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Picking up the slack - 1/31/2009 8:49:49 PM   
sklavinxandria


Posts: 61
Joined: 12/26/2004
From: Nebraska
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Should a Dom/Master pick up the slack when their submissive/ slave is absent for a few days?  At the moment mine is working on implementing a project at work and has been there all weekend so i am not down there with him.  i know he is tired, and working his ass of to get this thing done and done right, that is what he is supposed to do.  Since i am not there the only thing i asked for was for him to please load the dishwasher and take out the trash.  i got to see him tonight for about 30 min.  i had to grit my teeth at what i saw in the kitchen, but i kept my mouth shut.  The catch is, he has a roomie who could load and unload the dishwasher and take out the trash, they haven't.  His one comment to me when i took over the house (basically), was get it to the point of clean, and we (roomie and him) will work on keeping it clean when i am not around. 

So, should a Dom help at times and pick up the slack?  Master when i was with him, he would help with laundry and dishes and putting stuff away, but i think this one, i need to train.


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RE: Picking up the slack - 1/31/2009 8:57:01 PM   
NCNutCase


Posts: 129
Joined: 2/2/2005
Status: offline 		I disagree with using D/s as an excuse to slack in other areas of a relationship...

But at the same time the dynamics of the relationship wil highly influence the appropriate answers to this question...

If you are attempting to play the role of "slave", then I think you should not complain and do what your told and be grateful he keeps you around... the fact that this answer won't fly in most relatinships is why I don't care for the term slave in most relatinoships ;-)

Personally... I'm not to good to do my share of housework... although I'd much rather assign it to someone else.

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RE: Picking up the slack - 1/31/2009 9:04:39 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I tend to choose partners who are able to take care of themselves and who like things to be neat and tidy so they do their part to keep our lives the same way.

I don't think there's much you can do in this situation. He is who he is and apparently he's the type who's not all that concerned with keeping things clean and organized.

You'll either have to learn to live with it or continue nagging. I have a feeling nagging won't get you any further.

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RE: Picking up the slack - 1/31/2009 9:25:08 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		There's no shoulds here; just what works in your dynamic taking into account the individual personalities involved. 

Having said that, I can also say that yes, my Sir picks up the slack.  He cooks dinner for him and his son the nights I'm working and has it warmed up when I get home.  He's picked up some of the slack on the regular household maintence stuff and doesn't overload me with stuff to do on my days off.  Its nice, because him doing that makes me feel that he values my working even though he only expects a minimal contribution to the household expenses.  And, it means that we can both relax when we have days off together.  Its all good.

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RE: Picking up the slack - 1/31/2009 9:41:53 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		So he is working extra hours, and you're bitching that he is not also doing any housework?  Umm, okay, not even sure what to say to that. 


Cali


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RE: Picking up the slack - 1/31/2009 9:51:56 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Lemme get this straight.  You consider yourself an s type and are upset that your Master is not requiring his roommate to keep the place up to your specifications?  And you think you need to train him to your specifications?

Seriously - reconsider why you consider yourself an s type.

He's working all weekend and gets to see you 30 min of the weekend.  And you;re contemplating whether to spend that 30 minutes complaining that the kitchen's a mess.


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RE: Picking up the slack - 1/31/2009 9:52:24 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well the roommate situation is between him and the roommate.  You could influence things there, but that gets tricky.

I happen to agree that the chores you gave are really not that time consuming or tough, but it seems like you are the one with the standards you want to be met, but you aren't the one in charge of setting the standards.

He's doing it how he likes it, what's the problem?

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RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 2:27:36 AM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		I love it when women choose to be in relationships with men who exert control over their lives and then grit their teeth when the "in charge" men won't do as they're told.

juliet

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RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 6:31:25 AM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
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From: new york state
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quote:

So he is working extra hours, and you're bitching that he is not also doing any housework?  Umm, okay, not even sure what to say to that. 


lol  I read it that she was working extra hours.  But, when I checked, realized I had read wrong.  But, if it works for her to complain, it works for her to complain.

*shrugs*

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RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 7:02:23 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

i need to train.


Is everything else in the relationship harmonious?  If so, unload his dishwasher and take out his trash, and be grateful for what you have.  Consider it "other servcies provided".  Sheesh.


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RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 7:18:59 AM   
T1981


Posts: 557
Joined: 12/6/2008
Status: offline 		If there's one thing that can get on my nerves, it's my husband not doing his share of the housework. That makes me want to whack him upside the head with his cast iron skillet faster than anything else he does. BUT over the years - and this I discovered during the vanilla years - if it needs to be done, it needs to be done. I can't very well let the dishes sit until they get moldy.

So these days, I just bite my lip, do the work, and try to think of it as doing something nice for him.

Doesn't always stop the irritation, but it does keep it from boiling over whenever he gets home from work.


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RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 7:31:09 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		hmm see my last realtionship I went out to college and then I got home had to go to the shops and get food, cook, clean, do the dishes and the laundry and I went balistic in the end. It wouldnt have been so bad if he at least could decide what he wanted to eat but he never could and he did sweet fa all day, sat on his arse playing with the computer or tinkering with his car.

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RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 7:53:49 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		If you are a submissive and he is your Dominant, it propably will depend on the relationshikp dynamic. personally I'd have somne latitude in this because I do the primary dish washing and kitchen tidy but expect others to keep it tidy and someone else may complete the washing up or I'll complerte it after things have drain dried and beepput away. But the kitchen is my domain by choice.

If however, you identify as a slave,then you simply do as you are told. It mightn't seem fair but life isn't fair and a slave does as he or she is told without bitching about it. I don't give a rip about those so called slaves who disagree for they are not slaves as in the M/s dynamic but bratty subs, and wouldn't last a Dogs Watch in any M/s home I know of including Gorean Homes. If you can't hack it and expect your Dominant/Master to do house work after working long hours, you are not a slave, either walk away or sit with him and ask for the relationshiup dynamic to be altered to designate you as a sub..

< Message edited by IronBear -- 2/1/2009 7:56:15 AM >

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RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 8:19:13 AM   
Midearthtrainer


Posts: 67
Joined: 10/10/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

I love it when women choose to be in relationships with men who exert control over their lives and then grit their teeth when the "in charge" men won't do as they're told.

juliet


LOL - that is what I felt from the op post.

"His one comment to me when i took over the house (basically), was get it to the point of clean, and we (roomie and him) will work on keeping it clean when i am not around."
The thing influencing her too, is the roommate. If she is the one cleaning up all the time, then the roomate is being trained also. That is an area for the Master to handle.  He made it clear to her when he told her that they will work on it. If it wasn't clean before, what makes you think it will be after? Stop bitching.  The fact that you are still with him says that you want it. The fact that you are still bitching says that you have not accepted your slavery.

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RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 8:22:05 AM   
sklavinxandria


Posts: 61
Joined: 12/26/2004
From: Nebraska
Status: offline
So, is he living up to his part of the bargain?  His word to me was they would keep it clean when i am not able to be there or if life happens.  Gee, i was alway told that the Dom should live up to their word and keep their bargains.  Hrmm.. maybe that isn't as true as it seems. i am keeping my end of this up, and i dare anyone who doubts me.  All i am trying ot figure out is, hrm....  live up to your end or slack on it??? 

and i am sorry, but i am soo ticked off with people teling me i am no a slave..everyones def is different, so ehhh...screw it.  So i bitch and get to voice, he doesn't want a blowup doll and he knows he can get one with out a brain and  a backbone.


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RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 8:28:44 AM   
SassySarijane


Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline
quote:

His one comment to me when i took over the house (basically), was get it to the point of clean, and we (roomie and him) will work on keeping it clean when i am not around. 


Whether she is slave, sub, girlfriend or whatever, this is what he told her would be done. Does being master excuse him from keeping his word? If it was as bad as she said, then he wasn't even trying. I do think she has a right to be upset over it, it just probably won't do her any good to be. Ask him calmly if he has decided to change what he said he'd do so she is clear on how things are to be and decide from there if this is going to work.

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RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 8:43:29 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Gee, i was alway told that the Dom should live up to their word and keep their bargains.


And he/she will do this as well as any other person.  Just because someone calls himself a Dom/Master, this does not automatically mean that he is superior in keeping his words or bargains.    Maybe he's exhausted from working too much, or from having a slave who whines, or perhaps he's trying to find out if you can move beyond agreements and do more than is required in service.


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RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 9:01:44 AM   
sklavinxandria


Posts: 61
Joined: 12/26/2004
From: Nebraska
Status: offline
Never said i whine at him.  i come to the boards to vent/rant/whine/whatever you call it.  Do i get a free period with him where i can talk?  Yes.  Do i whine?  hell no!  i have not had a free period to talk to him yet about this and figure out if this is a once in a a blue moon type thing that happened or, if it does happen again what we will do about it.  

Hrm..guess i will do just as well as anyother person and see what happens. 


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RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 9:08:12 AM   
Midearthtrainer


Posts: 67
Joined: 10/10/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sklavinxandria


So, is he living up to his part of the bargain?  His word to me was they would keep it clean when i am not able to be there or if life happens.  Gee, i was alway told that the Dom should live up to their word and keep their bargains.  Hrmm.. maybe that isn't as true as it seems. i am keeping my end of this up, and i dare anyone who doubts me.  All i am trying ot figure out is, hrm....  live up to your end or slack on it??? 

and i am sorry, but i am soo ticked off with people teling me i am no a slave..everyones def is different, so ehhh...screw it.  So i bitch and get to voice, he doesn't want a blowup doll and he knows he can get one with out a brain and  a backbone.



His word to you was they would TRY. Human nature would tell you that he needs to be motivated in a different direction. You are not getting anywhere just bitching and getting fustrated at what you see when you go there. You get more flies with honey than with vinegar. How long would it be before you got sick and tired of me bitching at you night after night or everytime I saw you?

Try using positive words and compliment him on doing the little things. He puts the dishes in the sink when you are there. Compliment him for it.."Thank you Master for rinsing the dishes. It really helps."  Notice the difference between what he did and what you said he did?  Tomorow what will he remember more?  The act of putting the dishes in the sink or the compliment of rinsing the dishes? One month later...?

You stated that - "At the moment mine is working on implementing a project at work and has been there all weekend so i am not down there with him.  i know he is tired, and working his ass of to get this thing done and done right, that is what he is supposed to do. "  Then why do you expect the house to be picked up?

If you want to continue to use the word slave - understand that to most here that live M/s or Gorean, a slave puts Master first, no matter what. If that continues to irritate you, then you better have a long face to face with your Master about the dynamics in your relationship. Its not just being a slave during the good times, its the whole package; the good, the bad and the ugly. The good you enjoy. The bad you correct. The ugly you work on changing.

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RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 9:09:20 AM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		Slave or no slave, it's gross to come home to see someone living in filth. It takes may be 2 minutes to load/unload the washer, and get off your ass and take the trash out. It stinks. Two men should be more than capable to clean.

*Poke poke* "Clean your shit."

But then again, I am not a twue what-do-you-call-it.

On a side note, it's interesting to see the weal twue slaves popping in and stomping around, getting ruffled when someone doesn't want to clean up behind a guy who already said he'd take the trash out.


< Message edited by Lynnxz -- 2/1/2009 9:17:12 AM >

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