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Andalusite -> RE: have You ever helped a sub with weight loss? (3/14/2009 12:33:34 PM)
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I helped my submissive lose weight, and helped a couple of guys I was in egalitarian kinky relationships lose weight. However, they initiated it, much like you are, rather than me exerting pressure. While being overweight can have an impact on men's self-esteem as well, I think that there are some differences in the emotions involved for *most* men vs. women in that situation. I could be mistaken, and I'm not trying to stereotype, just that I didn't feel we had the same issues as some women who want their partner to help them lose weight.
As to the "wait until you want it for yourself, then you'll be successful" thing, in general, diets don't tend to be successful long term regardless of motivation. Waiting just means you will weigh more, that the bad habits will be more deeply set, that you will be older and your metabolism will be likely to be even slower, etc.
I personally didn't use specific weight goal parameters, or punishment, just became a workout buddy, directed some of the workouts (within reason, more coming up with ideas than doing it in a drill sergeant), encouraging them to buy healthy food to keep at home (sure, they can cheat, but it's a lot easier to avoid eating junk food if you don't have any in the cupboard taunting/tempting you). I was pretty flexible about the "what" to do, and if one thing didn't work, we'd come up with ideas to see if we could find something that would. It's easy to plateau, especially on the exercise front, so changing things up frequently is a good idea. If they had a health issue, or needed professional assistance such as a nutritionist, I would have strongly suggested that they make an appointment.
I don't see anything wrong with a more micro-managing approach, if that's what both people want. If you are in a LDR, he can still support you in similar ways (require scanning in grocery store/restaurant/etc. receipts, keeping a food/exercise log online, require that you attend weight watchers or a similar program, require that you find a local workout buddy, specifically schedule a phone call for right after your workout so he can praise you for doing well/associate it with a reward of getting his time/focus/attention, and so forth).
Even if you do gain weight or fall back into poor habits after the relationship ends, you're still ahead of the game compared to where you are right now. My suggestion is to find a combination of internal motivations (find exercises that you actually like and can do at different times, some indoors vs. outdoors, preferably in a place that is convenient logistically; find healthy foods that you actually enjoy, etc.), external motivations (praise from him, getting or giving yourself small specific rewards for accomplishing particular goals, etc.), and trying to figure out some of the reasons for the weight gain and strategies for avoiding them (ie. did your parents make you eat everything on your plate? That's very common, and using a salad plate and giving yourself a very small serving to start with can help) Are you aware of when you are full? Many people aren't in touch with their body in that way, especially if they eat quickly. Make a point of eating slowly. Brush your teeth right after the meal, even if you're still a little hungry, and if you're still hungry later, you can eat something else. If you need a therapist to explore your tendency toward emotional eating, find one who is experienced in that respect.)
Don't overwhelm yourself with making too many changes all at once, it's usually better to start with one thing to focus on, and keep adding as each new healthy thing becomes a habit. Make sure you don't overdo the exercise, especially the first week or two. It can take a little while to get a base level of fitness to the point where you can do more, and you don't want to injure yourself.
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