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RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/15/2009 10:44:10 AM

RCdc

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Maybe next time, have a written contract sorted so that nothing extra can be claimed? I know they aren't legally binding .blah,blah.blah. but for the sake of something like this happening, it can help.

Even if it's not a signable one, just make a list now in advance of what you do and don't do client wise with space for specific extras should they be discussed.

It's not real difference between that and what DMs might have for a event.

the.dark.

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RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/15/2009 10:47:54 AM

Lynnxz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslut

quote:

On a more serious note though, do you feel that you failed, or do you believe it's more a case of, the expectations he held were too high and that he gave you the impression that the job would be far more constructive?

I think i failed in as much as i should have seen some sign of what was to come and i didn't. I know those signs were there too as Lally (my sis sub) raised some concerns during the negotiations. I however thought that everything would be ok, i made a judgement call that turned out to be a bad one.
However it wasn't the reason that Lally had raised that made it go so badly wrong. It contributed but it wasn't the major factor.
The reason it went so badly wrong was that he tried to change the set limits on the day and then claimed i was going back on some of the limits we had originally set.
I didn't really want to get into the he did /she did but it seems quite pertinent to the discussion.

O no, don't even bother with him again.

People like that are all listed under one name in my phone that tells me not to pick up. Guys are almost always going to want to change the set limits- some are just way pushier than others. Ignore the bullshit, and don't do another session with him.

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RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/15/2009 10:48:48 AM

InTonguesslut

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quote:

Unless he paid by credit card, he can claim back for bad services via them. Now that I'd like to see him try.

Pmsl it was cash, i'm a cash girl lol

quote:

So what does he want, his money back? Meh, he should have thought about that before paying(assuming hes done the deal).
A second go? He can't get that for free, nor should he expect it.

He wants a second meet but i no longer trust him to respect my limits. I offered him his money back several times and he refused. To be honest though for what he paid and what he got i still think he got a fucking good deal

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RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/15/2009 10:54:09 AM

InTonguesslut

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Maybe next time, have a written contract sorted so that nothing extra can be claimed? I know they aren't legally binding .blah,blah.blah. but for the sake of something like this happening, it can help.

Even if it's not a signable one, just make a list now in advance of what you do and don't do client wise with space for specific extras should they be discussed.

It's not real difference between that and what DMs might have for a event.

the.dark.

I have all that set up already. I send out a terms and conditions prior to anything being arranged. Then i send out a form with all the details to be filled in that i need. This includes a i will abide by the terms and conditions and i get them to e-sign it.
It seems to have failed in this instance though.

quote:

O no, don't even bother with him again.

People like that are all listed under one name in my phone that tells me not to pick up. Guys are almost always going to want to change the set limits- some are just way pushier than others. Ignore the bullshit, and don't do another session with him.

Hell would freeze over before i'd do another session with him.
Funny you should mention phones but i have been ignoring his calls so he rung me off a witheld today, damn!! I do answer withheld because of job apps and so forth i have in at present. Sir and i have decided that i need a seperate phone for business where i do not answer withhled numbers. Lallys suggestion funnily enough, bright spark that she is and i thank her for that

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RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/15/2009 10:54:36 AM

RCdc

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Pfft.... cash is far sweeter.

Oh just tell him, under the circumstances, you have no wish to conduct business with him and that you find your offer for a full refund more than fair. You have no more an explaination to give him than that. But you already know that.
The whole things just a frustration thing - I am pretty much convinced - and you didn't act out, just opened up to your owner, which all went ok and he dealt with it and just goes to show you have someone you trust(which you already knew otherwise you wouldnt have reacted the way you did). Case closed.
NEXT!

Damn I should be sick more often.

the.dark.

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RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/15/2009 11:03:56 AM

InTonguesslut

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quote:

The whole things just a frustration thing - I am pretty much convinced - and you didn't act out, just opened up to your owner, which all went ok and he dealt with it and just goes to show you have someone you trust(which you already knew otherwise you wouldnt have reacted the way you did). Case closed.
NEXT!

Damn I should be sick more often.

the.dark.

You're right.
It's behind me, in the past, learnt from and talked about enough

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RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/15/2009 11:41:46 AM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslut

quote:

Is it fair to say that only you had been set up to fail by the guy you met? Wasn't your expectation that the meet would be a walk in the park as the guy wanted nothing i wasn't capable of were obviously way off a way of setting the guy you met up to fail?

Interesting, in that i have never once suggested the guy failed in any way. I suggested that i felt i had failed at one point, but realised that the expectations the guy and myself had had were too high. I would pretty much say that that means both of us had responsibilty to take in the disaster that ensued.

No disagreement with the second part of your statement here...his expectations were too high and based on his feelings that you "were his fantasy girl". When the fantasy did not turn out as he'd hoped, he tried to make it so by pushing you beyond set limits. That is a failure on his part just as your inability to take his "emotional investment" in you into account beforehand was a failure on your part. He set you up to fail him emotionally and you set him up to fail by expecting him to be able to keep it all on a "business" level.
I have not used a pro-submissive before so I am not sure what a person's money buys. I haven't used prostitutes or call girls either but I know that the difference in the rate they charge is also reflected in the level of service a client gets...from the street prostitute, he gets a straight sexual service whereas from the call girl, he expects to be treated almost as a date, if not better, with a level of interest shown in the client and an adroit handling of his emotional needs as well as physical needs.

quote:

And yet, the guy your Sir chooses for you to meet is this same guy.

Nice assumption.The guy approached as a client and i accepted him. Sir was always in the loop as in being informed of the details etc but he did not choose the client.My bad. From the OP, I assumed...as it appears others did...that your Sir was approached for the "lending out" of you rather than this being a business transaction.

quote:

As subangi noted, for the gentleman to keep writing in a manner that allows you to be able to say he was getting no "joy" from your responses indicates that he was emotionally invested on some level...right or wrong...and that you gave short shrift to thoughts of that.

As i said before hindsight it a wonderful thing. Rightly or wrongly i assumed he was capable of seeing a business transaction for what it was, a business transaction.Hindsight IS a wonderful thing though I find it ironic that someone who is well-aware of the damage emotional underpinnings can cause and the "wonderful" way they can come into play at the most inconvenient times would not have at least considered this aspect with this specific gentleman.

quote:

but knowing that you were not feeling anything towards him emotionally that resembled what he felt towards you while still agreeing to service him certainly was, at the least, a mixed signal of sorts wasn't it?

No i don't think i gave mixed signals. The meet was a business transaction nothing more. He was perfectly aware of what he was paying me for and what he was not. I cannot be held responsible for his fantasies.You've stated that the meet was a business transaction, nothing more a few times now...while also stating that it turned out to be a disaster for reasons that were motivated by factors that had nothing to do with business. As I also stated in MY post, you are not responsible for his feelings/fantasies ESPECIALLY when you have not done anything to feed into them. Not being responsible is not the same thing as being aware though, is it? And you yourself noted, while not going into detail, that his mail over the last three years was at a different level than someone seeing you just as a friend. That does not take away from his own irresponsible behavior.

quote:

Did that not, in fact, help to set him up to fail at least on some level?

Again i have never implied he failed. Again in hindsight if i had known he was incapable of keeping a business transaction a business transaction i would have never agreed to meet.But you have, misst. When you declared the meet a disaster and then go on to say that he failed at keeping a business transaction, you are stating he failed. When you state that his expectations for you were too high, that is a failure on his part...not yours.

Call me crazy but i assumed two adults conducting business would be just that. In this case i was wrong and i have certainly learnt from it and will not be repeating the mistake.
Two adults conducting business generally do not have an emotional investment of any nature in the people they are conducting business with. That was one reason why my ex-wife was not a part of my practice in any way, shape or form.

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RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/15/2009 11:57:38 AM

InTonguesslut

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quote:

Two adults conducting business generally do not have an emotional investment of any nature in the people they are conducting business with. That was one reason why my ex-wife was not a part of my practice in any way, shape or form.

In fairness to myself i had no idea he was emotionally attached. Being someones fantasy does not automatically equate to emotional investment.
Vin Diesel is one of my fantasy men but emotionally i have no attachment to him.

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RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/15/2009 7:11:55 PM

MasterDarkSadist

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I do not believe that your submission is defective. I think that you have just had a bit of an unsettling period, and you feel more secure when you are reminded of your place. Nothing wrong with that, every sub/slave needs to be reminded on occasion. I think that this whole "lent out" thing kind of threw you a bit.

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RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/16/2009 7:08:49 AM

ThundersCry

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Sounds like a typical masochist to me...

Instead of *asking* for a good beating, my experience was some will act out until they get...one. I know I did...until I understood I needed to be assertive, and that did not always mean I got beat.

My lady woould just tell me....beat me will ya. OK..no problem!

Then for a period of time they appear to be *ok*...

Its like a drug...sometimes it wears off very...soon.

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RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/16/2009 9:13:54 PM

LATEXBABY64

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this is like beat the pit bull till it bites you in the ass lol i mean come on how backwards is that subs are subs from the inside and at a earlier age remeber your true colors always show in the most strange ways

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RE: Beaten into submission. - 4/18/2009 1:38:30 AM

JezzaV

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I've never loaned my slave but I think InTongueslave and Lockit hit the nail on the head if you read both replies as one and counter in the "bad day" comment as well... all those things add up and subconsciously fucked your head up.

I'm speaking from a slightly skewed aspect since my slave is in Scotland and I live near London and long-distance relationships are difficult at best! I've told her her she's only human and if she "feels the need" she should act on it (but tell me that she has - without gory details, thanks!). So basically I've given her free-licence to slut it up whenever and whereever she likes, but even the idea of that makes her feel guilty.

Conversely, she gave me the same licence ("I know you're only a man"), but having spoken at depth I know that it would upset her dearly - if not destroy our relationship... and to be honest, since the day I met her I just don't find even "supermodel sexgoddesses" attractive.

I think that you need to talk to Sir. And he needs to talk to you. Not in a "serious" situation, just go out for a pub lunch where you can both chat quiet and start talking about things. You'll be surprised where the conversation will twist and turn... And I guarantee that one if not BOTH of you will later say, "You know what? I didn't even realise that myself!!! "

The secret is not amazing sex, amazing thrills, wonderful romance or unbridled lust. The real secret is communication.

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