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RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/28/2009 3:32:32 AM

StormsSlave

Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: bandofthehawk176

I dont "enjoy" receiving it, but i tollerate it to deminstrate to her that i wouldnt do anything to her i couldnt do to myself. I like agressive play and at her cerrent state she seriously limits that play. To her pain is all the same. Im not some hack morron who goes arround beating my loving slave with a baseball bat. I know she is trying, but she also wants to better herself as well.

First of all, maybe this isn't the right relationship for you. However, I'm willing to try to contribute, since you genuinely appear to need some help, and I feel for your sub.

Get rid of the paddle/whip/blunt object of choice. Try using your hands, and in more ways than just hitting. Squeezing, pinching, and rough usage are all ways to inflict pain without hitting. Also, try being closer to her while you are doing it. Hold her over your lap for a light spanking, then use your fingers in her vagina for a rough finger fuck.

I can tolerate a lot more pain when My Lord holds me than I can while I am not touching him, and have zero sub drop with the proximity. Lots of physical contact makes me feel less like I am being tortured and more like I am the object of My Lord's pleasure. I also tolerate pain better when bound, since I can pull against the chains. Share with her how much it pleases you to use her in this way, either with your words or your actions. Tell her what it does to you, and how pleased you are with her efforts, even if they are not to the level you would like them to be. Positive reinforcement is always better than negative bullshit.

Hope this helps.

Oh, and yea, stop calling her a sissy, even behind her back. It just makes you look like a big prick, and kinda pisses me off.

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Post #: 41

RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/28/2009 3:36:39 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mc1234

Lots going on here! One final comment ... the hood and glasses freaked me out, and I much prefer the other profile pic.

Yeah- what's with the unabomber look? Ew.

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Post #: 42

RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/28/2009 5:35:28 AM

Kana

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Joined: 10/24/2006
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1-Some girls just don't like pain. If that's the case and its something you need, do her a service and move on.
2-There are many who have had some experiences in the past of the not so good to remember variety. For them, pain can just make them shut down.
3-You can build her tolerance-just be prepared to exercise patience.
4-Use your hands, do lots of touching, alternate hard/soft/pain/pleasure-Tie the sensations together in her mind. I did say this would take time, like months.Remember that touch is the most sensual of things.
5-Build her up, rather than tear her down. After play, let her know that you're proud of her progress, make her want to go that extra mile for you. BDSM is inside, its about the mental and emotional as much, if not far more, as the physical.
6-Lastly, get to know her. Find out what makes her tick. I know one girl, you put her in tight bondage, she drops like a rock-once that happens, I could run her over and she wouldn't be totally aware of it. Another can't play in bondage, she locks up and freezes inside. Take her out of it though, spend an hour or two dropping her and her inner masochist comes out.

Its about finding what works for the two of you, and yeah, know what, the big bad Dom may have to do some compromising too. I have all sorts of freaky shit I like to do. The odds of finding one woman who likes all of it is negligible.So I work with what's important and accept the fact that things are the way they are.

IMHO, just as there are no bad dogs, only bad owners.
There are few bad submissive's, but there are plenty of shoddy "Masters."

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 43

RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/28/2009 8:50:10 AM

Andalusite

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Joined: 1/25/2009
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Warmup makes a huge difference! I can take a caning that leaves welts for a week, and bruises for almost two, but a simple hand spanking that goes just ahead of my pain tolerance can easily make me so sensitive that I'll cry if he barely touches me! If I wear my hood while the top/dom is setting things up, the sensory overload sends me into a light/medium level of subspace when it comes off, and I can take more right from the start.

Breathing techniques can really help - it's not exactly like Lamaze, but timing the breaths, and breathing deeper, can really help with processing. So can energy/Chi/whatever you want to call it work. I don't think of it as spiritual, religious, or magical, more that it has to do with the EMF produced by the electricity running down our nerves. Either way, I can use it to process a lot more pain than I can without it.

Try using tools that let you hit hard, but that won't hurt her, especially in warmup. Bunny flogger, a pillow, I have a flogger made of hair extensions - all of them let you feel like you're really whalloping her, but with minimal pain.

I can take thud much more easily than most forms of sting pain. I can handle sting once I'm really warmed up, or if it is very light, or mixed with thud. Try some double-handed or switching off play, or working with other implements. Watch for her to be moving into the swing and making happy noises - if she isn't, back off until she does, then gradually escalate. You can also gag her so she isn't as noisy, and give her keys or something to use as a "safe" instead. D/s interactions can make a big difference, too - until I was with my last Dom, I only wanted yummy/fun pain, not stuff that I processed as actually hurting. With him, I was willing and able to stretch my tolerance a lot more.

I personally can take a lot more pain than when I first started bottoming, and I have had a submissive and a couple of other partners whose pain tolerance increased over time as well.

(in reply to StormsSlave)

Post #: 44

RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/28/2009 9:14:44 AM

T1981

Posts: 557
Joined: 12/6/2008
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Cheers to all of the suggestions - even I'm learning a few new things!

Visualizing pain often helps me, too. A trick that I picked up recently from here - I try to imagine it as a wave that crests, swells, and then breaks, eventually leaving my body as a wave leaves the shore of a beach. Focusing on a particular point ahead of me helps sometimes, too.

Princess Donna in "The Training of O" made a very good point with a recent trainee, saying that it wouldn't help to try and anticipate the pain, since she already knew that Princess Donna was going to hurt her and that it was going to hurt like a bitch. Paraphrasing here, but she said "All you have to be concerned with is how you are going to get through it. Don't worry or think about anything else."

That is very helpful for me. Also, to toss in another vote for the breathing - it's pretty amazing what deep breathing can do to help process through pain. It seems simple, but it's incredibly useful. Also another nod to finding out what kind of pain is easiest/hardest for her helps alot, too, as well as finding out exactly how much pain she is really enduring. Some stingy pains are insanely hard to get through, no matter how light you may swing the instrument.

< Message edited by T1981 -- 1/28/2009 9:17:01 AM >

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Post #: 45

RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/28/2009 10:38:00 AM

domiguy

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Joined: 5/2/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: bandofthehawk176

I understand completely. I also dont call her a sissy to her face.

so you only say it behind her back.... how nice of you!

Well the lad is only 5'6" 120LBS...(I have had dumps bigger than that)...Obviously you haven't paid atttention to the size of the average sub on this site. You expect him to call one of the women on this site "A pussy"???...Our boy weighs less than 99% of the hole teeming around on this thang!!!...They would have him for lunch.

Poor lil' fella.

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Post #: 46

RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/28/2009 11:02:09 AM

AMaster

Posts: 814
Joined: 8/4/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

Time, patience and guiding her threw it. She may never be able to take what you can dish out, but I'm sure you can help her pain threshold to rise higher than it is now. Also, do not call her wimpy, she isn't a wimp she just has a lower pain threshold than you. You do hit yourself as hard as you hit her, right?

~Lashra

What she said..........

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 47

RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/28/2009 11:07:38 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: bandofthehawk176

So i have a Sub girl who is a sissy
when it comes to pain. Any ideas how to make her a bit
more able to handle it?

You've gotten some really great advice on this thread by some people that know what they are talking about.

If you pay attention and actually learn from even half of it you will be steps ahead of many that are 3 times your age. Remember, it really isn't ALL about you. Treat you slave/sub well and you may well have the best thing a master/mistress can have. A devoted, loving slave/sub.

Do your best to avoid getting your boxers bunched when you perceive something as a challenge or negative. Otherwise you may learn more about sadists than you imagined you would.

Keep your mind open and learn from all of it.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to bandofthehawk176)

Post #: 48

RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/28/2009 11:18:05 AM

Sanguinarian

Posts: 474
Joined: 8/13/2008
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You might want to take into account the fact that 'rougher' does not have the same meaning as 'painful'. A dictionary could help you here.

If her screaming and crying bothers you, refrain from administering the treatment that causes said screaming and crying.
( Think about when you tell a doctor: " It hurts when I do this, doc." And the doc replies:" Well, don't do that!" ) You can use the dictionary to look up common sense too.

Please. Educate us with your definition of the words 'wimp' and 'sissy'.

(in reply to bandofthehawk176)

Post #: 49

RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/28/2009 11:32:55 AM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

Calling her names behind her back doesn't make it any better. Actually, imo, it makes it worse. A particular sort of disrespect is connoted on punking someone when they can't even come back at you as is a particular sort of cowardice and insecurity.
Unless, of course, humiliation is part of your dynamic, though speaking poorly of her to others if she is unaware doesn't make sense in that context.
Anyway, some places on the body are more easily damaged than others. Learn about anatomy: a lot. Then study some more and always be open to learning. Also, learn about what various chemicals in the body do as this is highly relevant related to pain perception and tolerance.
As others suggested, know what you're doing feels like. Broadly, my way of approaching doing various acts is that I would not ask of someone anything that I would not be willing to do.
If you're devoted to increasing her pain tolerance (Hopefully in a respectful, nurturing way...and, yes, you can intentionally cause pain in a respectful nurturing way ), systematic desensitization coupled with positive reinforcement may assist if she's willing to give it a whirl. That will take time. Essentially, you are slowly upping the ante with greater pain to increase her threshhold and giving her praise for learning to take it. Done right, it could build intimacy, better communication, all sorts of good stuff.
Best wishes,
Davan

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Post #: 50

RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/28/2009 1:33:49 PM

bandofthehawk176

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I will have had this girl for 2 years in april. So she isnt to new to me. Also, thank you for saying im intimidating. Haha. I think thats kinda funny actually. Thank you for your quality input.

(in reply to mc1234)

Post #: 51

RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/28/2009 1:52:45 PM

PghSpanking

Posts: 42
Joined: 6/30/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bandofthehawk176

I will have had this girl for 2 years in april. So she isnt to new to me. Also, thank you for saying im intimidating. Haha. I think thats kinda funny actually. Thank you for your quality input.

If she has been your sub for 2 years, why does your profile say you are looking for a sub? Are you looking for another one, or for her replacement? Does she know you are on CM talking about her and looking for other women???

Perhaps instead of asking how to make her take more pain, the question you should ask yourself is why you need to give more pain. You say she screams, so she is probably past her limits. Does she safeword and do you STOP immediately when/if she safewords?

Do you know that when raising someone's pain threshold, you are actually causing tissue damage that in time will become permanent? The skin texture will change, the nerve endings become damaged, then deadened, the fascia will harden and band up in various places.

And there may be a medical reason why what you do to her is so painful and unbearable. As someone else mentioned, certain times of the month, or if there is a chronic hormonal imbalance, her pain threshold may be lower. Certain auti immune disorders affect the ability to process or manage pain, as does fibromyalgia re-wires the body and perception of pain.

You are very young and I cant help but wonder why at such a young age you are hell bent on inflicting more pain on a woman. Though I cant understand why or how anyone can inflict pain on anyone or anything.

Just MY 2 cents...

(in reply to bandofthehawk176)

Post #: 52

RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/28/2009 1:55:56 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: bandofthehawk176
Also, thank you for saying im intimidating.

That isn't always a compliment............just in case you were unsure.

The photo, I just thought we had a weird new, stock avatar. Which is why I looked at your profile.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to bandofthehawk176)

Post #: 53

RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/28/2009 2:17:03 PM

bandofthehawk176

Posts: 38
Joined: 1/4/2009
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Bout time i get to hear from A true Dom. thanks for the insight. I pretty much know everything your saying though. Your right and i agree.

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 54

RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/28/2009 2:23:24 PM

loverly

Posts: 236
Joined: 1/23/2004
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hello... i read this with interest as in the begining , when i was first owned , i didnt understand how ANYONE would relish having their Master or Mistress whip their ass... with anything.. a paddle , whip, crop or cane!! i was sure that either they( all the ppl online saying how wonderful it is to scene with their Masters) , had never actually tried it out themselves and were talking a bunch of online crap or were NUTZ! lol However.. it was the person using the crop or whatever impliment, not the impliment itself. I found this out when i went to my second owner... the first one lasted only 7 months or so...not because of the pain but for other reasons a bit more serious. then a bit later i went to another Owner.. one who knew what he was doing.. had over 30 yrs experience as a Top... had been taught and practiced many many times in that 30 plus yrs.... He didnt touch me in any way in the dungeon for the first three months.. by then i ws dying to find out what it was all really about and he first showed me a session with someone else he had scened with before. and then it was left up to me if that is what i wished for or not.. i did.. and so i began learning how to give myself in that manner for a sadistic Dominant. Pain has never been my "thing" or need.. a spanking is nice and any attention is a good thing for me as i am an attention slut.. however.. going slow and working up to things more extreme is a must i think. also i learned from a very wonderful Master friend of mine that if a Dom is wise he will first give that person love anhd care and build them up with confidence.. in other words.. they have to be emotionally envolved and love and adore their Master/ Mistress enough to wish to give that part of themselves to that person. Anhd the wise Dom knows that if he/she gives thier sub slave so much pleasure first.... until they beg to have no more orgasms.. at that time You should be able to take from that person whatever it is You need because they would then ( supposedly)have the huge wish to give You back what ever they could. Since that is what it is all about.. Owning and being owned... two people who wish more than anything to make the other happier than they ever imagined! whatever whenever however that is to happen. From personal experience i know, for me, it takes alot of petting and stroking and telling me what a goood girl i am for Master....how much he adores me and desires me and i am a happy slave!
if none of this happens quite honestly , i dont care how good a slave a girl is...she is not going to want to give up any of herself in an extreme manner .. why would she?

after two yrs You are either doing something wrong or she is just not able to find that place to go that allows her to give this part of herself to You. and she probably never will be able to ..... so .. since she is YOUR sub/slave.. i am sure she wishes You happier than You ever thought possiable since i am sure You wish and do this for her .... and so perhaps she will be a nice sister to someone who Can give You whatever it is You need.

ps. i dont feel wanting to take more pain from someone is being intimidating or extreme .. it is just being a sadist.. and there are ALOT of those around!

good luck~!

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 55

RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/28/2009 2:24:05 PM

LaTigresse

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Joined: 1/15/2006
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Another fyi, playing the "true" card around here........it's gonna hurt. One way or another.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to bandofthehawk176)

Post #: 56

RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/28/2009 2:26:46 PM

loverly

Posts: 236
Joined: 1/23/2004
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oh.. and Thank You Kana Sir! exactly right !

(in reply to loverly)

Post #: 57

RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/28/2009 2:28:02 PM

SassySarijane

Posts: 1558
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From: KC Area Missouri
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There's the "true" thing again thereby negating any other advice given as not worthwhile along with the posters offering it. Good job, dude, you just insulted every poster who gave you advice except the one you agreed with. Very glad after reading your OP and now this that I decided not to bother offering advice from the heavy maso side of things.

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(in reply to bandofthehawk176)

Post #: 58

RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/28/2009 2:31:12 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

I know mine are, when I am aroused and he's spanking me and flogging me I'm insatiable, I don't want him to stop or slow down, I want him to keep on raining blows onto my glowing red ass, and I'll keep shoving it out there for more.

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

T1981 had some excellent ideas in post #11.

Pain builds, but if she is warmed up slowly she may be able to handle more... if you make sure she is aroused --peoples' pain tolerances tend to be higher...
If she feels afraid it will be more difficult..so tell her how proud you are of her when she expresses her feelings.

Work on the emotional aspects...let her know you treasure and cherish her.
Have a relationship in which she feels safe with you.

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 59

RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 1/28/2009 2:38:10 PM

T1981

Posts: 557
Joined: 12/6/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SassySarijane

There's the "true" thing again thereby negating any other advice given as not worthwhile along with the posters offering it. Good job, dude, you just insulted every poster who gave you advice except the one you agreed with. Very glad after reading your OP and now this that I decided not to bother offering advice from the heavy maso side of things.

Agreed.

For this painslut's involvement in the thread, I say: a fat shame I'll never get the chance to show you how much I know about adminstering pain, Jhawk. Because I do promise you, I and any other sub who spends any amount of time getting beat, knows just as much about pain, if not in some way MORE, than any "true" Dom that you may encounter. After all, it's our asses getting beat, and the fact that you have nary a word to say for our help shows that you don't care about the effects your hand has on your girl.

So, in other words, take your whip and sod off, preferably without that poor girl that you obviously have no interest in helping.

< Message edited by T1981 -- 1/28/2009 2:39:30 PM >

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Post #: 60

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