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Ialdabaoth -> RE: have You ever helped a sub with weight loss? (5/15/2009 1:19:04 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: NihilusZero
People are prone to gripe about how having a D-type dictate the image he wants (or is helping the sub to attain) may be suspect, but since many women already have problems with trying to meet some universal concept of body-type from societal pressure, all it really becomes is substituting another source...and one (in the D-type) which is presumably more caring and personally supportive.
More importantly, regardless of whether s/he's more caring and personally supportive, s/he will be more consistent. Trying to please the mob fails to please anyone. Anyone over 105 lbs is too fat, and anyone under 130 lbs has sharp knees. No matter WHAT you look like, someone is bound to find you attractive, and that's a good thing. And no matter WHAT you look like, someone is going to try to make you feel awful, and that's an expected part of human nature. Of course, there's a bell curve, and certain body types are more likely to be found attractive by a larger number of people than others, but there's an issue of diminishing returns - eventually, you spend so much time worrying about whether you're "pretty enough" and working on your appearance that you can't enjoy the benefits that being able to manipulate people with your good looks grant you.
On the other hand, you can hit it off with someone in every way but physical, and just not be that attracted to them in a sexual sense. There's several people that I just couldn't be attracted to, and couldn't do anything with them that would MAKE them attractive to me, no matter how much I love their minds. Accommodations can be made to some extent, but past a certain line I know better than to go through the motions of a relationship with someone I'm not attracted to. (Of course, the fact that the things I'm attracted to are in pretty high demand, coupled with the fact that I'm not much of a looker myself, create a lot of frustrating situations and admonishments to "get over myself and stop trying to date out of my league", but that's one of the wonderful paradoxes of looksism).
Now, on the actual subject of weight loss, there are a few things to be said:
1. Certain people have wide ribcages, wide hipbones, and a naturally more 'robust' frame. You can make these people emaciated, but you CANNOT make them thin. Trying to achieve a physique that your body simply cannot support is a sure-fire recipe for anorexia nervosa.
2. There's this idea that creeps into people's minds, that "more is better". I.e.: you're 135 lbs and people think you're kinda cute, but you feel a little chubby. So you drop to 115, and people think you're incredibly sexy. The human mind is wonderful at turning correlation into causation, so something anchors into your subconscious that "losing weight = more people find me sexy". And suddenly, that perverse little imp starts whispering to you, "imagine how you'd look at 105." So you make 105, and some people express concern, but others find it sexy, and more importantly, you feel better - so now you shoot for 100. Then 95. Then 90. Then 85. When, in fact, your ideal weight was actually 120. The point here is, never confuse the means for the ends. Becoming thinner isn't what makes you hotter; having the right BMI for your build and temperment does. Forgetting this is another sure-fire recipe for anorexia nervosa.
3. Keeping 1 and 2 in mind, always, always always make as accurate an appraisal as you can of who you are and what your body, mind and spirit are capable of. And look into all your options, but with an actual, achievable goal in mind. And if you know you're obsessing over something that just isn't physically possible to achieve for yourself (due to bone structure, height, or legitimate physical disability), you have my sympathy and my understanding, and my heartfelt recommendation to try to resolve the issue psychologically until technology catches up with our desires and we can finally have our perfect cyborg bodies. And never let people who aren't intimately connected to your well-being tell you what you should do with your body.
4. All that being said, certain people (myself included) find the wire-thin look attractive. It's somewhat popular these days to call people who deliberately want to be thinner than "normal" 'anorexic' - and hey, if the shoe fits. Just remember that there's a difference between anorexia nervosa and anorectic praxis, and for God's sake watch your nutrition. Organ failure is rarely sexy.
To be honest, I've had my best results with people without even restricting their diet that much - and attempting to restrict their diet actually did worse than giving them a more upbeat attitude and a more physical lifestyle. I walk fast, and typically trek about 4-5 miles per day on foot (10-15 on the weekends; I live next to a party campus and like to explore the nightlife). The best exercise program I've ever put a sub through was a simple, short little sentence:
"Try to keep up."
Eventually, we had her up to jogging in ballet boots for half a mile a weekend. But I think the biggest contributor to the success was that I wasn't actually that concerned with getting her weight off - I was more concerned with just walking, and exploring the neighborhoods, and having fun. A good philosophical conversation along a 2-mile bike path does wonders for taking your mind off the physical concerns of tired muscles and sore feet.
... and that's enough of my ramblings for today. :)
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