediately after meeting him. There was plenty of time to discuss those things within a short time.

Relationship builiding is tough, long and hard work, but the payouts are incredible. For a short time, we submissives are in an equal power dynamic with the Dominant. We'd better be sure we like what we see before we submit.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Chaingang

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunshine119
Men who talk about their exes
...
Men who boast about all of their skills in the bedroom
...
Men who talk about all the "things" they own

I both offer this information and ask about it as well on the part of the other person. I guess that's not small talk - I am actually try to find shit out and reveal information at the same time. Former relationships are important and I like to know what was both good and bad about them. I particularly like to know why certain relationships ended and on what terms. What was learned from each relationship? Sex and SM are always topics of conversation and I am not shy about them at all. I happen to think I am a great lover and I have no problems saying so. I do actually ask people what kind of lover they think they are and I hope they are being honest with me. Most of the things I own are about my hobbies, so I can't see why that wouldn't appeal to know what I like to do avocationally.

Some of those things on your list strike me as reflexive - you seem to think they should be off limits, but it seems to me that not talking about those very things is a liability to your future relationships.

(in reply to Chaingang)

Profile

Post #: 62

RE: First Impressions - 1/14/2006 12:34:56 AM

Chaingang

Posts: 1727
Joined: 10/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunshine119
How about hobbies, passions in life, things that your life centers on.

Did you even read what I wrote? You may note the word "hobbies" in there...

My conversation precisely focuses on finding out as much as possible about someone, and also telling them things about myself. In truth, I am more interested in them than I am about myself. It's an effort to remind myself to not just focus entirely on them and to squeeze in some bits about me here and there.

What I find odd is that people think there is a precise time at which certain topics should be raised and not before. Again, it depends on whether the first date is supposed to be an information gathering event or a romantic evening after people already know a lot about each other. If I don't know anything about a woman and we decide to have a date anyway, we are going to talk during that date - A LOT! I am not out to find out what a mistake it was to hook up with someone after waking up with her next to me in bed. Next morning remorse is the worst possible outcome in my view. If she's not for me, I want to know that sooner rather than later. My experience is that I contact, and am contacted by, many woman that are not worth my time beyond the first few encounters. And yes, I am that selective - and no, I am not controlled by a need to nail as many chicks as possible before I die. I am not at all interested in casual sex - the only purpose for which most women are suited in my opinion.

Harsh? Maybe. Big head. Okay...doesn't bother me a bit.

There was someone else that wrote something about drinking with a meal as a negative. Now maybe it's my continental upbringing, but beer and wine go with food - and that's common to almost every culture on earth. So what's that anti-drink sentiment about? Seems like American style puritanism rearing its ugly head again to me...

< Message edited by Chaingang -- 1/14/2006 12:36:16 AM >

_____________________________

"Everything flows, nothing stands still." (Πάντα ῥεῖ καὶ οὐδὲν μένει) - Heraclitus

(in reply to Sunshine119)

Profile

Post #: 63

RE: First Impressions - 1/14/2006 6:03:02 AM

FTopinMichigan

Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline

I had a man recently tell me about how busy he was, in his introductory e-mail. He explained about his busy schedule and in fact, it seemed to be the focus of his e-mail, and did seem a bit inflated. I questioned him how he would find any time to spend with me, if his schedule was so busy, and he told me that he was "the best" and worth waiting for...so I told him..."okay, YOU wait then!"

Tooting one's own horn, or self proclaiming how "very handsome" they are, or that one is the "best" thing around is not a good first impression, to me. I think self confidence is very sexy, but when this man's ego far exceeded his busy schedule, he was just a bit over the top, for my taste.

K

< Message edited by FTopinMichigan -- 1/14/2006 6:04:44 AM >

(in reply to Chaingang)

Profile

Post #: 64

RE: First Impressions - 1/16/2006 5:06:38 AM

ChainedExistence

Posts: 507
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline

I see a Lot of you mention not looking someone in the eye as a killer in terms of first impressions. As someone who's struggled with that my whole life, I can't necessarily agree. I know the drill...been coached on it more than once by parents, job interview coaches, etc...but it's just something I've always had trouble doing. It's far worse when I perceive the person as having more power than me...a parent, an employer, and yes, a Dom...even if they weren't my Dom at the time. It's not about dishonesty..I just can't hold a gaze for more than a couple of seconds before looking away. It's not until I am EXTREMELY comfortable that I can begin to maintain some slight eye contact. Truthfully, most of the time, I'm not even aware of it. I tend to look in the general direction of the speaker, so it's not as if I am looking disinterested or inattentive...but a direct eye to eye gaze...Shudder...nearly impossible...

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)

Profile

Post #: 65

RE: First Impressions - 1/16/2006 7:03:27 AM

Manawyddan

Posts: 701
Joined: 1/2/2005
From: Petaluma (Northern California)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EriaeMelody

Answering the cell phone in the middle of dinner/lunch...whichever it is

I do this, for one reason: the ONLY people who have my cell phone number are my wife and child. They wouldn't interrupt a date unless it was important.

_____________________________

_______________________________________________
"She always had a terrific sense of humor"
(Valerie Solonas, as described by her mother)
_______________________________________________

(in reply to EriaeMelody)

Profile

Post #: 66

RE: First Impressions - 1/16/2006 10:35:35 AM

EvilGeoff

Posts: 523
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FTopinMichigan

Oh, another thing that is a totally bad first impression, for me, is when I someone immediately starts talking against the city of Detroit and generalizing about the people that live here. .....

I went to MSU many moons ago (class of '83) and my g/f for most of the time I was there was from the DownRiver area. I had many opportunities to visit the city and I always enjoyed it. But I remember a couple of T-shirts from the time....

One had a cartoon with a masked burglar type, his left arm around the neck of a German Shepard, a gun in his right hand held to the dogs head and the caption: "Say NICE Things About Detroit!"

The other was just a slogan: "I'm So Tough I VACATION In Detroit!" *grins*

Thanks for the trip down Memory Lane!

YIK,
- Geoff

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)

Profile

Post #: 67

RE: First Impressions - 1/16/2006 10:54:25 AM

EvilGeoff

Posts: 523
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline

*crawls outta the cave with an impish grin...*

So what you ladies are saying is that if our first date went something like this:

*grabs his horn and toots*
*scratches*
*farts*
*belches*
Hey babe! I'm a real estate novelist, gotta lotta bucks! Wanna cum back to my place and let me scrog yer brains out? I'm the best lover you'll ever have!
*downs another shot of Gentleman Jack*
Hey, waiter, can we get get some more hooch here? And take this steak back. When I said "rare" I meant "lop off the horns, wipe the cow's ass and drop a chunk of meat on the plate." Comprende?
*stares down the cleavage* Nice view babe!
So, do you swallow?
*answers cel phone, talks for 10 minutes*
Sorry, that was my ex-. Bitch thinks she still has a leash on me. Oh no, not me! I'm free. But she's allatime bugging me about money for the kids. Not that you're like her at all. You gotta great rack there! Nice ass too. Speaking of ass, you like getting that thing spanked, or what?....

I'm not going to get a second chance? ? ? ?

Hmmmmmm..... Maybe THAT's why I can't get a second date...

Yours In Satirical Kink,
- Geoff

(in reply to EvilGeoff)

Profile

Post #: 68

RE: First Impressions - 1/16/2006 11:20:13 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

*crawls outta the cave with an impish grin...*

So what you ladies are saying is that if our first date went something like this:

*grabs his horn and toots*
*scratches*
*farts*
*belches*
Hey babe! I'm a real estate novelist, gotta lotta bucks! Wanna cum back to my place and let me scrog yer brains out? I'm the best lover you'll ever have!
*downs another shot of Gentleman Jack*
Hey, waiter, can we get get some more hooch here? And take this steak back. When I said "rare" I meant "lop off the horns, wipe the cow's ass and drop a chunk of meat on the plate." Comprende?
*stares down the cleavage* Nice view babe!
So, do you swallow?
*answers cel phone, talks for 10 minutes*
Sorry, that was my ex-. Bitch thinks she still has a leash on me. Oh no, not me! I'm free. But she's allatime bugging me about money for the kids. Not that you're like her at all. You gotta great rack there! Nice ass too. Speaking of ass, you like getting that thing spanked, or what?....

I'm not going to get a second chance? ? ? ?

Hmmmmmm..... Maybe THAT's why I can't get a second date...

Holy crap girls....hold me back....I think this could be my last chance to go steady!!!!!!

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to EvilGeoff)

Profile

Post #: 69

RE: First Impressions - 1/16/2006 11:22:55 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EvilGeoff

*crawls outta the cave with an impish grin...*

So what you ladies are saying is that if our first date went something like this:

*grabs his horn and toots*
*scratches*
*farts*
*belches*
Hey babe! I'm a real estate novelist, gotta lotta bucks! Wanna cum back to my place and let me scrog yer brains out? I'm the best lover you'll ever have!
*downs another shot of Gentleman Jack*
Hey, waiter, can we get get some more hooch here? And take this steak back. When I said "rare" I meant "lop off the horns, wipe the cow's ass and drop a chunk of meat on the plate." Comprende?
*stares down the cleavage* Nice view babe!
So, do you swallow?
*answers cel phone, talks for 10 minutes*
Sorry, that was my ex-. Bitch thinks she still has a leash on me. Oh no, not me! I'm free. But she's allatime bugging me about money for the kids. Not that you're like her at all. You gotta great rack there! Nice ass too. Speaking of ass, you like getting that thing spanked, or what?....

I'm not going to get a second chance? ? ? ?

Hmmmmmm..... Maybe THAT's why I can't get a second date...

Yours In Satirical Kink,
- Geoff

OMG, I am ROTFL!

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to EvilGeoff)

Profile

Post #: 70

RE: First Impressions - 1/16/2006 12:44:46 PM

QuietDragon

Posts: 47
Joined: 12/6/2005
Status: offline

quote:

...the opportunity to "date" for lack of a better term...

"Date? What's one of those?"

*noise of Oxford English Dictionary being opened... pages being rustled...*

"Hmmm, let's see... Darwinism... dashing... dastardly... ah, here it is... informal social or romantic appointment..."

*noise of head being scratched...*

"It'll never catch on..."

(in reply to mistoferin)

Profile

Post #: 71

RE: First Impressions - 1/16/2006 2:38:12 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

So what you ladies are saying is that if our first date went something like this:
*grabs his horn and toots*
*scratches*
*farts*
*belches*
Hey babe! I'm a real estate novelist, gotta lotta bucks! Wanna cum back to my place and let me scrog yer brains out? I'm the best lover you'll ever have!
*downs another shot of Gentleman Jack*
Hey, waiter, can we get get some more hooch here? And take this steak back. When I said "rare" I meant "lop off the horns, wipe the cow's ass and drop a chunk of meat on the plate." Comprende?
*stares down the cleavage* Nice view babe!
So, do you swallow?
*answers cel phone, talks for 10 minutes*
Sorry, that was my ex-. Bitch thinks she still has a leash on me. Oh no, not me! I'm free. But she's allatime bugging me about money for the kids. Not that you're like her at all. You gotta great rack there! Nice ass too. Speaking of ass, you like getting that thing spanked, or what?....

I'm not going to get a second chance? ? ? ?

Hmmmmmm..... Maybe THAT's why I can't get a second date...
- Geoff

When you put it like that EvilGeoff, you make it all sound kinda sexy... Maybe we need to rethink these pet peeves, LMAO, M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to EvilGeoff)

Profile

Post #: 72