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RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/6/2009 10:15:13 AM   
Nikitaa


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Joined: 1/26/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressAinCT

But I have have known many people who to serve is their only desire.  The innate sense of wanting to please without wanting anything in return (I just wish they were closer to My location) and that is what satisfies them. 


I know people act this way for love. Never knew they did so for fetish or kink. Becoming satisfied only by running my errands and doing my chores without wanting sexual things makes me curious.

quote:

(same person)

If someone wants nothing more than to serve you, I say go with it.  But also be aware this could be a line to get you interested, since most people-Myself included-can be turned off by pushy slaves who list their likes, dislikes, etc. 

I do not know if I could use a man for only chores and serving me without kink involved. Is interesting and seems nice but I would feel guilty having the man do all this without reward (for at least one or 2 days then I stop). My current sub does this things for me but I give him his desired kink play for reward, sometimes.
quote:

(same person)

The other side of the coin is what YOU want.  If you can't have a D/s relationship without the kink, then something like this won't do much for you. 

You are right. Not work for me. I want the control and the ice.
quote:

(same)
What I have learned from this thread is that most people believe that kink is the physical that leads to something sexual.  I have never looked at kink that way


I never thought kink lead to something sexual. I thought kink was sexual. Some men use kink in place of sex I have learned.

(in reply to MistressAinCT)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/6/2009 10:18:39 AM   
hardbodysub


Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: WiseCracknSadist

If the domination is required for sexual arousal and climax then it would fall under fetish and then be classified as a kink.

If the domination is preffered due to love to serve or preffering for another to be responsible for day to day activities then it is a lifestyle choice and not kink.


I agree with the statements above, but have to say that it doesn't need to be a fetish to still qualify as a kink. One definition of fetish stipulates that the object or activity is required for sexual arousal. The definition of kink isn't so restrictive. "Sufficient" to create sexual excitement is enough to be a kink; it doesn't need to be "required" for arousal.

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/6/2009 10:20:41 AM   
Nikitaa


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nikitaa
(is okay to start sentence with "but"?)



Technically, no. But it's one of those "rules" that people often break in everyday communications, and you'll also see it more commonly ignored in fiction than in business or legal writing.

The fact is, it can add an urgency and a "punch" to a writer's rhythm, if it's not overused. That's the reason it became a "rule" in the first place - elementary-level English teachers hammer it into the heads of their students so that they don't fall into the habit of starting every other sentence with it, because if it's not properly used, it can turn a paragraph into a jumbled pile of disconnected crap. But as the students grow older and become more adept at using the language, they begin to learn when and how to break those rules, so you'll find that it's widely ignored among most native English users. However, as I mentioned, in business and legal writing it is still commonly frowned upon, and many scholars recommend altering the sentence to replace the word "but" with "however", which often works as well if not better. But not always.

And the same goes for the word "and", by the way. One of my favorite scenes in "Finding Forrester" involves the older writer, Sean Connery, having a lively debate with his teenage protege regarding the propriety of the rule, in which the younger writer illustrates his point by starting almost every sentence with the words "but" or "and." It's an entertaining scene in an entertaining movie.





But damn I did not expect long and serious answer. Thank you. LOL
And I do not start sentences with "and" usually.
Is starting a sentence with "is" okay? Is something I constantly do as many maybe notice.
However, I have difficulty with using word "however." Does not sound correct ever in my ears.

(in reply to ThatDamnedPanda)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/6/2009 10:22:22 AM   
hardbodysub


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quote:

However, I have difficulty with using word "however." Does not sound correct ever in my ears.


Funny, you used it perfectly here.

(in reply to Nikitaa)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/6/2009 10:26:12 AM   
Nikitaa


Posts: 416
Joined: 1/26/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

I would say that it's a kink if he finds it erotic or sexually exciting, which is a pretty sure bet, or he probably wouldn't be interested in it. If it doesn't have an erotic or sexual nature, then it's simply a preference for one person to be head-of-household; not a kink, just a system for decision-making.

All of the definitions I found when I looked up "kink" and "kinky" (excluding the other meaning which has nothing at all to do with BDSM - curly, twisted), linked the word closely with sex. Examples below:

"relating to, having, or appealing to unconventional tastes especially in sex ; also : sexually deviant"
"Showing or appealing to bizarre or deviant tastes, especially of a sexual or erotic nature"
"having or showing unusual ways of getting sexual excitement"

So, I think the attachment to sexual excitement is what makes an unusual preference a kink.



Hummmm. Always mentions sex in every definition.
I will ask these men who send email to me if they receive sexual excitement from a woman dominated household. If I gave them no sex would they have sexual gratification only from my dominance of the household and relationship.
I will email them today and ask. I will not ask the man who called me c**t. He is off the contact list.


(in reply to hardbodysub)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/6/2009 10:29:06 AM   
Nikitaa


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quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

quote:

However, I have difficulty with using word "however." Does not sound correct ever in my ears.


Funny, you used it perfectly here.



I could have written sentence without the word "however" and have same meaning. The word has no function in my ears.

Domination---->Muslim Coverings------->Proper grammar--------->Penguins--------->Who know where thread go next?

(in reply to hardbodysub)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/6/2009 10:33:57 AM   
hardbodysub


Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline 		Think of the word "however" as signaling that you are about to state an exception to the immediately preceding statement.

Example:
"I want my submissives to live very near me, so they can serve me on short notice. However, I like hardbodysub so much that I make an exception in his case."

< Message edited by hardbodysub -- 2/6/2009 10:34:27 AM >

(in reply to Nikitaa)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/6/2009 10:51:44 AM   
Nikitaa


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quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

Think of the word "however" as signaling that you are about to state an exception to the immediately preceding statement.

Example:
"I want my submissives to live very near me, so they can serve me on short notice. However, I like hardbodysub so much that I make an exception in his case."

I may make exception however I do not know you. Why must I start new sentence? The word "however" fits in middle of sentence.
I think the word "however" is same as the word "but." But however I am not sure.

Submissive men beware. I am not adorable in person. I like total control in relationships and men think I am mean because I do not want to hear arguments when I choose restaurant or movie we attend. I am same as two year old child. I want what I want when I want. This why I look for submissive man. I need man who enjoys a not adorable Nikita.

(in reply to hardbodysub)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/6/2009 11:30:24 AM   
hardbodysub


Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline 		"However" and "but" do mean the same thing. One tends to fit better than the other, depending on the circumstance.

"However" does not need to be at the start of a sentence. I don't think I implied that. In fact, it can be at the start of a sentence, or it can separate clauses in the middle of a sentence. "But" is supposed to start a clause in the middle of a sentence, technically not at the start of a sentence. However, in practice, starting a sentence with "but" often works.

By the way, I like a little "meanness" in a domina. It emphasizes who is in control.

< Message edited by hardbodysub -- 2/6/2009 11:37:57 AM >

(in reply to Nikitaa)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/6/2009 11:54:26 AM   
MistressAinCT


Posts: 205
Joined: 2/21/2004
Status: offline 		Nikitaa says: I know people act this way for love. Never knew they did so for fetish or kink. Becoming satisfied only by running my errands and doing my chores without wanting sexual things makes me curious.


How about people (subs/slaves)  who love their Dominants? Yes, they love their Dominants and want to make them happy.  Perhaps the happiness they bring is reward enough for them?

And we haven't established service as a fetish or kink, as that seems to be a matter of opinion.

But why does someone doing your errands or chores without wanting sexual things make you curious? Curious about what-what is their ulterior motive? Ask if you aren't sure. 

If I do something for a friend, I surely don't want sexual gratification from that friend-it makes Me happy to bring joy or assistance.  Should they be suspicious? 

You might be overthinking this. It's obvious you aren't comfortable with a no-strings relationship as it is your right.  Just don't accept their service or applications, that's all.  As for Me, well, I could use a hand without having to wonder what their motives are.  Makes life simpler for Me.

You also might want to post this question on the submissive board: Do you consider service to be a kink or fetish? and see what that brings.  You might be surprised!

_____________________________

When you have them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow www.mobiusmetals.webs.com

So many toys-so little flesh...

(in reply to hardbodysub)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/6/2009 11:55:14 AM   
JustDarkness


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quote:

I like a little "meanness" in a domina. It emphasizes who is in control.
 that is also a way of looking at it..lol

(in reply to hardbodysub)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/6/2009 12:17:46 PM   
Nikitaa


Posts: 416
Joined: 1/26/2009
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quote:

ORIGIONAL: MistressAinCT
You might be overthinking this. It's obvious you aren't comfortable with a no-strings relationship as it is your right


Overthink? I am simple Polish girl. I never over think. I must have strings in relationship or I have nothing to pull.

quote:

MistressAinCT sig line
When you have them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow


LOL. I enjoy your sig line.

(in reply to MistressAinCT)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/6/2009 12:29:23 PM   
windycitysub78


Posts: 55
Joined: 4/22/2008
Status: offline 		As for sexual gratification, I wrote about this is my journal...

...after a self assesment I came to the conclusion that the only way to test this is to be honest with oneself and ask this question... Is it about sex and sexual gratification on my part? My answer was no, that is not what I seek. I want to be subissive away from the bedroom as well, and even during bedroom play I'd be perfectly happy "pleasing" my Domme instead of pleasing myself. ...for me the "orgasm" comes with submission. I always knew this I guess, but for some reason I never thought about it...
 
Also, you know what else is interesting?  I think everyone will agree with sexual stimulation does make you submit more.  No matter how submissive you are, with an orgasm you will lose some of your need to submit.  Some subs think that considering just how wonferful the feeling of submission is, they would rather stay in that state and not orgasm.
 
 

(in reply to Nikitaa)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/6/2009 12:37:51 PM   
MistressAinCT


Posts: 205
Joined: 2/21/2004
Status: offline 		I understand, Nikitaa..you want someone with a little spunk, something you can use to torture them with, and that is fantastic!  I don't want a doormat either as I prefer life in My slaves and slaves in My life. 

Still..the thought of no strings service is :::sigh::: only a "fantasy"...

_____________________________

When you have them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow www.mobiusmetals.webs.com

So many toys-so little flesh...

(in reply to windycitysub78)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/6/2009 3:34:37 PM   
Sundowner


Posts: 2549
Joined: 3/11/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

"However" and "but" do mean the same thing. One tends to fit better than the other, depending on the circumstance.

"However" should not be at the start of a sentence. I don't think I implied that. In fact, in strict, more elegant grammar, it should not ever be at the start of a sentence, or it can separate clauses in the middle of a sentence. "But" is supposed to start a clause in the middle of a sentence, technically not at the start of a sentence. However, in practice, starting a sentence with "but" often works.

By the way, I like a little "meanness" in a domina. It emphasizes who is in control.



Fixed the typos for you hardbody - is ok 

(in reply to hardbodysub)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/6/2009 3:54:00 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		"Is" at the beginning of a sentence is usually only grammatically correct if you are asking a question. Everyone knows you mean "It is," from the context, though, and I personally find the way you write rather charming.

I suppose D/s only, or a fetish for things like corsets or other outfits *is* technically kinky,if they are turned on by it. However, I wouldn't want a relationship that didn't involve any S/M or bondage. I don't get suspicious of their motives, it just isn't what I'm looking for, just like I don't want people who are too far away to go on dates, cuddle, and play with frequently. Even if I had a *really* long whip, it couldn't reach across the country or to another continent (or vice-versa).


(in reply to Sundowner)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/6/2009 4:16:16 PM   
Nikitaa


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

"Is" at the beginning of a sentence is usually only grammatically correct if you are asking a question. Everyone knows you mean "It is," from the context, though, and I personally find the way you write rather charming.

I suppose D/s only, or a fetish for things like corsets or other outfits *is* technically kinky,if they are turned on by it. However, I wouldn't want a relationship that didn't involve any S/M or bondage. I don't get suspicious of their motives, it just isn't what I'm looking for, just like I don't want people who are too far away to go on dates, cuddle, and play with frequently. Even if I had a *really* long whip, it couldn't reach across the country or to another continent (or vice-versa).



Is you saying I can write "is" in the beginning if question? I know "is" is not proper way to start sentence as I do. Problem is I do not know which word to choose to put before "is." I have to think and I do not feel like thinking too hard on forum. Is not what I wish to do.<----------This sentence is example. I do not know what word to put before "is" without thought. I am thinking "This is not..." is correct. Maybe
Is English confusing? Yes. Funny, Russian supposedly tougher but I learn Russian easily. I can speak, read, and write Russian while standing on a sub. ;-)

I agree with you. I do not want relationship without kink. In future when I find husband is not necessary for him to act as total submissive but (however) he must have kinkiness and he better do what I command (least 80% of time).


(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/6/2009 5:01:57 PM   
Andalusite


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Nikitaa

Is you saying I can write "is" in the beginning if question?

The correct way to say that is "Are you saying I can write "is" in the beginning if I am asking a question?" :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nikitaa
Is not what I wish to do.

That should read "It is not what I wish to do."

I generally don't nitpick at people's spelling or grammar, but since you asked, I figured I'd go ahead and explain. :)






(in reply to Nikitaa)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/6/2009 5:12:21 PM   
Nikitaa


Posts: 416
Joined: 1/26/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite


quote:

ORIGINAL: Nikitaa

Is you saying I can write "is" in the beginning if question?

The correct way to say that is "Are you saying I can write "is" in the beginning if I am asking a question?" :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nikitaa
Is not what I wish to do.

That should read "It is not what I wish to do."

I generally don't nitpick at people's spelling or grammar, but since you asked, I figured I'd go ahead and explain. :)







I knew first one was incorrect when I reread. "is you saying...." I do not speak this way. Sounds ghetto.

The phrase "Is not what I wish to do" is my normal manner of speaking English. I do not understand purpose of the placing word "it" in front. Is unneeded and useless word.

Do not explain more. Is okay. I will learn eventually. I have friends who teach, mostly incorrectly. LOL

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Is seeking dominantion and only domination a kink? - 2/6/2009 5:18:10 PM   
hardbodysub


Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sundowner

quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

"However" and "but" do mean the same thing. One tends to fit better than the other, depending on the circumstance.

"However" should not be at the start of a sentence. I don't think I implied that. In fact, in strict, more elegant grammar, it should not ever be at the start of a sentence, or it can separate clauses in the middle of a sentence. "But" is supposed to start a clause in the middle of a sentence, technically not at the start of a sentence. However, in practice, starting a sentence with "but" often works.

By the way, I like a little "meanness" in a domina. It emphasizes who is in control.



Fixed the typos for you hardbody - is ok 



Thanks, but actually, I prefer my "unfixed" version.

I agree that "however" should not start a sentence, but made allowances for overwhelming common usage. I learned long ago not to start a sentence with "however", originally from Lucille Vaughan Payne's The Lively Art of Writing. This was reinforced by Strunk and White's The Elements of Style. The reason was not that beginning a sentence with "however" grammatically incorrect, but that placing the word within the sentence results in better rhythm; it flows better. I had to go back and check to make sure, but Shertzer's The Elements of Grammar, the companion guide to Strunk and White, confirms that "however" is grammatically correct either at the beginning of a sentence, or within a sentence.

On the other hand, I was wrong about "but". It is perfectly acceptable to start a sentence with "but", and that actually works better than starting the sentence with "however".

(in reply to Sundowner)
Profile   Post #: 80
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