RE: Submissives who call the shots

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RE: Submissives who call the shots - 2/24/2009 6:59:53 AM

Esstee

Posts: 12
Joined: 1/9/2009
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quote:

I don't post in the "Ask a Mistress" section. Since there is a "General" section, an "Ask a Master" section, and an "Ask a Mistress" section, I think it's common sense that if someone posts in "Ask a Mistress" they're looking for a fem-dom point of view. I don't have a fem-dom point of view to offer, so I don't post there. My personal opinion is that it's just plain common courtesy and respect for the people who post there looking for a fem-dom point of view. Can I post in "Ask a Mistress"? Sure, I can, and I'm sure that the moderators of this board don't want the task of removing every errant post that lands there, or to deal with the temper-tantrums and threats of first amendment suits that would ensue if they restricted it.

I agree with the others in this thread that having standards is a good thing. I think that is doubly true when you're talking about standards for your own behavior.

Fwiw, I don't post in the ask-a-mistress section either. I've never identified as a mistress. I'm female, but not feminine, and definitely not a femdomme. I've never worn high heels, or a corset or any of that stuff. I'm a butch leatherdyke with decades of experience and I identify as a master. People who are in negotiated D/s relationships with me call me Sir.

Back before 'gender' became a polite word for 'sex' it was possible to verbally distinguish between sex and gender, and I could self-describe as a masculine female. These days it takes more words to do that, and more people make erroneous assumptions about everyone being the same. We're not all the same, which is a good thing.

It takes all kinds - and we *are* all kinds.

(in reply to Leonidas)

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RE: Submissives who call the shots - 2/24/2009 10:23:09 AM

MarcEsadrian

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Joined: 8/24/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: chainedgirl

i have been doing a lot of reading lately about the after affects of feminism. That essentially, what it has done is created women who expect everything to be given to them and done their way and men who cannot stand up to them and often cower.

Funny, I've noticed the same tendency in so-called "submissive" men. Feminism has indeed changed the way women see the world and its opportunities, but I don't think it has much to do with preferences one has in submission. Most individuals will require standards to be met in a person before committing and prostrating themselves. This only makes sense.

As Lynnxz said so succinctly, wanting a man who is attractive, intelligent and responsible is a good place to start. It's ok to have standards. Doing so gives honor to the one you serve, in fact.

< Message edited by MarcEsadrian -- 2/24/2009 11:12:32 AM >

(in reply to chainedgirl)

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RE: Submissives who call the shots - 2/24/2009 12:32:34 PM

sensura

Posts: 71
Joined: 2/8/2009
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I really hope you dont give this advice to people new to the lifestyle, you make submissives look like they have no mind of thier own and no self worth. You seem to not realize that a relationship between a sub and dom is loving respectful and honest. I am a strong woman who does not expect everything to be handed to me, and I dont see where feminism fits into your post.

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RE: Submissives who call the shots - 2/24/2009 4:13:55 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
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OP, I think your assertions are rather polar.
Of course, if a Dom(me) allows a s-type to 'call all ofthe shots', I suppose that proves that they ought not be in charge, eh?
Davan

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RE: Submissives who call the shots - 3/7/2009 7:54:32 AM

Lordandmaster

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Joined: 6/22/2004
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A relationship is about more than just play. A sub who is looking for a relationship, therefore, needs to consider things beyond how the two get along during play time. Now I agree that some people's lists of minimum qualifications may be unreasonable and even ultimately self-defeating, but we all have preferences about the kind of person we would and wouldn't entertain having a relationship with.

I don't want a sub with nasty hygiene, for example.

quote:

ORIGINAL: chainedgirl

i have also been reading posts by Doms and Masters saying that many female submissives expect Doms/Masters to be living a certain way, earning a certain level of income and look a certain way. my understanding is, this is not the submissive's business. What should matter is how the two get along as a D/s couple or duing play times.

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RE: Submissives who call the shots - 3/7/2009 5:01:15 PM

Huntertn

Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
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Maybe I'm worng..but a lot subs pick different things they like about "Dom's they play with"and Dom's they want to "live and play with." Agree? Disagree? They know both kinds are Dom...but.....then again tell me that isn't true of normal dating/marriage? I don't think thats topping from the bottom..being selective separates us from the rest of the mammals...look how many times DNA tests show the father isn't really the father on tests run on birds..lol..the birds pick one father to have kids by..and another to help raise them..in the real Human world we call that divorce.lol

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

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RE: Submissives who call the shots - 3/8/2009 6:48:58 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sensura

I really hope you dont give this advice to people new to the lifestyle, you make submissives look like they have no mind of thier own and no self worth. You seem to not realize that a relationship between a sub and dom is loving respectful and honest. I am a strong woman who does not expect everything to be handed to me, and I dont see where feminism fits into your post.

You really think that when I advise people to choose their partners carefully, it is bad advice?

Funny, as I've been in a strong, loving, committed relationship for over six years and it's working out fine. Can you say the same?

And feminism comes into it because that is what gives us the ability to choose our partners, as opposed to being married off to them against our will which does happen in other cultures.

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Post #: 107