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RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 9:10:56 AM

sujuguete

Posts: 263
Joined: 7/3/2008
From: DC metro area
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When a slave submits to a Dom or Master, she submits her will to his. That means he gets his way. If it happens to be what she wants, too, then wonderful. But guess what? It doesn't always work out that way, and the slave just has to suck it up and deal with it. That's called "submitting." It's what slaves and submissives do.

You admit that he is working his ass off to get the project done at work, and you have the nerve to complain that he hasn't kept the kitchen clean? Get in there and clean it yourself. If turning on the dishwasher and taking out the trash seem like such easy things for him to do, even though it has never been a priority for him in the past, then it should be much easier for you to do it for him, since obviously it is a priority for you.

As for him keeping his word, isn't it possible that this particular project is so time-consuming that he can't clean the kitchen to your specifications? Have you asked him? Have you spoken to the roommate about why he/she isn't keeping up his/her end of the bargain? Or did you just feel like ranting to strangers on the internet, hoping they would tell you what a lazy slob your Master is?

_____________________________

"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For this reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything." ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

(in reply to sklavinxandria)

Post #: 21

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 9:18:57 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sujuguete

When a slave submits to a Dom or Master, she submits her will to his. That means he gets his way. If it happens to be what she wants, too, then wonderful. But guess what? It doesn't always work out that way, and the slave just has to suck it up and deal with it. That's called "submitting." It's what slaves and submissives do.

Unfortunatly or fortunatly in relationships we dont have to do anything, we dont have to suck it up. Its not one size fits all. If him not cleaning does not fit into their dynamic then it doesnt fit.

Submitting doesnt mean the same thing to all people

_____________________________

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(in reply to sujuguete)

Post #: 22

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 9:21:39 AM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
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Okay fine that your Dom is quite busy at work which is understandable. From what I get is the roomie is the one who maybe be slacking in helping to keep that kitchen clean? I mean, being a roomie means that he has a share of the responsibilities to help maintain a clean living area. Why not have a talk with the roomie and state that more effort on his part will be greatly appreciated, especially when you aren't there?
Wheteher a Dom should help, is entirely up to their own decision. Obviously you are frustrated by the lack of help when you're absent from the house. Why not the next time you have a time period to sit and talk with your Dom, calmly explain you're frustration over the garbage not being taken out or the dishwasher not being emptied?

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Post #: 23

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 9:23:56 AM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sujuguete

When a slave submits to a Dom or Master, she submits her will to his. That means he gets his way. If it happens to be what she wants, too, then wonderful. But guess what? It doesn't always work out that way, and the slave just has to suck it up and deal with it. That's called "submitting." It's what slaves and submissives do.

You admit that he is working his ass off to get the project done at work, and you have the nerve to complain that he hasn't kept the kitchen clean? Get in there and clean it yourself. If turning on the dishwasher and taking out the trash seem like such easy things for him to do, even though it has never been a priority for him in the past, then it should be much easier for you to do it for him, since obviously it is a priority for you.

As for him keeping his word, isn't it possible that this particular project is so time-consuming that he can't clean the kitchen to your specifications? Have you asked him? Have you spoken to the roommate about why he/she isn't keeping up his/her end of the bargain? Or did you just feel like ranting to strangers on the internet, hoping they would tell you what a lazy slob your Master is?

And why can't the roomie live up to his bargain of helping to keep the house clean too? I mean the roomies lives there also.

_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to sujuguete)

Post #: 24

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 9:35:04 AM

sujuguete

Posts: 263
Joined: 7/3/2008
From: DC metro area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: beargonewild

And why can't the roomie live up to his bargain of helping to keep the house clean too? I mean the roomies lives there also.

That's a good question, too. I'm not at all clear on what role the roomie plays in the power dynamic, or whether or not the Dom in question promised the roomie's help with or without the roomie's knowledge and consent.

_____________________________

"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For this reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything." ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

(in reply to beargonewild)

Post #: 25

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 9:40:27 AM

sujuguete

Posts: 263
Joined: 7/3/2008
From: DC metro area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

quote:

ORIGINAL: sujuguete

When a slave submits to a Dom or Master, she submits her will to his. That means he gets his way. If it happens to be what she wants, too, then wonderful. But guess what? It doesn't always work out that way, and the slave just has to suck it up and deal with it. That's called "submitting." It's what slaves and submissives do.

Unfortunatly or fortunatly in relationships we dont have to do anything, we dont have to suck it up. Its not one size fits all. If him not cleaning does not fit into their dynamic then it doesnt fit.

Submitting doesnt mean the same thing to all people

True, we can choose not to suck it up. But where does that lead us? We have taken authority away from the Dom if we refuse to accept his decision. At that point, does he accept our authority on that particular matter? Or do we dissolve the relationship because we refuse to let the Dom have his way?

I guess you're right that "submitting" means different things to different people, but I thought it at least meant we subjugated our own will to another when we chose to "submit" to that person.

Please understand, I'm not trying to flame you or argue. I truly don't understand how a D/s relationship can work if the s gets to call the shots whenever they want to.

_____________________________

"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For this reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything." ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 26

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 9:41:26 AM

LinnaeaBorealis

Posts: 8595
Joined: 10/5/2008
From: Insanity & beyond
Status: offline

Within my D/s dynamic, he would get a pass due to the fact that he is currently working so hard & is so focused on his work project. This happens to us & I don't complain, here or to them when I don't get what I want from them. I offer to do whatever I can to make their life easier & when they're no longer that focused away from me, they take the time to focus on me & what I have said I want. Sometimes life interferes & I prefer to be flexible about that. Just how it works best for us.

_____________________________

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Forget your perfect offering
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Just one of the yahoo's

(in reply to beargonewild)

Post #: 27

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 9:41:47 AM

Midearthtrainer

Posts: 67
Joined: 10/10/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

Slave or no slave, it's gross to come home to see someone living in filth. It takes may be 2 minutes to load/unload the washer, and get off your ass and take the trash out. It stinks. Two men should be more than capable to clean.

*Poke poke* "Clean your shit."

But then again, I am not a twue what-do-you-call-it.

She knew that going in. She knew what he was like. She knew what the place was like. She chose to stay. Handcuffs of her own making and now its becomming a burden. You don't post to the boards and then blow off the advice given, because it is not what you want to hear. If you have more than a few telling you the same thing, then instead of blowing them off, exam why?

This is why in Britian they have shows like, "How clean is your house". They show some filthy houses/flats and how to clean them using natural products. This morning I saw a house with a couple that had 6 kids and the place was worse than described here.

Change will only happen when the one needing it, wants it and is able to embrace it.

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 28

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 9:56:42 AM

OrionTheWolf

Posts: 7803
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline

Your words sound similar to a former slave I had. She was not able to accept certain things either, and instead of looking at it as life happens, wanted to hold me accountable to her standards. I let her keep those standards and voice, all the way out the door.

There is a difference between being a blow up doll and what is often expected of a slave. Instead of looking at whether he is living up to some end of a bargain (which I always consider it a bad idea to bargain with slaves), maybe you should look internally and gather more strength to either do it, or let it go for now. If something in a relationship becomes too much of a burden, then communicate it and you both determine if you can maintain it.

Yeah everyone may have their own definition, but when red becomes green, calling it red does not make it so. You asked for opinions and you are getting them. If you do not like the opinions, skip them, hide those user profile posts, or do not post in an open forum asking for opinions.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sklavinxandria

So, is he living up to his part of the bargain? His word to me was they would keep it clean when i am not able to be there or if life happens. Gee, i was alway told that the Dom should live up to their word and keep their bargains. Hrmm.. maybe that isn't as true as it seems. i am keeping my end of this up, and i dare anyone who doubts me. All i am trying ot figure out is, hrm.... live up to your end or slack on it???

and i am sorry, but i am soo ticked off with people teling me i am no a slave..everyones def is different, so ehhh...screw it. So i bitch and get to voice, he doesn't want a blowup doll and he knows he can get one with out a brain and a backbone.

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When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

(in reply to sklavinxandria)

Post #: 29

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 10:00:27 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

And why can't the roomie live up to his bargain of helping to keep the house clean too? I mean the roomies lives there also.

Maybe her master is too busy working to dominate the room mate into doing his/her chores?

_____________________________

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(in reply to beargonewild)

Post #: 30

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 10:07:35 AM

feydeplume

Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline

Should a submissive have to clean up after someone else as an act of submission to their Dom? hmmmm I guess that sort of depends on what they (the d and s) have actually agreed to and how much d/s there is, how long the relationship has been going on, how fulfilled both partners are (since breaking agreements can be a way of acting out and calling attention to a problem), how flexible the people are with the agreements and on and on.

Feel free to rant and rave, we all need to at times. It sucks to see all your hard work be for nothing at the end of the day (week, whatever). There is no right or wrong in feeling pissed and put apon when you feel that you have just become a free house cleaner.

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(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 31

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 10:12:11 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

I can't figure out what the OP wants. Do you want us to rant and rave on your behalf? Okay then...

Yes, DAMMIT! Despite the fact that he is working extra hours and is tired, he should be doing EXACTLY what he agreed he would try to do, no matter what! You shouldn't have to do anything that he agreed he would TRY to do! Don't let it enter your head that it might be an extra kindness to pick up the slack YOURSELF when he is overburdened! No, DAMMIT! Don't lift a finger more than you agreed! That will teach him! Bad Dom! Needs better training! No dom biscuit for him!

Cali

< Message edited by CalifChick -- 2/1/2009 10:13:03 AM >

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(in reply to feydeplume)

Post #: 32

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 10:14:56 AM

sklavinxandria

Posts: 61
Joined: 12/26/2004
From: Nebraska
Status: offline

Can i get those two gals from "How Clean is Your House" to come and do his? Get the petri dish out and get into under the stove?

What will probably happen... i will suck it up, shut down and just go into cleaning mode.. that ..he doesn't like, but it gets it cleaned and it gets me feeling better when i can focus on getting that house back to where he wants it and then i can focus on him.

Does it suck? yeah , but hey, life happens and wow, no matter what we think 24/7 isn't a bed of roses all the dang time.

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Post #: 33

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 10:21:15 AM

sklavinxandria

Posts: 61
Joined: 12/26/2004
From: Nebraska
Status: offline

What i was aiming for in the question was, if the sub/slave is gone, no matter the issue. Surgery, family things, work..whatever. Does the Dom/Master help around the house when they are gone or do they just sit and wait for them to return and clean up whatever they walk in on.

_____________________________

it is hard to smile while wearing a gas mask

Come to the dark side, we have cookies

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Post #: 34

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 10:21:33 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sujuguete

True, we can choose not to suck it up. But where does that lead us? We have taken authority away from the Dom if we refuse to accept his decision. At that point, does he accept our authority on that particular matter? Or do we dissolve the relationship because we refuse to let the Dom have his way?

I guess you're right that "submitting" means different things to different people, but I thought it at least meant we subjugated our own will to another when we chose to "submit" to that person.

Please understand, I'm not trying to flame you or argue. I truly don't understand how a D/s relationship can work if the s gets to call the shots whenever they want to.

Oh I agree, for me when I choose to submit I choose to submit to everything. I do stuff even if I dont enjoy it, but thats how it works for me. For others they choose to submit to what they want to submit to, and if both people in the relationhip think that it works than its no less a valid form of submission.

For me it wouldnt work if i got to pick and choose, but thats just me.

I dunno what the OP wants to be honest, if he is working more then she really cant expect him to do MORE cleaning that seems a little bad whether there is a D/s relationship in place or not.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to sujuguete)

Post #: 35

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 10:27:16 AM

chiaThePet

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

Owning up to one's personal responsibility is sign of good character.

However, we all trip over our perceived perfection at some point.

Now, if I came home and discovered he'd begun a Clydesdale breeding facility..............

chia* (the pet)

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Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to sklavinxandria)

Post #: 36

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 10:28:14 AM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

Was cleaning the house part of your relationship - or is this something that you have taken up to feel useful?
I'm surprised that the roomie hasn't told you to butt out. Its not your house, it isn't your mess - leave it alone, ignore it, and spent time with your Master.

It sounds to me that the intolerance of the mess is your problem - not your Master, and not his roomie.

Two adults are capable of cleaning - work or no work, so let them be adult. Leave the mess, stay out of the cleaning mode - which by the way - it sounds that your Master doesn't appreciate - and stay in the sub/slave mode. You are supposed to be what your Master wants - not what you think he should want.

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 37

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 10:29:30 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sklavinxandria
What i was aiming for in the question was, if the sub/slave is gone, no matter the issue. Surgery, family things, work..whatever. Does the Dom/Master help around the house when they are gone or do they just sit and wait for them to return and clean up whatever they walk in on.

No, that isn't what you said, that is exactly the OPPOSITE of what you said. You said he was working extra and was tired. You said NOTHING about him just sitting around waiting for you.

It is almost as if you are acting like YOU are working extra hours and are tired and he is just sitting around doing nothing. Is that what you meant to say in the OP???

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to sklavinxandria)

Post #: 38

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 10:38:38 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sklavinxandria

At the moment mine is working on implementing a project at work and has been there all weekend so i am not down there with him.

i know he is tired, and working his ass of to get this thing done and done right, that is what he is supposed to do.

Since i am not there the only thing i asked for was for him to please load the dishwasher and take out the trash.

i had to grit my teeth at what i saw in the kitchen, but i kept my mouth shut.

The catch is, he has a roomie who could load and unload the dishwasher and take out the trash, they haven't.

Think maybe working his ass off means he is too tired?

You asked, he didnt do it. That seems fine to me to be honest.

Why did you have to grit your teeth? Its only loading the dishwasher? Did he ask you to do it? If not why didnt you just leave it?

So maybe his roomie is lazy, it certainly isnt your partners responsibility to look after his room mate.

I am sorry but you really should re read what you wrote.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to sklavinxandria)

Post #: 39

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 10:42:56 AM

Midearthtrainer

Posts: 67
Joined: 10/10/2004
Status: offline

Why do you think that many equate taking on a slave with the same seriousness as a mormon marriage - for all eternity. That is life. Try those positive reenforcments/compliments. You will find that it will help both of you in your outlook to the power exchange.

BTW - leave out a petri dish or two. If asked, "I was trying to find out what I had to guard myself against."
Explain that one of the shows you saw, they showed a gentleman that the stuff growing in his home contributed to his asthma attacks/hospital visits(one a week) and after the cleaning/keeping it clean, his asthma was down significantly(one in three months).

(in reply to sklavinxandria)

Post #: 40

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