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RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 3/10/2009 9:59:21 PM   
hotandlonelynFTW


Posts: 21
Joined: 11/19/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: zombiebabe

I know how much it hurts to really love someone and long to share that with them and they dont want to be fetishy with you

no. it would upset me. a lot


since i have only been lifestyle for about 8 months i feel i can answer this one with a lil bit of knowledge. No i could not be happy in a vanilla relationship. i have had several in my adult life and even before i knew what BDSM was i knew something was missing. My most recent one ended b/c i tried to share with him the pleasures i was getting from it and he wanted nothing to do with it. as far as monogomy, it depends. I am definitly "addicted" to no only sex but any form of intimacy and if im frisky and wanting to play, im gonna get it. either from my partner or i will go find someone else. HOWEVER, my Daddy is a different story. i am not currently monogomous but it is because he drives semi truck long haul and is only home for  a few days out of the month and i cant got a month to 6 weeks without attention so he allows me to play. if we got to a place where he was home every nite or even every weekend, yes i could be monogomous.

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RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 3/10/2009 11:02:47 PM   
DefiantFlower


Posts: 204
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		I have tried oh so hard to make it work. But it's just not natural for me. What draws me to what it is we do more than anything else is the dominance/submission factor. It's the essence of this "lifestyle," in my opinion. I lovelovelooove dominant men, alpha males, teachers, leaders, authority figures, yada yada.

Stripping away all the theatrics of kink, for me to go vanilla would require my being with a man who is not dominant. And there's just...

< Message edited by DefiantFlower -- 3/10/2009 11:03:26 PM >

(in reply to Phanes)
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RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 3/11/2009 10:34:04 AM   
sugarpixi


Posts: 25
Joined: 3/10/2009
From: Fredericksburg, VA
Status: offline 		I'm pretty easily adaptible so I don't think I would have much trouble settling into a vanilla relatonship.
People are usually pretty easy to sway "in the moment" so I figure getting a little bit of kink here and there would do me just fine.
If that made sense. :D

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RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 3/11/2009 12:01:43 PM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		I mean this in the sweetest way possible. Give yourself say 5 years of BDSM-D/s-Kink-WIITWD etc and see if you feel the same.




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RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 3/11/2009 3:37:29 PM   
magicescape


Posts: 13
Joined: 3/6/2009
Status: offline 		yes, it is possible to find happiness and true love without BDSM... but it may lead to a feeling that something is always missing from Your life. It would be important to explore that with your vanilla other- to prevent resentment and frustration 

(in reply to Freakgirl4)
Profile   Post #: 105
RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 3/27/2009 12:50:05 AM   
twisteddoll


Posts: 22
Joined: 2/22/2008
Status: offline 		No.  I mean, a relationship with no bondage or some sort of power play.. I think I'd go crazy.  I have no problem with monogamy, because even though I'm very submissive.. I'm strangely possessive.  It probably has something to do with the fact that I am completely, thoroughly, desperately, wonderfully, bad-grocery-store-romance-novel-y in love with my Master.  I don't know what I'd do without him.  He's just my world.  

(in reply to Freakgirl4)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 3/27/2009 4:48:58 AM   
fragilepieces


Posts: 416
Joined: 7/6/2008
Status: offline 		I look at it from this respect---what if I deeply loved someone and for some reason kink or sex for that matter was no longer possible---would I leave that person just because I could no longer have my sexual needs met?    I just do not think I could do that.     If I based my entire relationship with a person on sex,  to me would seem pretty shallow, but of course for me if there is nothing between us other than the kink, a deep level of love would never develop anyways.    

(in reply to Phanes)
Profile   Post #: 107
RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 3/27/2009 5:08:12 AM   
Blackwolf9


Posts: 47
Joined: 4/22/2008
Status: offline 		I'm in my first BDSM relationship, and I don't think I could ever be completely happy with a vanilla relationship again. I have finally found what makes me tick. I'm a masochist and a sexual submissive. I need those to get to my highest state of arousal. That said, love *is* a powerful forse. Here's a nice contradiction: if my Master insisted on switching to vanilla or going our own ways, I'd most likely switch. Hopefully I'll never have to make that choice though!

(in reply to Freakgirl4)
Profile   Post #: 108
RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 3/27/2009 11:01:42 AM   
Vanityfull


Posts: 196
Joined: 3/6/2009
Status: offline 		eh, i tend to have a pretty strong personality and any non dominant person i get into a relationship with winds up me just babysitting them typically, bdsm.. i dont want to say i am dependant on a relationship with it in it, but it very much makes me alot happier in all areas, it has been a huge part of my sexdrive since i got one, and all my best times in the sac have had bdsm involved.

i could be happy in a vanilla relationship but i would be happier in a bdsm one, that and it seems a very much obtainable thing so i see no need to compermise into vanilla.


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RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 3/27/2009 9:38:11 PM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		NEVER!

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RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 3/27/2009 9:48:51 PM   
heartcream


Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline 		I would like to find a really good fit. I feel I found in a man a really good fit there would be a good fit physically, mentally, emotionally and in the heart. I dont want to give up anything.

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RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 3/28/2009 6:58:37 AM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		I know that I could not be happy with a Hi-honey-how -was-your-day-kiss-kiss occasional straight sex arrangement.  I am a born submissive.  To be happy, I need a real domina.  I really believe that too many of us fool ourselves into believing that we can put away our needs.  I have known too many men who tried to live vanilla, only to cheat and rationalize later.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

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RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 3/28/2009 7:15:21 AM   
shamelessslut


Posts: 1
Joined: 2/19/2009
Status: offline 		nope!

(in reply to Phanes)
Profile   Post #: 113
RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 3/28/2009 8:40:20 AM   
crazyredhead1957


Posts: 189
Joined: 12/10/2008
Status: offline 		  Not in a100% vanilla relationship, it would be totally unfulfilling.  In a blend, that was once in awhile vanilla but most of the time not, yes.  i spent my first 50 years on this planet totally vanilla and always wondered what i was missing.  Now i know and don't ever want to go back there again.
edited to add:  i actually prefer monogamy, but am open to multiple partners once in awhile if Sir wishes.

< Message edited by crazyredhead1957 -- 3/28/2009 8:45:15 AM >

(in reply to Phanes)
Profile   Post #: 114
RE: Could you ever be happy in a vanilla relationship? - 3/28/2009 9:33:01 PM   
MasterDarkSadist


Posts: 60
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline 		Not just no, but HELL NO.

There is no defined structure within a vanilla relationship, and I don't do well with being ordered around and all the other dumb politics of vanilla relationships.

(in reply to Phanes)
Profile   Post #: 115
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