RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games?

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RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? - 4/24/2009 5:16:11 PM

LadyHibiscus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

The thing I've read a few times recently is that when (certain) dominants feel a growing affection for a sub, they have sense of owning him or her growing alongside that affection. Is that common?

Is it ownership, or possessiveness, I wonder? The more control I have over a person, the more he or she learns what I like and gives me what I need without my having to ask, the more ownership I feel.

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RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? - 4/24/2009 5:16:19 PM

Politesub53

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

The thing I've read a few times recently is that when (certain) dominants feel a growing affection for a sub, they have sense of owning him or her growing alongside that affection. Is that common?

Great question.

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RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? - 4/24/2009 5:17:49 PM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

Peon, I think its entirely possible to feel owned and even loved without being told. It comes across in the minute interactions between two people. After all most of us know when a partner is no longer in love with us, before anything is said.

PS, that makes a lot of sense. I'm damned sure the second sentence is true - which now makes me sure the first sentence must be too. Well said.

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RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? - 4/24/2009 5:19:47 PM

YourhandMyAss

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I would not be satisfied no, because love is a part of the dynamic I want when I am in a relationship. I will love them, or think I do, and I want them to return that. Saying I love you and then having someone say I care for you too, is like wanting someone to say great meal it was delicious and getting an "it was ok thanks" to me.

I would pull back any one from an oncoming bus,no problem, I don't even have to know you, I don't even have to necessarily like you* generic you
here*

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

On that other side a submissive lady that I know started a thread about the terms "I own you" and "I love you", and why declarations of ownership are more meaningful. The answers she got were amazing to me, and yet more evidence that I don't have a submissive ELECTRON in my body...

From the point of view of the posters here, what do you think? If a dom said "I own you", but never loved you, though she "cared for you", would you be satisfied with that? Which phrase packs a bigger punch for you, owned or loved? If you aren't loved--and I mean that your dom DOES NOT love you, though she would certainly pull you back from an oncoming bus--do you feel fulfilled?

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RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? - 4/24/2009 5:22:12 PM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Peon, I would have to agree with that. As natural as the fondness comes, so does the feeling of... mine, mine, mine... for me. lol

Really? That's interesting. But would you say that this sense of ownership is stronger amongst dominants of their sub partners than vanillas of their partners? Is there a strong sense of the sub as property? (NB - I don't at all want to imply that that's a 'bad thing', if so. In fact, I think it's quite . . . good.)

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RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? - 4/24/2009 5:22:18 PM

LadyHibiscus

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Thanks! I feel really validated here!

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RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? - 4/24/2009 5:28:09 PM

Lockit

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Peon, I think in a way, I have a right to feel things normally frowned upon. Typically I don't like jealousy or possiveness... but can feel it. I would in vanilla, temper anything I might have felt and it wasn't really a problem. But... in an accepted relationship and agreement I am allowed or have given myself permission to bask in the joy of owning someone with accountablity. Feeding off of my submissive's emotions, willingness to be owned and acceptance of my greedy parts... is a great and heady experience.

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RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? - 4/24/2009 5:30:44 PM

LadyHibiscus

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It's good to be queen!

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RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? - 4/24/2009 5:31:08 PM

Politesub53

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Thanks! I feel really validated here!

We`re here to please Ma`am... < Smirks a tad >

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RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? - 4/24/2009 5:36:30 PM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
Peon, I think in a way, I have a right to feel things normally frowned upon.

Of course you are!

quote:

Typically I don't like jealousy or possiveness... but can feel it. I would in vanilla, temper anything I might have felt and it wasn't really a problem. But... in an accepted relationship and agreement I am allowed or have given myself permission to bask in the joy of owning someone with accountablity. Feeding off of my submissive's emotions, willingness to be owned and acceptance of my greedy parts... is a great and heady experience.

Good. Because I think I want the great and heady experience of feeling owned too.

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RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? - 4/24/2009 5:42:42 PM

Venatrix

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Peon, I would have to agree with that. As natural as the fondness comes, so does the feeling of... mine, mine, mine... for me. lol

Really? That's interesting. But would you say that this sense of ownership is stronger amongst dominants of their sub partners than vanillas of their partners? Is there a strong sense of the sub as property? (NB - I don't at all want to imply that that's a 'bad thing', if so. In fact, I think it's quite . . . good.)

I feel the same as Lockit. I've had glimmerings recently of thinking of someone as my property (not to treat him as property, though), and I've noticed that, as my feelings for him fade and return, so does my sense of ownership. When he and I maintain the connection, both the sense of owning him and caring for him are strong; when we aren't maintaining contact, they both fade. I've never felt that way in any of my vanilla relationships, which probably explains why none of them worked out.

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RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? - 4/24/2009 5:55:22 PM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Peon, I would have to agree with that. As natural as the fondness comes, so does the feeling of... mine, mine, mine... for me. lol

Really? That's interesting. But would you say that this sense of ownership is stronger amongst dominants of their sub partners than vanillas of their partners? Is there a strong sense of the sub as property? (NB - I don't at all want to imply that that's a 'bad thing', if so. In fact, I think it's quite . . . good.)

I feel the same as Lockit. I've had glimmerings recently of thinking of someone as my property (not to treat him as property, though), and I've noticed that, as my feelings for him fade and return, so does my sense of ownership. When he and I maintain the connection, both the sense of owning him and caring for him are strong; when we aren't maintaining contact, they both fade. I've never felt that way in any of my vanilla relationships, which probably explains why none of them worked out.

Yes, I see that.

Actually, I've often found myself questioning the widespread assumption that seeing someone as property is self-evidently wrong. In fact, I think that in many ways it may be more 'natural' to see other humans as property than inanimate objects that one has bought or been given.

That little idea, though, depends upon a lot of half-digested psychological ideas and I'm a million miles from turning it into a grand theory.

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RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? - 4/24/2009 5:57:07 PM

Lockit

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I am not sure I can express this the way I want to, but I see a lot of what happens between a dominant and submissive or lover's is something I want to be beastly. I often tell people to let their beast come out. A lot of what we do is deep and raw and animalistic the way I see it. Within reason of course, I want to be beastly and I want my submissive to be beastly. Free to express things deep within that many people are afraid of or hide from.

It's kind of like we are taught to keep hidden certain emotions and feelings and I want to release them in a way that is acceptable to the people involved and with accountablity. You can't totally lose control and I can't imagine losing control in such a way, but free to express the lil animal inside... oh yes!

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RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? - 4/24/2009 6:24:24 PM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I am not sure I can express this the way I want to, but I see a lot of what happens between a dominant and submissive or lover's is something I want to be beastly. I often tell people to let their beast come out. A lot of what we do is deep and raw and animalistic the way I see it. Within reason of course, I want to be beastly and I want my submissive to be beastly. Free to express things deep within that many people are afraid of or hide from.

It's kind of like we are taught to keep hidden certain emotions and feelings and I want to release them in a way that is acceptable to the people involved and with accountablity. You can't totally lose control and I can't imagine losing control in such a way, but free to express the lil animal inside... oh yes!

Maybe more properly a matter for another thread, this - but that does make me wonder (as I've frequently done, recently ) how often dominants feel guilty about their desires to control, own, use, hurt . . . whatever. Especially female dominants. Perhaps guilty enough not to let their dominant sides out at all, I'd guess.

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RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? - 4/24/2009 6:31:08 PM

Lockit

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If the submissive enjoys it, what is to feel guilty about?

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RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? - 4/24/2009 6:45:16 PM

PeonForHer

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If the submissive enjoys it, what is to feel guilty about?

No argument from me - I know which side my bread's buttered!

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RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? - 4/24/2009 6:48:22 PM

Lockit

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The reason I brought up the beastly stuff is because the love and ownership can come from a very beastly place some days. Like a alpha dog will watch over the others and will be very protective. It is a very primal urge... mine... no one touch... no one hurt... See what I mean?

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RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? - 4/24/2009 7:00:06 PM

LadyHibiscus

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I never feel guilty about what I am or what I do.

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RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? - 4/24/2009 7:24:50 PM

Venatrix

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

It is a very primal urge... mine... no one touch... no one hurt... See what I mean?

Yes, indeed. And no guilt here, either. Oh, well, maybe after I've had my fourth slice of chocolate cake . . .

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RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? - 4/24/2009 7:29:31 PM

PeonForHer

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Yes, I see that.

Your point has clicked into one of my ongoing thoughts, though - that there might be many women out there who are so bothered by their sexually-dominant impulses - especially when these become 'beastly' - that they suppress them forever.

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