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RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/14/2009 7:46:42 AM

subtlebutterfly

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Agreed.
Like I said somewhere above..whateva floats your boat.

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RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/14/2009 7:53:54 AM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebutterfly

k I feel fuck weird..am I the only person on CM that doesn't believe in being beaten into submission
..or just being beaten in general

Tis a strange concept, I agree. Personally, what doesn't work for me is the decision to try and provoke it...whether consciously or unconsciously (there's a whole argument that goes on in my...and others...heads that behavior such as the OP described, no matter how unconscious it is sworn to be, is a choice made by the "control center" of a person to make things go the way they feel is best. In some, it is more overt = hence, you ha.ve the brat). The OP noted that her Sir's way of handling her behavior was to pamper her and be nice to her and that it "wasn't working" for her. Again, you run into the problem of "who's running the show"...if something does not work for you, then you present that quietly and obediently and in a submissive manner. If he makes the choice to continue on in the same manner...despite its not working...that is, after all, HIS choice, is it not?

The question that could be asked here could be...~puts on flame-retardant suit~...was the OP "beaten into submission" OR was the OP given what she wanted and therefore, by controlling the method in which she got it, forced a submissive act from him?

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RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/14/2009 8:07:41 AM

CelticPrince

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebutterfly

k I feel fuck weird..am I the only person on CM that doesn't believe in being beaten into submission
..or just being beaten in general

butterfly,

We have to understand that the mental side of some folks just need it to feel better! For myself, if I have to beat someone, then it is time for the door and good wishes!

CP

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RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/14/2009 8:14:27 AM

antipode

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quote:

k I feel fuck weird..am I the only person on CM that doesn't believe in being beaten into submission

No, I am not a big fan of beatings, the whole concept of beating women being sexually interesting is completely alien to me. I must admit to being a fan of (consensual) whipping, though, something I was turned on to by a sub who insisted on being whipped. Maybe I am bonkers, but I think that's something completely different from beating.

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RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/14/2009 9:18:40 AM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

The OP noted that her Sir's way of handling her behavior was to pamper her and be nice to her and that it "wasn't working" for her. Again, you run into the problem of "who's running the show"...if something does not work for you, then you present that quietly and obediently and in a submissive manner. If he makes the choice to continue on in the same manner...despite its not working...that is, after all, HIS choice, is it not?

CD, you're assuming she knew what was wrong and what she needed to feel better. In a situation like this, where I've gotten more and more upset and acting out more, that's a wrong assumption. I've had him ask me what the problem was and what I needed, and not known the answer.

As far as giving her what she needed means he's subbing to her? No more then when I tell him I haven't slept in two days and am physically sick from exhaustion. Him sending me in for a nap isn't being submissive to me, it's giving me what I need to be well. Plus he could announce that if I was a true submissive I wouldn't need sleep but it wouldn't change my physical and emotional state.

So why is it okay to feed a diabetic who is going into shock from lack of food but not okay to tend to an emotional problem? Or are subs only allowed physical problems?

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RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/14/2009 11:08:10 AM

InTonguesslave

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misst posted this because she genuinely didnt know what was going on. we talked about it on the day and she felt a mix of exhaustion and upset after the meet. so lots of crossed messages going off at the time. i know that Sir eventually got pissed off with her and sorted her out, but it was on his terms entirely. Sir is far more likely to sit back and do nothing if he thinks he's being manipulated. im sure he recognised her need and went with that.

i know that later on in the weekend she did ask Sir for more. misst isnt one to hold back, (or hadnt you noticed

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RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/14/2009 11:16:00 AM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

The OP noted that her Sir's way of handling her behavior was to pamper her and be nice to her and that it "wasn't working" for her. Again, you run into the problem of "who's running the show"...if something does not work for you, then you present that quietly and obediently and in a submissive manner. If he makes the choice to continue on in the same manner...despite its not working...that is, after all, HIS choice, is it not?

CD, you're assuming she knew what was wrong and what she needed to feel better. In a situation like this, where I've gotten more and more upset and acting out more, that's a wrong assumption. I've had him ask me what the problem was and what I needed, and not known the answer.

As far as giving her what she needed means he's subbing to her? No more then when I tell him I haven't slept in two days and am physically sick from exhaustion. Him sending me in for a nap isn't being submissive to me, it's giving me what I need to be well. Plus he could announce that if I was a true submissive I wouldn't need sleep but it wouldn't change my physical and emotional state.

So why is it okay to feed a diabetic who is going into shock from lack of food but not okay to tend to an emotional problem? Or are subs only allowed physical problems?

Actually Des, I am not making any assumptions. Did she know what was bothering her inside? I don't know. I do know that I am one of those who believes in a certain amount of introspection to try and figure out what goes on inside yourself and that I am one of those who doesn't abide by the concept of "something's wrong...not sure what it is...so I'll act up in a way that will get my dominant's attention, good or bad". As I said in my post, if something is wrong, you go to the dominant and you tell him as much as you are able and it is then HIS choice how to handle it IF you've turned that power over to him. I believe that WOULD be a way of handling an emotional problem and one that doesn't require "bratty" behavior to get somewhere, even if the somewhere is only to a conversation between the two...or three...of them to try and figure out what is wrong.

As for giving a submissive what she needs? I've stated on here and in my private life that any dominant who thinks it is ALL about his/her needs-wants-desires only is most likely going to spend a lot of time alone. But, at least in my dynamic, that doesn't include giving the submissive a "beating" in hopes of reaching her submissive state when she is acting in a manner that, again in my world, is decidedly non-submissive. Now...in others' dynamics, that may be O.K.. There are dynamics...brat/miscreant/ill-behaved child-Master/Warden-SchoolTeacher/Daddy, etc. in which that type of behavior is expected and thrives.

If the words I used indicate that I was making an assumption that she was being deliberately, then I did not convey things as clearly as I hoped to. And perhaps you did not either as it seems to me that your words indicate an assumption that she was NOT trying to control things by being deliberately bratty. I err to one side and you err to the other...~shrugs~...or maybe we both just presented differing perspectives.

< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 4/14/2009 11:27:41 AM >

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RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/14/2009 11:18:59 AM

Lynnxz

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Myst, if you expect being 'loaned out' to be a wonderful, fantasy fufulling experience every time where everyone gets their needs met, I suggest you do a little more research before attempting it.

The guy does not CARE that you are a o-so-masochistic-slavey-slave. He really does not. He wants you to fit in with his fantasy, because you are temporary, you are a quick fix, or an afternoon fling.

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RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/14/2009 11:24:49 AM

RCdc

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quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslut
The meet was an absolute disaster!! To cut a long story short I was set up to fail, not by Sir but by the guy I was meeting. It wasn’t intentional but in his words ‘I had been his fantasy for so long’, nothing I could do was ever going to live up to his expectations.

Misst - did the guy you meet already speak with you before the meeting. What I am asking is, did you know that you had been his fantasy for so long, before that meeting or was it dropped on you?

the.dark.

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RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/14/2009 11:31:14 AM

wisdomofgiving

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Hi InTonguesslut
I have read all the posts and many made valid points. One idea that has been on my mind, is that I know you have been totally stressed this past year through your other posts. A lot has been happening around you, and perhaps all those emotions just crept up when you met your Master. Sometimes, at least for me, when many things outside of my control go haywire, I can go through them without any emotions. Then when things settle down, or I feel I am in a safe place to relax, I go spastic. Just a thought. I do hope you are feeling better.

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RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/14/2009 11:32:35 AM

agirl

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Just some thoughts that passed through my mind reading your post...

Do you think that possibly , knowing that you were going to be *someone else's* for 24 hrs, that you were distancing yourself, somewhat, from your chap?

Is there the possibility that you may have slightly resented the fact that he wasn't going to be there to ensure all went well or according to plan?

Do you think that after being with someone else, and having had a disappointing experience, that you may have had a slight resentment that he hadn't been there to ensure that you had a good experience.....ie *in control*?

Do you think the beating made you feel better because it represented him *taking up the reins* again?

I'm asking because I've been *given* to others........but M has always been present, or in the house, but very much part of the whole experience and always controlled the situation so that the outcome was a good one for all concerned.

As I said ...........just some thoughts..

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RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/14/2009 11:59:46 AM

greeneyedreamer

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Well, I suppose it's the loaning out. I couldn't do that and it's a hard and fast limit for me. It appears that it is a serious trigger for you.

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RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/14/2009 3:37:12 PM

InTonguesslut

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As a general reply to those who showed concern about me being hired / lent out i've done this before and never had a problem with it. It was my suggestion originally and Sir liked the idea and we rolled with it. I am comfortable with being hired out and enjoy it very much.
However i was completely out of my comfort zone with the guy who hired me. I mentioned briefly how i had been his fantasy for a long time in my op and it didn't make for a good session. In fact it turned into all shades of freaky shit and i don't mean the play. I don't want to go into that too much though as it's not fair on the other person involved especially since they are not a poster here so cannot respond with their version etc.
Suffice it to say though i am completely comfortable with being hired out.

quote:

( I was originally going to say that it sounded like you were acting out, pushing him a bit for some reason, just to get beaten; but, I think I know you well enough to know that if you had wanted to be beaten, you would have just told him so )

Very true
Last night Sir gave me another good session and i asked for more a few times. I needed to feel completely taken down and it made me feel a lot better to be so.

quote:

The question that could be asked here could be...~puts on flame-retardant suit~...was the OP "beaten into submission" OR was the OP given what she wanted and therefore, by controlling the method in which she got it, forced a submissive act from him?

It was entirely Sir's choice to beat me, he had had enough of my lip pure and simple. I didn't at the time know or recognise i needed a good beating to settle so therefore was not topping from the bottom unless it was entirely unconciously.

quote:

No, I am not a big fan of beatings, the whole concept of beating women being sexually interesting is completely alien to me. I must admit to being a fan of (consensual) whipping, though, something I was turned on to by a sub who insisted on being whipped. Maybe I am bonkers, but I think that's something completely different from beating.

I called it a beating you called it me consenting and getting whipped and caned. I say potato you say potato

quote:

i know that later on in the weekend she did ask Sir for more. misst isnt one to hold back, (or hadnt you noticed

I know about it today too, my ass is black and blue and my back is still burning

quote:

Myst, if you expect being 'loaned out' to be a wonderful, fantasy fufulling experience every time where everyone gets their needs met, I suggest you do a little more research before attempting it.

The guy does not CARE that you are a o-so-masochistic-slavey-slave. He really does not. He wants you to fit in with his fantasy, because you are temporary, you are a quick fix, or an afternoon fling.

I didn't, i've done this many times before. I'm aware what is expected of me in these circumstances.

quote:

Misst - did the guy you meet already speak with you before the meeting. What I am asking is, did you know that you had been his fantasy for so long, before that meeting or was it dropped on you?

the.dark.

Yes we had spoken several times and i was aware he had admired me for quite a while. I just didn't know quite how obsessed he was.

quote:

Do you think that possibly , knowing that you were going to be *someone else's* for 24 hrs, that you were distancing yourself, somewhat, from your chap?

I really hadn't thought of that, it's a possibility.

quote:

Is there the possibility that you may have slightly resented the fact that he wasn't going to be there to ensure all went well or according to plan?

No, Sir not being there would be my preference.

quote:

Do you think that after being with someone else, and having had a disappointing experience, that you may have had a slight resentment that he hadn't been there to ensure that you had a good experience.....ie *in control*?

No, it was never about me having a good experience per se, it was about doing a job successfully and if i enjoyed it it was a bonus.

quote:

Do you think the beating made you feel better because it represented him *taking up the reins* again?

No but i do think it helped me regain some confidence i had lost during my loaning out.

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RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/14/2009 4:00:56 PM

Prinsexx

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yep... i get bratty and i used to think i didn't know why. i'm a slave but simply don't submit well at all....
i just love being beaten into submission... so there you have it....
ahh mmm ahh.

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RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/14/2009 9:02:11 PM

Andalusite

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I don't generally enjoy submissives who act in a bratty way, but if it was genuinely a subconscious/unaware thing, I'd be more likely to cut them some slack. I probably wouldn't physically punish someone who was having that kind of reaction, but I might well gag him until he was able to control his mouth a bit better, and was able to discuss things with me more coherently! I don't like rewarding someone for acting in a way that displeases me.

I haven't reacted in a bratty way toward anyone (other than playful silly teasing), but I have cried/etc. without being able to articulate, or sometimes even know myself, what was wrong. Getting thwacked when I'm in that frame of mind can sometimes help me feel better, or it can make me feel a bit worse, or somewhere in between (very cathartic/emotionally wringing out, enjoying it on some levels but not others). I do try to be respectful, though, and let my partner know what is going on as best as I'm capable. If it were expressed as a punishment, that would be likely to put me in a bad headspace - I've tried that a couple of times before, and it didn't work for us very well.

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RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/15/2009 6:00:10 AM

InTonguesslut

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quote:

I probably wouldn't physically punish someone who was having that kind of reaction, but I might well gag him until he was able to control his mouth a bit better, and was able to discuss things with me more coherently! I don't like rewarding someone for acting in a way that displeases me.

I didn't see my beating as punishment per se but it certainly was not a reward either.

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RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/15/2009 6:22:17 AM

RCdc

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quote:

quote:

quote:

Misst - did the guy you meet already speak with you before the meeting. What I am asking is, did you know that you had been his fantasy for so long, before that meeting or was it dropped on you?

the.dark.

Yes we had spoken several times and i was aware he had admired me for quite a while. I just didn't know quite how obsessed he was.

I am going to throw something else into the thought process then. I know you have done this type of stuff before, so I am guessing it's nothing to do with acting out or nerves etc on that score - your too polished for that. And your not stupid either and I am going to suggest that you already had a 'strange' feeling about this guy and in your subconscious somewhere knew he had put you on a pedastal - only to have that confirmed at the meet. That combined with now being owned probably made you freak in a way you haven't before. You probably distanced yourself from your owner to take the pressure off... plus your owned now - you want to be idolised by him, not just some random guy your set up with. So, that so-called fail was unconscious too, but at the same time your fighting wanting to please you owner, failing adds more stress to letting him down and you push back further. Plus the guy (random not owner) probably failed you and let you down too because he idolised you and he was a top that didn't meet your expectation.

I just see expectations that were over enthusiastic which ends up in frustration. Your were not acting out, you were just frustrated and it manifested itself as it did. I wouldn't stress more about it or over think it.
Mind, I'm probably wrong as it is all a guessing game. But it's stuff to think over hey.

the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 4/15/2009 6:24:18 AM >

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RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/15/2009 6:57:58 AM

InTonguesslut

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quote:

And your not stupid either and I am going to suggest that you already had a 'strange' feeling about this guy and in your subconscious somewhere knew he had put you on a pedastal - only to have that confirmed at the meet.

Yes i think you're right. Three years this guy had been messaging me for with no joy. Then i'm available for hire and he thinks (in his own words) he finally has a way to get his hands on me.

quote:

I just see expectations that were over enthusiastic which ends up in frustration.

I think the only expectations that were realistic were Sir's. He expected me to do my best, which i did. My expectations that the meet would be a walk in the park as the guy wanted nothing i wasn't capable of were obviously way off. The guys expectations of me were built on three years of fantasy, way too high i guess.

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RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/15/2009 7:06:47 AM

Kaiel

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Well, just from the comment that the guy was "obsessed" gives Me the willies.... brings stalker to mind... I hope mentally are you able to re-coup! I am not a sub, but I certainly know that at times, My boy and previous boys have needed physical discipline to bring them back into a good "headspace".

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RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/15/2009 7:29:46 AM

subangi

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I was just wondering why you would want to be with a guy who has invested his emotions and fantasy in you when you are owned? What could possibly be the motive to even want to meet with him in private? Personally, I would think you and your Master would want you lent out to someone who hasnt any possible deep seated emotions for you.
I had always been told that any communication with someone shows that there are feelings for that person...even things said in anger shows that feelings exist...why would you feed into that?
Just my thoughts, not meant to hurt.

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