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ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I am 46almost47 years old and have NEVER been asked for, or asked another person for, a reference before beginning a personal relationship with someone. The very idea hasn't even crossed my mind.

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ORIGINAL: persephonee

You are a barbarian...that is documented and drooled over by many many on here at least.

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ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I was reading a thread Michael created regarding monogamy when I read a post regarding references. So, instead of hijacking his thread, I decided to create a new one.

References is a subject I just do not understand when it comes to all of this. I think of references in the context of a job or perhaps renting a house. I don't think of references when it comes to relationships.

Yet, I often read/hear about it. Two friends of mine, female dominant and female slave, were horrified when I turned down an invitation to go with them to the "house" they met at. It is a house, in upstate New York, that is female dominant led, with approximately 6 or 8 females in service, in a very formal and ranked manner. They felt that to go, and spend time there, would be beneficial in that I would gain status and have references. I looked at my bank account and available vacation time and said, "thank you but no thanks". Apparently that was a huge mistake on my part. I think I can live with it.

This same couple, were having the slave's former mistress visit for a day. The dominant was a nervous wreck because she was worried about not making a good impression. When I asked why, what possible reason would she have for feeling so strongly about impressing a complete stranger? I got something like "So I have good references!" And the slave, she has always discussed that her history in service, gives her good references.

Now I don't criticize, these people are my friends and have taught me a great deal. Even if much of it, is simply learning what I don't want. Yet, I really honestly do not understand the importance of references. We are not talking about a work history in correlation to applying for a job. We are talking about our personal relationships!

I am 46almost47 years old and have NEVER been asked for, or asked another person for, a reference before beginning a personal relationship with someone. The very idea hasn't even crossed my mind.

So I ask why. I don't want to debate whether it's right or wrong, or suggest my way is better than my friend's ways. I am just curious where it comes from and why, if it is important to anyone here and why. And perhaps understand the reasoning as it applies to this type of relationship. Why for this and yet never for any vanilla relationship I have ever seen or heard of in modern, western world, times.

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ORIGINAL: MidMichCowboy

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ORIGINAL: persephonee

You are a barbarian...that is documented and drooled over by many many on here at least.

Is this a real reference?

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ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

I've actually sent the Positive Experiences wedding thread to two women, as an indirect way to provide references for myself.

And - hijack - I am so sorry I didn't introduce myself to you, persephone.  I didn't realize you were you until someone told me who Cecil was demo-ing with.  And then, well, you were kinda busy.

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ORIGINAL: domiguy

I have always utilized references in all of my past relationships, even the vanilla ones.  I  remember  demanding references before I was willing to take this filipino chick out to the movies.  I spoke to her ex, Tyler, on the phone. 

He said, "Dude, Carly might be a small girl and everything but her pussy is huge!"

Without getting references I would have inevitably lost half of my shit to a huge holed Fillipino chick named Carly. 

Thank you Tyler.  You will forever be in my thoughts and prayers.