KnightofMists
Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: bandofthehawk176
Bout time i get to hear from A true Dom. thanks for the insight. I pretty much know everything your saying though. Your right and i agree.
wow... I didn't realize the OP wanted to here from True Doms!..... so... I went and dug up a post I did awhile ago.... hopeful it not get lost in the rubbish from those nasty submissives girls... like really what the hell would a True Dom care what they have to say anyways.
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I speak from the Sadistic side of the coin.
I am sure everyone's approach is different, but I will tell you that the body can endure and enjoy incredible amounts of pain. If you want to increase your pain tolerance or more importantly your enjoyment of the experience.... You need to start first and foremost before play begins.
The mind is where the play starts... how you prepare yourself for the play in large part will affect your ability to endure and enjoy the pains that come from the play. It is critical for the Top to have an appreciation of your state of mind going into the play. This appreciation is not only gained with direct comments from you, but also thru the Top's observation of you before and during play. It is also critical that you mentally prepare yourself and approach the play in a proper mindset. Now just to clairify, SM play for physical pain is a much different play than SM play that is emotional/mental pain. Such types of pain can be within a physically painful SM play and often is. But we are talking about physical pain and being mentally prepared for it.
You must be focused on the play. We are not talking about focusing on what the Top is doing or even what you are experiencing in the play. I am saying that you can't be distracted with kids at home or did you remember this or that. The better you are able to close you mind to everything else around you the better. The only thoughts and emotions are about the play.
Approaching it with confidence. One would immediately state that a newbie couldn't readily approach play to a high level, because they lack confidence that is gained from experience. Well this is very wrong. kyra and denika are prime examples of two people that had their first intense SM experiences with me and there is a couple others I have played with as well. kyra played with no one before me, after a couple of testing scenes... I played her and brought her to a level that was beyond what many experience after a few years and took days for her to wrap her mind around. denika had only one experince of SM before me. It was a good test play that allowed her to appreicate some sensations but in no way pushed her pain levels. Her second play was with me and she was quickly thrown into a high intense pain levels that cause a intense rush for both of us. Both approached the play with intense nervousness and excitement. Both had fears of not doing well... but both was mental focused in being confident in me. So, confidence is not just with one self, But also with the Top. The higher level of trust one has the greater confidence one will beable to put into their Top.
Discard Mindlessness thoughts! The belief in limitations of your abilities and what you can endure can have an incredible underminding value in what you will endure. I don't advocate that you consider yourself as being able to take anything with time and effort. But, I am advocating that you not focus or concern yourself with what is limiting to you or what could limit you. Be Mindful! that you can endure and enjoy!... this is more than positive thinking. This is more accepting the challenges of what will come no matter the emotions or thoughts. I would also be mindful that every play is different that complaceny within play will actually inhibit your ability to reach new levels. Accept variety and differences will occur in you play in your reactions in your ability to endure and enjoy from one scene to another. See the trend and not the individual scene. I would also be mindful of not holding on and trying to re-live a past incredible scene. Accept them as the individual achievements and pleasures they are.. not to be compared and lessen or glorified with other experiences. Finally, focus on the process of play and not the goal of play. Great play is not focused on a goal to be achieved at the end of play... it is focused on making the play at the moment it is occuring fun. If you focused on throwing yourself into the moment of the play... well the goal of great play will come on it's own. Constant focus on having Good or Great play will only cause disappointment when it doesn't occur and will ripple into future plays if that is your focus. Enjoy the journey First! and then savor the destination. But always focus on the journey!
Change the Mindset of Pain to Sensation! at the end of it SM is all about sensations... sensations of different degrees. pain is put a measure of sensation. By focusing on the mindset that pain is but a sensation, you begin to mentally bring down the fears that pain has been caused thru your years of growth. We grow up to view pain is bad, the touching of the hot stove to the emotional pain of loss of a loved one. They different sensations, intense sensations, the key to understand is your learning to manage and cope with an every increasing degree and variety of sensations! physically, emotional and mentally!
In the play itself!
I know people talk of warm ups and taking it slow. I personally think this is an approach is very subjective to the individuals in the play. What you consider as a Warm-up could likely be different than another and the same can be said of taking it slow and steady. I do very little warm up ! I do not need to do much warm-up because those I play with tend to be very mentally focused and prepared for the play in the first place. Some wish to start with a soft flogger and move up the spectrum, this in of self to me is a complacency in Repetition that actually makes it harder to increase pain tolerance than it needs to be. Flexiblity and open-minded approaches that are creative are very using in broadening the body and minds ability to cope to every change sensations in the play. It is akin to building the pyramid. the larger the base, the higher one is able to build the pyramid. It is not just the specific toy but, the force of a the toy and the manner it strikes. There is different types of basic sensations.. thud, sting and bite to name a few. The power of each type of sensation will have a different affect on the bottom. soft thud is much different than a heavy thud. starting soft in different sensations in different scenes builds a base to work from, increasing the intensities build upon the base. Bringing different combination of sensations will build the base even higher.
After play!
Aftercare is not just about making sure that the bottom is physically, emotional and mentally ok, and the Dom for that matter. It is also an opportunity to savor the experience. Aftercare and be not just a few hours, but can go into days of discussing and savoring the experience with each other. The talented Top will make note of the aspects that the bottom comments on. What cause them to get excited in the play, what is it they remember and what is it they do not remember. At the higher levels, The Top themself becomes lost in memory of some things. memory after all is but fragments and is never a exact. Aftercare gone well can be a time not only to ressure that all is ok from the scene, but it can be an opportunity set expectations and excitement for the next one. It helps to build the mindsets towards greater play.
Play is a process of fun... increasing ones pain tolerance can be the natural byproduct of having this fun. focus on the process and you will have fun... if you having fun... each time you will go higher, save the limits for those that want to restrict themselves. focus on the challenges at the moment of play that will build your pleasure and experience.
just a few thoughts
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Knight of Mists
An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.
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RE: How to make a Wimpy girl more open to pain? - 
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