(in reply to allthatjaz)

(in reply to colouredin)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

I was 10 posts in to this thread before I applied this query to myself.  I am going to attribute this, at least in part, to making the decision not to live as a victim. 
My childhood lacked picket fences (Though wasn't horrible in the grand scheme of The Universe).  There are some assets and liabilities that go along with that.
Too often, I think, when processing abuse, people only look at the damage that it does.  That's called abuse, there are more then one way to abuse people, as We all know, there is sexual abuse, verbal abuse, mental abuse, physical abuse, or a combination of them. As a child one needs to be protected, and guided and shown respect, and build up their self esteem, those stones should be build up then, and when that image is ruined, because there was abuse in the childhood, they will lack those skills, which will come to the surface later on.That will take a long time to heal, and to learn to let go, to learn to trust people, and to open up to others. 
I am not, in any way minimizing that facet but to focus only on that piece ignores what good one may take out of a bad and leans them further into a victim mentality potentially.  As an example of the negative/positive duality: Yelling, screaming, and contention.  A potential negative is that, to this day, if a female is behaving like this toward me, I want to hurt her, badly.  I don't but, there is the impulse that I don't think someone without those experiences would necessarily have, certainly not as strongly or viscerally.  On the other hand, because of exposure to that sort of environment, I tend to be take-charge, level-headed, and calm in trauma situations. 
Does physical abuse in childhood make one more apt to crave more harsh forms of physical interaction as an adult?  Only makes sense.  Is that bad? 
I don't know about this. I don't think it's bad, it's who you're.
 
We can not always choose those things that happen to us but I believe we can choose how we relate to them.  :>
Davan
If you know how it works, you can choose,
but if you don't know how too... then you've a problem!

Thank You for Your openness Davan.

I wish You enough.

GoddezzT`

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Yes I have. My last girl was abused by her Mother. The rest remains confidential and it is her story to tell when she is ready..

I do respect that.
Thank You IronBear for Your respond.

Warm Greetingz

GoddezzT`

(in reply to colouredin)

(in reply to Lynnxz)

(in reply to lateralist1)

(in reply to T1981)

(in reply to T1981)

(in reply to allthatjaz)

(in reply to JustStephen)

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)

(in reply to colouredin)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz
I've only had interactions (That I know of) with one abused submissive. She's an adorable girl, and chooses to live life as a survivor rather than a 'poor me' type victim. She has several hard, hard limits as a result of her life, and I make sure to stay far away from them. I don't push her as hard as I do the other people I play with, and perhaps I check in with her a little more than is needed... but a full scale meltdown is something I want to avoid. o.o I'd never be equipped to deal with something like that, especially since we are not in a close relationship.

Hello Lynnxz,

Thank You for Your contribution, and No one wants to be a victim,
or when they say poor you. It doesn't help anyone.
So I don't see them as such.
It's a scar which is there for life, when it's dealt with properly.

But it's not something to ignore, and to not take serious.
It's there, and a part of them, so handle with care,
and loads of Love

I wish You enough.

GoddezzT`

quote:

ORIGINAL: lateralist1
I have been involved with subs who say they have been abused yes.
I was abused myself.
Whether that has anything to do with why I am in the 'lifestyle' I have no idea.
However I do know that the 'lifestyle' has helped me to cope with my past and to cope with who I am.
I'm sure you have all heard this a thousand times before but I felt like I was the only one who felt like I did and that how I felt wasn't wrong or bad.
I like Freud's theories. He makes total sense to me.

Hello lateralist1,
I'm sorry You had to go through that too.
I wonder about your believe in the subs who told you
they we're abused. I know text can be explained in many
ways, so I wonder if you trusted their story, or not.

And yes I can relate to feeling lonely, thinking You're the only one
who suffers from what's been forced upon You.
But when You read the figures in this Thread,
it's awful to hear how many woman & men,
don't forget them, are getting abused.

There are still too many sicko's out there,
but that's a whole other thread.

I wish you enough.

GoddezzT`

quote:

ORIGINAL: T1981
I've answered to this subject from my end, so I'll talk a little bit about what my husband had to do in order to help me move to the point where I am today.

First thing he did was never freak out about the fact that I'd been abused. Ever. When I met him, I was going through a very tumuloutous time concerning my recovery, and so I'd laid it all out for him, damn near immediately. If I recall correctly, he'd simply said "Okay."

Hello T1981,

Good to read you here again, and it's awesome
how you've found the one for you who's really there,
and helps you to overcome your pain.

bless.

I wish you enough.

GoddezzT`

quote:

ORIGINAL: devotedinSD
I have experienced some severe abuse when I was a young adult. But years have past and it's not really much of a big deal anymore. It has a left a hard limit and the need to feel cared for. I hate the thought of being viewed as in need of rescue because I am not in need of rescue, I have dealt with it and I'm fine now. It's just like anything else that happened to me like my foot fracture or the time when I got an F in PE, no need to tread carefully.

Hello devotedinSD,

That's a very common heard thing, that they don't
want to be seen as a victim. It's not how I picture Us at all.
you get more attention when your leg is broken !

Simply because you can see that, grinz

Good to hear you've given it a place in your life.

I wish you enough.

GoddezzT`

quote:

ORIGINAL: JustStephen
When I watched her hide under the safe blanket I had given her I cried. It was one of the most emotional moments of my life.

This was never a game, when we first experienced it together it became our first and only real hard limit. I would not then or ever in the future use it against her. To do so would destroy all the trust we have built up.

Stephen.

It's awesome to hear Stephen,
That she has You to help her getting over her fears.
Understanding is so important.

Thank You for sharing Your thought.

I wish You enough.

GoddezzT`

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirRussellP

I seem to attract lovely subs with a history of abuse.  I though think it helps some to put this into perspective.  A rape counselor just told me that 1 in 4 women are raped or have rape attempted on them before they are in their 30ies.  Add to these the number of women that are physically abused non-rape just good old violence and suddenly I think you are over 50%, that is my estimate not backed up by and study.
Yes SirRussel1P
it's amazing how high those figures are. All We can do Now,
is be aware, and look out for our Own kids, and the once
around Us to keep them safe.


There is a point where you may need to leave her and move on but for god sake don't do when she is in crisis.  That may sound harsh but none of us are prepared to handle all of the issues that others can inflict on a human, and the impact on the you can be more then you can cope with.

Interesting point, until when will You stay
with someone, and where do You draw the line,
Since We're aren't counsellors, and We can only
handle so much. As I've said before I had also a sub
who was abused, and she was so Not ready
for Bdsm in My eyes, that I quit being her Domina,
I didn't want to bring more damage to her,
then she already suffered, and she really
needed good help, which is often hard to find.
I know that from My own experience.

Thank You kindly for Your contribution.

I wish You enough.

GoddezzT`

quote:

ORIGINAL: UPSG
You must have an ability, deep down in you, to have empathy for those weaker than you, or at least those that have found themselves more vulnerable than you, regardless of their biological sex. That's very touching and speaks well of you, GT.

Thank You UPSG,
for Your comment, but I've been abused Myself,
and I don't see Myself as weaker then anyone else.

Everyone is equal in My book. And if You've read this
Thread Carefully, You would've read that they, the once
who went through abuse, don't like to be seen as victims,
or weak. They are stronger then You can ever imagine.
They have had to overcome allot, so I hold nothing
but deep respect for all of them.

I do hope You've learned from this Thread!

I wish You enough.

GoddezzT`