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Seriously - 4/12/2009 3:04:07 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I don't pose many questions in this section, but this one, I have to ask.

Seriously, why don't you know? Why don't you get that, as a submissive, a girl or a boy, or even as a person for that matter, there's something about you, whatever it is, that is special? I see it every day in so many of you, but you don't see it.

I don't have the clearest eyes in the world, but yours must be closed that you can't see in yourselves what I see. It's time you opened your eyes to see how good you really are. If you can't do that, every once in a while, do Me the small favor of looking at yourself through My eyes and see what I see there. Just do that for Me, if you can't do it for yourself.

That's it. No question. No commentary.

Here's hoping,

Lady P

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

Post #: 1

RE: Seriously - 4/12/2009 3:36:53 PM

FelineFae

Posts: 7756
Joined: 1/23/2009
From: i do wander everywhere...
Status: offline

i'm special!!!

we won't go into which kind of special...

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(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 2

RE: Seriously - 4/12/2009 3:39:51 PM

PommeDeMonSang

Posts: 3673
Joined: 1/23/2009
Status: offline

I special too pet just especially sick so dont mind me if i seem ignorant right now LOL cuz well i might be high on meds just a bit :P

(in reply to FelineFae)

Post #: 3

RE: Seriously - 4/12/2009 3:40:35 PM

InTonguesslave

Posts: 342
Joined: 2/6/2009
Status: offline

id really really like to know how...,,, and i know how pathetic that sounds, but you started this..

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aka lally

(in reply to FelineFae)

Post #: 4

RE: Seriously - 4/12/2009 3:40:35 PM

AngelGeena

Posts: 1324
Joined: 10/17/2008
Status: offline

Sometimes it's hard to see something good and positive when you have been made to see yourself as absolute zero nothing. Obviously I've been around the wrong person.

_____________________________

Owned heart and soul, bound to MZ forever.

(in reply to FelineFae)

Post #: 5

RE: Seriously - 4/12/2009 3:57:56 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I'm special to Master...

To everyone else though? I'm just an average human being just like every other human being on the planet.

My being submissive is only special to my relationship.

(in reply to AngelGeena)

Post #: 6

RE: Seriously - 4/12/2009 3:57:58 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineFae

i'm special!!!

we won't go into which kind of special...

You're absolutely right that you are. What kind of special doesn't matter in the least.

My regards to Master and Mistress.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to FelineFae)

Post #: 7

RE: Seriously - 4/12/2009 4:01:14 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslave

id really really like to know how...,,, and i know how pathetic that sounds, but you started this..

It doesn't sound pathetic. It just means you haven't found it's touch with your fingertips yet. That doesn't mean it isn't out there. I'll bet if you reached out, you'd grasp it.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to InTonguesslave)

Post #: 8

RE: Seriously - 4/12/2009 4:12:10 PM

subsubtle

Posts: 59
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline

Deep down, I feel like I am special. It is very hard to keep reminding myself of that, though, when I have never had the opportunity to show a loving Domme what makes me special.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 9

RE: Seriously - 4/12/2009 4:21:11 PM

PommeDeMonSang

Posts: 3673
Joined: 1/23/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineFae

i'm special!!!

we won't go into which kind of special...

You're absolutely right that you are. What kind of special doesn't matter in the least.

My regards to Master and Mistress.

thank you Lady P she is special in many ways to diffrent people :D

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 10

RE: Seriously - 4/12/2009 4:22:09 PM

califsue

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline

LP,

Thanks for posting this. I think most of us in many ways for whatever reason only see
our failings and just can't seem to grasp for whatever reasons why we are 'special'.

(in reply to subsubtle)

Post #: 11

RE: Seriously - 4/12/2009 4:22:31 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I can tell.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to PommeDeMonSang)

Post #: 12

RE: Seriously - 4/12/2009 4:50:42 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

Lady Pact,
Seriously there are many people from every gender, every walk of life, and every orientation within the D/s context who have self esteem issues. Sometimes when someone comes across as having an over inflated ego we may perceive that as thinking too highly of themselves, when it very well may be the opposite.
But let us look at the structure of a D/s or M/s relationship in context of the discussion boards. There are those who take the capitalization of Mistress/Master/Dominant quite literally as well as the non-capitalization of submissive names. Let’s not forget the diminutives used to address us; it may seem trivial but there is a strong message there that we are not seen as adults.
How many discussions have we seen where the submissive members are struggling with the fact that they have, not just needs, but OMG! wants as well.
How many times have we read an excellent post by a submissive and no one responds; but a dominant comes along a page later, says the same thing, and suddenly there are numerous posts in support.
How many times has some jerk tried to insult us, tried to tell us we are not ‘good’ submissives if we
a.) top from the bottom (GRRRRR)
b.) don’t remember our ‘place’ (and I always wonder why dominants don’t need to be reminded of their place!)
c.) are a ‘do-me’ sub
d.) fail to show the ‘proper’ deference to the self titled dominant.
and, oh yeah, the one that is supposed to really make us care : you aren’t submissive enough for me!
Those of us who have a healthy self image can easily say ‘PFFFFFT!’ to such nonsense. But if one is struggling, I believe those messages add to the problem.
In my opinion, it is a difficult line to walk sometimes, to be at the (perceived) bottom of the dynamic yet know that we really are on even ground. Perhaps in protest I will start typing s/D to make a point! <grins>

I will share something from my childhood. I was in 5th grade and was the announcer for our spring chorus program. I received lots of praise from teachers, etc. after for doing a good job. I was quite thrilled about all the nice things said to me. My mother took me home and had me put my finger in a bowl of water and then take my finger out. She said, “See? You didn’t change that bowl of water one bit.” I have worked very hard and been successful in overcoming the message that I didn’t matter. It can be done!

So, Lady Pact, I do seriously thank you for the topic. I enjoyed the opportunity to write my thoughts!

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 13

RE: Seriously - 4/12/2009 4:53:40 PM

LAgirlsub

Posts: 158
Joined: 3/16/2009
Status: offline

I wanted to comment since this touched a small nerve…with again the bad online dom…she was so dismissive thinking I needed her to just say ‘I’m special’ to be involved with her as if I have self-esteem issues. Unfortunately that might be common, esp. for women in our culture, but mostly I don’t. I have a rather strong, healthy ego and what I meant with her is that I needed to feel…esp. for my first experience…not to be part of a harem…that would bother me. And that’s specifically what I personally meant about being special. Clearly with that woman (I so hope she was) she knew all the ‘words’ or even if you will, ‘codes of language’ that go with this lifestyle but yet not really embracing them as I’ve fortunately learned here.

So…I would ask those who are reading this thread…what is your need regarding feeling special? And if it’s more how you feel about yourself, why do you feel this way? Are you connected to others, do you have work (even if not paid) that makes you feel good, are you taking good care of your physical health as well as emotional?

As women we are bombarded by the daily onslaught of how we’re suppose to be beautiful and men have begun to be hit this way as well to sell them various products…so it’s not surprising any of us would feel inadequate. For me, I told this online dom at the time, yes asserting my health ego, that she doesn’t have the power to make me special. She never did and frankly it is not something that comes externally from someone else. Someone can you make you feel good about yourself – your body, your looks, your person – but I know very clearly what makes me special: the way that I care about and for the people in my life and how I’m driven to give the best I can to the world in my way through my work (that is screenwriting and teaching).

So what makes ‘you’ special? You the individual. You the person. Not you as part of this community or any other. When you realize this, you won’t question nor seek approval externally from either your Mistress or someone else. And you’ll good, even on the tough days.
-Elizabeth.

(in reply to subsubtle)

Post #: 14

RE: Seriously - 4/12/2009 5:05:20 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

It is hard to see yourself as special when you are picking yourself up again and starting over. That does a number on ones self esteem.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 15

RE: Seriously - 4/12/2009 5:13:20 PM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

I think that a lot of submissives tend to be naturally humble; it makes serving easier. We are told in some way that we are being "used" - for pleasure, for service, or whatever. It can be easy to get caught up in trying so hard to be pleasing that you tend to magnify your own mistakes and not give yourself enough pats on the back for a job well done because you start expecting that feedback from your top. I've seen a tendency in myself and some others to start to go overboard in how caught up we become in our Master's (or Mistress's) opinion of us or reaction to us that we start to lose grip of our own sense of self esteem and base our "value" on what we feel they see. However, few of us are true mindreaders so we may be much more appreciated than we know.

Sometimes being a 'good' sub/slave is like walking on a balancing beam. You don't want to lean too far either way - having too much self esteem or not enough. While we should feel special we also don't want to start feeling that we are "better" than someone else, be it the Dom/me, another in the poly family, or other subs/slaves in general. We balance putting our Dom/me first yet at the same time trying to make sure that our own needs are being met through the relationship. If we start to lean too far - consistently giving more than receiving - it can cause a painful crash. If we start leaning the other way, looking out more for ourselves (even if it is only in the top's perception) then we can be accused of topping from the bottom or not truly being submissive.

Trying to always be at your best can become very tiring - on either side of the kneel. If you don't feel that you are being adequately rewarded it can be easier to blame yourself for just not being special enough rather than to ask for a conversation so that you can explain your feelings and see what can be worked out. Some tops use a basic premise of "you will do what I say or the relationship is over". In those cases it feels almost impossible to approach and say, "I'm not feeling very special to you and I would like it very much if you could give me some sign that I am." I know those who say that they feel that certain things never need to be said aloud because the sub should automatically know by the way they are being treated. The problem is that the sub is trying so hard not to overestimate any signs being shown that they can begin to wear blinders even when the signs are there. (Been there, done that.) There are other subs who simply need a LOT of positive reinforcement in order to believe that they are worthy - we all need it to some degree, but there are wide variations.

Thank you for pointing this topic out. It is a good reminder to use to remember that we are a special combination, and that if our Dom/me hadn't seen that in us they wouldn't have chosen us. We can never truly see things through your eyes (you representing the top) but we can recognize the growth that we've made, the things that we've done that have been well received, and the compliments that we have received from others that we can assume our Dom/me may also feel.

_____________________________

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 16

RE: Seriously - 4/12/2009 5:20:19 PM

crazyredhead1957

Posts: 189
Joined: 12/10/2008
Status: offline

Thank You, Lady Pact. i really needed to hear that. It's hard to feel that sometimes without a lot of experience, as i am new as of October '08, and right now i am trying extra hard to be extra good for Sir. ~smiles and hugs, with all respect Ma'am~

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 17

RE: Seriously - 4/12/2009 5:30:35 PM

hopeful68

Posts: 77
Joined: 9/16/2008
Status: offline

Thank you LadyPact.. much appreciated....

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 18

RE: Seriously - 4/12/2009 5:37:33 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

Lady Pact your Post made me teary eyed. Its true. Although I seem so happy and confident, I have big self esteem issues from my childhood. I try to overcome. Its not easy. Thanks for reminding me.

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 4/12/2009 5:38:17 PM >

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Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to hopeful68)

Post #: 19

RE: Seriously - 4/12/2009 5:37:54 PM

wisdomofgiving

Posts: 55
Joined: 3/19/2009
Status: offline

This is a very nice post of yours and thank you for posting it.

This time in my life, I am happy with who I am, and do not need another to let me know that i am special, etc. I enjoy being me, which includes all aspects. For me, this needed to come from within, for me to really believe and accept it. Self-esteem seems to be lacking in many people., and the endless looking outwards for approval in my opinion, does not help.

Again thank you for taking the time to create this post.

blessings
wisdomofgiving

_____________________________

Though my heart will always be connect to the ocean winds, my mind is now learning about the wisdom of giving.

once and always an oceanwynds and now wisdomofgiving

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 20

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