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RE: Kinksters eat their young. - 4/28/2009 1:05:00 PM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kitastrophe33

 And maybe some people do see this site as a pissing contest as opposed to a "community" of like-minded people. That's too bad too, because there is a wealth of knowledge here from people with a lot of experience and relevant knowledge that they could share with novices. *And* the input of a novice can actually be useful sometimes!


That's because this IS a website...not a community.

People who want to call this website a "community" are likely the same types of individuals who want to call their munch group their Leather family. For those of us who are not novices, that is just plain stupid to us.

This is a website with people who participate in conversation and don't necessarily know what the fuck they're talking about. As much as workshops and BDSM events aren't the end all be all of the "education" side of Leather, they're tons more valuable than some of shit flinging that happens on sites like CM.

In light of this, asking people to take it seriously just seems a little silly.

That's all.

boi
Future ruler of the Universe serving MsKitty
...awaiting the removal of this message cuz it might appear to hurt someone's feelings...


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RE: Kinksters eat their young. - 4/28/2009 1:08:38 PM   
kitastrophe33


Posts: 85
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

Do I get bored reading/answering the same questions asked by newbies?  Yeah, I do...but I try to remember that, once upon a time, I was that newbie


Exactly! If anyone emerged from the womb wielding a flogger, or already hogtied, I'd sure like to see documentation of that!

I learned at some point that social norms are really powerful things. If the overall culture of a place is perceived to be accepting of negativity and asshole-ism, it tends to breed more of that. I don't expect that me voting no will change a lot (if anything). I'm just throwing it out there that I think it's crappy.

(in reply to Wolffeman)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Kinksters eat their young. - 4/28/2009 1:09:45 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		I see we missed one

BadOne


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RE: Kinksters eat their young. - 4/28/2009 1:12:42 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kitastrophe33
Exactly! If anyone emerged from the womb wielding a flogger, or already hogtied, I'd sure like to see documentation of that!

I learned at some point that social norms are really powerful things. If the overall culture of a place is perceived to be accepting of negativity and asshole-ism, it tends to breed more of that. I don't expect that me voting no will change a lot (if anything). I'm just throwing it out there that I think it's crappy.


My question to you then, if you find this all so unhelpful, why are you being snippy?  Why post and be what you do not approve of?
 
the.dark.

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RE: Kinksters eat their young. - 4/28/2009 1:42:24 PM   
DemonKia


Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline 		FR

lol

Well, I, for one, rolled my eyes most elaborately when I saw this question go up . . . .. But as with so many of the threads, it turned out to fill up with useful info, insight about the other posters, the usual mix of stuff . .. . .

It's true, if one seeks out a 'nursery' full of coddling nursemaids to tend to even just a few of one's tears & owies, this place could be a huge disappointment, like most of life . . . . ... .

I'm pretty thin-skinned & excessively sensitive, too . .. .. .. But if I let that run my life, I'm the impoverished one . .... .

&, at this point in my life, I'd rather hang out with a bunch of kinky assholes than vanilla assholes, if that's the primary difference I'm offered . ... . . *shrugs* . . . .. But I also don't see being an asshole, or blunt, or whatever, as necessarily all-bad, either . ... . . Nor do I see 'coddling' & 'nursemaiding' as being all-good . ... . .

Welcome to CM.

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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Kinksters eat their young. - 4/28/2009 1:48:36 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		People are meaner over the internet in general.  The internet gives them a certain level of anonymity and their 'true colors' come out.  I have met very few people who are outright rude in community events.  They might talk like that behind your back.  They can even hide a malicious intention or condescending thought behind some pretty words.  But they won't out right blast you unless you were a complete and total idiot.  In fact, most are more than eager to talk about what they know and show off. 

It just doesn't happen a lot in normal social settings...kink or otherwise.  You have social pressure and worry about what others will think, plus the whole having to accept completely the responsibility for what you say.

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Kinksters eat their young. - 4/28/2009 1:49:34 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I am actually much MUCH less mean on here, than in person. Much less.

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RE: Kinksters eat their young. - 4/28/2009 1:53:51 PM   
LadyPact


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I am actually much MUCH less mean on here, than in person. Much less.


Funny, LaT.  I find that I am much kinder in real life.


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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Kinksters eat their young. - 4/28/2009 1:56:55 PM   
DemonKia


Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline 		I'm with LaTigresse on this one . .. . Don't know her reasons why, but for me, I'm much more likely to put a great deal of thought into what I post, whereas in person stupid things are much more likely to fly out of my mouth . . .. . Especially if they're witty things that in retro are kinda mean or scathing or cutting . . .. . . & most especially in the midst of a social event where the wit is flying all around & there's not time to contemplate the ramifications . ... .

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Kinksters eat their young. - 4/28/2009 2:08:08 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		Glad to know you through CM then. 

I like to think my level of niceness is the same, but I am way more honest on the internet than I would be in RL.


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Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Kinksters eat their young. - 4/28/2009 2:19:57 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		In real life, my mean has usually been generated by things like......an adult child asking for money to pay their electric bill......when they are planning a trip to Vegas. "Ahhhhhhhhh NO!!!" and a asshole tearing few words to follow.

Or, someone trying to do something really hurtful, to someone I love. I go way past mean into fucking evil then.

Or my graphics guy asking the 20th stupid question of the day, because his brain stayed home in bed after being up all night partying.

Or, someone trying to pull a business related fast one, taking advantage of the niceness of my boss. That will get my mean going in a big ass hurry.

On here, there really isn't anything that annoys me enough to bring out my mean.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Kinksters eat their young. - 4/28/2009 2:23:10 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I have often said, you have a right to bitch about stupid.  I use bitch rather than sarcastic because when I first said it, the word fit better and it nearly got me a radio show.  Never know who you will run into at a party!  But really you will see all kinds of answers on a given day.  Just now on the mistress board there are two threads that are what most would consider newbies.  They both are pretty much the same topic, but coming from different presentations.  One thread is pretty much jokes or sarcastic answer's.  The other is getting a blend of answers.

It is all in the presentation sometimes.

We all have different moods or attitudes and sometimes someone can come across in a very irritating manner.  It all goes both ways.  Just becasue someone is new to bdsm or d/s or this site, doesn't mean they are new to life.  Have you ever met up with a mouthy, know it all older um?  Or hell, even a very young um that talks can teach you a few things about socailization skills!  If an adult hasn't learned how to present themselves and open themselves up for sarcasim or bitch... maybe it is time they were not coddled and were made aware of how silly or irritating they can be.

When parenting, I often treated my um's as a stranger would.  You walk up to a stranger and hit them, you just might get hit back.  You act stupid and you might get teased.  You play ignorant.. I didn't do it... who did... I donknow...  When you become an adult and enter adult realm's, you need to be an adult and if you are so sensitive that you can't handle what people say, you might learn to be careful of some of the things you say.

Why put off on another a responsibility an adult should take on?  If you are too sensitive for the big bad adult world, where you are going to get and find a lil bit of everything... then maybe you need to find a place you can handle better.  What is bitchy or sarcastic or impatient even to one isn't always to another as they view it differently.  Not everyone is nice all the time.  Not everyone is going to consider a newbie someone that needs to be coddled and treated with kid gloves. 

It is nice when people can consider others and actually many here do, but come on... it isn't rocket science to know that you might run into a bully in life and how to conduct yourself when you do.  If there is a responsiblity to be kind to newbies and what we might be impatient with... then there is also a responsibilty to know how to handle yourself when you meet a challenge in life.  I see all this going both ways.

Someone asks me something that by their age they ought to know a bit about... want to play clueless for attention or the helpless victim act... sorry... they are not going to find the patient ever willing heart to be kind and might get to meet my sarcastic.  I don't coddle um's unrealistically and I surely won't with adults.

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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Kinksters eat their young. - 4/28/2009 2:57:59 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		I have been known to be snippy, and occasionally, down-right rude - however generally it was in reply to provocation.  And yes, culture does have a lot to do with how people perceive responses, and how the responses are worded.   Americans tend to let out  more info than the English would be comfortable hearing, and the Kiwis and Aussis are somewhere in the middle.  Having said that, there is nothing wrong with these communications styles, just different levels of comfort in what is discussed and disclosed.

I do have to say, if i am not emotionally involved in the responses, it is a lot of fun to be snippy - well, only if the OP comes across as a troll, or a complete moron (ref. sub giving all to the dom with no safeguards). However, being blunt - and i can be that person - will come across as being snippy, and really there is no way to differentiate between the two.  Perhaps being charitable comes in here, and believing the best of everyone.

Of course, i still think holding the computer monitor over the subs head and dropping it is a great way to inflict unbearable pain.

(in reply to kitastrophe33)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Kinksters eat their young. - 4/28/2009 2:58:32 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I am actually much MUCH less mean on here, than in person. Much less.


LOL I'm with LaT here, on here I tend to re-read and edit things before I post. In person I tend to just speak.

Not to say I'm mean   but I'll never say anything behind somones back that I wouldn't willingly say right to their face.   If I truely belive in what I'm saying then I'll say it.

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Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Kinksters eat their young. - 4/28/2009 3:34:37 PM   
kdsub


Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline 		You are right about this site… There are a lot of inflated egos here. The very nature of the subject of this site guarantees it. There are also many kind and knowledgeable members that will be happy to help…even with stupid questions.

I’ve noticed each website develops its own mindset after awhile. I know great sites that are self-policing and do not allow tolling and sniping. They are always kind to new members…encourage people to contribute…and make you feel right at home. This is not that type of site.

Here you have to earn respect… a place in a click …or just like to be argumentative ...or have thick skin. To give pain even if mentally is the pastime of many people here.

There are places to look for bunny rabbits and balloons on the net but common sense should tell you this site is like the closet door you don’t want to open at night.

All that said there is great fun to be had here if you are strong enough to take it.

Butch

(in reply to kitastrophe33)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Kinksters eat their young. - 4/28/2009 3:42:27 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		It's kind of like the Simon Cowell effect on American Idol. He is perceived as being mean and horrible but often is just telling the unvarnished truth. Out of the judges on that show his comments are often the most useful and helpful in the end. Even if he says 'that was crap', I'll bet it was an accurate observation.

In general I don't think people set out to be snippy but if it comes across that way that's the breaks and the tone an answer is given in does not negate it's usefulness to the subject at hand.

(in reply to kitastrophe33)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Kinksters eat their young. - 4/28/2009 3:56:21 PM   
DemonKia


Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha

Not to say I'm mean   but I'll never say anything behind somones back that I wouldn't willingly say right to their face.   If I truely belive in what I'm saying then I'll say it.


Ah. Akisha, I'm so glad you said that.

That's the type of policy I've had for a long time.

Sometimes it's simpler, kinder, more politic to keep my flap shut in the immediate moment, & then sometimes I gotta go vent to someone else somewhere else, later. & my rule is, I only say stuff I'd be reasonably comfortable saying to the subject's face.

To metaphorize a little, I may be currently refraining from pointing out the egg, glaringly sitting there on the subject's tie, because I've agreed to go along with the subject's delusion that there is no egg. I'm quixotic enough as it is, I don't need to sign up for the million little battles that would flood my world if I allowed . . . . So I cooperate to some degree with a certain amount of the bizarre notions those around evidence on an irregular basis, at a bare minimum by ignoring them . . . . .. .

But if I feel moved, pushed, or what have you to share my opinion as to whether eggs exist, are on said tie, or what all, yeah, I'm gonna try to call it as I see it . . . . . That's my preference . .... . &, yeah, obviously, how that plays out depends on whether the 'egg' is Anne Frank & there are Nazis with guns to my head, or the 'egg' is my opinion that the subject is an abject loser poo-poo head, or somewhere between those two extremes . . .. .

One of the things I kinda figured out about this stuff, for me, is that my inner sadist likes to see people flop about in their own stupidity, venality, et alia, & so for me to be truly mean is to walk on by & not point out the egg on the person I've so labeled as stupid, venal, etc . . . . . . (& if I stay entirely outta said subject's stuff because they don't want me in their stuff, then I allow myself to go back & 'sip' at any 'public' evidence of their misery -- my inner sadist has to feed, ya know . . .. . )

I hated the heck outta the whole idea of 'tough love' when I was an um, but in my ensuing post-adolescent decrepitude I've come to see 'tough love' as being a very true kinda kindness, ideally speaking that is . . . . .. Anymore, I kinda appreciate those who give me a hard time, cuz they're teaching me tough lessons I need to learn, even if the whole process is uncomfortable or even painful . . .. . .

Okay. Thanks for letting me share, & for these continuing interesting thinks, folks. This is why I hang out someplace like this, or go to munches & classes & such, so I can share stuff like the above & not have people look at me in horror . . .. . lol

(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Kinksters eat their young. - 4/28/2009 4:08:17 PM   
Interesdom


Posts: 197
Joined: 5/24/2004
From: England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kitastrophe33
Okay not always. And not all of them. I have to say, though, that as I've been browsing the message boards there are a lot of really snippy responses to questions...especially some of the newbie questions that are admittedly sort of naive, but also sort of common questions. I'm pretty sure no one sits down to post a question thinking "what is the dumbest question I can possibly ask?"

There are infinite ways to be kinky. What is obvious to one may completely baffle another. There are no stupid questions.

A great many comments are great, but I still do wish there was a more supportive, embracing attitude over all...Build each other up, rather than tear each other down with snide, condescending comments.


Most questions, even if naive, are not stupid questions.  There can be times when posting the question without even trying the search facility and doing a little pre-learning is stupid.

Sometimes, as much as I (like most others here) tend to be supportive, there are times when we might feel that blunt talk is required.  Bluntness, even harshness, can have a place in bringing someone to their senses.  If your master said 'there there, dear, I quite sympathise...' when you are being a daft brat, what would you think of him?

I like to be helpful and contribute but sometimes I judge that being 'snippy' (though hopefully not rude) is the most helpful response I can make.

(Edited because with consideration I recalled that there are stupid questions.)


< Message edited by Interesdom -- 4/28/2009 4:27:17 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Kinksters eat their young. - 4/28/2009 4:35:15 PM   
LovingMistress45


Posts: 271
Joined: 2/7/2009
Status: offline 		The same thing has bothered me. I don't know why people can't ignore something rather than be rude.  Personally if I think something is stupid I don't reply. You will find out quickly who the asses are on here, I feel bad for the new people that get snippy responses.

(in reply to kitastrophe33)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Kinksters eat their young. - 4/28/2009 4:50:03 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Things seem to go in phases here on the CM Boards; for awhile, there are really insightful posts and threads, then there's a rash of personal ads, wank-tastic fantasies without questions, etc.  When I'm harsh with someone, it's generally because they've been insulting or I see them posting and failing to take responsibility for their actions yet whining about it.  Otherwise, as I did the other day, I may point out that something's 'wank-tastic' but I don't tend to go much further; those threads fade promptly in most cases. 
Best wishes, 
  Davan

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Profile   Post #: 60
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