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RE: References - 2/12/2009 9:06:13 AM   
CalifChick


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Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
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You know Miss LaT, the description in your original post reminded me of certain romance novels, set around the Victorian age, where personal references and social standing were extremely important, and one did not travel without letters of reference.  Maybe they've read too many cheap novels??


Cali


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(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: References - 2/12/2009 9:40:50 AM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
Status: offline
Theres to much at risk sometimes is why I am interested in a persons references...as well as if they are involved in a local scene etc...
 
Are they really nessecary...probably not...
 
I have met peope with them as well as without them...
 
I have no desire to go out of state and beat someone and end up in...jail...

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: References - 2/12/2009 2:13:23 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline
post 56, you said it... dramatically important

my guess is, if it is to people you are close to and many here don't think so, you should ask them.. I have to admit, I don't know anyone that finds them that important...

when I'm in the relationship, I live the high protocol, the old guard stuff -- its the way I was raised up, so to speak and what I enjoy... but I don't necessarily think you have to tie them together.. perhaps for some.. but with all things, you don't have to take the whole bouquet, just pick out the roses, or whatever you want, and keep them...

their lives might be very similar to mine... to be very honest, I think it might be a difference between meeting people online and offline... I've met very few online who could possibly provide a reference much less, could I find one locally on them.. but if I meet someone at the local play space, at a local event, its highly likely I can find out stuff about them.. or talk to someone who knows them.. hopefully someone I trust.. its why I tend to want people who are involved locally, not just living locally to me.  Of the folks I've met here, the only ones involved locally are the ones I already knew before joining CM...

I could be wrong but that's my take on it... I'm also very slow in getting to know people, I'm meticulous in somethings and logical and methodical... well, most of the time.. anyway...

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

I'm not sure anyone said they were dramatically important, although perhaps someone did.  For me, they are all part of the tool box.. if they are available... there are a few other opinions out there in the world I respect.. and so I'm likely to solicit them if possible ...


Again, I've obviously mis-stated something. No one on this thread has expressed that they are dramatically important, but as I said in my initial post, they are to some people I know personally.

I thought I had explained their situation, the formality and high protocol they live, and that I have always found it interesting that references were important to THEM and others that live similarly.

In thinking about all of this, I think the above statement answers my questions. Their lives are very inclusive, different than mine and most of us on here, more than likely. They all have similar ways of living M/s, similar expectations of both roles. So in that light, a reference would be of some value, on both sides of the slash.





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(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: References - 2/12/2009 2:55:54 PM   
Maya2001


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Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
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I could meet some Dom who has  had relationships with 23 subs....21 of them think he is an asshole bullying  abusive jerk. and 2 like him...who would you think he is going to pick for references??? So what is those references really worth if I relied on??

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(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: References - 2/12/2009 3:18:39 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline
I tend to find my own references.. ask around... I have no idea what folks might say about me.. I'd hope they'd be honest... frankly, as I said earlier.. the idea is to take what you want.. and don't bother with the rest.. there are bad references just like there are bad profiles.. its not different than a profile.. people put out on the net what THEY want you to know... not necessarily what you should know...

as I said.. a tool.. like all tools, there are cautions associated with them...the example you present is not likely to be one applicable to my life

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to Maya2001)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: References - 2/12/2009 3:34:15 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline
I don't believe just because others said so and so was a good man means it's true. I met someone on alt who had a few glowing testimonies about what a fine, and kind, and upstanding man and dom this man was. Yet when I came over to cook dinner with him, because he was supposed to be teaching me to cook, Knowing full well I am off the market, That was discussed and supposedly understood before I ever came over,  he kept asking me to play with him, knowing full well I'm not allowed to and he kept saying come on there's no harm in it, nobody will know, and on and on and on.

So, what happend to the man who had gotten so many glowing testimonials from other members who'd met him?

those glowing testimonies of how nice he  and how upstanding and honoroable he was, was ment diddly shit.

He doesn't have any honor, if he did he wouldn't be trying to conjole  another man's woman, into playing with him when he knew clear well she wasn't allowed to play with others. And More so he would of stopped at the first no, and not have gone on to try to convince me it was ok to engage in playtime with him with out permission and against the trust my daddy has in me to be with other men and behave properly.
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

It might help if you are meeting a stranger from CM for example and he can give you a few references of people who have met him before, so you don't worry about running into a complete psycho, who will possibly disgrace himself and you in the coffee shop where you meet.... But that's basically I prefer to rely on my gut instincts.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 66
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