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Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/5/2009 1:48:24 PM

Nikitaa

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Some messages I have received have caused me to have question about domination.

If a man seeks a dominant lady for relationship but man has no kinky fetishes is this considered kink?

I have some messages from men who seek only a female controlled relationship and not more. They have no fetishes. They desire the woman to have all the power in the relationship and control the relationship. They want not control. The difference they have from other men is they do not have fetishes. They do not desire I walk on them, or use strap-on, or I dress them in my bra and panties, or I give them time-out. I do not know how I would punish someone without use of these kinks. The regular punishment of "no sex for you" does not appeal. I like sex too much.

If a man desires this only is this kink? If you say yes then if a woman desires only domination from a man is this kink or is this "normal" lifestyle.

edit.....more

If someone decides all decisions in a relationship are they considered dominant? I wonder if all men in the strict Arab countries are considered dominant. They want dominance but no kink.

< Message edited by Nikitaa -- 2/5/2009 1:58:05 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/5/2009 1:51:37 PM

JustDarkness

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Personally I don't care how it would be called or would be looked at. I just would want it...if it the need boils in me.Controlling the other is kinda the base for BDSm.....and there for kink (just a theory..lol) to the vanilla's

(in reply to Nikitaa)

Post #: 2

RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/5/2009 1:54:50 PM

CatdeMedici

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In My world its considered Head of the Household, not a kink--a way of life.

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RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/5/2009 1:55:14 PM

sravaka

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Does it matter if it's called kink? It seems clear enough what they want.

Besides, if they are not kinked to like [fill in the blank] I'd think whatever it is would work better as punishment than if they are fetishizing it. Unless of course you mean "punishment."

Aren't words fun?

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RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/5/2009 2:01:15 PM

Nikitaa

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sravaka

Does it matter if it's called kink? It seems clear enough what they want.

Besides, if they are not kinked to like [fill in the blank] I'd think whatever it is would work better as punishment than if they are fetishizing it. Unless of course you mean "punishment."

Aren't words fun?

The question is not..."does it matter"
Most forum topics do not matter.
Is discussion topic and I am curious of others thoughts.

If they do not enjoy kink and you inflict kink as punishment this may not be correct. Sticking ice in a not kinky man's ass does not make for a good relationship.

(in reply to sravaka)

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RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/5/2009 2:03:48 PM

Nikitaa

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

In My world its considered Head of the Household, not a kink--a way of life.

This is what I think. Seems normal. I think many men think if a woman is in charge then is kink.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 6

RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/5/2009 2:03:53 PM

JustDarkness

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quote:

If someone decides all decisions in a relationship are they considered dominant? I wonder if all men in the strict Arab countries are considered dominant. They want dominance but no kink.

can't judge for so many people. Guess they aren't all the same.

(in reply to Nikitaa)

Post #: 7

RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/5/2009 2:06:08 PM

SylvereApLeanan

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Yes, what you've described is a D/s relationship. The "kink" is in the issue of control. There are some people who do not need or want bondage, humiliation, pain, or any of the other things one commonly thinks of as part of a BDSM relationship. The fulfillment for the sub is in service -- doing things like cleaning the house, cooking meals, or bringing coffee to the dominant. On the other side, the dominant person feels fulfilled by having a submissive companion who serves out of feelings of love and devotion.

I'm one of those dominant people. As sadistic as I am (and I am Evil with a capital E), I could live happily without ever inflicting pain again if I had a quality D/s relationship with a compatible slave girl.

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(in reply to sravaka)

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RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/5/2009 2:06:58 PM

aravain

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Well, uh, the most obvious question is:

Do they want it for sexual romantic needs?

If not, then they're legitimately looking for a lifestyle (not a kink), in my book. This would still be a very good place for them (as for some women, I'd imagine, *BEING* head of household IS a kink).

It's a different view of things.

To make an example:

In MY relationships kink is not 100% required or needed. However, in order for a relationship with me to flourish I need to have a 'dominant' partner, not necessarily in a sexual manner. I need someone who will choose where we go to eat, someone who will give me direction and things to do. I need someone who's NOT as 'into' pleasing their partner as I am. Relationships with someone else who focuses more on their partner and what they can do to make them happy, with me, would implode, sorta like my last one. I need someone who will TAKE what I offer, and tell me what to give them, that sort of thing.

If it includes kink, all the better! If not, I can live with it (as long as they're ok with me getting some needs met elsewhere).

Make any sense?

(in reply to Nikitaa)

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RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/5/2009 2:15:08 PM

Lockit

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I want a female led relationship... the kink is extra. I am not sure I would want to live without it, but I could and have. I haven't found that many men here on this site who simply want a female led relationship. Just a few. But in person I have known a number of them. I am not sure I would call it a kink though. More a choice in relationships. Not being sadist for the most part and not being extreme, I would lean more for the lack of kink than I would the extreme if I had to make a choice. I'm sure there are men who feel the same.

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RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/5/2009 2:16:06 PM

Nikitaa

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aravian:

quote:

Do they want it for sexual romantic needs?

Is sexual gratification required for issue to be considered kink? I am asking, I do not know?

(in reply to aravain)

Post #: 11

RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/5/2009 2:18:42 PM

Nikitaa

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

Yes, what you've described is a D/s relationship. The "kink" is in the issue of control. There are some people who do not need or want bondage, humiliation, pain, or any of the other things one commonly thinks of as part of a BDSM relationship. The fulfillment for the sub is in service -- doing things like cleaning the house, cooking meals, or bringing coffee to the dominant. On the other side, the dominant person feels fulfilled by having a submissive companion who serves out of feelings of love and devotion.

I'm one of those dominant people. As sadistic as I am (and I am Evil with a capital E), I could live happily without ever inflicting pain again if I had a quality D/s relationship with a compatible slave girl.

In old style America (and not so old style Poland) men commanded control and dominated relationships. Do you consider all those men kinky? Are all those men in Arab countries who completely control their women considered to be practicing kink?

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 12

RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/5/2009 2:19:54 PM

FRSguy

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I would think sexual gratification would have to be there for it to be a kink. I think if there wasnt any kinky sex involved it would just be a D/S dynamic.

(in reply to Nikitaa)

Post #: 13

RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/5/2009 2:21:10 PM

MarcEsadrian

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Nikitaa

Sticking ice in a not kinky man's ass does not make for a good relationship.

Ha. Take that, Dr. Phil.

(in reply to Nikitaa)

Post #: 14

RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/5/2009 2:22:38 PM

Nikitaa

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I haven't found that many men here on this site who simply want a female led relationship.

(I snip)

I have received a few message desiring female lead relationships and no kink or little kink. I wonder why they look on collarme.
I respond and say I seek same thing but I will make my boyfriend do ....(insert kinks here).... One asked "why?" can he not just have domination and no kink. The other called me a whore and freak. LOL. Man makes profile on collarme and calles women freaks because they like "stuff"

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 15

RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/5/2009 2:38:33 PM

SylvereApLeanan

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Nikitaa
In old style America (and not so old style Poland) men commanded control and dominated relationships. Do you consider all those men kinky? Are all those men in Arab countries who completely control their women considered to be practicing kink?

In the context you cite, the expectation is cultural, much like the households of European nobility in the Renaissance period. For some of those people, it might be erotically fulfilling. For others, it might be done because it is required and the consequences for failure are undesirable. I think if service or being served is intrinsically linked to erotic or romantic fulfillment, then it is kink. If it is forced by cultural morés, then it is not.

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(in reply to Nikitaa)

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RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/5/2009 2:41:03 PM

DavanKael

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Kink and power dynamics can indeed exist separately, though it seems they walk hand in hand more commonly.
I used to lump kink and power dynamics together in my mind (Likely because I have preferences in both realms) but as I've discussed the topics more, I seehow they can separate.
I suppose the question I would ask back to you is: are you interested in a man that doesn't want kink?
Davan

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(in reply to aravain)

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RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/5/2009 2:41:42 PM

SylvereApLeanan

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Nikitaa

I have received a few message desiring female lead relationships and no kink or little kink.

I'd tell you to send them my way, but I am not as uroczy as you.

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Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to Nikitaa)

Post #: 18

RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/5/2009 2:44:41 PM

Nikitaa

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nikitaa
In old style America (and not so old style Poland) men commanded control and dominated relationships. Do you consider all those men kinky? Are all those men in Arab countries who completely control their women considered to be practicing kink?

In the context you cite, the expectation is cultural, much like the households of European nobility in the Renaissance period. For some of those people, it might be erotically fulfilling. For others, it might be done because it is required and the consequences for failure are undesirable. I think if service or being served is intrinsically linked to erotic or romantic fulfillment, then it is kink. If it is forced by cultural morés, then it is not.

Okay. I understand difference you write about.

I wonder what kink is in Arab countries. I wonder if any women wear strap-ons under their burkhas? lol

edit
qutoe from SAP
"I'd tell you to send them my way, but I am not as uroczy as you."

I think you very pretty. I will send the handsome man by UPS. He is very handsome but desires no kink play. I tell him I need kink play. He not understand. I tell him he in wrong website to seek "nice girl."

< Message edited by Nikitaa -- 2/5/2009 2:49:05 PM >

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 19

RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/5/2009 2:48:39 PM

DesFIP

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If you are compatible, then see them. If this doesn't float your boat, then don't.

As far as punishments, if they are merited and not contrived, then how about scrubbing the kitchen floor with a toothbrush?

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