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RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 9:20:55 PM   
BeIgnited


Posts: 191
Joined: 6/23/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

The problem I see here with her picking up the slack is that she becomes the de facto slave of the roommate and she didn't consent to this. Nor did she sign on to do the housework in two houses.

If you live together, then you of course pick up the slack for one another. But they don't live together and she never said she wanted to serve his roommate.


See, I read it that these were her standards of cleanliness which she had imposed on her master's living space which he has apparently agreed to uphold.

If this is the case, I think it's less about her being forced to clean up after the roommate (as it does not seem to be her master who is bothered by the mess), but about her wanting the roommate to conform to her standards of cleanliness and being bothered when s/he doesn't listen. Were my roommate's significant other trying to tell me what to do in my own home, I probably wouldn't either.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 9:21:52 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sklavinxandria


if it does happen again what we will do about it.  




If what happens again?  If he neglects to take out the trash???  It's not as if he did something dishonorable here. He failed to straighten up the house after working extra hours.  To me, that seems pretty minor.  My suggestion is to get this into the correct perspective.    

Ok, yes, he said he would keep the place clean in your absence, but maybe his idea of clean is different than yours, or maybe he was just dog-tired and didn't feel like doing it.  Everyone has days like that. Unless you live with him, is this really that big of a deal for you?  I'm not trying to be harsh here,  but it almost looks like you have control issues to be so anal over something so small.

(in reply to sklavinxandria)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 10:13:36 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sklavinxandria



and btw, my rules state that if there are dishes left out for more than 24 hrs or food..it is my ass that is grass.  Fine, sure no problem if i am there... the rules do not have a clause where it says,,hey guess what.. life got in the way! 

So, i am trying to figure out now how to get this fixed so that if it happens next time, it isn't my ass in a sling for our lives deciding that they need attention outside of what we consider to be 24/7.  Cause honestly, i did that for almost 10 years with the German and wow, it didn't always work.



You're pulling a Concept Trap and in my Opinion this is worse than topping from the bottom. In My home this is a HUGE NO-NO. What I get that you are implying is that:

The Rules State that things must be taken care of in 24 hours and you want those rules to be applied to himself as well as you.

The Truth of the matter is things are the way he wants to them to be. If he isn't okay with the situation then he will do something about it, but it isn't your place to impose upon him what he needs to do. And by using his rules to do it makes you look smug and shallow and petty.

In my home, I do what I feel is too overwhelming for andi, should the house go to hell over a weekend and I see that she is busting her ass to get things done then I will help out do the dishes of clean up the Livingroom or pick up the office. BUT she also knows that these things are her duties NOT MINE. I help because I am not a douche bag, I understand how much it can me to do a little extra, however if andi started insisting that I do certain things that she normally does because she isn't able to do them. Yeah that would be a very bad day in our home.

I think you are losing the point of WHY you do what you do for him. Expecting him to do ANYTHING outside of the normal settings of your relationship is just asking for trouble.

So far it also seems you havent heard a word anyone has said you are just looking for someone to agree with you so that you can feel justified in your little tantrum.

Seriously Take yourself down off that Cross and use the wood and Nails to build yourself a bridge and just get over this lil issue you got. Eventually things will go right back to the way that they were.

Steel

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(in reply to sklavinxandria)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 10:18:41 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sklavinxandria



and btw, my rules state that if there are dishes left out for more than 24 hrs or food..it is my ass that is grass.  Fine, sure no problem if i am there... the rules do not have a clause where it says,,hey guess what.. life got in the way! 




This thread is confusing to me.  But information is coming out in bits, I think, so maybe I have it all pieced together now.  My understanding is:

* You don't live together.  You have your residence and he has a separate residence which he shares with a roommate
* It is your responsibility to tend to the dishes and trash within 24 hours. 

Is that rule just in your residence? Or does it apply to his residence as well?  If it is a rule for your residence, then obey the rule and don't worry about who is or isn't doing what at his residence.  If it is a rule to tend to these things at his residence if he happens to be staying there instead of yours, then go to his place and take care of it.  He said he would try to take care of it himself, while there.  Be grateful he considered relieving you of this.  Since he hasn't been able to do it, then ask him if he wants you to take care of it for him, or to leave it alone?  If he wants you to take care of it, then take care of it.

I agree with others who have said if their partners are working hard and unable to tend to basic domestic cares, I'd want to go help them.  The roommate leaving a mess makes things tricky but maybe your dom has decided to just not worry about the domestic chores right now and you're having all this stress over nothing.

I'm guessing a simple conversation would clear this all up.

By the way, your comment of "So i bitch and get to voice, he doesn't want a blowup doll and he knows he can get one with out a brain and  a backbone." was rude to those slaves who are bright, intelligent, and are quite happy taking care of their masters' needs in any capacity.  It implies that those who have no desire to bitch don't have brains or backbones. 


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(in reply to sklavinxandria)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 10:55:47 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		I don't see it as serving the housemate at all. Either she wants the house to meet her own standards, or she wants her Master to be comfortable in his house, so she is meeting her own needs, or serving him.

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Picking up the slack - 2/1/2009 11:02:06 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sklavinxandria



and btw, my rules state that if there are dishes left out for more than 24 hrs or food..it is my ass that is grass.  Fine, sure no problem if i am there... the rules do not have a clause where it says,,hey guess what.. life got in the way! 

So, i am trying to figure out now how to get this fixed so that if it happens next time, it isn't my ass in a sling for our lives deciding that they need attention outside of what we consider to be 24/7.  Cause honestly, i did that for almost 10 years with the German and wow, it didn't always work.



I've got a good solution: Talk to him and tell him that you've realized that your rules don't allow for life getting in the way and you'd like to fix that. Then figure out what defines life getting in the way.

Personally, since you don't live there and you aren't the dom I'm pretty tempted to side with the "It's not your problem" crowd. Regardless of the fact that I'm not in your dynamic I don't see a lot of love or respect on your part for this person - just very upset that he isn't doing what you think he should do despite you knowing that he is overworked at the moment. You don't seem concerned at all that he is being worked so hard - only that things aren't perfectly fair because he should have to do everything you do regardless of anything else.

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(in reply to sklavinxandria)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Picking up the slack - 2/2/2009 3:51:22 AM   
colouredin


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Joined: 2/2/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sklavinxandria
Am i going to say something about how that place will look.  Yeah, probably, or gee..i might just suck it up like i have done in the past with him and the house.  Shut down mentally and just clean..which gee will lead to him worried about things, and me getting up set and making things worse.


Im sorry but sweets you need to relax. If this is going to cause problems then you really do have to talk about it. And sort it out in whatever way works for you. You are right when you say that none of us know what goes on in your relationship. That is fine but then you cant expect advise from us either. The thing is this to me makes no sense and it wouldnt happen in the types of relationship that I have and I am sure that the same is true for other people here. They are responding to you with their own take on what a D/s relationship is. So really you should just talk about it with the only person that will understand where you are coming from, him.

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(in reply to sklavinxandria)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Picking up the slack - 2/2/2009 9:32:15 AM   
FRSguy


Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		I would pick up the slack and use it as a topic of "fun" later. Everything has to get done and that is the most important thing.  His priorities need to be kept up so to speak so its something where you should not cause stress in him durring the times he is needed ellseware however that can be a lot of fun in pointing out how much work you had to do.

(in reply to sklavinxandria)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Picking up the slack - 2/2/2009 10:54:53 AM   
Jeptha


Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

This thread is confusing to me. But information is coming out in bits, I think, so maybe I have it all pieced together now. My understanding is:

* You don't live together. You have your residence and he has a separate residence which he shares with a roommate
* It is your responsibility to tend to the dishes and trash within 24 hours.

Is that rule just in your residence? Or does it apply to his residence as well? ...
OP, I think this is the problem: your post wasn't very clear initially, and has barely become clearer since.

So, I take it that it is your responsibility to clean up at his place, also.
Even though you do not live there.

If that is correct, then that piece didn't become clear until much later in the thread.

< Message edited by Jeptha -- 2/2/2009 10:55:38 AM >

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Picking up the slack - 2/2/2009 11:01:47 AM   
sklavinxandria


Posts: 61
Joined: 12/26/2004
From: Nebraska
Status: offline
At the moment, no, i am not living there.  They are in the process of moving to a larger house.  the 24 hr rule is at his house.  At mine, i load when done with dishes and trash goes out when it needs to be taken out.




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Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Picking up the slack - 2/2/2009 11:10:16 AM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		I think you are perceiving that he hasn't kept up his part of the bargain and that is the crux of the matter more than the details which are the household chores. 
Every dynamic/relationship is different. 
Sounds like you two need to talk. 
  Davan

_____________________________

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-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

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(in reply to Lynnxz)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Picking up the slack - 2/2/2009 12:22:08 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

I don't see it as serving the housemate at all. Either she wants the house to meet her own standards, or she wants her Master to be comfortable in his house, so she is meeting her own needs, or serving him.


If she wants her master to have a clean house, then she is cleaning up after the roommate as well. No way around it. That, for me, would be the sticking point.

As long as these two males know this female will come over and be their mother for them, they will continue to leave it a mess. Is she supposed to do the roommate's dirty underwear if he leaves it in the living room? Or does she have to write the M's name on his like he was going to camp so she can pick it up and then decide if she has to wash it?

And what is he master of if he is apparently incapable of taking a bag of trash out with him while heading to his car instead of letting it spill over the floor?

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(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Picking up the slack - 2/2/2009 1:02:29 PM   
NCNutCase


Posts: 129
Joined: 2/2/2005
Status: offline 		Who said he is 'incapable' of taking the trash out... the guy work extra hours one weekend and slacked on a couple of chores...

So many of the responses trashing this guy act as if he is spending all his time jacking off on the couch while barking orders...

I don't know the full details of their life or the situation, so I'm rational enough not to assume and hang someone based on my assuptions.

Sklavinxandria, so it's been a couple of days... have you had a chance to talk to him about this? How did that conversation go?

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Picking up the slack - 2/2/2009 7:38:42 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
If she wants her master to have a clean house, then she is cleaning up after the roommate as well. No way around it. That, for me, would be the sticking point.

Sure, she's cleaning up after him, however, the motivation is to serve her Master (or just to make herself more comfortable when she visits) not to serve the roommate.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Picking up the slack - 2/2/2009 8:01:13 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		By proxy she's serving the roommate by serving her Master. Her Master's house means anything and everything in it no matter who made the mess unless they have some kind of agreement that says otherwise. That would be my understanding but then again I tend to not nitpick about such things and figure it's Master's house. If it  needs cleaned then I clean it..no questions, nagging or bitching about it. Just do it and shut up or I am always free to leave.


(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Picking up the slack - 2/3/2009 5:42:31 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		As I see it, I'm of the view that the OP needs to have a good sit down talk with her Master/Dominant and have the whole dynamic rehashed. Personally, I'd rather the Dominant sort out the house mate and kick his arse for being slack..

As for the OP's earlier comment in reply to my first post that different people have different definitions of slavery, I'm willing to bet that the majority of the Masters here in a M/s relarionship rarely differ in what a slave is and what a slave does and does not do. It is not suprising that this will be much in line with the Gorean view too.. A slave who wants to walk too far from that is more likely to be a sub pretending to be a slave and that too is ok if that is what is wanted. In fact I do personally a number of subs who identify as subs and are owned 24/7 and are more like slaves but it is not how they identify themselves or their Dominants identify them, this too is ok.   

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(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Picking up the slack - 2/3/2009 7:15:19 AM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline
quote:

His one comment to me when i took over the house (basically), was get it to the point of clean, and we (roomie and him) will work on keeping it clean when i am not around.



I am gathering this is a fairly new relationship that you are seeing him on  weekends

It appears they were total  slobs before you became involved and you are now expecting them to at least make an effort to help keep the house sanity  now that you have went in and  did a major cleaning   you are probably not saying no to some housework like dusting , vaccuuming  and laundry  when you get there but   at minimum  they should be able to bag and take outside garbage one  time  mid week(this takes only a couple of minutes) rather than having  a  rotting week old chicken carcass stinking up the house for you to face or  a pot of leftovers with hairy stuff growing in  it again only a couple of minutes needed out of the day to rince and place in a dishwasher instead of  leaving a weeks wortht littering the counters, sink and tables... over the course of the week it is likely a 1/2 hour work to do these tasks or 5 to 10 minutes a day  to help maintain sanity conditions.

The fact is they are slobs and that is not likely to change..so if you want to have him in your life expect to be cleaning up after him,  or possibly he might be agreeable to hiring a maid service to come in once a week if you offer him a hand in arranging



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(in reply to sklavinxandria)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Picking up the slack - 2/3/2009 10:08:05 AM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline 		^^^^Yep. Grown ass men can't be bothered to take out stinky trash? I cannot imagine the state of the rest of  the place, let alone their personal hygeine. Grow up.

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(in reply to Lynnxz)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Picking up the slack - 2/3/2009 10:36:37 AM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sklavinxandria

Can i get those two gals from "How Clean is Your House" to come and do his?  Get the petri dish out and get into under the stove?

What will probably happen... i will suck it up, shut down and just go into cleaning mode.. that ..he doesn't like, but it gets it cleaned and it gets me feeling better when i can focus on getting that house back to where he wants it and then i can focus on him.

Does it suck?  yeah , but hey, life happens and wow, no matter what we think 24/7 isn't a bed of roses all the dang time. 



< glancing over at my stove, under which I don't believe I've cleaned in the 10 years of owning this home and I'm relatively sure there's no petri dish under there.  I don't clean under my fridge either, aaaaaaaargh!  :>  > 
You're clearly uncomfortable.  I think it's about more than just these details upon which you're focusing.  And, your 'cleaning mode' sounds like a hostile, passive-aggressive fit.  Could you have 'cleaning mode' without the attitude and if so, how do you think that would positively or negatively impact the totality of what's bothering you?
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

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(in reply to sklavinxandria)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Picking up the slack - 2/3/2009 11:47:53 AM   
sklavinxandria


Posts: 61
Joined: 12/26/2004
From: Nebraska
Status: offline
Not seeing him on weekends.  Unless at work we are together (the sites you can visit quick with your own lappy at work).  We saw eachother last night and i told him about asking that they just take out the trash.  i did get the kitchen cleaned, didn't take hours. Other things all all caught up.  He said that i wasn't required to get it done that day, my reply, yes i was, it is in the rules that if it isn't done it is my butt in the sling and that there isn't a clause for when this happens.  He looked over things, found that there wasn't a clause, and we worked in something so that if this happens again at least, given the situation, they will pitch in.  Now, not meaning if i have a night out they will do stuff, but if the long work weekends or family interfers things will be taken care of. 

The list of housework is what he worked up, not me, it is his standards for that house that i am living up to. 

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(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 80
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