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ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

How could romantic feelings for your sub cloud your judgment, Goddess2002?  In what ways does that manifest?  Romantic feelings for a sub can only be a good thing for both D and s, surely?

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ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

That's one of the things that got me to thinking about the possibility of 'dominant-guilt', PS.  If it's felt to be unmanly to want to be used, controlled and especially hurt, maybe it feels unwomanly to want to do such using, controlling - and especially hurting.

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ORIGINAL: Politesub53

Lady H, maybe the answer lies in basic nature, almost everybody wants to be loved, few want to be owned. So to allow oneself to completely give oneself to another, then we need to feel loved first.

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ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Never felt guilt, LM? 

I think what I wonder about most of all on this subject is how girls feel as they grow up and discover those first feelings of wanting to 'use, control or hurt'.  I sure do know it was a strange and not entirely welcome feeling for me when I first had the yearnings to have those things done to me.  I'd bet many subs would say the same.   

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ORIGINAL: LovingMistress45

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ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Never felt guilt, LM? 

I think what I wonder about most of all on this subject is how girls feel as they grow up and discover those first feelings of wanting to 'use, control or hurt'.  I sure do know it was a strange and not entirely welcome feeling for me when I first had the yearnings to have those things done to me.  I'd bet many subs would say the same.   

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Honestly peon, no I have never felt guilt about my kinks.  I also have never had a desire to hurt someone that doesn't want to be hurt, so maybe that is why I don't feel guilty about it.  Now if I did something that hurt you in a non-kink way I would most likely feel bad because I really don't desire to hurt people in that manner.

Thanks for saying that, LM.  It's actually something I've been wondering recently about dominants and those with sadistic inclinations more particularly.

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As for when I was becoming aware of my desires, I started in spanking fetish and really don't remember any negative feelings about it and it started at a very young age.  I have posted on other threads that I also have a masochistic side which I explored in the spanking fetish scene.  I never felt guilty or sick about those desires.  As far as being a Mistress, owning someone, being served or other bdsm activities I shunned those for a long time, not my kink, not interested ect, but not out of guilt.  A man I met through spanking fetish that became my sub is the one that opened all those kinky doors for me and I found I loved every bit of it.  Maybe because it was with him that I discovered it and it was such an intense and loving relationship there was never any question in my mind that it was good so no need for guilt.

I have known several male doms that had trouble with their desire to hurt a woman because it conflicted with the way they were raised.

That last sentence is very telling.  To me, it suggests that those dominant males have actually listened to what they've been told - at home, and by those who are socially concerned outside of the home.  Notwithstanding the dilemmas of those male doms (who no doubt realise that ill-treatment of women is by far the larger problem), it's encouraging.

I'm glad, from what you and other women here have said, that you've grown up largely guilt-free (albeit with the sadistic impulse causing some qualms).  God, you know, I do often think we involved in D/s do have it relatively easy.  Gays, lesbians and feminists fought so many of the hardest battles for us all in the past. I do feel so grateful to them. 

< Message edited by PeonForHer -- 4/26/2009 1:52:21 PM >

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http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to LovingMistress45)

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ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
It's true, I have never felt guilty about any of the consensual stuff I do...  but for the longest time, I vehemently denied that I was a sadist!  For me, a sadist was a stormtrooper, or someone who like to torture animals, not Little Me.  Hugh helped me accept that term, and be happy about it. 

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ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

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ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
It's true, I have never felt guilty about any of the consensual stuff I do...  but for the longest time, I vehemently denied that I was a sadist!  For me, a sadist was a stormtrooper, or someone who like to torture animals, not Little Me.  Hugh helped me accept that term, and be happy about it. 

I find that I have to use the term very provisionally even now.  However, the right masochist can provide a positive context for the word.  To a masochist, the word "sadist" translates as "person who turns me on, makes me happy, and does yummy things to my bod", which is pretty easy to cop to.

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ORIGINAL: aidan

A sadist with a masochist should feel no more guilt than water with a root, and vice versa.

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ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

I can handle that definition!  Because for me, if they are only "tolerating" it and not having fun... I am not having fun either.
 
So you have to consider their fun then, do you, Lady Hib?  In my book, that makes you not a dominant but a "top". 

Right, *rubs hands*, let's get on with rehashing tiresome old argument No. 10!