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This scares me. - 2/9/2009 5:34:51 PM   
lilmisssubmiss


Posts: 284
Joined: 9/29/2008
Status: offline 		this is kind of long, sorry i jsut want to know what you guys think.. and if you've seen/ expierenced anything like it...?

This was the first guy i got serious off of this site with. Believe me, i've learned a lot. He seemed perfect...except the more i got to know him the more fucked up it got.. him telling me if i don't obey he'd " break me down to nothing..."( i didn't see how a guy who supposidly cared about you..would want to ever do that to you?) he told me if he wanted to start a poly..i'd have to say yes because to no limits...if he wanted me gang raped i'd have to say yes bec of no limits. - I didn't even know much about this kind of relationship....when he started calling me a bitch rudely..for almost nothing i forgot to do something or something ..telling me i was good for nothing i got out of the relationship i did NOT feel comfortable. it scared me.
Then theres the fact one time he texted me saying he wanted to talk and how he wanted me back..so we tried it again..it was just as bad. Then two weeks ago he asked to have me back..and i said no again and he went " well w.e"...but i thought we were cool.. so i talked to him today (thinking maybe we could be friends) and our covnersation made me see yet again why not choosing him was a good idea.


first off..i have one D because the guy is an AP teacher...i didn't sign up for an ap class i got a 3.78 GPA average last semester..which is pretty damn good considering my hs is a college prep hs and only 3 ppl in the history of our hs have graduated with an exact 4.0 (highest you can get here)..plus i just got accepted into all the private colletes i applied for.. ALL OF THEM YAY!!! but anyways...another interesting thing ...he'd always call me a "natural sub" and supposidly a couple weeks ago he wanted me back because he said i was the BEST sub he's ever had...and i turned him down because frankly..marcus treats me a lot better and i'm not scared of marcus i really like marcus. and now he's saying i'm not a sub at all and i'm dumb? something tells me he's mad someone told him no thank you.
And, it's not like i'm mad thinking " i hope he's not right about that stuff" i know he isn't right ..i am bright.. i am a sub..i mean that's just me..the only thing i got mad about...was seeing that i went for a guy who was that big of a jerk..i could of gotten myself into some serious trouble if i went for him and that SCARES me....it really does.
Am i the only one thinking that was a bit outta line? And tbh, i don't think he's a dom..i think he's an abusive freak... What are your takes on this situation?
And have any of you ever expierenced anything like this with a guy?

[Mod Note:  chat log removed]


< Message edited by ModeratorEleven -- 2/9/2009 7:42:33 PM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: This scares me. - 2/9/2009 5:40:43 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I'm not understanding that if you didn't like the guy why you responded at all to him.

Why not just ignore him?

If it was me that's what I would have done. Seems like a lot of wasted effort and time.

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: This scares me. - 2/9/2009 5:43:46 PM   
lilmisssubmiss


Posts: 284
Joined: 9/29/2008
Status: offline 		Well because he kept telling me i was being too sensitive. and whenever something happened it was my problem and something i need to get over...blaming it on me making it my problem..and i started to think oh ok maybe he is right...

you're right i shouldn't of fallen for that... i should of ignored him. i'm not use to being around ppl like that...i'm always around nice people who are just good people in general and i like giving people the benifit of doubt...
[shrug]

< Message edited by lilmisssubmiss -- 2/9/2009 5:44:41 PM >

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: This scares me. - 2/9/2009 5:48:17 PM   
Knite064


Posts: 169
Joined: 1/21/2009
Status: offline 		I find it kinda scary you describing 30 as kinda old.
Still moving along...just cut off communication with him and move on.

Look after your online safety and take it slowly with anyone you talk with online and whilst i dont really know id imagine guys that potentially scare you will send out warning vibes somewhere but i ve never had to worry on that level so plenty others can advise much better.

Just stay safe

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: This scares me. - 2/9/2009 5:50:50 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		He seems like a jerk to me, but people like that stuff.
However, the mods will likely pull this for two reasons.
One, you posted his name.
Two, you posted a dialog between you. 
Kyst

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: This scares me. - 2/9/2009 5:51:17 PM   
lilmisssubmiss


Posts: 284
Joined: 9/29/2008
Status: offline 		k thanks

he did send out warning vibes

telling me i'd have to say yes to being gang raped.
lol

(in reply to Knite064)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: This scares me. - 2/9/2009 5:52:40 PM   
LovingMistress45


Posts: 271
Joined: 2/7/2009
Status: offline 		If you are afraid of your Dom run like hell.  It is one thing to enjoy having fear induced during a scene, it is another to fear the one you select as a Dom.  By the way this is my opinion and others may disagree, but I find the whole no limits to be a bunch of BS. Everyone has limits and they need to be respected. I will as a Dominant try to push, bend, warp limits into non-limits but I would never in seriousness tell a sub they had no limits. Within in scene play that is a different, but I am assuming you are not talking about a scene but his telling you that you had no right to have limits - BS.

The only way I can lead my sub to soar above the heavens is for him/her to trust me implicitly and without reservation. To know that I will keep them safe even when they feel like they fall.  That is my gift and duty in return for their gift of submission.

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: This scares me. - 2/9/2009 5:58:18 PM   
lilmisssubmiss


Posts: 284
Joined: 9/29/2008
Status: offline 		ya exactly
when i figured out i was actually scared of what he would do to me if he got really really upset i was like..something is wrong here.

(in reply to LovingMistress45)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: This scares me. - 2/9/2009 6:00:08 PM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		Ok you must have missed the two classes in People 101:
 
 WEEK 4: If it feels hinky it probably is
 
 WEEK 7: If you take mr hinky back, you aren't very astute.
 
C'mon honey, what  would you do if  it was real life?
 
And now you've shown your immaturity by posting all the IM messages-if you are going to play in the sandbox, get your toys in order.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: This scares me. - 2/9/2009 6:02:04 PM   
lilmisssubmiss


Posts: 284
Joined: 9/29/2008
Status: offline 		[shrug] i don't know i thought the conversation was important . i don't care if i'm seen as immature on here, LOL.



(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: This scares me. - 2/9/2009 6:02:12 PM   
Knite064


Posts: 169
Joined: 1/21/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

k thanks

he did send out warning vibes

telling me i'd have to say yes to being gang raped.
lol



Well yeah thats a warning sign i guess

But seriously and i know you probably already know this but it does nt have to be warnings that are so in your face.
For what its worth the convo you have pasted in my opinion shows control freak tendencies ,,eg "your not a real sub " BS is a big red warning triangle.and only scary if your taken in by it

Ill repeat ...stay safe

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: This scares me. - 2/9/2009 6:03:04 PM   
pissdoll


Posts: 343
Joined: 5/25/2005
Status: offline 		if you're taking AP classes then you are still in high school.

sounds like you both have some growing up to do.....

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: This scares me. - 2/9/2009 6:03:19 PM   
lilmisssubmiss


Posts: 284
Joined: 9/29/2008
Status: offline 		I maybe am niave or immature w.e ...that's prolly why having that kind of person in my life freaked me out so much.

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: This scares me. - 2/9/2009 6:04:10 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		Never, ever respond to a fool.

You possibly wasted a few hours of your life, 4 minutes would have been too long. 

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: This scares me. - 2/9/2009 6:04:44 PM   
QuixoticErrant


Posts: 260
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

..i didn't sign up for an ap class i got a 3.78 GPA average last semester..which is pretty damn good considering my hs is a college prep hs and only 3 ppl in the history of our hs have graduated with an exact 4.0 (highest you can get here)..plus i just got accepted into all the private colletes i applied for.. ALL OF THEM YAY!!! but anyways...another interesting thing ...he'd always call me a "natural sub" and supposidly a couple weeks ago he wanted me back because he said i was the BEST sub he's ever had...and i turned him down because frankly..marcus treats me a lot better and i'm not scared of marcus i really like marcus. and now he's saying i'm not a sub at all and i'm dumb? something tells me he's mad someone told him no thank you.
And, it's not like i'm mad thinking " i hope he's not right about that stuff" i know he isn't right ..i am bright.. i am a sub..i mean that's just me..the only thing i got mad about...was seeing that i went for a guy who was that big of a jerk..i could of gotten myself into some serious trouble if i went for him and that SCARES me....it really does.
Am i the only one thinking that was a bit outta line? And tbh, i don't think he's a dom..i think he's an abusive freak... What are your takes on this situation?
And have any of you ever expierenced anything like this with a guy?


Respect.  First off, I hope it is really clear that this loser is trying to crush you and prevent you from seeing anyone else.  Submission sexually is one thing, but this sort of total disregard for you as a person is another.  Now, many on here, I am certain are about to get all philosophical and stoic and write manifestos about how you should just take it - or how no-one should judge.

I really don't care.

The fact is, that even in D/s, your Dom should care about you as a person.  There are some submissives who get off on being completely degraded.  I don't get them.  They can wax poetic as much as they want about how they think this is hot.  There are some "doms" out there who get off on treating their women this way, and they will write macho crap about how Dom they are.

I personally believe that both of those types are deeply self destructive.

To be a sane submissive I believe actually requires a great deal of self respect, self knowledge and sense.  She must be able to trust that her dom cares for her in order to surrender to his will.  This guy on the other hand has looser written all over him.  You have to ask, what is screwed up in his life so badly that all he can do is inflict real emotional pain on one who cares for him?

Forget him.

Tell him to go to hell.

For you, here is the hard part.  What is it about you that makes you feel you need to be punished so?  Let me make the clear distinction between play punishment - which is fun and you agree too and enjoy - and this.  This is real pain he is trying to cause you emotionally by directly attempting to destroy your self esteem.  Why would you even consider looking at such a putz, let alone giving him a second chance?

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: This scares me. - 2/9/2009 6:05:05 PM   
lilmisssubmiss


Posts: 284
Joined: 9/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Knite064

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

k thanks

he did send out warning vibes

telling me i'd have to say yes to being gang raped.
lol



Well yeah thats a warning sign i guess

But seriously and i know you probably already know this but it does nt have to be warnings that are so in your face.
For what its worth the convo you have pasted in my opinion shows control freak tendencies ,,eg "your not a real sub " BS is a big red warning triangle.and only scary if your taken in by it

Ill repeat ...stay safe


yea exactly, thank you. thats what i was thinking.

no, what scared me is that he was such a jerk..and i talked to a guy who was not a very good person at all.

(in reply to Knite064)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: This scares me. - 2/9/2009 6:06:00 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

k thanks

he did send out warning vibes

telling me i'd have to say yes to being gang raped.
lol



Well, that idea could not been that bad for you, or you would not even considered having him as a friend.

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: This scares me. - 2/9/2009 6:09:26 PM   
lilmisssubmiss


Posts: 284
Joined: 9/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: QuixoticErrant

quote:

..i didn't sign up for an ap class i got a 3.78 GPA average last semester..which is pretty damn good considering my hs is a college prep hs and only 3 ppl in the history of our hs have graduated with an exact 4.0 (highest you can get here)..plus i just got accepted into all the private colletes i applied for.. ALL OF THEM YAY!!! but anyways...another interesting thing ...he'd always call me a "natural sub" and supposidly a couple weeks ago he wanted me back because he said i was the BEST sub he's ever had...and i turned him down because frankly..marcus treats me a lot better and i'm not scared of marcus i really like marcus. and now he's saying i'm not a sub at all and i'm dumb? something tells me he's mad someone told him no thank you.
And, it's not like i'm mad thinking " i hope he's not right about that stuff" i know he isn't right ..i am bright.. i am a sub..i mean that's just me..the only thing i got mad about...was seeing that i went for a guy who was that big of a jerk..i could of gotten myself into some serious trouble if i went for him and that SCARES me....it really does.
Am i the only one thinking that was a bit outta line? And tbh, i don't think he's a dom..i think he's an abusive freak... What are your takes on this situation?
And have any of you ever expierenced anything like this with a guy?


Respect.  First off, I hope it is really clear that this loser is trying to crush you and prevent you from seeing anyone else.  Submission sexually is one thing, but this sort of total disregard for you as a person is another.  Now, many on here, I am certain are about to get all philosophical and stoic and write manifestos about how you should just take it - or how no-one should judge.

I really don't care.

The fact is, that even in D/s, your Dom should care about you as a person.  There are some submissives who get off on being completely degraded.  I don't get them.  They can wax poetic as much as they want about how they think this is hot.  There are some "doms" out there who get off on treating their women this way, and they will write macho crap about how Dom they are.

I personally believe that both of those types are deeply self destructive.

To be a sane submissive I believe actually requires a great deal of self respect, self knowledge and sense.  She must be able to trust that her dom cares for her in order to surrender to his will.  This guy on the other hand has looser written all over him.  You have to ask, what is screwed up in his life so badly that all he can do is inflict real emotional pain on one who cares for him?

Forget him.

Tell him to go to hell.

For you, here is the hard part.  What is it about you that makes you feel you need to be punished so?  Let me make the clear distinction between play punishment - which is fun and you agree too and enjoy - and this.  This is real pain he is trying to cause you emotionally by directly attempting to destroy your self esteem.  Why would you even consider looking at such a putz, let alone giving him a second chance?



Great post thank you very much.
Yeah, well it's why i didn't give him a third chance...ya he talked me into giving him a second sometimes i'm a sucker but in the end i do have self respect, hence why i'm not in the relationship anymore. i don't deserve any of that;. exactly i'm still a human being..

thank you. just something i have to learn from.

(in reply to QuixoticErrant)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: This scares me. - 2/9/2009 6:11:34 PM   
lilmisssubmiss


Posts: 284
Joined: 9/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwynds

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

k thanks

he did send out warning vibes

telling me i'd have to say yes to being gang raped.
lol



Well, that idea could not been that bad for you, or you would not even considered having him as a friend.


eh..... i talked a lot to him in the past before i figured things out about him..... i'm the kind of person that likes to be civil with people it's just easier that way ..for me anyways. esp that dude.

(in reply to oceanwynds)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: This scares me. - 2/9/2009 6:14:00 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		He's an asshole. Emotionally abusive, and would have been physically abusive if you'd continued.

Anytime someone says you can't have any limits, BOLT. You can and should, have sensible limits. I mean, no limits means he could just kill you, right? Or how about if he just decides to chop off a few fingers, your hand, arm, or whatever, because you're "not allowed" to have any limits?! C'mon.

I think YourHandMyAss has it in her sig line, something to this effect: just because you are in a BDSM relationship, does not mean you can just stop using your common sense.

You need to make sure that before you open yourself up for another possible relationship, you develop some good confidence and self esteem, and your asshole detector is in the "on" position.

Take time.

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)
Profile   Post #: 20
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