Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Too much info


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Too much info Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Too much info - 2/1/2009 6:39:06 AM   
torturedmuse


Posts: 38
Joined: 1/18/2009
Status: offline 		I have this issue with my M, which is slightly unusual for us.  I love rape scenes, I love watching them, being in them, the total package.  I know that M is very aware of what this does to me, or atleast has some idea.

I have talked to him about this and the whole idea turns him on very much also.  The problem is as we are starting the scene, he always says something like "do you want me to rape you?", or "I might rape you, what do you think about that?"..almost asking permission in ways.  He also tells me things as he is going to do them or before such as, "I am going to rape that ass of mine." or something along that line.  Well, this totally shuts down my engine and I try not talking hoping he will just do it, but he keeps saying it.  I have said before that it's not quite rape honey if you tell me as you are doing it and finding out if it's ok..lol.  Yet when we are doing it again, he does the same thing.

I want to be surprised, blindfolded, perhaps tied up, used, abused..etc. by him during this scene.  I want to kick, push him away, and have him take over everything and put me in my place.

Now, don't get me wrong..I think it's good he wants to make sure it's what I want and all.  I think though after 3 yrs together it's time for him to just do the thing without us talking about it.  I don't like to have any control in our play at all, yet it seems like that control is given to me. 

I am really not sure where to go with this now.  Should I just let it go and get from it what I can?  Is there another way for me to approach him about it?  At this point I am usually pretty good about this stuff, but I admit I am stumped over this whole thing.


(btw, I was raped for real and the scenes don't give me flashbacks or anything (only movies or books about it)..and I also know this isn't everyone's kink, and that's fine.)


_____________________________

~I have been collared since October 6, 2006~
My submission is gift to him, as his dominance is a gift to me.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Too much info - 2/1/2009 6:41:02 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Why not tell him just what you have said here? Seems pretty clear to me.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to torturedmuse)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Too much info - 2/1/2009 6:47:00 AM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		Does he have a "thing" for hearing you agree to or ask for "naughty" things? If he does, he might just be caught up in the moment and getting his jollies. What ever your communication methods are, they aren't working on this one point so try a different method of communication. Maybe ask him WHY he doesn't follow through on this one point instead of telling him how much you would like to try it.

Worst case? Put a gag on him. (j/k mods!)


_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Too much info - 2/1/2009 7:01:00 AM   
Viking777


Posts: 2
Joined: 1/31/2009
Status: offline 		As a Master , why the question at all your master has missed the point of being a Master. The Master just does never asks it betrays the role of Master, I would lose control of my trained slave if I even began to think that the slave had a right to any tought, desire or wish. Every action pleasurable or painful "I The Master" decide. All she can do is submit.
If you have to tell him that its ok. who is the Slave??????

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Too much info - 2/1/2009 7:03:13 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Viking777

As a Master , why the question at all your master has missed the point of being a Master. The Master just does never asks it betrays the role of Master, I would lose control of my trained slave if I even began to think that the slave had a right to any tought, desire or wish. Every action pleasurable or painful "I The Master" decide. All she can do is submit.
If you have to tell him that its ok. who is the Slave??????



we live in a real world...a slave doesn't have to do anything...she choses to do so.

(in reply to Viking777)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Too much info - 2/1/2009 7:18:40 AM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		Yanno what? An unhappy or unfulfilled slave becomes and anxious slave. As the anxiety grows, it makes room for resentment and dissatisfaction. The trust/faith/submission starts to fail and negative expectations start to override positive expectations. By posting here, she is showing that she is already in a not so happy place. It isn't just about getting one fantasy fulfilled. It is about a tremble in the trust/dynamic/relationship between them because her M isn't being what she needs/wants. That is actually rather serious when you think about it huh?

_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to JustDarkness)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Too much info - 2/1/2009 7:22:08 AM   
torturedmuse


Posts: 38
Joined: 1/18/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: feydeplume

Does he have a "thing" for hearing you agree to or ask for "naughty" things? If he does, he might just be caught up in the moment and getting his jollies. What ever your communication methods are, they aren't working on this one point so try a different method of communication. Maybe ask him WHY he doesn't follow through on this one point instead of telling him how much you would like to try it.

Worst case? Put a gag on him. (j/k mods!)



Hmm..I do think this has something to do with it.  He for sure likes dirty talk while we are playing, I am not much for it myself.  He asks me things and talks to me..etc. 

This might be the key to the whole thing I suppose.


_____________________________

~I have been collared since October 6, 2006~
My submission is gift to him, as his dominance is a gift to me.
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Too much info - 2/1/2009 7:24:43 AM   
torturedmuse


Posts: 38
Joined: 1/18/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JustDarkness


quote:

ORIGINAL: Viking777

As a Master , why the question at all your master has missed the point of being a Master. The Master just does never asks it betrays the role of Master, I would lose control of my trained slave if I even began to think that the slave had a right to any tought, desire or wish. Every action pleasurable or painful "I The Master" decide. All she can do is submit.
If you have to tell him that its ok. who is the Slave??????



we live in a real world...a slave doesn't have to do anything...she choses to do so.



Yeah, what he said.


I wonder if maybe he wants to make sure it doesn't bother me because of my past rape, but then again I think by now he knows it doesn't as we have talked about rape play since the beginning.

I do wonder if it's the talking part that turns him on.  Now, it's finding how to take care of his desires in that, along with the "rape" part I desire so much from him.


_____________________________

~I have been collared since October 6, 2006~
My submission is gift to him, as his dominance is a gift to me.
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Too much info - 2/1/2009 7:26:52 AM   
T1981


Posts: 557
Joined: 12/6/2008
Status: offline 		I was originally going to say "If he's your Master and he wants to talk it out, then by god, talk it out" until I saw that you two had been together for 3 years. It's very frustrating to feel like you're not being pushed or challenged, and Fey brings up a marvelous point about an unhappy slave is an anxious one.

So I'm going with the first poster's advice, that what you wrote here was very clear and consise and perhaps you should share this with him.


_____________________________

"Nothing is pointless, every single thing you do resonates." -Pintsize

(in reply to torturedmuse)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Too much info - 2/1/2009 7:29:31 AM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		Morrning T! Nice to see you on.

OP: Isn't funny how a few words can change the whole mood?


_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to T1981)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Too much info - 2/1/2009 7:30:14 AM   
torturedmuse


Posts: 38
Joined: 1/18/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: feydeplume

Yanno what? An unhappy or unfulfilled slave becomes and anxious slave. As the anxiety grows, it makes room for resentment and dissatisfaction. The trust/faith/submission starts to fail and negative expectations start to override positive expectations. By posting here, she is showing that she is already in a not so happy place. It isn't just about getting one fantasy fulfilled. It is about a tremble in the trust/dynamic/relationship between them because her M isn't being what she needs/wants. That is actually rather serious when you think about it huh?


Actually, I am pretty happy.  This is one scene out of 24 hrs a day, 365 days a year for the last three years or so.

He and I have been talking a lot about things.  I was unhappy in my slave role for awhile and he allowed me to take a break even though it's what he always wanted.  It had nothing to do with him, it was taking care of some past things so I wasn't in a "victim" mentality.  Now that I have dealt with those things, it's like a whole new dynamic is opening up.  We are exploring the type of control, rules, protocol and all of those things that make up our home.

I love that my M is so very caring and careful of me.  He doesn't want to ever hurt me or damage me in a non-bdsm way (so to speak).




_____________________________

~I have been collared since October 6, 2006~
My submission is gift to him, as his dominance is a gift to me.
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Too much info - 2/1/2009 7:31:01 AM   
T1981


Posts: 557
Joined: 12/6/2008
Status: offline 		LOL - indeed! Good morning Feydeplume! ((hugs))) Yeah, I remember one of the most frustrating things about my husband and I in the beginning was that he didn't push hard enough, and it made us both feel like we were failures on some part. Once we got that taken care of, things went much smoother, so I can really relate to that aspect of the OP's post!


_____________________________

"Nothing is pointless, every single thing you do resonates." -Pintsize

(in reply to feydeplume)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Too much info - 2/1/2009 7:32:39 AM   
torturedmuse


Posts: 38
Joined: 1/18/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

Why not tell him just what you have said here? Seems pretty clear to me.


I will sit down and talk to him tonight if the timing is right.  Maybe after the superbowl, and not during


_____________________________

~I have been collared since October 6, 2006~
My submission is gift to him, as his dominance is a gift to me.
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Too much info - 2/1/2009 7:33:18 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: torturedmuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

Why not tell him just what you have said here? Seems pretty clear to me.


I will sit down and talk to him tonight if the timing is right.  Maybe after the superbowl, and not during




that sounds smart...lol

(in reply to torturedmuse)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Too much info - 2/1/2009 7:34:43 AM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline
quote:

I don't like to have any control in our play at all, yet it seems like that control is given to me. 


There's a logical problem here, one I've tripped over for years.  I finally just let it go. :)

Here's how it works for me: when I first started with this stuff several years ago, I didn't want any control, yet control was always given to me no matter how much I resisted.  I was constantly being asked what I wanted and when I was asked that question, I would, like you, shut down.  What I wanted was not to have to want anything.  I wanted to be told what I wanted.  And that want was always being denied.  And, in the moment of that denial, in the moment I was 'forced' to state my wants, I gave up control.  Because I wasn't getting what I wanted which was to not have to say what I wanted.  See? 

As I've said, just let it go.  Answer the question and see what happens. :)  Just because you say you want to be raped, doesn't mean he's going to do it and if you want it deep down inside, even if you don't say so, its not really rape anyway.  So, the pretense goes both ways.  And, its a good thing that it does.

_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


(in reply to torturedmuse)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Too much info - 2/1/2009 7:35:34 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: torturedmuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

Why not tell him just what you have said here? Seems pretty clear to me.


I will sit down and talk to him tonight if the timing is right.  Maybe after the superbowl, and not during



Good for you, I reckon he is just nervous about pushing you too far. Im sure that he needs to be reassured. Ignore the rubbish about real true masters thats just crap, its your relationship and you need to get the best out of it. I do think try and say just what you said here, there is no blame or insult or anything. Frank open conversation can be so liberating

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to torturedmuse)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Too much info - 2/1/2009 7:38:14 AM   
cjan


Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: torturedmuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

Why not tell him just what you have said here? Seems pretty clear to me.


I will sit down and talk to him tonight if the timing is right.  Maybe after the superbowl, and not during



Yes, talk to him. Everyone is different, of course. Some people, whether dominant, submissive or vanilla, are just more sensitive to cues and such. Others don't expect to be mind-readers, although I think that you have been clear in communicating what you want. You can't ever lose by communicating, although the reverse may be true.


_____________________________

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall ,frozen , dead, from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."- D.H. L

" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti



(in reply to torturedmuse)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Too much info - 2/1/2009 7:40:30 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Viking777

As a Master , why the question at all your master has missed the point of being a Master. The Master just does never asks it betrays the role of Master, I would lose control of my trained slave if I even began to think that the slave had a right to any tought, desire or wish. Every action pleasurable or painful "I The Master" decide. All she can do is submit.
If you have to tell him that its ok. who is the Slave??????


Good luck with that.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to Viking777)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Too much info - 2/1/2009 7:40:32 AM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		I am really glad to hear that you are happy. I just brought up the point of unmet needs to show that one "little" sexual difference isn't necessarily the whole picture and to ignore your (the general your) feelings and needs will, in time, undermine the whole relationship.

Yeah interrupting the Superbowl to complain that he doesn't "do ya" the right way is such a bad idea. Funny, but waaay bad. Talk about angry sex.


_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to torturedmuse)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Too much info - 2/1/2009 7:41:40 AM   
torturedmuse


Posts: 38
Joined: 1/18/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: T1981

LOL - indeed! Good morning Feydeplume! ((hugs))) Yeah, I remember one of the most frustrating things about my husband and I in the beginning was that he didn't push hard enough, and it made us both feel like we were failures on some part. Once we got that taken care of, things went much smoother, so I can really relate to that aspect of the OP's post!



I will agree with you, this has been a bit of an issue.  I had health issues last year where I couldn't play or anything hardly at all.  Now that all of that is better, I think we have so much to explore.

I think he knows I want nothing more than to please him.  I long for more control and we talked about this last night.  He said he wanted to make sure it was something I wanted, he did give me that lil break a bit ago.  I am grateful he let me do that and grateful he has stood by me thru it all.  I know that I now have much more to offer him in my devotion.

I honestly couldn't ask for someone with a better heart.  I just want him to "rape" me, dang it.




_____________________________

~I have been collared since October 6, 2006~
My submission is gift to him, as his dominance is a gift to me.
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Too much info Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094