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RE: References - 2/11/2009 4:10:47 PM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
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When I first got involved in WIITWD, I was introduced to the group I'm with by a mutual friend who could vouch for my discretion and potential for a good 'fit'. Some days, I am pretty sure that the Keepers questioned his aptitude in selecting on that 2nd part, but in the end, I think we all survived. While it is uncommon, I think that invitation via someone who knows both parties and can vouch for the newcomer is still the process for some of the members of our household, and it's also the process for a couple of private groups that we participate with. Over the years, there were some folks in our household whose livelihood depended on them not being 'outed' un-necessarily. They weren't in my branch of the household, but when they visited, any outside visitors had to be 'approved' (invited by someone who knew they could handle the level of discretion required) before they were invited at the same time as our family members. That's about the only use I can find for 'referrals', which isn't the same thing as 'references'.

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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Post #: 41

RE: References - 2/11/2009 4:21:20 PM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Okay Red, but for what purpose? To prove that they have met you? That you are a living breathing human being? That you are a likable kinda guy?

I am not being bitchy, just wondering what the end goal of that might be.

Not to keep beating a dead horse...especially in the presence of someone who owns horses who do terrible things to ducks!!

....but in your region, and only judging from how secretive the community in Nebraska seems to be presently...*disclaimer* in my own personal experience....i think that a lot of the activities that occur around you are by invitation mostly and are not the same as in my area, where if i were not a member of a local dungeon, i could easily find sponsorship within the organisation just by showing up when the dungeon were open...So, i can see where having local personal references would help you interact more fully within the public community. Again, you have never really referred to whether you interact with the community or if you choose to remain more private...*shrugs*...

Example....i am a member of a couple groups regionally close to you and can still not attend a playparty...despite being the maid of honor to a member in good standing and despite having played with another member and having maintained internet connections with other members...i cant attend, because i have yet to attend a demo and some other such things...the reason this sticks in my craw is if i go visiting the area and there is a playparty scheduled, my best friend could get in and i would be sitting in the car as i have not met their requirements...sniffle. Not that this matters here nor there, but i just kind of felt like getting that off my chest. Its been weighing on me greatly...*sobs*....And now that i think on it a minute, it kind of proves your point that references mean squat sometimes....hmmmmm.....

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 42

RE: References - 2/11/2009 4:22:24 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

If someone were to ask me about RedMagic, I would say that he was a nice guy with tact and charm, and handled a potentially awkward situation with grace and dignity. Unlike SunshineMiss, who said, "ewwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!".

So, if that is worth something to someone, there ya go.

Cali

_____________________________

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(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 43

RE: References - 2/11/2009 4:25:40 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

If someone asked me about red magic, I would say...."What kind of an adult male goes around calling himself red magic?..Is he some sort of Shaman or shit?....Now domiguy, that's a name you can fucking trust! Girls get wet when they here that name...It has character."

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Post #: 44

RE: References - 2/11/2009 4:52:04 PM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

If someone were to ask me about RedMagic, I would say that he was a nice guy with tact and charm, and handled a potentially awkward situation with grace and dignity. Unlike SunshineMiss, who said, "ewwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!".

So, if that is worth something to someone, there ya go.

Cali

What happens in Orlando, stays in Orlando....omg....what "ewww" situation....usually those only involve me...so i need to know.....

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 45

RE: References - 2/11/2009 4:53:59 PM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

If someone asked me about red magic, I would say...."What kind of an adult male goes around calling himself red magic?..Is he some sort of Shaman or shit?....Now domiguy, that's a name you can fucking trust! Girls get wet when they here that name...It has character."

...."character"??....

i tend to agree that your reputation precedes you....and im not wet at all.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 46

RE: References - 2/11/2009 4:54:00 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

I will be disappointed if I see an explanation of Cali's post on the public message board. It is possible to be kinky and slutty, and still understand that private things are private.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 47

RE: References - 2/11/2009 4:55:01 PM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

taptaptap...now i need cmail....STAT.....

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 48

RE: References - 2/11/2009 5:08:23 PM

whiteslavebitch

Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

I have never asked for or been asked for references. I wouldn't even know how to contact prior play partners at this point to be able to provide references. I have always trusted my instincts, and so far it's worked for me.

This is what I had to say about the subject about two weeks ago, nothing's changed in my outlook since.

_____________________________

MasterK's whiteslavebitch

formally collared 1/30/09

"I give to you my everything, you've given me these loving wings." - DMB

(in reply to MarcEsadrian)

Post #: 49

RE: References - 2/11/2009 5:27:13 PM

chiaThePet

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

You can find anything you need to know about someone just by stalking them for about three years.

Day 654 and counting.

chia* (the pet)

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Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 50

RE: References - 2/11/2009 5:36:52 PM

feydeplume

Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline

Chia I wait for your posts. Your wit and inspiration amaze and thrill me. Thanks for sharing with the class.

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Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to chiaThePet)

Post #: 51

RE: References - 2/11/2009 5:47:30 PM

chiaThePet

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: feydeplume

Chia I wait for your posts. Your wit and inspiration amaze and thrill me. Thanks for sharing with the class.

I am humbled.

But for the love of God, don't encourage me.

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to feydeplume)

Post #: 52

RE: References - 2/11/2009 6:19:05 PM

feydeplume

Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
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For the love of which God? Mars Cupid Mercury Vulcan Bacchus Saturn Janus Uranus (just to name a few Roman Gods)

_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to chiaThePet)

Post #: 53

RE: References - 2/11/2009 6:38:06 PM

chiaThePet

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: feydeplume

For the love of which God? Mars Cupid Mercury Vulcan Bacchus Saturn Janus Uranus (just to name a few Roman Gods)

Though not one of the most popular Gods on 'American Idol Greek Gods', I am partial to the Goddess CHAOS,
credited with giving birth to the universe. (I want my fucking epidural...NOW) Also credited with giving birth to
EROS, one of the most popular Gods of all time. I try to celebrate him everyday. Now there are some references.

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to feydeplume)

Post #: 54

RE: References - 2/11/2009 7:18:56 PM

feydeplume

Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline

Eris holds a very special place in my heart... and in my wallet since she loves to play with my hard drives, toasters, things in that kitchen drawer that don't really belong anywhere but you have to put them somewhere and then the drawer sticks and, you get the point. She is near and dear to my typing skills, my method of cooking lately (oh it must be done, the fire alarm just went off) and my attempts at casual conversation.

and her sweet, sweet son, the ruling force of all living things, including, on his mother's side, the flu virus.

_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to chiaThePet)

Post #: 55

RE: References - 2/12/2009 4:01:01 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

FR

Didn't we just do this?

yes, here is the most recent ... http://www.collarchat.com/m_2437834/mpage_1/tm.htm

References are part of a tool box.. use them if you want.. or don't.. .don't put down those that do.. and don't look down your nose at those who don't.. they don't take away from anything.... and used correctly... obtained correctly, they can be helpful

for me, my preference is someone in the community, someone who's out and about.. chances are there is someone I know that might know them... I'd prefer someone like that.. so checking around will be helpful I'm sure...

I don't know why this gets people all riled up.. don't like 'em don't use 'em

Well hell, I must have been on a mental vacation that day or something.

And no, it certainly doesn't get me riled up. I am just trying to understand why it is so dramatically important to have them, for some people.

All too often I will meet someone I've heard glowing things about, only to think myself "what a (insert appropriate negative word here). Or visa versa. What others thought, meant nothing in context.

Buuuuuuuuuuuuuut, since it was discussed recently (without anyone telling me at the time!!!!

) I will drop it.

I don't think I've conveyed the intent of my post properly anyhooo.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 56

RE: References - 2/12/2009 5:30:20 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

I'm not sure anyone said they were dramatically important, although perhaps someone did. For me, they are all part of the tool box.. if they are available... there are a few other opinions out there in the world I respect.. and so I'm likely to solicit them if possible ...

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 57

RE: References - 2/12/2009 5:42:01 AM

FullfigRIMAAM1

Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
I don't think I've conveyed the intent of my post properly anyhooo.

I thought the question was fairly straight forward, and harmless as asked... Speaking of harmless, my guess is that folks who play often in public, need to be somewhat selective in terms of whom they allow into their homes/play spaces, and in those instances, I can understand some need for references.

What someone said earlier about attending prescribed functions before being permitted, sounds a little like the group wants to feel ultra special, if they won't allow good friends/former play partners to even enter or watch... I suppose it's each group's prerogative.

I am of the mindset that personal relationships are personal, and mine are private unless I decide to publicize it to people who mean something in my life. I don't ask for references, and to the extent possible, have been gracious when I've been asked about former aquaintances/boyfriends, but it sure doesn't sit well. That isn't to mean that I would completely discount a friend's opinion on a new beau, but since I'll be the only one enjoying/suffering when things go wonderfully or terribly, I simply go with my thinking and feelings about a date. M

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The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence Erich Fromm

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 58

RE: References - 2/12/2009 7:01:35 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

I'm not sure anyone said they were dramatically important, although perhaps someone did. For me, they are all part of the tool box.. if they are available... there are a few other opinions out there in the world I respect.. and so I'm likely to solicit them if possible ...

Again, I've obviously mis-stated something. No one on this thread has expressed that they are dramatically important, but as I said in my initial post, they are to some people I know personally.

I thought I had explained their situation, the formality and high protocol they live, and that I have always found it interesting that references were important to THEM and others that live similarly.

In thinking about all of this, I think the above statement answers my questions. Their lives are very inclusive, different than mine and most of us on here, more than likely. They all have similar ways of living M/s, similar expectations of both roles. So in that light, a reference would be of some value, on both sides of the slash.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 59

RE: References - 2/12/2009 7:14:17 AM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

You asked why. I'm guessing it's somehow a combo between axe-murderer factor and keeping up with the Jones'. I think there is the perception that there are more dangerous sorts into bdsm, so some figure references ferret out the real psychos. As to the keeping up with the Jones' stuff, pretty standard foolishness about 'mine's better than yours'. Just guessing and I think both of those aspects are silly.
Davan

< Message edited by DavanKael -- 2/12/2009 7:50:33 AM >

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May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to IvyMorgan)

Post #: 60

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