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Can a question kill? - 4/23/2009 8:07:57 AM   
breatheasone


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Status: offline 		Are there any questions Y'all can think of,  that  JUST by asking it ..... it would or could kill or damage a relationship?.....
Now before Y'all say "no, of course not" think about it....
(a personal example, i asked my VERY vanilla husband if i could get into this lifestyle and have a "D" type in my life. My husband said yes we talked, and all is ok. However.... a friend of mine said just ASKING that of her husband would have ended their marriage)


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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/23/2009 8:14:47 AM   
slaveofHisDomain


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Status: offline 		Yes, I asked for an open relationship once.  Not to just go and sleep with people all of the time, just so when I was in the mood for a man and not a woman, I could have one person I went to.  That pretty much ended everything there, it was never the same again.  I can understand that now, it was actually a very selfish thing for me to desire.

nee


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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/23/2009 8:25:21 AM   
breatheasone


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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveofHisDomain

Yes, I asked for an open relationship once.  Not to just go and sleep with people all of the time, just so when I was in the mood for a man and not a woman, I could have one person I went to.  That pretty much ended everything there, it was never the same again.  I can understand that now, it was actually a very selfish thing for me to desire.

nee


ok so i'm curious... would you say it was the question only that caused things to "not be the same" after you had asked that ....or do you think it was WHY you asked...or HOW you asked?....just curious


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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/23/2009 8:30:46 AM   
Whenready


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Status: offline 		Isn't the answer (for the OP at least) self evidently "yes"? Doesn't the example given in the OP answer the question?

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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/23/2009 8:32:27 AM   
breatheasone


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Whenready

Isn't the answer (for the OP at least) self evidently "yes"? Doesn't the example given in the OP answer the question?

Hmmm i guess i'm not sure what you mean.


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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/23/2009 8:33:22 AM   
LadyPact


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Status: offline 		Hmmmmm.  How about.....

"Hey, do you mind if I fuck whoever I chose while you're in Korea?"

That comes to mind.


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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/23/2009 8:33:43 AM   
Whenready


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Status: offline 		Your friend said ASKING the question would have ended their marriage - therefore there ARE killer questions.

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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/23/2009 8:36:12 AM   
breatheasone


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Hmmmmm.  How about.....

"Hey, do you mind if I fuck whoever I chose while you're in Korea?"

That comes to mind.


LMAO


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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/23/2009 8:36:33 AM   
LaTigresse


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Status: offline 		I would say the answer depends upon two things, the relationship itself, and the intent behind the question.

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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/23/2009 8:37:35 AM   
breatheasone


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Whenready

Your friend said ASKING the question would have ended their marriage - therefore there ARE killer questions.

Duh ok gotcha...Damn i need more coffee.


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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/23/2009 8:42:21 AM   
Mercnbeth


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quote:

Are there any questions Y'all can think of,  that  JUST by asking it ..... it would or could kill or damage a relationship?.....

 
example #1: a "friend" called her up reeeeeally late one night with a question that pretty much damaged the friendship we had crafted.
 
"If I give you the $1500 I have right now here at my house will you come over with your high heels on and step on my balls?"
 
example #2:  this doozy asked of the vanilla husband changed our relationship...and started the process of dissolving it.
 
"Since the baby is here and all, will you be moving out or will we...until you stop smoking crack?"
 
much to this slave's dismay, since he wasn't the one that carried the baby and was attempting to breast-feed, he didn't feel he should have to stop...for anyone or anything.

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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/23/2009 9:01:13 AM   
breatheasone


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Status: offline 		i must say beth....those are two very fine examples..... 

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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/23/2009 9:01:47 AM   
sirsholly


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quote:

I would say the answer depends upon two things, the relationship itself, and the intent behind the question.
i agree with this. There are some questions that are delivered locked and loaded

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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/23/2009 9:03:02 AM   
breatheasone


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quote:

There are some questions that are delivered locked and loaded

Omg.....absolutely....very good point holly.


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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/23/2009 9:03:02 AM   
RCdc


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Status: offline 		Are you asking specifically BDSM ones?  Or just in general are there questions that can kill?
 
the.dark.

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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/23/2009 9:06:03 AM   
breatheasone


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Status: offline 		The.dark, i was going for in relationships in general. Could be just friendship like beth spoke to or a (for lack of a better term) romantic relationship. 

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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/23/2009 9:08:21 AM   
SteelofUtah


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Status: offline 		There are many questions that Kill, However it isn't a Specific Question but rather the way it is asked in a specific relationship.

For Instance I would have put on the High Heels and Stepped on the guys balls, taken the 1500 and gone back to being bar room buddies. But then again I am not as sexy in High Heels as beth is so to each their own.

Things that would Kill andi and I's relationship? Well there really isn't any specific question however questions that bring about a desire to no longer surrender, or to no longer maintain the status quo woud be suspecious and that suspision would break down the relationship.

It isn't a Particular string of words it is why those words were stringed together.

If andi all the sudden wanted things to change then the foundation we had built would be falling apart. If I was not willing to change with that foundation then yes the relationship would be on it's way to ruin and essentially KILLED by the question.

Steel

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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/23/2009 9:13:49 AM   
breatheasone


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Status: offline 		Steel.... an AWESOME reply! I believe you have made a good point...and it was my point in asking this question lol......its NOT the question..... its WHAT lead to the question i think is at issue....
Anyway....i was hoping it would be a fun topic to bat around a bit.


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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/23/2009 9:16:17 AM   
VeryNastyDom


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Status: offline 		What LaTigresse said.  It may also depend on how you bring up the topic. 

For example, if you just ask for permission to do XXX without given the other party any context, that may cause a huge problem.  If you have a heart to heart talk along the lines of "I really love you, but I have this special need that you are not able to fulfill.  Do you mind if we discuss some options on how I can best deal with that?" may lead to a more positive response.

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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/23/2009 9:21:33 AM   
breatheasone


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quote:

ORIGINAL: VeryNastyDom

What LaTigresse said.  It may also depend on how you bring up the topic. 

For example, if you just ask for permission to do XXX without given the other party any context, that may cause a huge problem.  If you have a heart to heart talk along the lines of "I really love you, but I have this special need that you are not able to fulfill.  Do you mind if we discuss some options on how I can best deal with that?" may lead to a more positive response.

Absolutely!... Well said.


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