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RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 3/3/2009 5:13:29 AM

Kursal

Posts: 2
Joined: 11/24/2008
Status: offline

I'm afraid it's a no from me.

I've been in some great vanilla relationships but they were all doomed to failure. Whilst the BDSM lifestyle is not one that permeates every fiber of my being, I am a dom and I believe that is something that you are, to the extent that it doesn't suddenly get switched off.

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 61

RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 3/3/2009 5:57:02 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

NO.

I tried for a loooong time.

WAY past the point of diminishing returns.

I can't be vanilla.

Its just not me.

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(in reply to Phanes)

Post #: 62

RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 3/3/2009 7:52:42 AM

Phanes

Posts: 23
Joined: 11/18/2008
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Ok... Poof! Just like that! I'm grateful for your answers and responses....there's a lot to digest here.. but at the end of the day.. subjectively, it doesn't matter how incredible someone is or how much I respect their accomplishments, or how I see them. If she doesn't do it for me then she doesn't.. If there is a power struggle involved in the relationship then my response is fixed.. I simply need more than that.

And what I need is the woman I am attracted to in every way, to do it for me and yield herself to me.....PERIOD! I can be empathetic towards someone... I can relate and befriend and even feel love for someone but the One...I do it for has to be rightly related and there has to be an order and structure to it that leaves each of us knowing we will go to any length for the other, for our other...

Nothing short of what I need in a power based relationship will ever suffice. Thanks for everyone's input here... and your perspective....

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 63

RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 3/3/2009 7:59:38 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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One thing I discovered is that I don't need to have a full on M/s relationship with me being the M, but I cannot stand them challenging my power and constantly pushing buttons. It's either, be at my feet, or do your own thing and leave me to mine.

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(in reply to Phanes)

Post #: 64

RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 3/3/2009 11:15:34 AM

Jeptha

Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline

Similar to what others have mentioned, vanilla sex doesn't get me off.

I still like it, but I most likely (though never say never) literally will not have orgasms.

So, that would not be satisfying. And without that; sure, I could love somebody a lot, but I will love them as a friend (that is, platonically.)
And there's nothing wrong with that.

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 65

RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 3/3/2009 11:31:49 AM

devotedOwner19

Posts: 47
Joined: 3/26/2008
Status: offline

Why should I settle for vanilla anything let alone sex when there's sooo much more out there for the taking if you but look? in other words NO

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Post #: 66

RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 3/6/2009 7:47:27 PM

marysdream

Posts: 126
Joined: 5/31/2008
Status: offline

no! but i also feel like vanilla folks , could not be happy where i am either...i learned that this life chose me i did not choose it!
ree

(in reply to Phanes)

Post #: 67

RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 3/6/2009 8:06:07 PM

malloves69

Posts: 913
Joined: 9/15/2006
Status: offline

wonders if my lady would still fuck me with the strapons and fist me

in a vanilla relationship ? dont think i could live without both now that my current mistress has me trained the way that i am now

she got me good today ..ass is a little sore but im still smiling

oh by the way collar me took away my other smiley faces to use ...mal

(in reply to marysdream)

Post #: 68

RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 3/6/2009 8:36:21 PM

apiercedkitty

Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline

~FR~

Nope. It might be great to start off, but i'd eventually end up regretting giving up something that makes me feel so complete. i spent a lot of years married regretting things - not gonna go there again.

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(in reply to malloves69)

Post #: 69

RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 3/7/2009 6:56:03 AM

feydeplume

Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phanes

<snip>Could you be content in a monogamous vanilla relationship? <snip>

I suck at monogamy. It is just a fact. I can't not look or want and i "trip and my clothes fall off" like a 70's porno. I have tried and can do it for periods of time IF i know that the boundary will drop again. I ache not being able to love the people i love in the all the ways that i love them.

Vanilla i don't know about really since i don't know if you mean the relationship style or the sex.
Egalitarian relationship sort of Vanilla? I have only had a few relationships that were even sort of vanilla swirl. I hate having power struggles with my lovers so the d/s just seems sensible to me; it helps make it clear who does what and when (yes I am talking about chores and paying bills as well as who does the kneeling and who gets knelt to). So possibly if the "rules" of the equality were really clear and consistent and I didn't have to be a nag to make them live up to their side of the agreement.

Vanilla sex? I need the "kink" to get off. It is just a fact of my sexuality. So missionary with the lights off occasionally is fine (specially if he just takes it rawr!), but as the norm? no. Giving up orgasms with my partner and knowing that the sex was always going to leave me cold and unfulfilled would be a serious issue for me.

I have loved some amazing people and have had to walk away because our needs were too different, be they sexual, financial, religious, or life goal. I have found for my heart, it is best to walk sooner than later if there is a fundamental incompatibility in the relationship, before you have to break hearts and take back promises and burn the bridges of the friendship.

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(in reply to Phanes)

Post #: 70

RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 3/7/2009 7:17:02 AM

celess

Posts: 11
Joined: 2/12/2009
Status: offline

Maybe I am confused. But I thought the whole point of D/s is to find someone eventually you could possibly be with in vanilla. I am starting to realize that D/s has become more about gratification, please, and kink. You know the spankings, the whippings, the control or submission. I think it has something to do with the trend. Bring back what D/s really means.

(in reply to Freakgirl4)

Post #: 71

RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 3/7/2009 7:39:04 AM

Bella1965

Posts: 285
Joined: 12/12/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

G'morning all:

quote:

ORIGINAL: evelinggirl
I know that my kink factors do not rule my life, so, yes, of course I CAN live without it but...do I WANT to...? No, of course not.

This encapsulates my theory on the topic. Being dominant fulfills a very particular need in my life and I'm not willing to do without it. Anyone that wants to interact with me socially or romantically needs to understand and accept this or keep it moving. I have no time in my life for non-compatible individuals. It keeps my select circle of friends/acquaintances small. Which is just how I like it. Peaceful and harmonious.

Stay safe, play nice, & share your toys with others...

Bella

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(in reply to evelinggirl)

Post #: 72

RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 3/7/2009 7:40:29 AM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

No.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phanes

Could you be content in a monogamous vanilla relationship?

(in reply to Phanes)

Post #: 73

RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 3/7/2009 7:47:34 AM

MZEllen

Posts: 10
Joined: 10/16/2007
Status: offline

define "Vanilla relationship" for Me.

define " DOMME/s" relationships......

MZE

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(in reply to Jeptha)

Post #: 74

RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 3/7/2009 7:48:04 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: celess

Maybe I am confused. But I thought the whole point of D/s is to find someone eventually you could possibly be with in vanilla. ... Bring back what D/s really means.

Perhaps that's the point of D/s to YOU, but it certainly isn't the point to all of us. Perhaps you separate your vanilla world from your D/s world, but I don't, and wouldn't even know how. I won't even touch the statement "what D/s really means."

Cali

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(in reply to celess)

Post #: 75

RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 3/7/2009 7:50:52 AM

lronitulstahp

Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline

i could be in a vanilla relationship if it was the 1950's.....

~little slutty homemaker

< Message edited by lronitulstahp -- 3/7/2009 8:21:50 AM >

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Post #: 76

RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 3/7/2009 9:16:22 AM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Could you be content in a monogamous vanilla relationship?

How do you expect people to answer a "what if" question in any meaningful way? In general, people do what they do when they're confronted with a situation, which tends to happen without being announced beforehand. I am sure you'll get some answers, but why you would want to collect useless information is completely beyond me.

(in reply to Phanes)

Post #: 77

RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 3/7/2009 10:31:44 AM

Aynne88

Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline

monogamous yes.

Vanilla...oh no~

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(in reply to antipode)

Post #: 78

RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 3/7/2009 10:50:12 AM

rubberpet

Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline

I was in a vanilla relationship for almost two years and while I was generally happy, I was still left with unsatisfied needs. So with that knowledge and experience, I'd rather be alone than be with someone who doesn't share my kinks.

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(in reply to Aynne88)

Post #: 79

RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 3/7/2009 11:15:45 AM

prpackaged

Posts: 65
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline

I asm fascinated to find that on this site the request is always for vanilla start then what might develop after. Seems a poor dom who honors a promise mde without working out the kinks first doe not have a chance. All these subs who state that they have a kink that needs to be scratched but only after submission to the vanilla standards and all those who claim that everyone else is a player and that they are the only true Sadist/Dom/Domme here leave me in a turned off mode. Would love to enjoy that finer points of kink yet do prefer to know a person first. Fir safety do become knowledgable of the dom/sub that you are interested in learning about but also remember that this site was for kink not vanillaa.

In short, yes I enjoy the relationships much more than I enjoy the kink and I could subsist in a vanilla relationship if only the rest of the relationship was real.

(in reply to Freakgirl4)

Post #: 80

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