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NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/23/2009 11:35:45 PM   
enslavedgrl


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So I met a Master here on CollarMe and I am planning on meeting him this weekend.  Which I am excited about. He is a very carring Master, but yet a very strict Master from what I can tell.
Since I am new to a M/s relationship he told me tonight that when I go to live with him I will spend the first month locked in the basement. I will have to earn my way upstairs. Is this ok? I am egar to learn from him and please him. I want him to teach me how to be a good little slave from him. Should I worry about this? Or is this something common Masters do to train their Slaves? We have spent alot of time talking and sharing thoughts and desires and I do trust him and feel he is a good carring person, as well as being a strict Master. Just being locked in the basement for a months scares me. What do you think? any advice or comments would be really appriciated.
Thanks so much
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RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/23/2009 11:49:13 PM   
RCdc


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I wouldn't say it was 'common' for a beginning of a relationship.  Being held in confinement is a fantasy which can work once a relationship is well established.  Being held in a basement and locked away has a vast aray of difficulties.  Toilet, hygiene, and safety are just the beginning.  Mental well being is a biggie.
 
Personally, I would not agree to this or any other action or fantasy without having met or knowing the person well.  It is a fantasy and for a day or weekend, possible.  But reality is, you will need day/sunlight.  Without it for a month you will suffer both mentally and physically.  And has he even asked about your diet or any physical state?  Has he asked if you have any reoccurring illness that might be important in this regard?  That alone should offer you some insight and concern about the depth of his knowledge and his own mental state to insist that this is an absolute.
 
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RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 12:04:38 AM   
subharlequin


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ummm yeah ok..i'm new to this as well and the thought of being locked in the basement makes me a bit sqeemish as well...for any length of time after having just met the one locking me up..but then again...
have you discussed this with him? does he know you dont favor being locked up that long..or at all? how long have you gotten to know him before you decided to move to him? or is this all still up in the air?
i have saftey issues with it but then again thats me...
really i dont know how to respond to this without out sounding wishy washy or flip flopping back and forth...


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RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 12:18:07 AM   
Lynnxz


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Is it a full moon?

Some rampant virus spreading among the submissive types causing them to prance around with no common sense?

Wtf.

Sure. Go let some guy you've never met lock you in a dark basement for a month or so. Sounds like an excellent idea to me.


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RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 1:02:40 AM   
ThatDamnedPanda


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One thing at a time. Meet him, and see how that works out. If you like him, spend some time with him and get to know what kind of a person he is. A lot of time.

If that works out well, then start talking to him about basements. Find out how he envisions that whole project playing out - what sort of provisions he's planning to make for your health, your safety, and your personal hygiene. Your emotional well-being. If he tells you that's none of your business, or that you should just trust him, or whatever, you'll have a decision to make about whether this is someone you can trust that much - but I think you'll find that most people here would strongly recommend "no."

Longterm confinement is not really all that common a practice, largely because of the sheer impracticality of it, but if done properly it can be done quite safely. The thing is, you've got a lot at stake here - taking a significant risk - and you've got the right to ask some direct questions about how your interests are going to be protected. If you don't like the answers you get, you might be better off taking a pass on the whole concept.

< Message edited by ThatDamnedPanda -- 2/24/2009 1:03:29 AM >


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RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 1:55:53 AM   
dreamerdreaming


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D/s is not an excuse to forget good common sense.

Listen to your fears, they are valid.

I would not let anyone lock me away anywhere for any period of time, unless I'd known that person for a LONG, LOOOONG time.

This guy is in fantasyland. He sounds really selfish and creepy. Seems like he cares a lot more about his fantasy than about you and your safety and well being.

You need to stay grounded in reality, or you could wind up dead.



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RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 3:38:02 AM   
InTonguesslave


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this actually puts me in mind of a book i was given to read by a guy, i think it was called 'of mouse and men' but im not absolutely sure.  where he shut a woman away in the basement and it turned into a serious nightmare.  it actually put me off the guy totally.  i found the concept disturbing.

you havent met him yet, until you do you are not equipped to say yes or no to anything yet.  sounds boring advice i know, when youre all excited about meeting this guy - but i have to question his judgement in throwing this in so early on and well before youve met.  it could be that its a big fantasy of his and he's wanting to ensure that youre ok with the idea in principal, so fine, but i still say its really a conversation for way down the track when he's built confidence and trust between the two of you.  how can you possibly agree to something like that yet.

edited to add:  ive just reread youre post and two or three times youve mentioned that he's strict.  thats fine.  but it throws up a bit of a wobbly for me if youre locked up in a basement with no phone and no way out.  you really do need to get to know this guy first before doing anything like that.  

im probably just being a worrywort here, but i have visions of you being kept down there with no water or food for 24 hours, or bathroom facilities - and if it turned into hell youll be psychologically screwed for years! - please be careful.

ill go, im clucking again.

< Message edited by InTonguesslave -- 2/24/2009 3:50:12 AM >


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RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 3:53:16 AM   
DesFIP


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He says he is a strict but caring master with lots of experience. How do you know his experience isn't all one handed wanking to A Story of O? You don't.

Basically, you taking everything he says at face value is exactly like you buying the first car a used car salesman shows you, even if it doesn't suit your needs.

Meet him in a Starbucks. If you like him enough as a person, (not as a master) that you want to go to a movie with him some future time, then get his info: home, home phone, work etc and go home and google him.

See if he actually owns a house with a basement or if it actually belongs to his mother (my bet). Then think about this. How do you get to go to the bathroom while locked in when he's at work. What happens if the house catches on fire, you have a major allergy attack to the dust and mold down there, etc etc?What if he thinks what you need to do to get out of the basement is have unprotected sex with every man who pays him twenty bucks for the privelege?

Before you put yourself in this man's power, you need to know for absolutely positive that he's trustworthy. You don't.

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RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 4:03:46 AM   
CatdeMedici


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

Is it a full moon?

Some rampant virus spreading among the submissive types causing them to prance around with no common sense?

Wtf.

Sure. Go let some guy you've never met lock you in a dark basement for a month or so. Sounds like an excellent idea to me.



No Lynnx, its a waning moon--just as bad.

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RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 4:09:10 AM   
sirsholly


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you never met him, yet are planning to move in with him and permit yourself to be locked in his basement for a month?




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RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 4:14:42 AM   
Focus50


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quote:

ORIGINAL: enslavedgrl

So I met a Master here on CollarMe and I am planning on meeting him this weekend.  Which I am excited about. He is a very carring Master, but yet a very strict Master from what I can tell.
Since I am new to a M/s relationship he told me tonight that when I go to live with him I will spend the first month locked in the basement. I will have to earn my way upstairs. Is this ok? I am egar to learn from him and please him. I want him to teach me how to be a good little slave from him. Should I worry about this? Or is this something common Masters do to train their Slaves? We have spent alot of time talking and sharing thoughts and desires and I do trust him and feel he is a good carring person, as well as being a strict Master. Just being locked in the basement for a months scares me. What do you think? any advice or comments would be really appriciated.
Thanks so much

I think wise, mature and (occasionally) intelligent people trust their own instincts and gut feelings about things that don't feel right - such as getting locked up in a basement as the basic means of earning a stranger's trust...!
 
Right now all you see is the fruition of your fantasies (and getting fed a good dose of his) rather than hearing the alarm bells that orta be ringing *loudly* in your ears about this fella!  At least do a search on "sub frenzy" and read awhile.
 
And welcome to the Forums....  :-)
 
Focus.

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RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 4:19:09 AM   
Kana


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What was it Barnum felt about suckers and minutes?

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RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 4:56:17 AM   
Lashra


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Relationships take time to build a foundation of trust. You've never met this guy, you have no idea who he really is at all. Use your common sense would you let some sweet talking stranger you met on the bus take you home and lock you in his basement??  I can only say I would hope not. Slow down, take your time. If it is meant to be it will happen in time, not over night.

~Lashra


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RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 5:04:48 AM   
Aileen1968


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I think there are no words that can possibly help you if you even have to ask this.
*shakes head and walks away*


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RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 5:11:23 AM   
ThundersCry


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Tell him twue masters lead by example...
 
Let him have the the basement the first month and see what he thinks of it....then...
 
He may even learn a thing or two about...himself...

< Message edited by ThundersCry -- 2/24/2009 5:12:00 AM >

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RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 6:02:24 AM   
OmegaG


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Before you even consider the basement thing, maybe you should think about the moving in with him thing.  You have not yet met him yet you are already talking about shacking up.  If he weren't a "Master" how much time would you spend knowing him before you would take that sort of plunge?

Why would you even consider this before you even know if you can stand to kiss him.

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RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 6:07:26 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


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you don't give any indication how well or how long you really know this man except he's a kind Master yet strict.

personally, i wouldn't agree having myself locked in a basement or "earning" my way up the stairs.

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RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 6:07:55 AM   
DarkSteven


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Go to a post in the Polls and Random Stupidity forum that Resident Sadist started called "she is caged, any questions?"  In that thread, he described how he had caged everhope for several days, and the logistics of it, what he allowed her and what she did.  While it is not my cup of tea, I was fascinated at someone who knows what he is doing, doing an unusual kink.

Then compare his demeanor and knowledge to your wanker Dom's.

< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 2/24/2009 6:15:03 AM >


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RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 6:09:55 AM   
sirsholly


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very good advice 

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RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 6:16:07 AM   
barelynangel


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quote:

when I go to live with him I will spend the first month locked in the basement


Umm okay, seems people are taking you never have met him and lumping it in with you will be moving in with him BEFORE you meet him.  Umm you did say you were MEETING him this weekend.  Many times when i speak to a Man i always gauge whether he will want someone living in or not so yeah, the when you come live with me is a phrase used many times before i meet a guy, it simply is an explanation of our understanding where we hope for this to go.  I like to know if they want live in prior to putting time into them because i don't want to be a part time slave.  I oft times speak of what they would expect WHEN i come live with them to help me guage what direction we are both heading in.  So i am not shocked he said this to you. 

Now if you are planning on moving in with him Monday after you meet him this weekend lol then see many of the posts above.

From what the OP has written it seems they are planning to meet, THIS WEEKEND IN FACT lol, it sounds like they are planning on getting to know each other with the EVENTUALITY of moving in together -- hence the WHEN...  sounds like MANY MANY MANY of the already established relationships on this very board.

What he is suggesting and wanting is to me  not incorrect and its not correct.  Its simply how he sees his relationship with his slave playing out on a very GENERIC level.  So you need all the rest filled in and defined for you and understood by YOU before you can really gauge the actuality of this succeeding, in my opinion.   It all depends on what you are looking for and what he deems locked in the basement, and if its something you wish to be a part of your dynamic.  Sure does it sound kinda squiggy, for me yes it wouldn't be something i would be able to do with a Man as the mastery of me and enslavement of me has to be more subtle than a lock turning in the door leaving me alone etc.    Also the connotations of locked in the basement could mean all kinds of things and he states it for a month.  As i said, it all depends on what you are looking for an what he is.  FOR SOME PEOPLE, it may work and be completely fulfilling for you both.  Don't let people who enjoy dramatizing everything someone says that is outside their scope of comfort lead you to decide not to explore something that MAY IN FACT be something you are looking for.  You gave no details of what the locked in the basement would entail, what would occur and what safety aspects you would have outside of the idea you are locked away until he deems you fit to be a part of the home.   It could very well be a fantasy of his, i would ask him things about it, if he has done it before -- ask to speak to those women to see what the experience was etc.  To me, it reminds me of Men who are extreme and use cage training for their slaves for hours and hours on end. 

If it interests you, talk to him, discuss it with him, do not agree to anything you are uncomfortable with and understand where each of you stand.  Who knows,  BDSM is a concept of shock value for many so you get these drama people who see something that they automatically have to put a negative, a WTF, and a are you nuts where is your common sense idea to it because its outside the scope of their comfort zone.  You can USE common sense in this and be confined to a basement like my parents which is a fully functional basement that could be like an apartment, MOST homes i have lived in has a fully functional basement that could if need be with some additions be completely liveable in if necessary.  I mean its not like he said he would lock you in the garage.  This could simply mean you won't be allowed in parts of the house until he believes you earned it.  Many Men don't allow their slaves on their bed or furniture until they earn it.  So while different is simply another concept of same or people get locked in a cage.  He could mean anything with this -- only you can decide where it goes and when you trust him enough to live as his slave within his demands.  If not, then he won't be for you and you won't be for him. and that's okay too.

All in all, i would get more information from him, enjoy meeting the guy this weekend, take time to get to know him, visit with him often and then when the time comes for the "when" you move in with him, make sure you are comfortable with what he will demand of you.  Don't let the automatic the guys a player, jerk or whatnots you receive on the boards like this dissuade you from getting to know and meeting a guy you seem to like a lot.  Use your common sense and yeah he MAY BE a jerk or idiot, but find that out first by meeting him and getting to know him outside of the internet and influences of people who judge things they really have no clue about and before allowing people on a message board who seem to love overdramatizing things dissuade you from exploring something with someone you like, and end up trusting and feeling comfortable with because its outside THEIR comfort zone. 

Hell, if i squigged out at just the CONCEPT of something and thought it was a NFW concept lol i would have never became a slave, and i think that kinda goes with a lot of people who explore different concepts of likes and dislikes in the many different lifestyles yiu encounter on this board.  You find things you like and things you enjoy -- some for some are extreme while others may think not so much.  For me being locked away is extreme, but i have a friend who it probably would not be.

Good luck, it sounds like you like this guy and are excited -- i hope it works out for you both.

angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 2/24/2009 6:28:26 AM >


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