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RE: 2nd hand sub - 2/15/2009 10:53:56 AM

chainedgirl

Posts: 142
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline

My experience has not weighed me down. It was because of my experience I was able to bypass all the wanker wannabes and vanilla bastards and find my Master. I think experience can only be an asset and only a mature, well centred Dominant could see that.

As for the title, 2nd hand sub, I assumed it was referring to you being given away by your Dominant to another one. I don't consider you to be a 2nd 3rd or anything sub simply because you have been with more than 1 Dominant.

_____________________________

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(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 21

RE: 2nd hand sub - 2/15/2009 11:18:55 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Perhaps Prinsexx, if you stop seeing yourself as a second hand sub and when you look in the mirror, you see an experienced sub who openly craves new experiences, things may both get better and seem better too.

Yes thank you for reminding me of this. Believe me I hit the pits of the most terrib;e depression around Christmas and the New Year///that time of year being a low point always for me but I also had surgery which made me low. I also was in a dynamic which I failed to understand, except to say in retrospect that I allowed for my own passivity in it.
The 2nd hand sub catcg phrase was chosen more as a header for the thread than an illusion to what I feel about myself right now.
The situation really does call for me to look in the mirror and feel proud of who I am, get my persona and my parameters back and move forward.

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 22

RE: 2nd hand sub - 2/15/2009 11:22:46 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chainedgirl

My

As for the title, 2nd hand sub, I assumed it was referring to you being given away by your Dominant to another one. I don't consider you to be a 2nd 3rd or anything sub simply because you have been with more than 1 Dominant.

No not given away. Releasing myself again. But not a virgin by far.

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to chainedgirl)

Post #: 23

RE: 2nd hand sub - 2/15/2009 11:31:44 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

Your a sub with experience and you have a lot to offer the right owner(s). Sometimes people go their whole lives without finding "the One" and for some, perhaps "the One" was not meant to be as they never find them. Some people go through touching many people's lives and having a positive impact upon them. So with that in mind, your not a 2nd hand sub, but a sub who has done above and beyond the call of duty for several people in her life. If you've made a positive impact on someone else's life and made them smile, you've done your best. Stay positive.
~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 24

RE: 2nd hand sub - 2/15/2009 11:35:08 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Experience depends on how well you use it towards making better choices for yourself in the future. If you keep making bad choices, then obviously experience is worthless.

I don't knw how you and I would scaw on a personality test, say the Myers Briggs...but I can hazard a guess that we have quite different, if not opposite personalities.
I am not that logical nor do I make very rational decsisions in relationships. This I am prepared to admit. I get caught up in the heat and passion of the moment.
But there were unforeseen and I think foregiveable reasons why I got sucked in this time. The death especially.
In the heat of the moment I don't think prior experience helps much to be honest.

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 25

RE: 2nd hand sub - 2/15/2009 11:41:01 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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And as long as you believe that, it won't.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 26

RE: 2nd hand sub - 2/15/2009 11:42:30 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

In the heat of the moment I don't think prior experience helps much to be honest.

In that case, you know what your weakness is and you can plan accordingly.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 27

RE: 2nd hand sub - 2/15/2009 12:05:01 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah
All these things together if allowed to could cause a man to think he was cursed or that all women were fucking crazy.

I have learned that it isn’t fair to make someone pay for what someone else did to you.

The Dom may change but the emotion never does and that is a shame it would imply that you aren’t creating new experiences with your new dominants you are simply totaling up the play.

Because each girl is different the experience is then different and I appreciate the Individual experience not the fact that I have simply done this before.

If you are getting bored or you think you have learned all there is to learn then you have stopped trying.

You are no longer moving in your journey and yes you will become disillusioned with the lifestyle when you do that. Prin I have seen you change Masters quite a bit in the time that I have known you..........address where YOU are in all of this as this will most always be an inside job.

No Master is able to take away something that a submissive is not willing to give,.....
.

Steel

Hi Steel. Glad you are back. Or was it me that went away. Anyway missed you hon.
I pocked out some very cogent points I think you have made...
so first off....All these things together if allowed to could cause a man to think he was cursed or that all women were fucking crazy...well I am relieved you haven't come to that conclusion as the logic of it wouldn't be exactly well logical. But applying it yo myself...you know I certainly haven't come to the conclusion that all Doms or indeed all men are even remotely crazy and therefore must conclude it is about the choices I allow myself to make. I have been guilty of giving my consent I have finally concluded to those I am not one hundred per cent certain of. You know I start by being able to see a flaw and believing that the flaw will go away or I can make it go away or I will be instrumental in making that other person change. Yhis never happens. As a corollary I pass up on those opportunities that I consider would be perefect, or be a dream come true. A huge confession and the first time I have put this in black and white and read it nack to myself.

I have learned that it isn’t fair to make someone pay for what someone else did to you. .... no I know. I am being patient and kind as much as I can be and staying truthful and honest.

The Dom may change but the emotion never does and that is a shame it would imply that you aren’t creating new experiences with your new dominants you are simply totaling up the play....there were lots of new experiences indeed more new experiences than I have previously had. But no connection. I was one step outside of them all...

Because each girl is different the experience is then different and I appreciate the Individual experience not the fact that I have simply done this before....yes and it's different people all the time I crave. Can't go monogamy is what I have to conclude.
If you are getting bored or you think you have learned all there is to learn then you have stopped trying. ..ok so here is where I am going to make enemies and sound offensive and arrogant but the truth is I just simply find it hard to find a partner who is intelligent enough, who can hold down an informed and creative conversation, who has a well formed intellect or at least an insightful framework to hang it all on....(oh ok flame me, shoot me down with hot chunks of venom)

You are no longer moving in your journey and yes you will become disillusioned with the lifestyle when you do that. Prin I have seen you change Masters quite a bit in the time that I have known you..........address where YOU are in all of this as this will most always be an inside job......I've spent so much of the last two months retrospecting, doing an inside job as you so rightly call it. I'm all insidied out, bored by me more than I am bored by anyone else.

And as for No Master is able to take away something that a submissive is not willing to give,.....yep indeed.
As for first kisses .. maybe that's what I get hooked on.

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 28

RE: 2nd hand sub - 2/15/2009 12:34:10 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

And as long as you believe that, it won't.

I didn't start this thread just as a rant about what was happening to me. I am genuinely interested in how others do their dynamic and as you know, more often than not will use what is happening in my own experience as a starting point for discussion.
And so it seems that opinion is falling into two camps: those who are saying that priot experience is a good thing, can be learnt from and can and indeed should inform future relationships. And then there are others who say it is nought to do with experience and purely to do with the relationship in the now.
I will say in my defense that although i do love the passion of the moment...there has to be initial chemistry.... this is a turning point for me and I am doing some stock-taking as to what most if not all of my prior experience might be leading me rowards. Seriously stopping to figure it out for a change.

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 29

RE: 2nd hand sub - 2/15/2009 12:48:19 PM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

I don't have a lot of experiences but what I have had, aid in learning more about myself my likes, dislikes, helps me narrow down what I want or do not want in a relationship partner and as part of my kinks... by no means do I see it as a negative but a personal growth that will help me make better decisions and choices in the future.. I may have to go thru a few more partners before I finally find one that fits..but each one I involve myself with becomes a way of learning more about myself and what I seek. Nor do I feel past experience affects future ones unless you let it, though it may help screen the incompatible ones easier.

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 30

RE: 2nd hand sub - 2/15/2009 1:47:37 PM

Bstardsbitch

Posts: 154
Joined: 11/19/2005
Status: offline

"I didn't start this thread just as a rant about what was happening to me."

Erm........................ok !!

(in reply to Maya2001)

Post #: 31

RE: 2nd hand sub - 2/15/2009 2:10:35 PM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

quote:

To both s and d types do you feel weighed down by experience, crave new experiences, or are you proud to have experience? How useful is past experience? Are there experiences which you are proud of and experiences which you are not?

No, thankfully, not weighed down. Not sure how useful past experience can be in this lifestyle since every Dominant would want you his way anyways, so it would be moot. Not to mention, every experience could possibly chip away at a person's ego, heart our soul a little of a time aka, why you possibly feel used.

I love being overpowered, simple. Not so much so that I think every 50th man can do so. Nor do I fall prey or have fallen prey to submitting to 3, 5, or 10 different men because they seemed 'not too bad at it' at the time. I never had any pangs of 'omg this is IT, HE is IT', if I had, I wouldn't be here. Not going to change a profile to notify 'I gotta man now so - neener neener' either. Not only is that childish but if it doesn't work out and I return single again in a few months I would look like an immature fool of an ass who falls in love 4x per year. If I was 'gettin sum' domming, no one would know about it.

Anyhoo, Princ, what you have to do is realize that when you take on these men at the times you take them on (during times of weakness) is that what you get is a weak man who is not worthy of being a dominant if the submissive he prefers is not in her prime condition in the first place. Same thing goes for people that get sad and depressed at not finding a mate, they end up making a hasty decision out of desperation and lonliness and wake up someday realizing they chose a loser. I guess people tend to choose what mirrors them, healthy as that might sound, it isn't.

(in reply to Bstardsbitch)

Post #: 32

RE: 2nd hand sub - 2/15/2009 2:10:44 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bstardsbitch

"I didn't start this thread just as a rant about what was happening to me."

Erm........................ok !!

Sorry don;t have any long distance spectacles...but must say I think you made a positive contribution to the debate.... pajama party, bin fight and pillow fight breaking out in the liyylr girls' dorm. goodey. No wonder so many are getting bored around the forums.
One thing experience has taught me is not to take on board snark.

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 2/15/2009 2:12:06 PM >

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to Bstardsbitch)

Post #: 33

RE: 2nd hand sub - 2/15/2009 2:32:18 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

My question is:
To both s and d types do you feel weighed down by experience, crave new experiences, or are you proud to have experience? How useful is past experience? Are there experiences which you are proud of and experiences which you are not?

No, I don't feel weighed down by what just *is*. I don't actually think about them very often because new ones take my interest and attention as they happen. If he did a needle corset lacing every single time we were together I certainly might wish for something different.

I like new experiences a great deal but I wouldn't say *crave*, that has a ring of desperation that I don't have.

No, I'm not proud to have experience, I just have it. I don't see what there is to be proud of.

I have been proud of the WAY I've managed a few experiences or challenges. I also have experienced a few things where I was disappointed in the way I handled myself or them, but they weren't any big failing, just emotional reaction.

Past experiences are useful insomuchas I have a rough idea of how something may feel and, depending on what it is...I know whether to look forward to it or be terrified........lol

I don't feel at all second-hand.......I'm the first ME he's owned and he's the first HIM I've come across. No-one else has come remotely close to the places we've been together.

agirl

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 34

RE: 2nd hand sub - 2/15/2009 3:11:12 PM

Amaros

Posts: 1363
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline

Something to be said about that new car smell, but as far as I'm concerned, they just don't make them like they used to.

And this may be your "problem" Prinsexx - i.e., you may be slightly addicted to novelty - it's neither here nor there, only fools reject the opportunity to gain experience, it's why they never learn.

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 35

RE: 2nd hand sub - 2/15/2009 3:16:43 PM

subangi

Posts: 544
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline

For those old enough to remember the book "Johnathan Livingston Seagull",,,,, the quote "our race to learn has just begun" is very fitting in this lifestyle. Every experience to me is a learning experience.

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 36

RE: 2nd hand sub - 2/15/2009 3:32:40 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

My question is:
To both s and d types do you feel weighed down by experience, crave new experiences, or are you proud to have experience? How useful is past experience? Are there experiences which you are proud of and experiences which you are not?

No, I don't feel weighed down by what just *is*. I don't actually think about them very often because new ones take my interest and attention as they happen. If he did a needle corset lacing every single time we were together I certainly might wish for something different.

I like new experiences a great deal but I wouldn't say *crave*, that has a ring of desperation that I don't have.

No, I'm not proud to have experience, I just have it. I don't see what there is to be proud of.

I have been proud of the WAY I've managed a few experiences or challenges. I also have experienced a few things where I was disappointed in the way I handled myself or them, but they weren't any big failing, just emotional reaction.

Past experiences are useful insomuchas I have a rough idea of how something may feel and, depending on what it is...I know whether to look forward to it or be terrified........lol

I don't feel at all second-hand.......I'm the first ME he's owned and he's the first HIM I've come across. No-one else has come remotely close to the places we've been together.

agirl

Thankyou agirl. I always like the way you express yourself... feel close the the way you seem to delight in the acual experience of it all. And it is always, each and everyday, a singulat experiential phenomena. I'd like to get closer to that feeling of just simple pure experience.
This ending has been closer to that pure experience thing. Closer to a simple what is is simply what is than I have ever experienced before.
As for craving... I don't link it to desperation. If so then another word than craving...but I am I suppose quite an addictive personality. I like the spikes...life to me as a stick on patch just doesn't work. I suppose that is what I found and am finding so tedious about the live in thing.

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 37

RE: 2nd hand sub - 2/15/2009 3:35:04 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Amaros

Something to be said about that new car smell, but as far as I'm concerned, they just don't make them like they used to.

And this may be your "problem" Prinsexx - i.e., you may be slightly addicted to novelty - it's neither here nor there, only fools reject the opportunity to gain experience, it's why they never learn.

Dear Amaros I was just replying to agirl and came to that conclusion myself about the highs... uep have to agree the peak experience of a first meet, a one nite stand, the first kiss. I am a lot like a junkie wanting to get the virgin bang.

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to Amaros)

Post #: 38

RE: 2nd hand sub - 2/15/2009 3:36:25 PM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

everything i have experinced is now a part of me and even if i never play again i still have tried it. as far as the relationship it is more than just play, as my M'Lady has said often before she is just as content with me sitting at her feet as when im on the cross. i was not looking for my one when i/W/we found each other. at the time i was looking for a new play partner and now it is a poly family going to hawaii together soon. as for my experinces they neither weigh me down or bear me up they are a part of me and help guide me along the path of life. i am proud of my lifestyle choice and happy to answer questions to any who ask.

_____________________________

proud to serve the awsome
LadyPact

(in reply to subangi)

Post #: 39

RE: 2nd hand sub - 2/15/2009 4:51:17 PM

Amaros

Posts: 1363
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: Amaros

Something to be said about that new car smell, but as far as I'm concerned, they just don't make them like they used to.

And this may be your "problem" Prinsexx - i.e., you may be slightly addicted to novelty - it's neither here nor there, only fools reject the opportunity to gain experience, it's why they never learn.

Dear Amaros I was just replying to agirl and came to that conclusion myself about the highs... uep have to agree the peak experience of a first meet, a one nite stand, the first kiss. I am a lot like a junkie wanting to get the virgin bang.

There's always the buddy system...

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 40

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