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ORIGINAL: gypsygrl

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I don't like to have any control in our play at all, yet it seems like that control is given to me. 

There's a logical problem here, one I've tripped over for years.  I finally just let it go. :)

Here's how it works for me: when I first started with this stuff several years ago, I didn't want any control, yet control was always given to me no matter how much I resisted.  I was constantly being asked what I wanted and when I was asked that question, I would, like you, shut down.  What I wanted was not to have to want anything.  I wanted to be told what I wanted.  And that want was always being denied.  And, in the moment of that denial, in the moment I was 'forced' to state my wants, I gave up control.  Because I wasn't getting what I wanted which was to not have to say what I wanted.  See? 

As I've said, just let it go.  Answer the question and see what happens. :)  Just because you say you want to be raped, doesn't mean he's going to do it and if you want it deep down inside, even if you don't say so, its not really rape anyway.  So, the pretense goes both ways.  And, its a good thing that it does.

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ORIGINAL: cjan

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ORIGINAL: torturedmuse

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ORIGINAL: colouredin

Why not tell him just what you have said here? Seems pretty clear to me.

I will sit down and talk to him tonight if the timing is right.  Maybe after the superbowl, and not during

Yes, talk to him. Everyone is different, of course. Some people, whether dominant, submissive or vanilla, are just more sensitive to cues and such. Others don't expect to be mind-readers, although I think that you have been clear in communicating what you want. You can't ever lose by communicating, although the reverse may be true.

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ORIGINAL: feydeplume

I am really glad to hear that you are happy. I just brought up the point of unmet needs to show that one "little" sexual difference isn't necessarily the whole picture and to ignore your (the general your) feelings and needs will, in time, undermine the whole relationship.

Yeah interrupting the Superbowl to complain that he doesn't "do ya" the right way is such a bad idea. Funny, but waaay bad. Talk about angry sex.

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ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW

I would just talk to him and express to him your feelings. He might not be aware of how it makes you feel and thinks it is a turn on for you. Just talk it out so he can gain a clear understanding of your take on it.

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ORIGINAL: JustDarkness

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ORIGINAL: Viking777

As a Master , why the question at all your master has missed the point of being a Master. The Master just does never asks it betrays the role of Master, I would lose control of my trained slave if I even began to think that the slave had a right to any tought, desire or wish. Every action pleasurable or painful "I The Master" decide. All she can do is submit.
If you have to tell him that its ok. who is the Slave??????

we live in a real world...a slave doesn't have to do anything...she choses to do so.

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ORIGINAL: YoursMistress

Is it just me or have decades of "No means no" placed a conscious or at least subconscious fear of shame, reprisal or charges against your wish to be taken without being asked.  I think it would be virtually impossible for me to do this without "checking in" somehow before things had gone too far.  I don't know him at all, but trying to put myself in his place (granted, very hard for me) his reaction seems normal to me. 

yours

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ORIGINAL: Midearthtrainer

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ORIGINAL: JustDarkness

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ORIGINAL: Viking777

As a Master , why the question at all your master has missed the point of being a Master. The Master just does never asks it betrays the role of Master, I would lose control of my trained slave if I even began to think that the slave had a right to any tought, desire or wish. Every action pleasurable or painful "I The Master" decide. All she can do is submit.
If you have to tell him that its ok. who is the Slave??????

we live in a real world...a slave doesn't have to do anything...she choses to do so.

This is true....all she has to do is walk away.  But even so, the question remains:
If you have to tell him that its ok. who is the Slave??????

After 3 years he should know her inside and out. If he doesn't, then he is putting up a roadblock. I think that he is in love with the concept, but can't bring himself to rape her because of the emotional attachment he has developed.  "btw, I was raped for real and the scenes don't give me flashbacks or anything (only movies or books about it).." Do you really think he want any flashbacks to start, during or after a rape scene? You already admitted that in certain cercumstances there can be flashbacks.

Try this; use differnt wording. Yes, you want to be raped, but there is more going on, when you realize your words: "I want to be surprised, blindfolded, perhaps tied up, used, abused..etc. by him during this scene.  I want to kick, push him away, and have him take over everything and put me in my place."  Which tells me that you want him to use you like property. You want no regard for you and to be made to please him in every way, regardless.

If you want that TPE situation, take the word rape out. Go with other words and convey your desire to serve him in every way. Put in his mind that you exist for his total pleasure, anytime, anywhere.

The two of you have stagnated somewhat. Break out of that mold. Think outside of the box. Can you start wearing something that shows your commitment to him in public? Only has to be meaninful to the both of you(example- a locket with your pubic hair, because you shave smooth for him/ a necklace with the key to your handcuffs attached). Show him what you want to be - property.

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ORIGINAL: feydeplume

All good advice (with the possible exception of the word "should" and the judgment that he could know her in and out when they let the d/s go for a while and she has been ill for a while. WE don't know how long they have been digging into each other's minds and how much has been separate.

It is a REALLY good idea to get it clear with him about how much control he wants and thinks he can handle (often different things). IMO part of a slave's job is to make the M's life easier, not harder or more stressful. Do what you can to take stress and accusation out of his life. Like Midearthtrainer said "Try using different words", not just for this need, but for other things in your relationship as well.

And be vewy vewy careful about interfering with the Superbowl... even at half time!

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ORIGINAL: YoursMistress

Is it just me or have decades of "No means no" placed a conscious or at least subconscious fear of shame, reprisal or charges against your wish to be taken without being asked.  I think it would be virtually impossible for me to do this without "checking in" somehow before things had gone too far.  I don't know him at all, but trying to put myself in his place (granted, very hard for me) his reaction seems normal to me. 

yours

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Actually, I am pretty happy.  This is one scene out of 24 hrs a day, 365 days a year for the last three years or so.

He and I have been talking a lot about things.  I was unhappy in my slave role for awhile and he allowed me to take a break even though it's what he always wanted.  It had nothing to do with him, it was taking care of some past things so I wasn't in a "victim" mentality.  Now that I have dealt with those things, it's like a whole new dynamic is opening up.  We are exploring the type of control, rules, protocol and all of those things that make up our home.

I love that my M is so very caring and careful of me.  He doesn't want to ever hurt me or damage me in a non-bdsm way (so to speak).

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Here's how it works for me: when I first started with this stuff several years ago, I didn't want any control, yet control was always given to me no matter how much I resisted.  I was constantly being asked what I wanted and when I was asked that question, I would, like you, shut down.  What I wanted was not to have to want anything.  I wanted to be told what I wanted.  And that want was always being denied.  And, in the moment of that denial, in the moment I was 'forced' to state my wants, I gave up control.  Because I wasn't getting what I wanted which was to not have to say what I wanted.  See? 

As I've said, just let it go.  Answer the question and see what happens. :)  Just because you say you want to be raped, doesn't mean he's going to do it and if you want it deep down inside, even if you don't say so, its not really rape anyway.  So, the pretense goes both ways.  And, its a good thing that it does.

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ORIGINAL: sparkyRBF

hi torturedmuse

I hope this helps. 

Master and i had a wonderful conversation about your thread as this is something that hits somewhat close to home.

Master had 37 years of "good guy" programming before he met me.  He had grown up in beavercleaverland where it was a horrible thing to hit a woman and had been involved in a few abuse cases helping women leave their abusive boyfriends/husbands. 
He pointed out you can read about things, and watch things happen but you don't really have the confidence to do it until you have done it a couple of times with a posistive outcome. Another part of that confidence is feeling reassured by his slave.
It sounds like you have let him know what you want.   But do you know what he wants/needs to be able to give you what you want? 
We only know what you have shared with us in the OP so the rest is speculation.  But it kind of sounds like he may need reassurance he is Master in other areas.  Maybe start a ritual where every time you serve him anything you say a mantra like "i am your slave, here for your pleasure only Master"  Everytime he asks you what you want/need/desire that can be your answer.  Reassure him he is Master and it's what HE wants to do is what you want to do.

Now, this may mean he may NOT want to do the rape scene.  That may just be something you have to accept. 

Please note that we are not professional advice givers, we are just speaking from our own experiences.   And we fully know that what works for us may not work for someone else.   But the thing i love most is that Master has told me he feels like i let him be him.  He feels confident i will love and support him no matter what he chooses to do and to me that is a great compliment.

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ORIGINAL: agirl

 There's a lot of stuff your chap may have in mind...especially if you've been together a while and care about each other.

If you've been raped etc, he has to deal with the negative aspetcs of it for you, as someone he cares about. It's a lot easier being on the receiving end than having the responsibility of the possible fallout.

Perhaps it's not about YOU being *ok* about it ........It's about HIM being SURE in his own mind that you're *ok* about it.

There are FAR less important things in my life that M considers and cares about.

I don't want to direct situations (ok, that's a lie , I do) but the fact is, it's up to M whether he will *do* something that I indicate I'd like.

I'd be apprehensive about treading in areas that have caused ANYONE grief, let alone people I had control, care and authority over. It's something considerate people do.



agirl

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ORIGINAL: Carnae7

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Actually, I am pretty happy.  This is one scene out of 24 hrs a day, 365 days a year for the last three years or so.

He and I have been talking a lot about things.  I was unhappy in my slave role for awhile and he allowed me to take a break even though it's what he always wanted.  It had nothing to do with him, it was taking care of some past things so I wasn't in a "victim" mentality.  Now that I have dealt with those things, it's like a whole new dynamic is opening up.  We are exploring the type of control, rules, protocol and all of those things that make up our home.

I love that my M is so very caring and careful of me.  He doesn't want to ever hurt me or damage me in a non-bdsm way (so to speak).

I'm honestly verrrrry envious of you!!  You are a verrrrry blessed woman to have such a loving and caring Master!!!  I am looking for such a wonderful  Master myself, so please appreciate and enjoy Him.