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RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/15/2009 7:35:24 AM

InTonguesslut

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Joined: 3/5/2009
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quote:

I was just wondering why you would want to be with a guy who has invested his emotions and fantasy in you when you are owned?

Until we met it wasn't apparent just how much he had invested in the meet. I see whether i am owned or not as inconsequential to be honest, it makes not one jot of difference to what happened or why it happened. A business client is a business client, nothing more.
In hindsight it was not a good idea to take on this client but hindsight is a wonderful thing isn't it? Jack shit use until after

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It's not shopping if you buy 10 items or less.

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(in reply to subangi)

Post #: 41

RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/15/2009 7:52:37 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
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I've continued to read the thread, including your replies misst, and something else tweaked my mind. You had said...

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslut
The meet was an absolute disaster!! To cut a long story short I was set up to fail, not by Sir but by the guy I was meeting. It wasn’t intentional but in his words ‘I had been his fantasy for so long’, nothing I could do was ever going to live up to his expectations.

Is it fair to say that only you had been set up to fail by the guy you met? Wasn't your expectation that the meet would be a walk in the park as the guy wanted nothing i wasn't capable of were obviously way off a way of setting the guy you met up to fail? You noted yourself that the guy had been writing you for three years with...as you put it...no joy coming from you and yet he continued to write. And yet, the guy your Sir chooses for you to meet is this same guy. As subangi noted, for the gentleman to keep writing in a manner that allows you to be able to say he was getting no "joy" from your responses indicates that he was emotionally invested on some level...right or wrong...and that you gave short shrift to thoughts of that.

You are not responsible for what another chooses to feel about you, especially when you have done nothing to encourage that feeling. People are entirely responsible for what they feel when what they feel is fed by no one but themselves...but the choice of him to be the one you were lent to DID feed those emotions to a certain extent. You may well have been a good beating partner, a good serving partner, a good sexual partner but knowing that you were not feeling anything towards him emotionally that resembled what he felt towards you while still agreeing to service him certainly was, at the least, a mixed signal of sorts wasn't it? Did that not, in fact, help to set him up to fail at least on some level?

(in reply to subangi)

Post #: 42

RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/15/2009 8:44:58 AM

InTonguesslut

Posts: 401
Joined: 3/5/2009
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quote:

Is it fair to say that only you had been set up to fail by the guy you met? Wasn't your expectation that the meet would be a walk in the park as the guy wanted nothing i wasn't capable of were obviously way off a way of setting the guy you met up to fail?

Interesting, in that i have never once suggested the guy failed in any way. I suggested that i felt i had failed at one point, but realised that the expectations the guy and myself had had were too high. I would pretty much say that that means both of us had responsibilty to take in the disaster that ensued.

quote:

And yet, the guy your Sir chooses for you to meet is this same guy.

Nice assumption.The guy approached as a client and i accepted him. Sir was always in the loop as in being informed of the details etc but he did not choose the client.

quote:

As subangi noted, for the gentleman to keep writing in a manner that allows you to be able to say he was getting no "joy" from your responses indicates that he was emotionally invested on some level...right or wrong...and that you gave short shrift to thoughts of that.

As i said before hindsight it a wonderful thing. Rightly or wrongly i assumed he was capable of seeing a business transaction for what it was, a business transaction.

quote:

but knowing that you were not feeling anything towards him emotionally that resembled what he felt towards you while still agreeing to service him certainly was, at the least, a mixed signal of sorts wasn't it?

No i don't think i gave mixed signals. The meet was a business transaction nothing more. He was perfectly aware of what he was paying me for and what he was not. I cannot be held responsible for his fantasies.

quote:

Did that not, in fact, help to set him up to fail at least on some level?

Again i have never implied he failed. Again in hindsight if i had known he was incapable of keeping a business transaction a business transaction i would have never agreed to meet.

Call me crazy but i assumed two adults conducting business would be just that. In this case i was wrong and i have certainly learnt from it and will not be repeating the mistake.

_____________________________

Aka missturbation

It's not shopping if you buy 10 items or less.

If it fits in a toaster, i can cook it.

What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Prov

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 43

RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/15/2009 8:54:07 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
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Misst - I believe the mistake people are making (tell me I am wrong on your part if I am) that they are viewing this more as a 'lent out' occurance, rather than a business transaction (like a prosub), so they are attatching emotional aspects to it, so a failiure of peoples intent rather than of the 'act'. I believe if they can do that, then you might get different answers? Not sure.

the.dark.

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RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to InTonguesslut)

Post #: 44

RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/15/2009 9:06:06 AM

InTonguesslut

Posts: 401
Joined: 3/5/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Misst - I believe the mistake people are making (tell me I am wrong on your part if I am) that they are viewing this more as a 'lent out' occurance, rather than a business transaction (like a prosub), so they are attatching emotional aspects to it, so a failiure of peoples intent rather than of the 'act'. I believe if they can do that, then you might get different answers? Not sure.

the.dark.

Again, wow twice in one day lol - kidding i completely agree.
Argh in my original post i said lent out rather than hired out, my bad.
It was purely a business transaction and i should have made that clearer - oops.

_____________________________

Aka missturbation

It's not shopping if you buy 10 items or less.

If it fits in a toaster, i can cook it.

What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Prov

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 45

RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/15/2009 9:06:52 AM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
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Myst- you have to get over the- 'It wasn't good for me' thing when you are hired/given out. It's not about you. You're going to run into wierdos, creepers, people who are probably not a full box of crayons... but it's a choice that you made. They are paying you- either you can leave, or complete the task at hand.

If you want to do the whole prosub thing- which is what you are doing- you aren't being 'lent' out to a close friend- you need to get into a totally different mindset than the one you have at home.

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HBIC

(in reply to subangi)

Post #: 46

RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/15/2009 9:18:22 AM

InTonguesslut

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Joined: 3/5/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

Myst- you have to get over the- 'It wasn't good for me' thing when you are hired/given out. It's not about you. You're going to run into wierdos, creepers, people who are probably not a full box of crayons... but it's a choice that you made. They are paying you- either you can leave, or complete the task at hand.

If you want to do the whole prosub thing- which is what you are doing- you aren't being 'lent' out to a close friend- you need to get into a totally different mindset than the one you have at home.

Care to show me where i stated this was about me?
I never even said it wasn't good for me, other than i felt i had failed to provide the best service i could, for reasons i won't go into.
I'm perfectly aware what mind set to be in, i have done this before and quite successfully.
Whilst i appreciate the advice this thread was never about being hired out and it going wrong per se it was about trying to find out why i had acted up with sir. I gave all the details of my weekend, well not all, i don't need the drama lol in the hope that someone would be able to shed some light.
In that sense the thread was about me but i never once claimed being hired out was all about me.

_____________________________

Aka missturbation

It's not shopping if you buy 10 items or less.

If it fits in a toaster, i can cook it.

What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Prov

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 47

RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/15/2009 9:26:57 AM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
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I'm not waying that being hired out is bad. You know perfectly well that I'm a prosub.

However, if you cannot seperate work from home, it's probably not the best profession. At the very least, don't feel obligated to stick around in a session that has you uncomfortable, only to take it out at people at home.

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HBIC

(in reply to InTonguesslut)

Post #: 48

RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/15/2009 9:33:28 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslut
Again, wow twice in one day lol - kidding i completely agree.
Argh in my original post i said lent out rather than hired out, my bad.
It was purely a business transaction and i should have made that clearer - oops.

It's all cool.
It's one of those things that has a fine line thing. Like when I do a portrait, sometimes it's of people I have been in correspondance with for some time. Then they decide they want some shots and it's all up to me. They have seen my work, heard my reputation and decide to give me the contract. But sometimes it just doesn't work. People have bad days, the lighting just doesn't work, people are unresponsive to direction or sometimes the film just sucks. That can damage your reputation workwise, it can also fuck up a relationship that's been built up, even a professional one like you had with this guy. And sometimes peoples expectations (what they want) just doesn't meld with yours (you think it looks crap). It can really make a person frustrated when people are critical even when you know you did the best you could and you aren't to blame.

I am just surmising that you reacted the way you did because your owner is the one person in this whole thing that was the stable element and the one person you could barf over (yeah, bad analogy?) and let it all out on - which is how it should be IMO. You vomit where you trust to hit, with no splashback.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to InTonguesslut)

Post #: 49

RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/15/2009 9:34:58 AM

InTonguesslut

Posts: 401
Joined: 3/5/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

I'm not waying that being hired out is bad. You know perfectly well that I'm a prosub.

Ok now you have me really confused. Where did i say, imply you thought being hired out was bad?

quote:

However, if you cannot seperate work from home, it's probably not the best profession. At the very least, don't feel obligated to stick around in a session that has you uncomfortable, only to take it out at people at home.

Everyone i know takes their work home from time to time.Having said that i'm not sure that 'work' was the reason i was acting up anyway, I was as i said before acting up before i went.

_____________________________

Aka missturbation

It's not shopping if you buy 10 items or less.

If it fits in a toaster, i can cook it.

What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Prov

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 50

RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/15/2009 9:35:37 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

Myst- you have to get over the- 'It wasn't good for me' thing when you are hired/given out. It's not about you. You're going to run into wierdos, creepers, people who are probably not a full box of crayons... but it's a choice that you made. They are paying you- either you can leave, or complete the task at hand.

If you want to do the whole prosub thing- which is what you are doing- you aren't being 'lent' out to a close friend- you need to get into a totally different mindset than the one you have at home.

I certainly missed the the difference between the *being lent out* by your OWNER, and it being a pro-sub business situation where YOU chose the client.

The bottom-line is that you are a commodity in that situation and it wasn't about mutual enjoyment.

Nothing I said really applies as it's really on *your head*.

agirl

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 51

RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/15/2009 9:40:49 AM

InTonguesslut

Posts: 401
Joined: 3/5/2009
Status: offline

quote:

That can damage your reputation workwise, it can also fuck up a relationship that's been built up, even a professional one like you had with this guy. And sometimes peoples expectations (what they want) just doesn't meld with yours (you think it looks crap). It can really make a person frustrated when people are critical even when you know you did the best you could and you aren't to blame.

So true. There are many elements i have left out of my description of what happened that caused me (possibly)to act up with Sir.

quote:

I am just surmising that you reacted the way you did because your owner is the one person in this whole thing that was the stable element and the one person you could barf over (yeah, bad analogy?) and let it all out on - which is how it should be IMO. You vomit where you trust to hit, with no splashback.

I like the analogy. You remember the excorcist film where she projectile vomits and her head spins? Or was that the spoof with leslie nielson, not sure. Anyway i kinda reminded myself of her, it wasn't pretty lol.
However though he flailed a bit to know how to get me back on track, sir did it in the end with my beating and i'm much better for it. Had i of not vomitted on him and held it in instead it would have festered and thats never healthy.

_____________________________

Aka missturbation

It's not shopping if you buy 10 items or less.

If it fits in a toaster, i can cook it.

What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Prov

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 52

RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/15/2009 9:46:10 AM

InTonguesslut

Posts: 401
Joined: 3/5/2009
Status: offline

quote:

I certainly missed the the difference between the *being lent out* by your OWNER, and it being a pro-sub business situation where YOU chose the client.

The bottom-line is that you are a commodity in that situation and it wasn't about mutual enjoyment.

Nothing I said really applies as it's really on *your head*.

agirl

Apologies, i wasn't clear on the hiring rather than loaning.
No it was never about mutual enjoyment and i was always perfectly aware of that. However i have never stated it was about mutual enjoyment, nor have i stated i was acting out because i didn't get mutual enjoyment.

_____________________________

Aka missturbation

It's not shopping if you buy 10 items or less.

If it fits in a toaster, i can cook it.

What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Prov

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 53

RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/15/2009 9:51:19 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl
The bottom-line is that you are a commodity in that situation and it wasn't about mutual enjoyment.

agirl

I'd say that Misst isn't the commodity, the service was. I am going to disagree. And I don't believe there is any mention of mutual enjoyment (from what I read) BUT there certainly is a degree of mutual satisfaction about any transaction - in business. You might not have to 'enjoy' it but you certainly want to feel that you fulfilled the contract. It's a matter of personal integrity and that's kinda whats on 'trial' not enjoyment. But meh, I am looking at it from a business POV.

the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 4/15/2009 9:52:17 AM >

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RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 54

RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/15/2009 10:00:09 AM

InTonguesslut

Posts: 401
Joined: 3/5/2009
Status: offline

quote:

You might not have to 'enjoy' it but you certainly want to feel that you fulfilled the contract.

Thats exactly it, I failed to fulfill the contract. Though and i know you (generic) only have my word for this through no fault of my own.

_____________________________

Aka missturbation

It's not shopping if you buy 10 items or less.

If it fits in a toaster, i can cook it.

What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Prov

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 55

RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/15/2009 10:12:07 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslut
Thats exactly it, I failed to fulfill the contract. Though and i know you (generic) only have my word for this through no fault of my own.

It's annoying if your accused of it being partially your fault though. Unfortunately, there is no procedure that pro subs can go through like OFCOM etc...

On a more serious note though, do you feel that you failed, or do you believe it's more a case of, the expectations he held were too high and that he gave you the impression that the job would be far more constructive? At the end of the day, if you are told to build a tower, and end up managing to build a house, but all you actually were given were the tools to build a shed - it's not your issue, it's his.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to InTonguesslut)

Post #: 56

RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/15/2009 10:17:26 AM

InTonguesslave

Posts: 342
Joined: 2/6/2009
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On a more serious note though, do you feel that you failed, or do you believe it's more a case of, the expectations he held were too high and that he gave you the impression that the job would be far more constructive? At the end of the day, if you are told to build a tower, and end up managing to build a house, but all you actually were given were the tools to build a shed - it's not your issue, it's his.

the.dark.

totally his in fact - but from what i can make out the guy wont leave it alone and he should. (hoping he reads these boards)

_____________________________

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(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 57

RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/15/2009 10:18:46 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl
The bottom-line is that you are a commodity in that situation and it wasn't about mutual enjoyment.

agirl

I'd say that Misst isn't the commodity, the service was. I am going to disagree. And I don't believe there is any mention of mutual enjoyment (from what I read) BUT there certainly is a degree of mutual satisfaction about any transaction - in business. You might not have to 'enjoy' it but you certainly want to feel that you fulfilled the contract. It's a matter of personal integrity and that's kinda whats on 'trial' not enjoyment. But meh, I am looking at it from a business POV.

the.dark.

That's fine...But mutual satisfaction, in business, or anywhere, is down to a job well done and both parties coming away with a *satisfied* feeling.It doesn't look as if anyone got that : Him, for his own reasons, her, for hers.

agirl

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 58

RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/15/2009 10:34:53 AM

InTonguesslut

Posts: 401
Joined: 3/5/2009
Status: offline

quote:

On a more serious note though, do you feel that you failed, or do you believe it's more a case of, the expectations he held were too high and that he gave you the impression that the job would be far more constructive?

I think i failed in as much as i should have seen some sign of what was to come and i didn't. I know those signs were there too as Lally (my sis sub) raised some concerns during the negotiations. I however thought that everything would be ok, i made a judgement call that turned out to be a bad one.
However it wasn't the reason that Lally had raised that made it go so badly wrong. It contributed but it wasn't the major factor.
The reason it went so badly wrong was that he tried to change the set limits on the day and then claimed i was going back on some of the limits we had originally set.
I didn't really want to get into the he did /she did but it seems quite pertinent to the discussion.

_____________________________

Aka missturbation

It's not shopping if you buy 10 items or less.

If it fits in a toaster, i can cook it.

What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Prov

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 59

RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/15/2009 10:40:07 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslave
totally his in fact - but from what i can make out the guy wont leave it alone and he should. (hoping he reads these boards)

So what does he want, his money back? Meh, he should have thought about that before paying(assuming hes done the deal).
A second go? He can't get that for free, nor should he expect it.

Seriously he needs to suck it up. If he can't then if I were Misst, I would hand it over to the Owner and that doesn't mean shes not strong enough to deal with him, it just means shes defering to the boss.

If he didn't get the service he expected, you just go elsewhere next time. Unless he paid by credit card, he can claim back for bad services via them. Now that I'd like to see him try.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to InTonguesslave)

Post #: 60

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