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Jealous Owners? - 3/7/2009 11:16:57 AM

HeavansKeeper

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

There's a common tendency in all facets of life and love to hide the things we love. This thread is aims specifically at dominants who insist their submissives/slaves do not speak with any other dominants - particularly males. The wording usually is "Master wishes I do not speak to..." and other variants, implying that it is more often the dominant making this request, not the submissive.

I do understand that an owner has a responsibility to protect a pet from users, womanizers, seducers, and con artists, but I get the feeling the drive is a mix of jealousy and insecurity.

I come from the "keep your kill" school of animal psychology. I want the best for My Pet, and am willing to compete with the wolves to give it to her. What does this say for those who believe instead "You're mine now, shut your eyes to the rest of the world"?

Though all opinions are welcome, I'm particularly interested in testimonials from D and s types who practice this protection mechanism.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

Post #: 1

RE: Jealous Owners? - 3/7/2009 11:35:24 AM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

Oddly I am on the fence on this issue.

If you had read the things that other Dom's write andi because she is being polite and just trying to have conversation maybe you would feel differently.

Most of the Men who have contacted andi seem to have no interest in her as a person which is usuallly evident by the fact that they do not bother to read her profile to discover that she is owned and Married. They see a picture they like and want to proceed from there. She is contacted by Men who without having ever spoken to me tell her that I lie to her about my actions and that I am often online by some other name looking for other women. Which is Laughable because we a Poly and she knows everyone that I talk to.

The worst are those who will chat with her on Yahoo and specifically ask her questions about things that she struggles with and then try to turn it around as I am a bad Master because if I were a good one she would not be having these issues. They will say and do whatever they have to to create a seperation between andi and I.

Now the bond that andi and I have is strong and so I do not worry about these things I am sure that she can handle her own and should some other Dom come around that could take this girl from me then her would deserve her much more than I, that is the nature of our bond.

The Problem comes when there is an Overflow of people who are trying to get their penis in the door that andi dreads answering her e-mail because of all the Creatons that have sent her messages with pictures of their cocks all of which who will claim they just want to get to know her and want to know if she is looking for a Master when all of their questions could be answered if they read her profile.

I do not deny andi conversation with anyone except for those who cause reason too, those who just don't get the hint, and then it is usually just telling andi it is okay to just block and ignore the Bastard.

I can see why some Dominant Men would not want thier submissives talking to other Men. It is because they know what Men are capable of when it comes to Sexual Manipulation and either they are strong in this regard and just don't want to have to deal with it or they are weak in this regard and do not want the compitition.

I do not believe it is always Jealousy Based sometimes it is just easier to deny all conversation than to weed through all the Bullshit to find one genuine person for her to talk to.

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 2

RE: Jealous Owners? - 3/7/2009 11:42:39 AM

domcypher

Posts: 61
Joined: 2/2/2009
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

I would have no problem with a sub/slave talking to men. I am kind of on the same page as steel really.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 3

RE: Jealous Owners? - 3/7/2009 11:57:01 AM

HeavansKeeper

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

Steel did give a really great answer. He brings up a good point, I didn't do justice to the lengths men will go to to get laid. It's the most reasonable response: "Most men are not worth the trouble, so she has a "no men" policy to try and make the internet tolerable."

It's boring to me that the answer is so simple. I want someone to fight with about locking up princesses in the keep and never letting them out of the tower, I guess.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to domcypher)

Post #: 4

RE: Jealous Owners? - 3/7/2009 12:08:23 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

Those men do Exist. Trust me on that.

Saddly the Men who will do whatever they can to get the Prized Punanny Are usually the culprit, I can of course, only speak for myself on this matter.

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 5

RE: Jealous Owners? - 3/7/2009 12:47:49 PM

zero69u2

Posts: 107
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline

Isn't there a way to turn off your profile if you have a successful match.

Click on edit profile ------ then at the top click on hide profile.. --- Poof no more males hitting on your girlfriend. You can still pursue other people while your profile is hidden.

Alternate solution - remove pictures from profile.. no breast and butt pictures and instantly you don't have all that male attention anymore.

If your not searching guys with your girl profile then create a couple profile. they have alot less hits by Single Male Dominants.

If your that jealous of other men then take her profile completely down and let her use your profile. Single Male Dominants don't hit Male Profiles ever.. unless they are gay or bi.. ;)

Why make it hard for the other single guys/gals who are trying to find people.. When you can make it easier for everyone concerned. By not advertising when your already matched up.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 6

RE: Jealous Owners? - 3/7/2009 12:55:15 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

~Fast Reply~

I'm fairly neutral regarding tihs practice. Personally, I don't think it does any good for the people who don't/respect read profiles since they won't read the profile to see the notice or care. That leaves me in a position of deleting everything, possibly including neat messages from folks responding to a forum post and not thinking they need to read my profile or just doing what I do already - taking a total of three seconds to read and delete.

Honestly, I don't think submissives/slaves need protection from a bad come-on. It's just an e-mail, it won't bite you, give you AIDs, or break your leg. I do understand the desire to restrict contact as a form of control though we don't hold with the practice.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to zero69u2)

Post #: 7

RE: Jealous Owners? - 3/7/2009 1:03:57 PM

MissLaura1973

Posts: 161
Joined: 11/11/2008
Status: offline

If the slave is mine, then I do not care - they are an adult and fully capable of telling someone "no thank you" and moving on; I do not feel a need to protect them unless they specifically request such from me. If they were to request some sort of "protection" I would have them take down their profile or set the account to reject certain messages, etc. The solution is simple.

For me, a slave is a grown-up and not someone whose behavior I need to constantly monitor nor someone I constantly need to circle and defend. They are mine and that is enough.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 8

RE: Jealous Owners? - 3/7/2009 1:04:40 PM

Aynne88

Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline

Hi HK,

My profile clearly states taken and owned. Master does not allow me to answer mail from male dominants, but quite honestly, I have made several male friends here and they are the exception, otherwise, truthfully, why would a male dom approach me on the other side anyway? It isn't for my thoughts on the economy I am quite certain. And why should I have to deal with the piles of vile, rude, filthy email that I have recieved? Or the ones that say "if you are taken, why are you here"? That's my favorite. Mad little boy syndrome much?

Maybe because I am not 22 anymore or I know what most men want when they approach a taken woman, but I have no issue with this rule whatsoever. He isn't even so much jealous as he is protective and just wishes that I not spend time responding to these guys with the way I used to before the rule was imposed. You know, something like what part of taken don't you get you fucking monkey and no I don't want to suck your cock? Yeah, kind of a waste of time.

Of course, those were saved for the really rude ones but you get my point. I don't even really look anymore, they go to my spam filter, unless I get a really good one and Master tells me to go look for a giggle.

To zero69u2, why can't I have my own profile with my own picture on it? Isn't that a bit like saying the girl in the miniskirt asked for it? It's not my issue if adult men don't have the common courtesy to behave, or know how to follow the rules concerning another man's property. Same thing for some of the lovely ladies here that choose to show their assetts, good for them. If all men on CM were like Heaven's Keeper and Steel this wouldn't be a problem, but sadly so many think a picture of their little pocket rocket and rude email are the norm. So, that is why I have a Master that made the decision that no males period. Same thing for Yahoo and chatrooms, but honestly for *me* they are a waste of time anyway, and I don't have the mindset to hang in chatrooms with HNG's and pretend to fetch and bow and serve....too wierd.

< Message edited by Aynne88 -- 3/7/2009 1:11:56 PM >

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)

(in reply to zero69u2)

Post #: 9

RE: Jealous Owners? - 3/7/2009 1:08:55 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

I think you got a bigger problem, if your subs not capable or willing to protect herself. Yeah sure it's nice to have someone else backing you up, but if you need someone to protect you and make sure you're not picked on or bullied are you really ready to be an adult?

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper

There's a common tendency in all facets of life and love to hide the things we love. This thread is aims specifically at dominants who insist their submissives/slaves do not speak with any other dominants - particularly males. The wording usually is "Master wishes I do not speak to..." and other variants, implying that it is more often the dominant making this request, not the submissive.

I do understand that an owner has a responsibility to protect a pet from users, womanizers, seducers, and con artists, but I get the feeling the drive is a mix of jealousy and insecurity.

I come from the "keep your kill" school of animal psychology. I want the best for My Pet, and am willing to compete with the wolves to give it to her. What does this say for those who believe instead "You're mine now, shut your eyes to the rest of the world"?

Though all opinions are welcome, I'm particularly interested in testimonials from D and s types who practice this protection mechanism.

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 10

RE: Jealous Owners? - 3/7/2009 1:09:52 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

The way I look at it is this...

It takes two...if someone approaches an owned sub it's her responsibility to say "no thanks" and if she doesn't she was never owned in the first place and the other has every right to take her.

Law of the Hunt

Imo, subs/slaves are still adults but some like the idea of "protection" and that's fine..that's their kink.

I've never quite figured out what a dom is protecting another from online though...there's a delete button and a block button.

(in reply to Aynne88)

Post #: 11

RE: Jealous Owners? - 3/7/2009 1:16:36 PM

Aynne88

Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline

Hi littlewonder,

I think maybe I was not clear. I can easily say "taken, back off" however as I stated he made the decision that replying to these guys is a waste of time and that rather than deal with it at all, I am not allowed to correspond with males. How many times did I say, taken, not interested, and still got back a rude response? Couldn't even begin to tell you. Enough to realize that a lot of men don't care, and will be persistent anyway. Easier to ignore, they go to the spam folder and he deletes them or whatever with them.

It isn't a kink for us, it is just a way of handling unwanted male attention. I tended bar for over a decade in a town full of rough neck commercial fisherman. I don't need any protection.

. I am merely doing as he chooses which is not that unusual in an M/s relationship.

< Message edited by Aynne88 -- 3/7/2009 1:19:24 PM >

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 12

RE: Jealous Owners? - 3/7/2009 1:21:39 PM

Evility

Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper
I do understand that an owner has a responsibility to protect a pet from users, womanizers, seducers, and con artists, but I get the feeling the drive is a mix of jealousy and insecurity.

I don't do this i.e.I do not require that my submissive not speak to others be they dominant or otherwise but I have never really seen this as a symptom of jealousy or insecurity on the part of the dominant. I've always just assumed that is was simply a measure of extending control which is what we as dominants do to varying degrees. Perhaps it is an indication that the submissive in question lacks the skills to adequately filter input from others - why else would you limit her ability to interact? There is nobody I need to talk to bad enough to ask permission to do so and I don't do that... but I just look at it as different strokes.

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 13

RE: Jealous Owners? - 3/7/2009 1:22:35 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne88

Hi littlewonder,

I think maybe I was not clear. I can easily say "taken, back off" however as I stated he made the decision that replying to these guys is a waste of time and that rather than deal with it at all, I am not allowed to correspond with males. How many times did I say, taken, not interested, and still got back a rude response? Couldn't even begin to tell you. Enough to realize that a lot of men don't care, and will be persistent anyway. Easier to ignore, they go to the spam folder and he deletes them or whatever with them.

It isn't a kink for us, it is just a way of handling unwanted male attention. I tended bar for over a decade in a town full of rough neck commercial fisherman. I don't need any protection. . I am merely doing as he chooses which is not that unusual in an M/s relationship.

Why say it? I mean, you are just deleting them without reading them anyway since you can't talk to them so why ban all men from talking to you? How about a "All asshole e-mail will be deleted with no reply" rule instead?

I usually respond to the e-mails I get with "I'm taken" and I honestly don't get many replies at all. When they are rude, whatever. That's what the delete button is for and if I don't feel like replying, I just don't. They didn't take the time to read my profile, why do I owe them a response?

BTW, I get the whole "obeying your owner" thing. I just still question the logic behind the rule when it's to avoid those e-mails.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 3/7/2009 1:25:11 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Aynne88)

Post #: 14

RE: Jealous Owners? - 3/7/2009 1:26:16 PM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

I am blessed with an extraordinarily self confidant, relaxed man. I seriously, SERIOUSLY did not think men came like this.

He knows when to relax, and laugh at other mens attempts to get to me, and when to step in... it's a serious accomplishment in my mind, because I'm a pro sub. While I don't get sexual with other people (body fluids are squick), it is a fairly close experience. I believe the only time he's ever gotten annoyed was at a club, where someone kept petting my hair. Before I met him, I had decided that having a serious relationship with a man, while I was employed like this, was not possible. I stuck to non sexual, strictly kink buddies whom I would meet with every so often.

Being over protective is a burden on the 'princess' and an insult to me. Like YHMA said, why would you assume I am not capable of protecting myself?

As far as internet solicitation goes... he thinks it's funny when I get retarded Cmails, and we have a few drinks and type back fitting responses. (Immature, I know... but it's amusing)

_____________________________

HBIC

(in reply to Aynne88)

Post #: 15

RE: Jealous Owners? - 3/7/2009 1:31:54 PM

Aynne88

Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline

Because that is what he decided and it is not big enough of an issue for me to argue about. I spend enough time on here in the forums if anyone wants to talk with me, and there really isn't a reason for me to correspond with males on the other side. I don't respond at all, I don't even look at them generally. It's one of those pick your battles things. I was just answering the OP, as to how we deal with the situation. I really don't give it much thought, and it is works for me. For us I should say. However in the interest of fairness, he doesn't talk to, yahoo with or cmail females either. So it isn't a case of him being a hyprocrite either. Like I said, it may be because I am a bit older and perhaps even eynical, but in most cases, I don't think that a lot of good comes from married/taken/committed people doing a whole lot of chatting and talking with strangers of the opposite sex. I have seen way too much bad fortune come from that. Again, that is just what works for us.

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 16

RE: Jealous Owners? - 3/7/2009 1:32:32 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

We're monogamous. As such he doesn't want me going out drinking, dancing and flirting with other men either when he isn't here. Does he trust me? Sure. Is it the smart thing to do in order to keep a monogamous, committed relationship strong? Hell, no.

I can talk to other dominants if there's nothing sexual involved. Which means if the op mentioned he was a computer tech, I could write him and ask him a computer question. If the op assumed that was a come on and started asking me what kind of bondage got me the hottest, then I shouldn't talk to him.

If I was at a party and some man came up and we discussed food, no problem. If he started hitting on me, then big problem. It takes the intimacy we reserve for our relationship and dilutes it.

Beyond the theory however is the actuality. Online types who write taken subs are rarely drawn to do so to ask non sexual questions. Mainly they are hitting on us. I don't need that. More importantly what I really don't need is continued importunings when I don't respond or threats and other assorted nastiness should I say no thanks. I don't like it when anyone fills my inbox saying that I'm too fat to fuck, or they hope I get cut up with a chain saw. It puts me in a bad mood to say it mildly and he doesn't like coming home to me all upset.

I doubt there are many subs who are told not to respond to other doms who haven't had the same experiences I have. Horndogs who cannot accept that we are in a committed relationship, or guys with anger problems who cannot accept rejection. Why put ourselves through that when by adding a line saying you have to write HIM first avoids most of them? And a lot of us choose to add that even when we haven't been told to, because it cuts down on the slimy mail.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 17

RE: Jealous Owners? - 3/7/2009 1:34:16 PM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

people who are trying to get their penis in the door

Closing the door at that point usually works

Sorry, couldn't resist

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 18

RE: Jealous Owners? - 3/7/2009 1:41:18 PM

Aynne88

Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline

Lynn,

The OP asked about different people's reasons and perspectives on this. I gave him my reason and my clear asnwer. No where did I imply that Master is insecure or that I am a princess. That just made my feminist streak cringe.

I am sure for some cases, that may be the reason. For ***us*** it is because he thinks responding to them is a waste of time and I tend to get irritated and why bother? So, to spam they go. Yes, probably at your age I would have found it funny to make up snarky replies and fuck with them, actually occasionally I still did until he said enoough of that. He however not only finds it very not funny, he finds the majority of this online stuff juvenile and a major waste of time. So, it really is that simple. I think too much gets read into stuff sometimes.

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 19

RE: Jealous Owners? - 3/7/2009 1:42:35 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne88

Because that is what he decided and it is not big enough of an issue for me to argue about. I spend enough time on here in the forums if anyone wants to talk with me, and there really isn't a reason for me to correspond with males on the other side. I don't respond at all, I don't even look at them generally. It's one of those pick your battles things. I was just answering the OP, as to how we deal with the situation. I really don't give it much thought, and it is works for me. For us I should say. However in the interest of fairness, he doesn't talk to, yahoo with or cmail females either. So it isn't a case of him being a hyprocrite either. Like I said, it may be because I am a bit older and perhaps even eynical, but in most cases, I don't think that a lot of good comes from married/taken/committed people doing a whole lot of chatting and talking with strangers of the opposite sex. I have seen way too much bad fortune come from that. Again, that is just what works for us.

Never said he was being a hypocrite and I'm not saying you should argue about it. I'm just saying that I think the logic behind the rule itself is flawed since it doesn't do anything to stop the incoming mail (as the undesirable mails come from people who don't read/respect profiles) and either way it just gets deleted. I get that it works for you and that's good. I'm not trying to debate in the terms of you but in the general sense since you definately aren't the only couple who has this rule.

But I do have to disagree with you about not chatting with people when you're taken. I feel that sets up the "forbidden fruit" thing and just leads to trouble and temptation. I also feel that if a relationship is so fragile that it can't shoulder people having friends of both genders then it's probably going to be fail for other reasons or someone is going to end up cheating anyway and the no-chatting rule only delayed things.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Aynne88)

Post #: 20

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