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KeirasSecret -> RE: why all the cheating? (5/10/2007 2:54:46 PM)
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Well, I royally messed up that last post. I forgot the quotes, and completely miss-worded some of what I was trying to say. That is what I get for typing and sending just before I leave for work. Not an excuse, only an explanation; sorry.
I would like to this opotunity to say it the way I meant it.
I suppose my father could have left, but it might have left us without a house and I might have finished growing up with not only a mother who was miserable, but in a situation similar to what I struggle through now with my UM’s, because their fathers did leave.
The words of my brother, when I proved to be less then ecstatic because he still chose to be friends with my ex after he cheated on me, come to mind: “Just because he cheated doesn’t make him a bad friend; it just means he sucks as a boyfriend/husband.”
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One of the reasons such behaviour continues is because it gets validated and they are told it is OK to be two-faced lying low-lifes by PC numpties rather than society holding them to account and making them face the responcibilitys of their actions like the adults they are supposed to be.
PC numpties?… what is that?
I do not know what the internet was like in 1999, (I didn’t have access and really didn’t need to back then), but I can say, as I sat in a courtroom, listening to the judge tell us, (the ex and I), that our legal separation was granted on the grounds of irreconcilable differences, and I looked from the judge, to my ex, his girlfriend (in her 6th mo of pregnancy), and back at the judge, telling her I had a problem with that, while I pointed at his girlfriend; because he was cheating, her decision to leave it as irreconcilable differences had nothing to do with what anyone was saying on the internet.
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So long as they can get away with it then they will do it and look for acceptance and reasurance for it. In being accepting of it YOU are helping perpetuate it. I refuse to validate it either by what I say or by My silence when the issue is raised. They need to know and understand it is NOT acceptable, they shouldn't BE validated.....
You are right. Those who cheated in my examples were wrong for doing so. All three could have found a better way and not one of them was acting on more then selfishness, but still, when I look at my equation: motive=bad goal=bad results=good/lesser evil; I can’t overlook results.
It is not something I would encourage, nor is it something I would expect of myself. If I was at a point where cheating looked like a good idea, it would be obvious to me the relationship was over and would be time to make it official.
I can say I have not yet found a good reason to cheat. I can say I hope I never feel I have a good reason to cheat; because I believe for that to happen there would have to be some very extreme circumstances going on, but I still won’t say never.
In that light, I would like to say my first post in this thread was misstated.
I do not mean that the person becomes “right” because the innocent benefited from the action. I am saying the action served a purpose, therefore causing good to come of it.
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and I do wonder at the reasons behind those who do validate. It raises quiestions about their adgenda and trustworthyness. Giving validation to themselves in the guise of giving it to others perhaps?
My posting to this thread had nothing to do with validating cheating. It had to do with noting that even from the worst things, good can happen. In the same way something considered good can reap negative results; something bad can reap positive results.
I’m not sitting here slapping them down for cheating because the truth is; their cheating was a means to an end; the real problems that existed before the cheating commenced were far greater. So, if cheating somehow counter acted my father’s inability to do his job as “father”, or my ex-es' inabilies to be responsible partners in our relationships, and that is all I am offered, I’m taking it.
Be well,
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