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RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 11:15:11 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

I can't figure out what the OP wants. Do you want us to rant and rave on your behalf? Okay then...

Can I have a go at it?

I'm not gonna suck his cock ever again until he does the dishes and the trash. That'll teach him about who the boss is in this relationship!

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 41

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 11:52:21 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sklavinxandria

Does the Dom/Master help around the house when they are gone or do they just sit and wait for them to return and clean up whatever they walk in on.

You seem to think that there's some Dom Manual that contains rules.

The Dom/Master is in charge. That means that he does what he feels to be correct, regardless of what strangers on an Internet board say.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to sklavinxandria)

Post #: 42

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 12:17:13 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I'm not sure why the op is over there when her d type is working all weekend. I think she should stay at her place, doing stuff to keep herself happy, seeing her friends, cleaning her own house. When he gets some free time and asks her over, that's when she should ask if it's clean enough for her to face walking in on.

She sure shouldn't have to be cleaning up after the roommate though. And if he said he'll get to the dishes and the trash, then allow him to get to them when he discovers there aren't any clean dishes and the garbage is all over the floor. In the meantime she should decline to clean up his and his roommate's mess and invite him over to her place.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 43

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 12:19:52 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

So, should a Dom help at times and pick up the slack? Master when i was with him, he would help with laundry and dishes and putting stuff away, but i think this one, i need to train.

There is no should! It is all dependent on the relationship your in. I know my girls would have a simple answer for you...

"Not in our relationship... he will decide if wants to pick up the slack or not and it is definitely not our place to train him as you are implying!"

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to sklavinxandria)

Post #: 44

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 1:56:48 PM

oceanwynds

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

Personally when I started to read the OP I thought she was the Dom of their relationship. There are times when I get frustrated with Sir, but it would not even cross my mind to 'train' him or even ask for his help. True I do not live with him, but when I do visit I do not assume he has kept his home in the style I see fit. When married, I never expected my late husband to live by my rules either.

oceanwynds

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 45

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 2:07:38 PM

ALAstella

Posts: 253
Joined: 12/3/2008
Status: offline

Take out the papers and the trash
Or you won't get to touch my ass
If you don't scrub that kitchen floor
I ain't gonna be submitting no more
Yakety yak
Don't talk back

Get that roomie out his room
And get him busy with a broom
Get all that garbage out of sight
Or we ain't playing Friday night
Yakety yak
Don't talk back

You just put on your coat and hat
And walk your domly self to the laundromat
And while you're doing that
I'll update my thread on Collarchat
Yakety yak
Don't talk back

Don't you give me no dirty looks
I'm a slave I know what cooks
Just tell your domly friends outside
You ain't taking me for a ride
Yakety yak
Don't talk back

Yakety yak, yakety yak
Yakety yak, yakety yak..

(repeat ad nauseum)

original by The Coasters

_____________________________

The Resident Artistes (by GT)

New Year's Day 2009.
When you don't understand the reason why, that's love.

http://www.simply-q.org
http://www.q-fringe.org

(in reply to sklavinxandria)

Post #: 46

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 2:19:13 PM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

The way you phrased it, I originally thought he was a submissive, and you were his Domme! Usually slaves and submissives don't go around asking how to train their Dom or Master to do housework.

In my last relationship, I sometimes did dishes, laundry, or other housework, but usually he preferred to take care of it himself, so we could spend our time together doing other things. If something specifically bothered me because it was too messy, I would offer to take care of it, and let him determine whether to allow me to, or if he wanted it to wait for another time.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 47

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 2:24:29 PM

NCNutCase

Posts: 129
Joined: 2/2/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

There is no should! It is all dependent on the relationship your in.

This is the obvious answer to me...

I think it's safe to say their relationship is not 24/7 Master/slave... as a slave would live with their Master. This is by no means a criticism, smiply my personal point of view...

I personally choose to live in a clean environment and if/when there isn't someone else to do a chore, I do it myself so I can be more comfortable in my environment. Yet at the same time I know their are other people in the world who would have higher standards than me, and if they want my home to be up to their standards they are quite welcome to clean my house for me.

If I get overburdened with life responsibilities to keep my home up to my own standards, and my submissive/slave/girlfriend/friend/neighbor/whoever had a complaint, I'd gladly tell them to kiss my xxx. It's not like the guy spent all weekend jacking off... he was working...

That being said... any relationship is a process of give and take. Decide what you have to give, and what you're willing to take... keeping in mind he is making the same evaluation...

I can understand the arguement that he made an agreement to do his part to keep things clean when you aren't doing so... and in your perspective he isn't doing this. Just keep in mind why he didn't do so... And communicate openly about your concern before you hate him over it...

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 48

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 2:36:23 PM

sklavinxandria

Posts: 61
Joined: 12/26/2004
From: Nebraska
Status: offline

Naa..don't hate him. There will be talk about this, figure out what to do in the future and who knows maybe the the roomie to get off of WoW and take out the trash or put their plate in the dishwasher.

For the record.. i am at my own house he is at work waiting on the testing of some dang software time clock thing..i don't know i try very hard to get it, but i just don't.

_____________________________

it is hard to smile while wearing a gas mask

Come to the dark side, we have cookies

(in reply to NCNutCase)

Post #: 49

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 2:50:02 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

~Fast Reply~

Ok... I'm going to throw out the terms and labels and just say that if the person I loved was working really hard and keeping long hours, I'd help them out because I love them and they are working hard. Val covered my ass when I was doing theatre and wasn't coming home much at all, I'd do the same for him in a heartbeat. I'd expect to see that in any loving relationship honestly, regardless of d/s.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Midearthtrainer)

Post #: 50

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 4:02:53 PM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

sklavinxandria, I feel that I get the gist to your original post. The simple question was whether or not a Dom should be accountable for keeping their word. The simple answer is yes, but there are often extenuating circumstances. From the rest of your post this certainly appears true.

In my relationship I am considered a 24/7 on call slave. Basically that means that I do not live with my Master but he could contact me at any time and in any manner and I would immediately respond to him. However the two of you define your slavery is great.

I find that sometimes teasing is the best way to get a point across. I might say something like, "Did you realize that after a certain point meat turns green?" to point out that leftovers have been mutating. Or a comment that shows kindness, such as looking around and then saying, "you must have really been working hard, poor baby", can get the point across that you realize that nothing has been done yet your main concern is for him. If you seriously believe that he has not kept his word to you then it should be addressed, but when both of you are calm and cool. You should give him a chance to explain the circumstances, and perhaps make suggestions (such as the roommate helping out) in case a similar situation comes up again.

You have every right to rant, just as everyone answering you has the right to their perspective. There are many here who truly believe that taking on the title of "slave" goes hand in hand with "suck it up".

_____________________________

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 51

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 4:28:08 PM

oceanwynds

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

Always great to see one of your songs Stella:)
Thanks for the chuckle

oceanwynds

(in reply to ALAstella)

Post #: 52

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 5:28:30 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sklavinxandria
What i was aiming for in the question was, if the sub/slave is gone, no matter the issue. Surgery, family things, work..whatever. Does the Dom/Master help around the house when they are gone or do they just sit and wait for them to return and clean up whatever they walk in on.

That is no not what I understood from your first post.

The answer to this question is 'it depends'. In our house, if he wants to pick up the slack he will.

One of the benefits of having more than one slave in the house is that one is available to pick up the slack if the other is gone. Even then, Alandra and I are only required to pick up the slack if he instructs us to. We each have different responsibilities within the family. Her main one is the house and mine is working at a job outside of the house.

In October, he allowed her to get a temporary job and she was away from the house for long hours. He did not require me to pick up all of her responsibilities; only the ones that he decided needed to be done then. When I was so sick, Alandra was only required to do my assigned chores when he told her to.

For the last couple of months, he has been away from the house a lot. Up until this weekend, he has been able to come home so that we can do his laundry and repack his bag. He had to do his own laundry this weekend and this past week he has been cooking his own meals. The 'mini-KoM's' all had a good laugh over him cooking food. I think one of the comments was, "Does he even know how to cook?"

Domestic duties are not something that you will find him doing much of; he is a good delegator of these activities though. He prefers carpentry and doing the odd handy man jobs around the house. However, when he wants to he will get his own lunch and serve himself even when Alandra and I are in the house. He will even put his dishes in the dishwasher and straighten up a room or two. But if Alandra and I ever started expecting this from him we would be set straight right away.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to sklavinxandria)

Post #: 53

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 6:02:43 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

The problem I see here with her picking up the slack is that she becomes the de facto slave of the roommate and she didn't consent to this. Nor did she sign on to do the housework in two houses.

If you live together, then you of course pick up the slack for one another. But they don't live together and she never said she wanted to serve his roommate.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 54

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 6:22:28 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

The problem I see here with her picking up the slack is that she becomes the de facto slave of the roommate and she didn't consent to this. Nor did she sign on to do the housework in two houses.

If you live together, then you of course pick up the slack for one another. But they don't live together and she never said she wanted to serve his roommate.

well... I don't know what she signed up to do since she never really stated it in a clear manner... If she signed up to a complete transfer of authority to her Master... then she signed up to obey every and any decision her Master chooses to make and if that decision is to pick up the stuff of the room mate.. so be it she signed up for that. If there is actually Limited Transfer of Authorty.. then hopefully then her "master" is living within those limitations and she is also obeying decisions within those limitations.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 55

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 8:23:16 PM

ODschainedangel

Posts: 69
Joined: 10/4/2004
Status: offline

I am not sure of the relationship between the Dom the OP. When I looked at her profile I am became even more confused.

As for the OP's question in general, if I understand it they are living in seperate homes. We have no way of knowing if it was one of the agreements between them that she be his personal housekeeper as well as play mate.

If the slave/sub and Master live together then I feel it is up to the Master how much of the house work if any he wishes to do. If the sub/slave is ill or away for some reason again is up to him how he wants to live while she is away. When she gets well or comes back if he has not cleaned up then to me it would be obvious that the Master was not going to be doing housework even if I was sick or away. I would just clean it up. There are way to many things to worry about in this world to spend time worrying if my Master wishes to take out the trash or not.

What does bother me about this post is the roommate. I would have no problem serving as a maid in my Master's home for HIM. I would have a problem with picking up after a roommate. I did not submit to this roommate or take him to care for. I would then be talking to my Master but I would be sure in how I worded things. I believe it comes down to how we say things to others in life. People need to learn how to communicate without making others defensive. Words like: You make me feel, you should do A and B makes people defensive. I try to start my cofersations by using words like I feel. No one can make you feel something you decide to feel that way and you decide how to react to how you feel.

I would let my Master know I love serving him and taking care of his home but that I feel his roommate is taking advantage of him having me as his slave. I would ask him if he could please talk to his roommate about helping more with his own stuff.

To put my answer simple about should Doms pick up the slack. A Master can pick up the slack if he decides to it is not our place as a slave to tell them what we want them to do.

Just my thoughts
Angel

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 56

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 8:26:28 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

The more I read, the more I shake my head. You don't even live there, and you are bitching that he is not doing his part at his house. I still can't get over the "training" him remark. What is he going to say when you tell him you said that? You ARE going to tell him, right?

I would think your question should be, "how do I respectfully indicate that I am upset that he did not do what he said he would try to do?" And even then... why not just submit? Why not just be quiet, clean what needs to be cleaned, and accept that he is working long hours. If it continues, THEN you can bring it up for discussion.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 57

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 8:36:52 PM

sklavinxandria

Posts: 61
Joined: 12/26/2004
From: Nebraska
Status: offline

Okie, fine, you can't get over something, then umm...stop reading and posting..

i mean christ it isn't like i stormed down there today, kicked in the damn door and laid it on the table and beat his ass with the single tail.

i am venting here, so that guess what.. i don't lay into him and screw up something that is going good. And..since honestly , you are not part of my dynamics with him why should i tell him i said that? You expect me to? If so, hunny, that ain't happening no matter what you think. Am i going to say something about how that place will look. Yeah, probably, or gee..i might just suck it up like i have done in the past with him and the house. Shut down mentally and just clean..which gee will lead to him worried about things, and me getting up set and making things worse.

And hey, i like the idea of the petri dish, or mentioning about biological grade weapons being produced from bacon grease that is left sitting out on the counter for 4 days, i seriously wonder if Al-Qaeda would be interesting in buying it.

And on the why not just shut up, take it with a smile on my face attitude. i took that crap for a lot longer than i care to and he knows that.

_____________________________

it is hard to smile while wearing a gas mask

Come to the dark side, we have cookies

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 58

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 8:52:47 PM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sklavinxandria

maybe the the roomie to get off of WoW

I think I found the problem here.

_____________________________

HBIC

(in reply to sklavinxandria)

Post #: 59

RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 8:59:33 PM

sklavinxandria

Posts: 61
Joined: 12/26/2004
From: Nebraska
Status: offline

and btw, my rules state that if there are dishes left out for more than 24 hrs or food..it is my ass that is grass. Fine, sure no problem if i am there... the rules do not have a clause where it says,,hey guess what.. life got in the way!

So, i am trying to figure out now how to get this fixed so that if it happens next time, it isn't my ass in a sling for our lives deciding that they need attention outside of what we consider to be 24/7. Cause honestly, i did that for almost 10 years with the German and wow, it didn't always work.

_____________________________

it is hard to smile while wearing a gas mask

Come to the dark side, we have cookies

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 60

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