quote:

ORIGINAL: GabrielleSlave
No.  i don't feel threatened any more by this in that way, than He does when He gets me to do things with another guy. If He was doing something on His own, separate from me then that would be a different issue, but Wwe have always said that when Wwe include other people in Oour playtime it would be as a couple.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Viridana

I honestly don't see why she has to delve into why it is a hard limit. If we take something that is a hard limit for most, like scat, I don't ever recall people incouraging a person to spend soul searching time into gathering why they find it off putting. I don't see people incouraging a person as well to try it slowly to overcome their distaste for it. Why is this any different?

quote:

ORIGINAL: mc1234
And yes, I get it - the fear of failure.  Sometimes when I'm frozen in place, I ask myself 'what's the worst that can happen?'  If you believe his being displeased is the worst, you can ask yourself if you can live with that - if you decide to make this a hard limit. 

quote:

If he came home and said one day that he wanted to cut off your big toe because he was amused to see you hobble about - a thought that presumably would be as bad to you as this is - hopefully you wouldn't have any problem saying no.  Did you discuss amputations at the start?  Possibly not.  But you wouldn't have trouble saying no to something that would obviously cause you physical harm.

quote:

I'd be willing to bet that your time in Amsterdam (which sounds lovely!) has his imagination flowing ... but having 2 serve him is different than having you serve the other woman.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Beyond that, I wouldn't do this to another person. Because I can appreciate an attractive woman in the same way I appreciate a nice painting, but aren't interested in having it on my wall. So it would be incredible rude to say to someone else "I don't find you at all a turn on. I'm going to lick you while trying not to throw up during the process but you need to know that the idea of doing this makes me sick". Yeah, that's a nice thing to do to someone else, let her know she revolts you and you'll never want to look at her again.

quote:

Now if lying and pretending is okay in your relationship and you think you could lie and pretend to this poor woman, go for it. Be dishonest. Or is honesty only owed to him and you should lie to everyone else?

quote:

ORIGINAL: feydeplume

I think she 'has' to delve into it because she posted here that she wanted to try to understand why this was suddenly an issue for her. I haven't seen anyone push the issue ON her but herself. She seems to feel a need to understand the whys and wheres and whens of this limit for her and is using the forum as a sounding board for working through the various levels and types of interactions, the emotional and mental states, and the physical/skills issues that she has chosen to delve into in her own mind.

quote:

whatever truth she comes to is her truth, plain and simple. How she finds that truth is also just how she is doing it. It is not like it is unusual for someone to find a limit after they have been playing for a while. Some limits are just so assumed in one's mind that the person never gets around to stating them. But once you do find a limit, isn't it a good thing to find WHY it is a limit? like your example of breast bondage being icky for you; you know why you have this limit and know it isn't just a kneejerk reaction or a fear of failure or something else other than the act itself. That took reflection and thought on your part, just as she is putting thought and effort into understanding this limit.

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

beth's answer in hiring a professional makes the most sense.  If my Master order this, I would do it but I would most likely fail.  Because how am I supposed to MAKE a woman cum while I am crying, gagging, and miserable?  How sexy is repulsion?  Why would even a sadist make some third party outside of the relationship know that they are disgusting to the very person tasked with pleasuring her?  Is that really pleasure?  Only if the third party is into humiliation and being the object of repulsion.  Finding a woman who wants to be an object of repulsion may be so difficult to find that it makes the task moot. 

I was once the "third party" and the slave was crying and gagging and unhappy during the whole process and she couldn't have made me cum no matter what she did and I left the scene so miserable and emotioanlly screwed up that it took me years to get back into bdsm.  Previous to that disaster, I had tried to pleasure a woman and failed miserably and was pretty much like the slave ordered to pleasure me.  The Dominant in the above senario had told me that he could "cure" my repulsion to same sex sex by having his slave "do" me first and once I saw how great it was, I would want more.  Backfired big time.  I never played with that Dominant again, refused his phone calls and ended any involvement and it destroyed our friendship, and we had been good friends for four years prior to the incident.

quote:

ORIGINAL: GabrielleSlave

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Beyond that, I wouldn't do this to another person. Because I can appreciate an attractive woman in the same way I appreciate a nice painting, but aren't interested in having it on my wall. So it would be incredible rude to say to someone else "I don't find you at all a turn on. I'm going to lick you while trying not to throw up during the process but you need to know that the idea of doing this makes me sick". Yeah, that's a nice thing to do to someone else, let her know she revolts you and you'll never want to look at her again.

Another very good point.  i would not want to hurt anyone's feelings, it really is not in my nature.  i mean, if a gay guy was forced to pleasure me and he felt about that as i do now...no that would not be good for anyone would it? 

quote:

Now if lying and pretending is okay in your relationship and you think you could lie and pretend to this poor woman, go for it. Be dishonest. Or is honesty only owed to him and you should lie to everyone else?

Honesty and openess are a huge part of why this relationship works.  i feel that has to be extended as a matter of course to whoever Wwe play with, no matter what.  It is common courtesy, but not just that, without it people can get hurt unintentionally...  i do not want to hurt anyone's feelings...

quote:

ORIGINAL: GabrielleSlave
Yes, i think you have this spot on.  i credit myself with a certain degree of intelligence and common sense and so i find a sudden and seemingly irrational reponse to something to be quite unnerving!  Talking and discussing the issues on here is helping hugely, as i have said before and i am very happy i had the nerve to start this

quote:

i am honestly having a hard time figuring out why this should be a hard limit at all.  i mean, He is not going to physically harm me, not saying He is going to flog me til i lose consciousness (though that might be fun...), not asking me to bathe in scat, not saying His dearest wish is to see me with a horse... In all seriousness, what He is asking me to do is, on the surface of it, quite beautiful...giving pleasure to someone else.  What could be nicer or more giving?

quote:

mc1234
Also - one thing sticks with me in something you've said - you said you didn't negotiate this at the start of your relationship because you were new to BDSM at that point and it didn't even occur to you.  I think this is a fair reassessment of your limits, inasmuch as you hadn't spoken of it prior to this point. 

If he came home and said one day that he wanted to cut off your big toe because he was amused to see you hobble about - a thought that presumably would be as bad to you as this is - hopefully you wouldn't have any problem saying no.  Did you discuss amputations at the start?  Possibly not.  But you wouldn't have trouble saying no to something that would obviously cause you physical harm.

I don't see much difference between physical harm and true mental harm.  And if you're convinced, after much soul searching, that this would cause you mental distress, then I'd see it as your duty to communicate such to him, and hopefully he will act accordingly. 

I'd be willing to bet that your time in Amsterdam (which sounds lovely!) has his other womanimagination flowing ... but having 2 serve him is different than having you serve the