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RE: Radical Honesty - 4/2/2009 6:41:52 AM   
kittinSol


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I'll be honest. I think radical honesty is a fantastic idea.

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RE: Radical Honesty - 4/2/2009 6:50:20 AM   
kyraofMists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonKia

Firstly, Radical Honesty is guided by two basic principles: (1) 100% honesty, & (2) speaking whatever comes into one's head, spontaneously & without filter . .. . . .



This is based on the assumption that our thoughts are actual truth.  It is an assumption that I find highly flawed.  Just because I think something doesn't make it truth, so if I speak something that is false, how can I be honest? 

Knight's Kyra

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RE: Radical Honesty - 4/2/2009 7:26:53 AM   
eyesopened


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

quote:

I'm going to be radically honest, just this once: I don't think ~anybody~ practices radical honesty ALL of the time.  If they claim to, I think they are full of it.


I worked at a casino years ago. One night a guy playing one of the machines near by said "I'm ahead almost $4000 dollars, what would you do?" I said, take the money and run. My boss was standing behind me, she didn't appreciate that and told me that the goal was to get them to spend the money. My reply was "He asked what I would do and that's exactly what I would do".
 
I worked in retail for a while, in an electronics and home office department of a large, well known, store. They only sold one brand of computer, a brand that to this day I still refuse to say nice things about. I also worked on commission. Customers would come in and say they were looking for a good computer. My reply? "Have you considered shopping someplace else?" I told them that if they insisted I would sell them on of ours but I wouldn't tell them I thought it was a "good" computer. One elderly couple came in one day and told me they were looking for a computer because their kids all lived all over the country and they wanted to be able to email back and forth with them. They knew absolutely nothing about computers. I could have sold them one hellova set up and they'd never know it was five times the computer they needed. Instead, I sent them to the public library where they were offering classes for free to senior citizens on computers. That way they could shop and know exactly what they needed. And of course my personal favorite. The IEEP cable for printers. Where I worked they were between $13 and $20. Of course people complained, that's not cheap!! Generally I would tell them to check Big Lots, most of the time they had that exact same cable for a couple of bucks.
 
In the end? I made loyal customers that only bought from me when they came in because I was so honest with them. Like the article said, people are a lot more open to honesty then most give them credit for.
 
And your scenerio? Been there... and we had a wonderful date. I still have a copy of his CD. (turned out he was a jazz musician).
 
Jewel


Jewel, I always enjoy your responses and I agree that your above examples are excellent and worth keeping in mind.  However, the OP stated that "Radical Honesty" incorporated more than just providing 100% honest and direct answers to direct questions.  It states: " Radical Honesty is guided by two basic principles: (1) 100% honesty, & (2) speaking whatever comes into one's head, spontaneously & without filter . .. . . . "
It's the second principal that I see no real value in.  Speaking spontaneously and without filter has nothing whatsoever to do with truth or lie or honesty or honor.  I'm very confused how anyone would equate the speaking out all the thoughts in one's head as being anything more noble than knowing when to speak and when to stay silent.


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RE: Radical Honesty - 4/2/2009 7:38:54 AM   
hardbodysub


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The Moderators here would never let me get away with Radical Honesty. I'd be banned in a NY minute.

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RE: Radical Honesty - 4/2/2009 7:40:55 AM   
SimplyMichael


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A fancy new name for being an asshole is what I hear.

Honesty is great, something I treasure.  However, saying things without filters, without thinking of the timing, phrasing, and impact and calling it enlightened is the sort of bullshit that turned me off to new age thinking.

Telling someone you want to fuck someone else right before an interview is certainly honest but waiting till afterwards seems a bit more constructive and is every bit as honest.

Telling someone they look like a fat cow in that dress on their first day of work is honest but is going to undermine their self image on a day they need every bit of it.  One could either just find something nice to say OR suggest a different dress that you think they look amazing in.

Telling a dear friend that they need to pull their head out of their ass or you are going to drop the friendship is harsh but has to be said.  However, one can soften it in any number of ways and still be honest.

In short, this is a shiny badge people can slap on their normal mean spirited crap in order to feel their honesty is somehow more shiny than anyone elses.

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RE: Radical Honesty - 4/2/2009 7:52:58 AM   
CreativeDominant


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonKia

Firstly, Radical Honesty is guided by two basic principles: (1) 100% honesty, & (2) speaking whatever comes into one's head, spontaneously & without filter . .. . . 
I'm going to have to go with kyra, eyesopened and others who've stated that the second principle does not necessarily have anything to do with 100% honesty.  Just because what comes into my head is "you are a manipulative asshole" when dealing with a husband who acts all concerned about his wife's aches and pains and babies her while all the time, his main question to me is "just how long do you think it will take to get her fixed, Doc...we've got a lot of work to do" may seem like the truth to me, the HONEST truth can be that in their case they really DO have a lot of work to do and their situation is such that if they do not get it done they are going to be in dire financial straits.  Just because I think someone is blind to the heavy influence of a dominant in their life, one who is not their dominant, that is MY truth...they may not see it as such and subsequent facts may indeed prove me to be wrong in my belief.  eyesopened mentioned the woman on the beach with the belly button that at first appeared to be huge.  If eyesopened had followed the second principle of radical honesty and had said what she was thinking before the woman came close enough for eyesopened to discern the tattoo, she'd have been following the second principle of what makes up "Radical Honesty" but would she have been expressing the HONEST facts of the matter...or her honest OPINION which had nothing to do with the truth.
We have to be careful to discern OPINION from HONESTY from TRUTH.  Truth can be proven by facts gathered.  Honesty is touted often as being truth but t'aint necessarily so.  Sometimes, honesty is just an expression of how we think or want things to be and sometimes it is an expression of how we believe them to be and sometimes it IS proven to be factual.

quote:

I'm particularly interested in BDSM folks' take on this, given how important honesty is in WIIWD . .. . .

Do you practice Radical Honesty? Just in your BDSM relationships, or in your vanilla life, also? If you don't, are you interested, or not, in pursuing the idea? Do you think Radical Honesty would enhance the kink world or detract from it? Are you ready to have those around you, everywhere, blurt out whatever they're thinking, all the time?

So, for instance, my parents emphasized honesty quite intensely & I tend to think of myself as living at a pretty crispy-intense level of honesty -- some people can be really uncomfortable with the level of bluntness that I'm comfortable with, & I irregularly get that 'too much info' reaction from others . . .. . But, in the long run greater levels of honesty have tended to serve me, & so Radical Honesty sounds exciting & intriguing to my ears . . . . & it certainly seems like a dynamic that's very consistent with BDSM relationships . .. ... .

I look forward to hearing your thoughts on this . . .. . . .

Best,
The Demon, Kia
Personally, I try to practice honesty but I do so with all the filters of manners, courtesy, kindness, consideration of others in place.  I am also honest enough to admit that I don't believe anyone...including me... is ever 100% truthful.  In another recent thread, I explained my thoughts on this including the fact that there are situations and stages in the relationship during which an answer given may be the absolute truth on one's part but it is regarded as such by that person because of the STAGE of the relationship.  The other person may, or may not, understand this.  There are white lies told, evasion practiced, avoidance practiced, and on and on.  I think eyesopened said it quite well when she noted that radical honesty seems to be a trumped-up excuse to be a horse's ass and then lay it off on honesty.   I was married to a girl once...briefly...who loved to make that same claim.  The reason we split up...her inability to be honest about the fact that she was fucking her boss at work across his desk, her desk, whatever desk was handy UNTIL she'd gathered all her resources.  THEN she was honest about what she was doing.

< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 4/2/2009 7:56:55 AM >

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RE: Radical Honesty - 4/2/2009 7:53:51 AM   
LaTigresse


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I have learned, quite painfully, that very very few people want or can handle, radical honesty.

I prefer it in those around me. Yet, I don't give it unless specifically asked.


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RE: Radical Honesty - 4/2/2009 8:04:36 AM   
akisha


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~FR~

I think radical honesty is just a nice cover for being blatantly rude and arrogant.

I believe in honestly but I do not believe you should say everything you think. If I did that I would hurt alot of peoples feelings and probably not be able to hold a job.

I believe in being as honest and straightforward as possible for the situation. If you think your boss is a frikkin idiot I would suggest you keep that as an inside voice idea. If your best friend is in love with a guy she thinks is drop dead gorgeous, why would you tell her that his nose is too long and his eyes are too close together and he looks like his mom and dad were brother and sister? Again that would just be mean and rude.

I'm not for dishonestly but I am for social acceptability.

Think before you speak (sometimes I have trouble with this one ) and have an idea how your words might effect the person you are talking to.

< Message edited by akisha -- 4/2/2009 8:10:14 AM >


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RE: Radical Honesty - 4/2/2009 8:05:45 AM   
eleusis


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

quote:

I'm going to be radically honest, just this once: I don't think ~anybody~ practices radical honesty ALL of the time.  If they claim to, I think they are full of it.


I worked at a casino years ago. One night a guy playing one of the machines near by said "I'm ahead almost $4000 dollars, what would you do?" I said, take the money and run. My boss was standing behind me, she didn't appreciate that and told me that the goal was to get them to spend the money. My reply was "He asked what I would do and that's exactly what I would do".
 
I worked in retail for a while, in an electronics and home office department of a large, well known, store. They only sold one brand of computer, a brand that to this day I still refuse to say nice things about. I also worked on commission. Customers would come in and say they were looking for a good computer. My reply? "Have you considered shopping someplace else?" I told them that if they insisted I would sell them on of ours but I wouldn't tell them I thought it was a "good" computer. One elderly couple came in one day and told me they were looking for a computer because their kids all lived all over the country and they wanted to be able to email back and forth with them. They knew absolutely nothing about computers. I could have sold them one hellova set up and they'd never know it was five times the computer they needed. Instead, I sent them to the public library where they were offering classes for free to senior citizens on computers. That way they could shop and know exactly what they needed. And of course my personal favorite. The IEEP cable for printers. Where I worked they were between $13 and $20. Of course people complained, that's not cheap!! Generally I would tell them to check Big Lots, most of the time they had that exact same cable for a couple of bucks.
 
In the end? I made loyal customers that only bought from me when they came in because I was so honest with them. Like the article said, people are a lot more open to honesty then most give them credit for.
 
And your scenerio? Been there... and we had a wonderful date. I still have a copy of his CD. (turned out he was a jazz musician).
 
Jewel


Hi Jewel, I agree with honesty being the best policy.  It's the radical part that I have the problems with.  I have read articles and interviews with Brad Blanton (the guy that founded the movement)- and he would not likely consider what you are doing radical.  Asking people if they ~want~ the truth would not fall into what he categorizes as being honest with them- or yourself.  According to what I have read, he is pretty adamant that you are to just say what you are thinking/feeling at a given moment- regardless of how you think the other person will react, or if you feel it will be hurtful to them.  Which is why I have a problem with the practice.  If I can be honest, and do it in a way that keeps another person's self esteem intact, why should I opt for a less humane way of phrasing something?  Just because something is the FIRST thing that pops into my mind, it does not make it the most appropriate thing.  And from reading what you wrote, it looks like you would mostly agree with that. 

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RE: Radical Honesty - 4/2/2009 8:13:32 AM   
marie2


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GR

I think there's a difference between being open and being honest.  Honesty is important obviously in our relationships, because our thoughts and feelings affect the people we are involved with in so many ways.  However, I don't think there's any reason that random people, friends, co-workers (or even those I'm closer to) need to know every thought that passes through my brain.  That would be insane. 

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RE: Radical Honesty - 4/2/2009 8:16:40 AM   
RCdc


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The scenarios you are presenting Jewel to me, are not examples of radical honesty, but of personal integrity.
 
There is a world of difference between telling someone that a store elsewhere may have more suitable products for a customer, than telling someone that you masturbate over their picture every night when they are merely a work buddy.
 
the.dark.

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RE: Radical Honesty - 4/2/2009 8:20:38 AM   
InTonguesslut


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~FR~
Personally this whole radical honesty thing doesn't compute. You are who you are and you cannot force yourself to be radically honest.
For me there are three main types of people when it comes to honesty. The first is the opens mouth and just says whatever they are thinking, good or bad, harsh or soft. The second is the softer honesty but wishes they had the balls to be radically honest at times. The third is the mouse who would never be completely honest or radically honest cos it just isn't in their makeup.


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RE: Radical Honesty - 4/2/2009 8:25:48 AM   
Vanityfull


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i 100% always lie, infact i am lying right now.


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RE: Radical Honesty - 4/2/2009 8:49:32 AM   
igor2003


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Fast Reply


In reading this thread has the Jim Carrey movie "Liar Liar" come to mind for anyone else? Though the results of such honesty in the movie was humorous, I can't help but think that "radical honesty" as presented in parts 1 and 2 of the OP would be disastorous. About the first time you spout off something "radically honest" to some guy on the street with a chip on his shoulder and a Saturday night special in his pocket all that honesty is not going to sound like such a good idea, I think.

< Message edited by igor2003 -- 4/2/2009 8:50:28 AM >

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RE: Radical Honesty - 4/2/2009 8:50:47 AM   
MissEnchanted


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

A fancy new name for being an asshole is what I hear.

Honesty is great, something I treasure.  However, saying things without filters, without thinking of the timing, phrasing, and impact and calling it enlightened is the sort of bullshit that turned me off to new age thinking.

Telling someone you want to fuck someone else right before an interview is certainly honest but waiting till afterwards seems a bit more constructive and is every bit as honest.

Telling someone they look like a fat cow in that dress on their first day of work is honest but is going to undermine their self image on a day they need every bit of it.  One could either just find something nice to say OR suggest a different dress that you think they look amazing in.

Telling a dear friend that they need to pull their head out of their ass or you are going to drop the friendship is harsh but has to be said.  However, one can soften it in any number of ways and still be honest.

In short, this is a shiny badge people can slap on their normal mean spirited crap in order to feel their honesty is somehow more shiny than anyone elses.

SimplyMichael


I wholeheartedly agree with all that you said above, however I do not understand exactly what you meant by 'turned me off to new age thinking'

I think of 'new age thinking' to be something that causes one to have well-balanced communication, with consideration and a LACK of brutality.

I looked it up on google but wasn't able to easily decipher how you were applying it here.



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RE: Radical Honesty - 4/2/2009 8:57:56 AM   
DavanKael


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There are people in the world with whom I can be radically honest, most people need filtration. 
  Davan

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RE: Radical Honesty - 4/2/2009 10:40:38 AM   
pinkwind


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But is any honesty, radical or circumspect, merely the blurting out of every thought we have when faced with another human being?

i don't make random comments on others, but those who ask for opinion get as honest a response as i think they can handle, and i do have people around me, Andy being one of them, who welcome absolute frankness, radical honesty, whatever folk want to call it.

Saying the first thing that comes to mind isn't being honest, but rather the blurting out of knee jerk, random thought, and would likely earn me a well deserved smack in the mouth!!!





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RE: Radical Honesty - 4/2/2009 10:53:27 AM   
camille65


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It doesn't appeal to me even on an experimental level, IMO people need filters. Those that declare they are nothing more than bluntly honest at all times simply don't care about other peoples feelings.

If a small big eared and crooked nosed UM came up to 'you' and said "Am I pretty?" would 'you' say "No, your ears are too big and your nose is crooked, you're ugly"?


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RE: Radical Honesty - 4/2/2009 11:44:25 AM   
CreativeDominant


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissEnchanted

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

A fancy new name for being an asshole is what I hear.

Honesty is great, something I treasure.  However, saying things without filters, without thinking of the timing, phrasing, and impact and calling it enlightened is the sort of bullshit that turned me off to new age thinking.

Telling someone you want to fuck someone else right before an interview is certainly honest but waiting till afterwards seems a bit more constructive and is every bit as honest.

Telling someone they look like a fat cow in that dress on their first day of work is honest but is going to undermine their self image on a day they need every bit of it.  One could either just find something nice to say OR suggest a different dress that you think they look amazing in.

Telling a dear friend that they need to pull their head out of their ass or you are going to drop the friendship is harsh but has to be said.  However, one can soften it in any number of ways and still be honest.

In short, this is a shiny badge people can slap on their normal mean spirited crap in order to feel their honesty is somehow more shiny than anyone elses.

SimplyMichael


I wholeheartedly agree with all that you said above, however I do not understand exactly what you meant by 'turned me off to new age thinking'

I think of 'new age thinking' to be something that causes one to have well-balanced communication, with consideration and a LACK of brutality.

I looked it up on google but wasn't able to easily decipher how you were applying it here.



I can't speak for Michael but I can speak for myself.  I hope that my answer may give you some insight as to how at least one...and forgive my arrogance but I have a feeling that others feel much the same way...person views part of the "new age thinking".

Radical Honesty seems to be one...though just one...of the new age concepts.  It would seem to be a concept that works well with the concept that many of the "new age think" seem to have that manners and civility are not what is needed in today's world...rather unvarnished presentations of their ever-so-enlightened knowledge are what's called for.  Hence, you have brand-new employees out of college who can't understand why their boss wants them to cover up their tattoos or leave the eyebrow/nose/lip piercing jewelry at home when they are dealing with potential clients (but this is ME, man) or those just out-of-college employees who think that their business model is so much better than the company's model...the same company that already HAS a proven track record...and they boldly proclaim THEIR better version while arguing the detriments and shortcomings of the model already in place and then being insulted when the boss...you know, the guy who signs their paycheck...ignores them.  Not to insult anyone but someone complimented jewel on her integrity.  I admire her integrity also but as someone who has had employees in the past, one of the first things that comes to my mind are these questions:  "Why are you taking money from ME if you don't believe in the product I am carrying?  If your job is to try and make the company money so that we can continue to pay you, why are you turning customers away and sending them elsewhere?"  and finally, "If your integrity is so high that you feel the need to speak out against the products that your employer carries and send customers elsewhere, why are you working for me...and not the company that you recommended?"

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RE: Radical Honesty - 4/2/2009 2:55:09 PM   
DemonKia


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

and i honestly have no clue what WIIWD means



WIIWD = what it is we do, ie, kink, BDSM, fetish, D/s . . . .. .

Best,
The Demon, Kia

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